🫧Chloe's Curiosities Captivated🫦

[cactusjack0584]

View attachment 2505986View attachment 2505987

Depression comes in many forms. When you are alone, it can hit harder simply because there's nothing around to distract you from the deepest pains. The traumas you've endured, the empty feelings that somehow weigh heavier than the feelings you can name.

View attachment 2505988View attachment 2505989

How we do or don't face depression is different for everyone individual, as well as different points in our lives. These pictures are only some of the few that spoke directly to me. Sometimes we have to wallow in the pain. We have to let the sorrow wash over us, through us, around us, until we know nothing but it.

View attachment 2505985

When you have someone in your life who does suffer this way, it's not always about making them feel better. Chances are, in those moments, they won't hear it anyway. But, being present, letting them know someone is there, holding them or just being as close as they will let you be, all of that is what is important. As the pain, the emptiness, the sadness begins to fade and they become attuned to the rest of their soul again, that's when you remind them of its beauty. View attachment 2505994View attachment 2505995View attachment 2505996

Since I’ve had time to sleep on it…
I don’t have depression (at least not clinically diagnosed), I do have ADHD and from what I understand there are some similarities when it comes to emotionally swings. Really high highs and really low lows. The difference from what I understand are the severity and duration. Lately my lows have been super low, and the highs coming a lot less frequently. I’m doing all the things I’m supposed to, to help regulate better those swings… exercise, less caffeine, etc.. but they only work minimally since it’s a brain issue not just outside force related.
If you have depression I’m truly sorry you do, not in the form of pity but in the way of I wish you had (or can get) the help you need to help stabilize your moods.
I think you’re awesome. And hope that you have someone there (or here) to help guide you through the low times.

 

[Strixaluco]

That’s how they are measured - follow the checklists, cuz if you don’t - if you miss a step or do something not in the list - you’re vulnerable to lawsuits. Additionally, for some (many? most? I dunno) ‘it just works’ and they get better. I agree with you that it’s not all good, but I can understand why they act that way.

The lawsuit risk doesn't really exist here. It's negligent in our culture. Partly because you wouldn't gain much with it anyway (no punitive indemnifications in our legal system), and partly because missing a step in most situations won't make a case whatsoever. The doctors are, mostly, allowed to use their judgement.

However, doctors here are taught to follow certain national guidelines, which are VERY slow to acknowledge any new information.

Those guidelines don't even admit that with even with moderate depression the meds aren't too effective, and with mild depression they aren't of much use at all. And generally for an antidepressant, of 7 receiving treatment 1 will be helped. Let that sink in.... Only 1/7. The ratio is ridiculously low. For some, several different meds will work. For relatively many, none will.

I’ve been on at least one of every family of antidepressants sold and all their oh-so-interesting side effects, several ‘talk therapy’ regimes, and other treatments like esketamine and dTMS (‘deep transcranial magnetic stimulation’). Missed out on electroconvulsive therapy (ECT or what derived from ‘electroshock’) and have strongly noped out of surgery given current state of the art implants’ cure rates. Some have made improvements, none made a cure. It’d be damn frustrating for me if I let it - and I don’t have your additional ‘fun’ on top with autism et al. I’m sorry you’ve had to wade through that crap.

Same here with antidepressants, tried every family of them over the last 20 years. Therapists were of more help, or rather some of them. Seen more than I've tired therapy regimes. Haven't, thankfully, needed to try magnetic or others that you list - i haven't been that bad. I'm sorry you've been in need of them.

Autism doesn't necessarily make depression worse, it just makes healthcare not understand it for the most part - they assume all patients to be roughly the same. Especially in basic healthcare, which treats all but severe depression cases.

 

[Strixaluco]

I don’t have depression (at least not clinically diagnosed), I do have ADHD and from what I understand there are some similarities when it comes to emotionally swings. Really high highs and really low lows. The difference from what I understand are the severity and duration. Lately my lows have been super low, and the highs coming a lot less frequently. I’m doing all the things I’m supposed to, to help regulate better those swings… exercise, less caffeine, etc.. but they only work minimally since it’s a brain issue not just outside force related.

I have a friend who was even suspected of having bipolar, but it's really ADHD. It's so easy to burn yourself out with it, hence the lows. Trying too hard to adapt to the neurotypical world which isn't really supportive.

Hence the ADHD burnout. I think it needs very personal solutions to make daily life work so that you can avoid it or at least make it less frequent.

It may cause depression too, of course.... Just like classical burnout can.

 

[Chloe_Harper]

These messages need a ‘hug’ response.

As someone going thru this shit (the depression, specifically) reading this is hard but appreciated. I’m not even sure I know what I want to say here other than thank you for your kind approach to the topic. It’s a tricky topic to address well in my experience, in no small part because there are so many different reasons for the illness and what works for one can make someone else worse. The science is lacking, even when the heart, the desire to help, is very much present.

So - thanks.

If anyone needs or wants to talk privately about this, dm’s are open. Am in no way an expert, just someone else struggling thru.

Since I’ve had time to sleep on it…
I don’t have depression (at least not clinically diagnosed), I do have ADHD and from what I understand there are some similarities when it comes to emotionally swings. Really high highs and really low lows. The difference from what I understand are the severity and duration. Lately my lows have been super low, and the highs coming a lot less frequently. I’m doing all the things I’m supposed to, to help regulate better those swings… exercise, less caffeine, etc.. but they only work minimally since it’s a brain issue not just outside force related.
If you have depression I’m truly sorry you do, not in the form of pity but in the way of I wish you had (or can get) the help you need to help stabilize your moods.
I think you’re awesome. And hope that you have someone there (or here) to help guide you through the low times.

The lawsuit risk doesn't really exist here. It's negligent in our culture. Partly because you wouldn't gain much with it anyway (no punitive indemnifications in our legal system), and partly because missing a step in most situations won't make a case whatsoever. The doctors are, mostly, allowed to use their judgement.

However, doctors here are taught to follow certain national guidelines, which are VERY slow to acknowledge any new information.

Those guidelines don't even admit that with even with moderate depression the meds aren't too effective, and with mild depression they aren't of much use at all. And generally for an antidepressant, of 7 receiving treatment 1 will be helped. Let that sink in.... Only 1/7. The ratio is ridiculously low. For some, several different meds will work. For relatively many, none will.


Same here with antidepressants, tried every family of them over the last 20 years. Therapists were of more help, or rather some of them. Seen more than I've tired therapy regimes. Haven't, thankfully, needed to try magnetic or others that you list - i haven't been that bad. I'm sorry you've been in need of them.

Autism doesn't necessarily make depression worse, it just makes healthcare not understand it for the most part - they assume all patients to be roughly the same. Especially in basic healthcare, which treats all but severe depression cases.

Mental health isn't an exact science. I don't know that it ever could be. Regardless, I'm sorry to those of you who have suffered with feeling like the help wasn't help at all.

I don't want to harp on the negatives of our treatment systems. I just want to cultivate a space where people know they aren't alone and can share what they feel safe enough to share.

ADHD, depression, bipolar, anxiety, any of these can make us feel just awful. Alone. Unable to get back up again. Yea, coupled with autism I'm quite sure would have it's own world of added issues when going through these times. I know that just having any combination hits hard. Changing outside forces can do a lot on some days, and feel utterly useless on others. I know that struggle all too well.

It's definitely different for everyone. I shared the images that were speaking most strongly to me for now. I appreciate that some of you came in with words of love and support, one an open offer to DMs for those that need it, and another with a deep dive into how the system's help isn't always helpful because we are all different.

I hope you all know how just saying what you've said in here has been appreciated, not just by me. Thank you for feeling like you could share with us here. I hope conversations like this continue to happen, and people feel safe, heard, and connected.

 

[Chloe_Harper]

Mardi Gras View attachment 2506423

Okay, as someone who grew up in Lousiana, Mardi Gras is an important holiday to me. A lot of my writing is set in the south, even if I never say as such, because it's what I know well. And, despite a lot of the flaws of the south, I have a lot of love for many other aspects. (Reminder, this is isn't the politics thread, and I don't wanna hear it hear, thank you for respecting this space).

Now, for those of you who grew up nowhere near Mardi Gras, and maybe only know it from its averagely done portrayal in Hollywood, here's a bit of background:

"Mardi Gras celebrates the last day of Carnival before Lent, but its roots go all the way back to pagan spring festivals thousands of years ago. The day has similarities to the raucous Roman festivals of Saturnalia and Lupercalia. Once Christianity came to Rome, religious leaders tried to blend pagan traditions with Christian traditions for a smoother transition. What resulted was a festival where people drank, feasted, danced, and partied before the abstinent and somber period of Lent began."View attachment 2506426
"In French, Mardi means “Tuesday” and gras means “fat.” That’s why the day is also referred to as Fat Tuesday. The word originated in France and was what people used to describe the day before Ash Wednesday, when they would binge on rich foods such as meat, eggs, milk, and cheese before Lent began."

So, essentially, Mardi Gras is tied to Roman Catholic roots. It's a season created to celebrate and feast before the time of fasting. To this day, Mardi Gras season still runs from January to whenever Mardi Gras day is. There's drinking and king cakes and parades and krewes and balls and masks... and no, flashing for beads is not a common thing at all and is in fact banned along most of the route because families are present.

So, today, I say LAISSEZ LES BON TEMPS ROULER (let the good times roll) as we celebrate this wonderful holiday! View attachment 2506435
Please enjoy these ridiculous photos of me at the last New Orleans Mardi Gras I went to 7 years ago... I really need to go back soon 7 years is too long!

I may drop in a couple memories or two as the day goes and nostalgia sweeps over me. But, since I like to add in what inspires my writing to this thread, I wanted to talk about this.

If you have ever attended Mardi Gras, drop in a story of your experience

 

[SalaciousMonkey22]

I’ve never been to Mardi Gras. I did used to attend Oktoberfest regularly when I was younger. Not the exact same vibe. But waiting in long lines for the bathroom while other drunk folks bump into you is a universal truth. Whoohooo for public drunkenness

 

[SalaciousMonkey22]

Mardi Gras View attachment 2506423

Okay, as someone who grew up in Lousiana, Mardi Gras is an important holiday to me. A lot of my writing is set in the south, even if I never say as such, because it's what I know well. And, despite a lot of the flaws of the south, I have a lot of love for many other aspects. (Reminder, this is isn't the politics thread, and I don't wanna hear it hear, thank you for respecting this space).

Now, for those of you who grew up nowhere near Mardi Gras, and maybe only know it from its averagely done portrayal in Hollywood, here's a bit of background:

"Mardi Gras celebrates the last day of Carnival before Lent, but its roots go all the way back to pagan spring festivals thousands of years ago. The day has similarities to the raucous Roman festivals of Saturnalia and Lupercalia. Once Christianity came to Rome, religious leaders tried to blend pagan traditions with Christian traditions for a smoother transition. What resulted was a festival where people drank, feasted, danced, and partied before the abstinent and somber period of Lent began."View attachment 2506426
"In French, Mardi means “Tuesday” and gras means “fat.” That’s why the day is also referred to as Fat Tuesday. The word originated in France and was what people used to describe the day before Ash Wednesday, when they would binge on rich foods such as meat, eggs, milk, and cheese before Lent began."

So, essentially, Mardi Gras is tied to Roman Catholic roots. It's a season created to celebrate and feast before the time of fasting. To this day, Mardi Gras season still runs from January to whenever Mardi Gras day is. There's drinking and king cakes and parades and krewes and balls and masks... and no, flashing for beads is not a common thing at all and is in fact banned along most of the route because families are present.

So, today, I say LAISSEZ LES BON TEMPS ROULER (let the good times roll) as we celebrate this wonderful holiday! View attachment 2506435
Please enjoy these ridiculous photos of me at the last New Orleans Mardi Gras I went to 7 years ago... I really need to go back soon 7 years is too long!

I may drop in a couple memories or two as the day goes and nostalgia sweeps over me. But, since I like to add in what inspires my writing to this thread, I wanted to talk about this.

If you have ever attended Mardi Gras, drop in a story of your experience

Also, wait….do we owe you beads for any boob shots this week?

 

[Chloe_Harper]

Also, wait….do we owe you beads for any boob shots this week?

I’ve never been to Mardi Gras. I did used to attend Oktoberfest regularly when I was younger. Not the exact same vibe. But waiting in long lines for the bathroom while other drunk folks bump into you is a universal truth. Whoohooo for public drunkenness

That's why you know people along the parade route cut down some of those public bathroom lines by using a friend's bathroom.

But, also, public drunkeness when it's literally everyone, is just so fun

 

[SalaciousMonkey22]

That's why you know people along the parade route cut down some of those public bathroom lines by using a friend's bathroom.

But, also, public drunkeness when it's literally everyone, is just so fun

See also: Vegas.

See also also:

 

[Chloe_Harper]

See also: Vegas.

See also also:

Ok, wait, I just finished listening to this that whole bit about ordering a Second Line and having your own parade is a real thing!

My father and his 2nd wife did this for their wedding at 15, I was utterly embarrassed to be doing that with my father and his new wife and her much older than me daughters. But, for other people? Highly recommend for a unique experience
"People on Iberville will join in" damn straight they will and tourists will stop and take photo and video of your "parade" too

 

[SalaciousMonkey22]

Ok, wait, I just finished listening to this that whole bit about ordering a Second Line and having your own parade is a real thing!

My father and his 2nd wife did this for their wedding at 15, I was utterly embarrassed to be doing that with my father and his new wife and her much older than me daughters. But, for other people? Highly recommend for a unique experience
"People on Iberville will join in" damn straight they will and tourists will stop and take photo and video of your "parade" too

Hannibal gives excellent advice.

 

[BrendaBear]

Hannibal gives excellent advice.

The guy that eats people?

What... he has a recipe book out?

Wait... nevermind. I don't think I want to know.

 

[Chloe_Harper]

See also: Vegas.

See also also:

The guy that eats people?

What... he has a recipe book out?

Wait... nevermind. I don't think I want to know.

Hannibal is a comedian/actor

 

[Chloe_Harper]

View attachment 2506620

Oh, whenever I find the rare, positive poetry or writings about brown eyes, I melt a little. It was something I hated about myself for a long while. Brown eyes were so boring. In books, they only mentioned girls beautiful eyes if they were blue, green or hazel... or some exotic color in fantasy writings. Brown never got the credit of holding any kind of beauty.

The first time someone made me feel like my brown eyes were something special, I was 14. I was dating this fuck boy... it wasn't him that made me feel special. It was his aunt. Everyone in their family had gorgeous blue eyes, all differing shades. I always admired them. One day, she said to me, out of the blue, "you have the prettiest eyes I've ever seen. I'm always so envious." There wasn't a touch of sarcasm or humor. It was just pure admiration. It would be years before anyone had anything so nice to say about my eyes again.

It's still something I struggle with. I see the uneven eyes of dark staring back at me and wonder why I couldn't have had ones that were even and interesting.

Lately, it's been the feature I get the most compliments on, my history unbeknownst to those that compliment them. But, that's why I'm sharing this piece. For all those with brown eyes that feel boring or forgotten.

 

[Sammysub07]

View attachment 2505986View attachment 2505987

Depression comes in many forms. When you are alone, it can hit harder simply because there's nothing around to distract you from the deepest pains. The traumas you've endured, the empty feelings that somehow weigh heavier than the feelings you can name.

View attachment 2505988View attachment 2505989

How we do or don't face depression is different for everyone individual, as well as different points in our lives. These pictures are only some of the few that spoke directly to me. Sometimes we have to wallow in the pain. We have to let the sorrow wash over us, through us, around us, until we know nothing but it.

View attachment 2505985

When you have someone in your life who does suffer this way, it's not always about making them feel better. Chances are, in those moments, they won't hear it anyway. But, being present, letting them know someone is there, holding them or just being as close as they will let you be, all of that is what is important. As the pain, the emptiness, the sadness begins to fade and they become attuned to the rest of their soul again, that's when you remind them of its beauty. View attachment 2505994View attachment 2505995View attachment 2505996

If you ever need me, my sweetest bestie, I’m here for you! I love you!

This shower photo called to me! Got me a little in the feels. Every time I’ve gone through any major depression in my life it was utterly alone. With kids, the only way I sheltered them from my pain was alone in the shower. When I went through PPD with my last kiddo and my spouse was against seeking help, I cried alone in the shower many times with my daughter asleep in her bouncer just outside of the shower. I sought help anyway. I worked through it.

When I realized my marriage was ending with separation, I found myself alone again in the shower while my kids were at school so he wouldn’t hear me.

 

[Chloe_Harper]

If you ever need me, my sweetest bestie, I’m here for you! I love you!

This shower photo called to me! Got me a little in the feels. Every time I’ve gone through any major depression in my life it was utterly alone. With kids, the only way I sheltered them from my pain was alone in the shower. When I went through PPD with my last kiddo and my spouse was against seeking help, I cried alone in the shower many times with my daughter asleep in her bouncer just outside of the shower. I sought help anyway. I worked through it.

When I realized my marriage was ending with separation, I found myself alone again in the shower while my kids were at school so he wouldn’t hear me.

Love you bestie and I'm always here for you too!

I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that alone. I can't imagine. PPD was something I worried about for my little sister when she had nephew. I'm so sorry you've had to go through so much alone. The shower has definitely been where I've found myself sobbing during one of my breaks. That's why that one spoke to me. Easy to hide yourself from others that might ask questions, or worse, not ask at all.

We aren't alone anymore

 

[Chloe_Harper]

View attachment 2506711View attachment 2506712View attachment 2506714
I got you. I'm here.

Those words mean more, to me, than even the L word at times. The images I have with these convey the circumstances or emotion that goes with these words.

View attachment 2506713View attachment 2506717View attachment 2506719View attachment 2506718

The image with the added words, the promise, I think is just what the first image means as a Love Language. The other images are just continued ways I see these words having a physicality to them.

 

[TXRafe]

View attachment 2506711View attachment 2506712View attachment 2506714
I got you. I'm here.

Those words mean more, to me, than even the L word at times. The images I have with these convey the circumstances or emotion that goes with these words.

View attachment 2506713View attachment 2506717View attachment 2506719View attachment 2506718

The image with the added words, the promise, I think is just what the first image means as a Love Language. The other images are just continued ways I see these words having a physicality to them.

https://media2.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExNm5sMnQ1azhkbTA2b3VmN3h3NHR6d2oxY3R0bHdwaWFoc2lhOHUzdSZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/dYZe4X0hi9nXy/giphy.gif

 

[BrendaBear]

That is beautiful!

I can't say, that I know what it feels like to hear "I got you" from a lover/spouse/parent. I've heard it from close friends, but never a parent, or spouse/lover (same thing, to me).

I have heard it from from friends on Lit before, who quite literally, made my life possible (again). But, as is my karma I guess, I was supposed to be the strong one who had faith and strength to get it done. But I don't. I don't have the strength, not at all. Not anymore. I guess I have faith... I am not sure, not really. Whatever.

 

[Chloe_Harper]

That is beautiful!

I can't say, that I know what it feels like to hear "I got you" from a lover/spouse/parent. I've heard it from close friends, but never a parent, or spouse/lover (same thing, to me).

I have heard it from from friends on Lit before, who quite literally, made my life possible (again). But, as is my karma I guess, I was supposed to be the strong one who had faith and strength to get it done. But I don't. I don't have the strength, not at all. Not anymore. I guess I have faith... I am not sure, not really. Whatever.

Girl, I didn't realize how important those words were to me, until they were said to me. I've never had them before. It's not karma, my girl. Have faith, hope, whatever. You have heard it when you needed it most, even if not from who/where you expected. You don't have to be the one to be strong anymore you have been growing so beautifully in just the short amount of time I've known you, and becoming more of who Brenda is I love you girly, and you know other bestie and I have got you.

 

[UnquietDreams]

View attachment 2506620

Oh, whenever I find the rare, positive poetry or writings about brown eyes, I melt a little. It was something I hated about myself for a long while. Brown eyes were so boring. In books, they only mentioned girls beautiful eyes if they were blue, green or hazel... or some exotic color in fantasy writings. Brown never got the credit of holding any kind of beauty.

The first time someone made me feel like my brown eyes were something special, I was 14. I was dating this fuck boy... it wasn't him that made me feel special. It was his aunt. Everyone in their family had gorgeous blue eyes, all differing shades. I always admired them. One day, she said to me, out of the blue, "you have the prettiest eyes I've ever seen. I'm always so envious." There wasn't a touch of sarcasm or humor. It was just pure admiration. It would be years before anyone had anything so nice to say about my eyes again.

It's still something I struggle with. I see the uneven eyes of dark staring back at me and wonder why I couldn't have had ones that were even and interesting.

Lately, it's been the feature I get the most compliments on, my history unbeknownst to those that compliment them. But, that's why I'm sharing this piece. For all those with brown eyes that feel boring or forgotten.

I'm just laughing a bit. I'm pretty sure one of the first compliments I gave when seeing your face for the first time was "you have magic in your eyes. Magic eyes."

I was adopted. My adaptive parents had beautiful, deep blue eyes, as do my siblings. My wife has bright blue, and my kid has eyes like sapphires.

Mine are brown. But I remember meeting my maternal grandfather for the first time, my first visit to the rez. I look about as Caucasian as you get, and was a bit worried. He looked at me for a good three minutes in silence, until he said, "you have my daughter's eyes." Then he kissed me on each cheek. I never thought they were boring again.

 

[Chloe_Harper]

I'm just laughing a bit. I'm pretty sure one of the first compliments I gave when seeing your face for the first time was "you have magic in your eyes. Magic eyes."

I was adopted. My adaptive parents had beautiful, deep blue eyes, as do my siblings. My wife has bright blue, and my kid has eyes like sapphires.

Mine are brown. But I remember meeting my maternal grandfather for the first time, my first visit to the rez. He looked at me for a good three minutes in silence, until he said, "you have my daughter's eyes." Then he kissed me on each cheek. I never thought they were boring again.

You did say something along those lines to me the first time you saw my face and you still say those words a lot. One of the few I was talking about complimenting them so damn much

Oh wow. Your story about your maternal grandfather, that just melted me. I love that those were the words that changed how you saw your eyes in a life surround by blue. Thank you for sharing that, truly beautiful

 

[BrendaBear]

Mine are brown. But I remember meeting my maternal grandfather for the first time, my first visit to the rez. I look about as Caucasian as you get, and was a bit worried. He looked at me for a good three minutes in silence, until he said, "you have my daughter's eyes." Then he kissed me on each cheek. I never thought they were boring again.

stop making me cry, you bastard! That is so beautiful!

I apologize Dreamy. This is your life, and thank you so much for sharing. That is such a beautiful moment you shared. I know you have very strict rules about not falling in love with you, so I am a good girl and not doing that.

But a beautiful story like this? Makes it a bigger challenge. You bitch!

 

[Neanderthal247]

Why is this thread so emotional, I have a tough image to uphold, but my toughness is cracking lol.


Chloe it is a great thing to have and is a beautiful thing.


Brenda while it's nice to have that support from a lover or parent, no one determines your value and importance, except yourself in how you carry yourself. Hope you find that happiness within, which is the most important love that can be had. I see you making people laugh and happy on this site, look at all the great things you do, the great music you play to make people feel good. You make an impact on people, never give up on yourself.



All meant in the best of ways.

 

[Chloe_Harper]

Why is this thread so emotional, I have a tough image to uphold, but my toughness is cracking lol.

*passes you the box of tissues* I would apologize if I was sorry... I'm not

Chloe it is a great thing to have and is a beautiful thing.

It is. Thank you something that I hope everyone could have, even for a short time. I know not everyone will in the same way, but a girl can dream.

Brenda while it's nice to have that support from a lover or parent, no one determines your value and importance, except yourself in how you carry yourself. Hope you find that happiness within, which is the most important love that can be had. I see you making people laugh and happy on this site, look at all the great things you do, the great music you play to make people feel good. You make an impact on people, never give up on yourself.

So very well said. And so very true