Why would a girl who has no romantic or sexual interest in me continue to lead me on?

[Stopokochac]

If you saw my other post in this thread, then you already have an idea of what's going on, so I probably won't give examples to keep it short.

Basically, I'd been talking to this girl online for years. I asked her about midway, maybe little less, if she has feelings towards me and she said she only likes me as a friend, mainly because of my face.
But as the years progressed, her behavior and comments suggested otherwise. She made many comments suggesting that her feelings might be changing, and some of my female friends felt the same.

But a few nights ago, we had a major falling out and when I had my friend message her, she told him I had been creepy with her in the past and send her disturbing and delusional messages about how I don't believe that she isn't romantically attracted to me.

But mind you, during this period she was constantly leading me on and even assured me I had never said anything creepy to her.

She finally send me a pic and said she'd been putting it off because she was afraid what I would think of her.

If I'm completely honest, she's a bit narcissistic. She always talks about how hot she is, how she's the model wife/girlfriend and how she can't even step out of her house without guys making advances towards her.

And she only said I was acting creepy and need to find a girl who finds me attractive and leave her alone, after she got mad a me. Because she didn't think I was creepy before and she didn't want me to talk to other girls because she was afraid I'd connect with them and discard her. So basically, she wanted me for herself even though she didn't reciprocate my feelings and would engage/be flirty with other guys, especially if they met her physical criteria.

So it seems to me that she just loves attention and compliments and men showing interest/being attracted to her in general, because it reinforces the high opinion she has of herself.

Am I wrong?

 

[LoneMilf]

To be honest, it sounds like it could be one of two:
1) You have been completely misreading her and she really isn't interested in you at all
2) She is interested, but only because it gives her the attention she seems to crave

Either way, you'll probably save yourself a lot of trouble if you just walk away now and don't look back.

 

[Stopokochac]

To be honest, it sounds like it could be one of two:
1) You have been completely misreading her and she really isn't interested in you at all
2) She is interested, but only because it gives her the attention she seems to crave

Either way, you'll probably save yourself a lot of trouble if you just walk away now and don't look back.

I have a tendency of to misread people, so it's highly likely. But if you knew the details, you might also think she was leading me on.
A while ago she got giddy when I asked her if she wants to see me shirtless and later said it's considered sexual in her country.
I also told her I shaved my body because I know she likes hairless men and she seemed totally into it.
And before she was stubborn about the guy having blonde hair and being younger then her, but later said she's become more open minded.
I also mentioned to her our age gap and she basically said it's not a problem even though she said she wanted a younger man.

The only thing that suggested otherwise was I said I wish she found me attractive and she said, "we can't choose who we find attractive." But I still thought she might've become more open because of our intense emotional connection.

I think it's a little of both though. There was definitely an emotional attraction.
The second might be possible, considering I was the only friend she had and the only person she trusted outside of her family. She said she liked making me happy, but I'm wondering if it was to feel better about herself.
Especially considering she sort of implied that she would abandon me if she got a boyfriend even though she didn't want me to do that to her.

 

[Escierto]

Dude, you are in the friend zone!

 

[LMWM321]

You need to move away from on-line relationships. ..Sure, make your intitial connections with someone online (via a dating app, etc.) but then meet in person.

What exactly were you expecting of this relationship? That it would become a full-fledged, exclusive romantic and sexual relationship all without seeing each other in person?

 

[Saint_Ann]

Keeping her options open and I made my point in 4 words.

 

[Stopokochac]

You need to move away from on-line relationships. ..Sure, make your intitial connections with someone online (via a dating app, etc.) but then meet in person.

What exactly were you expecting of this relationship? That it would become a full-fledged, exclusive romantic and sexual relationship all without seeing each other in person?

I had planned to meet her in person regardless

 

[Deleted member 1215945]

Dude, I’ve read your comments and it seems to me she’s simply FUCKING WITH YOUR HEAD! She probably has a big black daddy in real life and is fucking with you in cyber space. Don’t seem so pathetic man move the fuck away from her. Get on with someone else. If your only romantic escape is her then you are a looser. There’s too many other people in the world to fuck.

View attachment 2508367

I guess you are a dude, right? Grow some nuts.

 

[Escierto]

I had planned to meet her in person regardless

She is never going to meet you in person.

 

[Stopokochac]

Dude, I’ve read your comments and it seems to me she’s simply FUCKING WITH YOUR HEAD! She probably has a big black daddy in real life and is fucking with you in cyber space. Don’t seem so pathetic man move the fuck away from her. Get on with someone else. If your only romantic escape is her then you are a looser. There’s too many other people in the world to fuck in the world.

Yeah, I'm a dude. She definitely doesn't have big black daddy, but I told our mutual friend about it who's a guy, and he also said she sounds like she's playing games.

That "looser" part was a bit uncalled for. But no, I wouldn't call her my only romantic escape. I have plenty of other reasons for talking to her.

 

[Stopokochac]

She is never going to meet you in person.

She actually wanted to, but after what happened a few nights ago, she probably won't.

 

[Britva415]

I had planned to meet her in person regardless

For how long? It's already been "for years" and you never moved in the direction of meeting her in person.

 

[Britva415]

I have plenty of other reasons for talking to her.

Like what?

It seems to me that whatever they are, you should forget about them.

 

[SPARTAN047]

If you saw my other post in this thread, then you already have an idea of what's going on, so I probably won't give examples to keep it short.

Basically, I'd been talking to this girl online for years. I asked her about midway, maybe little less, if she has feelings towards me and she said she only likes me as a friend, mainly because of my face.
But as the years progressed, her behavior and comments suggested otherwise. She made many comments suggesting that her feelings might be changing, and some of my female friends felt the same.

But a few nights ago, we had a major falling out and when I had my friend message her, she told him I had been creepy with her in the past and send her disturbing and delusional messages about how I don't believe that she isn't romantically attracted to me.

But mind you, during this period she was constantly leading me on and even assured me I had never said anything creepy to her.

She finally send me a pic and said she'd been putting it off because she was afraid what I would think of her.

If I'm completely honest, she's a bit narcissistic. She always talks about how hot she is, how she's the model wife/girlfriend and how she can't even step out of her house without guys making advances towards her.

And she only said I was acting creepy and need to find a girl who finds me attractive and leave her alone, after she got mad a me. Because she didn't think I was creepy before and she didn't want me to talk to other girls because she was afraid I'd connect with them and discard her. So basically, she wanted me for herself even though she didn't reciprocate my feelings and would engage/be flirty with other guys, especially if they met her physical criteria.

So it seems to me that she just loves attention and compliments and men showing interest/being attracted to her in general, because it reinforces the high opinion she has of herself.

Am I wrong?

Yes. Any woman like that is a narcissist. If a guy did this he'd automatically be a toxic narcissist.

I made the same mistakes here and otherwise with men and women. Don't repeat them. Please. You'll regret it for the rest of your life.

This is not uncommon especially with teenage women and the ones in their 20s - but it can be any woman of any age when she gets a little attention. The women here gave you the right advice. Don't listen to any woman who tells you to try harder. You'll just play into her hands.

The correct reply is to withdraw your attention. Don't mind anyone who tells you to be a real man and this and that - that's your call. She's leading you on and it's her fault, not yours - but you do need to read the signs of being used.

 

[adlon]

"I'd been talking to this girl online for years. I asked her about midway, maybe little less, if she has feelings towards me and she said she only likes me as a friend"

You've answered your own question, to keep asking for options from others would appear to be an attention seeking exercise by you.

Move on.

 

[flameinsidesoul]

Hey friend, (I am reading all your other threads)

First, I want to say how seen your pain is. What you’re feeling—the whiplash of hope and confusion—isn’t a weakness. It’s human. Let me share a story:

Years ago, I knew a guy. He fell hard for a woman, who’d text him poems at 2 AM, call him her “rock,” and flirt over shared playlists… only to vanish for weeks, then reappear with “I just need space.” When he finally asked if they’d ever meet, she accused him of “suffocating” her. Turns out, Nastia was married. She wasn’t evil—just broken. Her entire self-worth was built on male attention, like a house on sand. She’d reel men in to feel powerful, then push them away when reality threatened the fantasy.

What you’re describing isn’t about you being “creepy” or misreading signals. It’s about her relationship with validation. Narcissists (or those with traits) often.

Why it hurts so much?
Our brains are wired to seek patterns. When someone alternates between hot/cold—flirty texts one day, silence the next—it triggers intermittent reinforcement, the same addictive loop that keeps gamblers at slot machines. You’re not “weak”; you’re biologically hooked on hope.

What You Deserve (And How to Get There)​

Grieve the fantasy, not her..It’s okay to mourn the connection you thought you had. But recognize: The real loss is the time you spent on someone who treated your heart like a buffet—taking what she wanted, leaving scraps.

Set a “No Crumbs” Rule - If a relationship exists only in texts, late-night “what ifs,” and shifting goalposts, it’s not love—it’s a simulation. Real intimacy requires mutual risk: meeting up, resolving conflicts, choosing each other daily.

Redirect Your Energy - Write unsent letters to her. Burn them. Ask yourself: “If my best friend were in this situation, what would I tell them?”

The Light Ahead​

That guy told before.. eventually met someone at a bookstore. She wasn’t a model or a poet—just a librarian with a loud laugh who asked him out for coffee in person. No games. No guesswork.

You’ll get there too. But first, honor the part of you that stayed because you believed in love’s potential. That’s not naivety—it’s courage. Now, channel that courage inward.

“The right person won’t make you choose between their ego and your peace.”
Ghost. Her. Now. Block, delete, no drama. Don’t even give her the satisfaction of a goodbye text. She’ll either panic and love-bomb you (don’t fall for it) or vanish. Either way, you win.

P.S. If you take one thing from this: Blocking her isn’t cruelty—it’s self-defense. You’re not a toy for someone to pick up when bored. You’re a whole damn universe, and it’s time to act like it.

we all are here with you.. You’ve got this.

 

[SPARTAN047]

Hey friend, (I am reading all your other threads)

First, I want to say how seen your pain is. What you’re feeling—the whiplash of hope and confusion—isn’t a weakness. It’s human. Let me share a story:

Years ago, I knew a guy. He fell hard for a woman, who’d text him poems at 2 AM, call him her “rock,” and flirt over shared playlists… only to vanish for weeks, then reappear with “I just need space.” When he finally asked if they’d ever meet, she accused him of “suffocating” her. Turns out, Nastia was married. She wasn’t evil—just broken. Her entire self-worth was built on male attention, like a house on sand. She’d reel men in to feel powerful, then push them away when reality threatened the fantasy.

What you’re describing isn’t about you being “creepy” or misreading signals. It’s about her relationship with validation. Narcissists (or those with traits) often.

Why it hurts so much?
Our brains are wired to seek patterns. When someone alternates between hot/cold—flirty texts one day, silence the next—it triggers intermittent reinforcement, the same addictive loop that keeps gamblers at slot machines. You’re not “weak”; you’re biologically hooked on hope.

What You Deserve (And How to Get There)​

Grieve the fantasy, not her..It’s okay to mourn the connection you thought you had. But recognize: The real loss is the time you spent on someone who treated your heart like a buffet—taking what she wanted, leaving scraps.

Set a “No Crumbs” Rule - If a relationship exists only in texts, late-night “what ifs,” and shifting goalposts, it’s not love—it’s a simulation. Real intimacy requires mutual risk: meeting up, resolving conflicts, choosing each other daily.

Redirect Your Energy - Write unsent letters to her. Burn them. Ask yourself: “If my best friend were in this situation, what would I tell them?”

The Light Ahead​

That guy told before.. eventually met someone at a bookstore. She wasn’t a model or a poet—just a librarian with a loud laugh who asked him out for coffee in person. No games. No guesswork.

You’ll get there too. But first, honor the part of you that stayed because you believed in love’s potential. That’s not naivety—it’s courage. Now, channel that courage inward.

“The right person won’t make you choose between their ego and your peace.”
Ghost. Her. Now. Block, delete, no drama. Don’t even give her the satisfaction of a goodbye text. She’ll either panic and love-bomb you (don’t fall for it) or vanish. Either way, you win.

P.S. If you take one thing from this: Blocking her isn’t cruelty—it’s self-defense. You’re not a toy for someone to pick up when bored. You’re a whole damn universe, and it’s time to act like it.

we all are here with you.. You’ve got this.

This is good advice for anyone.

It's the same advice given to women when guys only text them at 2 am. So don't feel ashamed to call out and block any narcissistic bitch who only calls you when she and her bf broke up for 2 seconds or she wants a ride home.

 

[Maximsdarling]

When someone tells you who they are -words or actions- believe them. I know thats trite but if Id really heard those words earlier, I would have saved myself a boatload of heartache.

 

[SPARTAN047]

When someone tells you who they are -words or actions- believe them. I know thats trite but if Id really heard those words earlier, I would have saved myself a boatload of heartache.

Well said, I went through the same rubbish before I realized people usually show you who they are quite early.

 

[RubyNRock]

Get a normal in-person relationship. Online relationships aren’t good for your health.

 

[Larryvant]

She may just need you to stroke her ego. Maybe she's a little insecure. I have a female friend who insists that we just remain "friends", even though I have made my feelings clear and offered to marry her and make love to her every day for the rest of my life. Mostly she doesn't have time for me now, but when she has a bad day or some unpleasant life event, she's texting me in the middle of the night for a kind word.

 

[xLilithx]

I am a girl who’s been on the other side of of this story before. There are two sides to my truth: 1. I thought I had mixed feelings and didn’t want to ruin something that could become a bigger something eventually. 2. I was too chicken shit to be honest and tell the person I had no real feelings for them.

In the end I always realized that sitting it out made no sense and feelings won’t grow when there isn’t a seed there in the beginning. Attraction isn’t a real feeling.

So whatever the reason for this girl (and also Larry‘s above me) might be, what they’re doing isn’t fair and it isn’t your job to sit it out and wait while they’re figuring themselves out. Do yourself a favor and end it now because I guarantee they won’t in the near future!

 

[Escierto]

I am a girl who’s been on the other side of of this story before. There are two sides to my truth: 1. I thought I had mixed feelings and didn’t want to ruin something that could become a bigger something eventually. 2. I was too chicken shit to be honest and tell the person I had no real feelings for them.

In the end I always realized that sitting it out made no sense and feelings won’t grow when there isn’t a seed there in the beginning. Attraction isn’t a real feeling.

So whatever the reason for this girl (and also Larry‘s above me) might be, what they’re doing isn’t fair and it isn’t your job to sit it out and wait while they’re figuring themselves out. Do yourself a favor and end it now because I guarantee they won’t in the near future!

Excellent comments.

 

[Stopokochac]

She may just need you to stroke her ego. Maybe she's a little insecure. I have a female friend who insists that we just remain "friends", even though I have made my feelings clear and offered to marry her and make love to her every day for the rest of my life. Mostly she doesn't have time for me now, but when she has a bad day or some unpleasant life event, she's texting me in the middle of the night for a kind word.

I read an article yesterday that said it's not uncommon for French girls to keep flirting, even if they don't have feelings.

The first part of your paragraph, it often seemed like it.

I wanted to believe she was different, even though she didn't act like it. I wouldn't necessarily say she was "selfish" and "uncaring", but she only talked when it was convenient for her and when she felt like it. I messaged her off site before and she didn't respond and removed me. Like, I should've been able to reach out to her at ANY time, not be at the mercy of when she's on that site. When I had something to vent, she would listen and give feedback, but there were other times when I really needed her and she wasn't there. She also claimed she missed me when she was offline, yet she didn't act like it. And she rarely initiated her and would sometimes ignore me.
But yeah, recently she didn't log in for like a month, but then came on when something happened, but just on the website. Not even to me in private but then said she was glad I reached out.
One thing that annoyed me is we would have personal conversations in public forum, because if I private messaged her, she rarely responded.
That's why I felt kind of betrayed when I found out about the other guy. It made me realize how she treats her crushes differently than her friends. I was willing to accept her regardless and give her the benefit of the doubt, but I'd be lying if I said she didn't hurt.

I'd also be lying if I said I don't miss her and feel bad for her and want to be her friend again. I feel bad because she's been through a lot and she really wanted a friend and I was literally her only friend. Though I'm questioning now what her reasons/intentions now. It's kind of difficult to explain. But she said she was afraid I'd connect with another girl and stop talking to HER, even though she seemed like she would do the same to ME, if she had a boyfriend. While I do believe there was a connection, I think now it was also an ego think. I think she just liked being special to someone. But she definitely definitely didn't trust me 100% and couldn't be 100% herself like she claimed. But it seems quite selfish that she didn't wanna date me, but also didn't want me dating other girls. So I sometimes wonder if she was looking for an excuse to stop talking to me and get me to stop liking her, because she felt bad for me. I did feel guilty for talking to other girls and didn't want a connection to develop. And one of the last things I told her was, I didn't wanna do something that might ruin my chances with her.

And she told our mutual friend, "He needs to find a girl who finds him attractive and not me." So I'm also wondering if she was looking for an excuse to block me, because she didn't want me holding out hope for her. Because it's so uncharacteristic of her to do what she did.

 

[Stopokochac]

I am a girl who’s been on the other side of of this story before. There are two sides to my truth: 1. I thought I had mixed feelings and didn’t want to ruin something that could become a bigger something eventually. 2. I was too chicken shit to be honest and tell the person I had no real feelings for them.

In the end I always realized that sitting it out made no sense and feelings won’t grow when there isn’t a seed there in the beginning. Attraction isn’t a real feeling.

So whatever the reason for this girl (and also Larry‘s above me) might be, what they’re doing isn’t fair and it isn’t your job to sit it out and wait while they’re figuring themselves out. Do yourself a favor and end it now because I guarantee they won’t in the near future!

Read my response to Larry
I guess we were both scared to be 100% open.
I brought it up with her before and she said she only likes me as a friend 'cuz she doesn't find me physically attractive. But I was like, "It's been 4 years, maybe her feelings changed."
I'm guessing you read my original post, but I have other posts where I explain other things. But read my response to Larry. I go into deeper detail.