First Incest Story. What do you think?

[Chloe_Harper]

Hi all! I thought I would use this story feedback section for the first time! Would love to make this section of forums as alive as some of the others again.

I wrote and posted my first story that has the taboo kink of incest as a main theme. I have other ones that I'm working on with this theme, including a part two to "Family Reunion", but I just was curious if I hit it hot enough or if I hit it too cringey.

Leave a link to a story you'd like feedback on as well!

https://literotica.com/s/family-reunion-22

 

[SmokingFap]

Hi all! I thought I would use this story feedback section for the first time! Would love to make this section of forums as alive as some of the others again.

I wrote and posted my first story that has the taboo kink of incest as a main theme. I have other ones that I'm working on with this theme, including a part two to "Family Reunion", but I just was curious if I hit it hot enough or if I hit it too cringey.

Leave a link to a story you'd like feedback on as well!

https://literotica.com/s/family-reunion-22

Hi Chloe. Just read your story. It's... nice. Well-written and fairly descriptive. It's just... well, to be honest, it's pretty vanilla and generic. I hate to be critical of anyone brave enough to write and post on here. And that's really the only critique I have. I gave it three stars, because that's what I felt it deserved. But you seem to have the talent to create something more engaging and arousing. I think you just need to really tap into your imagination and creativity. Find something that makes a very cliché and "comfortable" storyline into something personal and thrilling for you, and different from the rest.

I hope you will take this mild critique in the spirit I intended it. I look forward to seeing your future efforts. And have a horny day!

 

[Chloe_Harper]

Hi Chloe. Just read your story. It's... nice. Well-written and fairly descriptive. It's just... well, to be honest, it's pretty vanilla and generic. I hate to be critical of anyone brave enough to write and post on here. And that's really the only critique I have. I gave it three stars, because that's what I felt it deserved. But you seem to have the talent to create something more engaging and arousing. I think you just need to really tap into your imagination and creativity. Find something that makes a very cliché and "comfortable" storyline into something personal and thrilling for you, and different from the rest.

I hope you will take this mild critique in the spirit I intended it. I look forward to seeing your future efforts. And have a horny day!

Hi! Please don't hate to be critical! I posted here looking for such constructive criticism! Being cliche or vanilla is not an aspiration of mine to say the least. I do have plans for the next parts of this story to get more intense and explore some other kinks among the incest ones. I appreciate this feedback and look forward to your honesty on the continuation of this series.

 

[SmokingFap]

Hi! Please don't hate to be critical! I posted here looking for such constructive criticism! Being cliche or vanilla is not an aspiration of mine to say the least. I do have plans for the next parts of this story to get more intense and explore some other kinks among the incest ones. I appreciate this feedback and look forward to your honesty on the continuation of this series.

I'm so glad you took with my post in a positive way. And maybe I jumped the gun a bit. You were just setting the stage, and it's a very common setup. But you have the opportunity now to take the story and make it special. I'll look forward to reading it going forward.

 

[Chloe_Harper]

I'm so glad you took with my post in a positive way. And maybe I jumped the gun a bit. You were just setting the stage, and it's a very common setup. But you have the opportunity now to take the story and make it special. I'll look forward to reading it going forward.

No, I don't think you jumped the gun. Even the first part of a series should set the scene in a unique way. If I didn't hit that mark with enough oomph, then that's something I should consider and work on moving forward. I asked for honest feedback because I appreciate honest feedback! It's what makes us better at our writing.

 

[JillForThrills]

Chloe, you've written this beautifully! The descriptions of what you're feeling really help to put the reader right there in your mind. I loved the tension and anticipation, and the ending was so tantalising, you've left us on edge for part 2!

The teasing and the hand job while surrounded by other family members was so naughty and forbidden. It hit hot enough, don't you worry!

If I had to pick up on anything, it's that someone having their first orgasm at 18 is a little unrealistic, but I didn't mind, her innocence alongside his experience was very sexy.

Well done Chloe, I hope you don't keep us waiting long for the next chapter!
Love, Jill xx

 

[Chloe_Harper]

Chloe, you've written this beautifully! The descriptions of what you're feeling really help to put the reader right there in your mind. I loved the tension and anticipation, and the ending was so tantalising, you've left us on edge for part 2!

The teasing and the hand job while surrounded by other family members was so naughty and forbidden. It hit hot enough, don't you worry!

If I had to pick up on anything, it's that someone having their first orgasm at 18 is a little unrealistic, but I didn't mind, her innocence alongside his experience was very sexy.

Well done Chloe, I hope you don't keep us waiting long for the next chapter!
Love, Jill xx

Hi Jill! Thank you so, so much for your feedback! The first orgasm bit actually was inspired by the fact that I didn't have mine until I was 19. I thought what I had been experiencing for years were orgasms, but were just build up. I thought adding that in would be a way to add in a little bit of me. I know it's a crazy concept, and I could see how it comes across as unbelievable.

I promise, the next chapter is coming soon! It's in editing mode at the moment, and I wanted feedback on part 1 so I could figure out how to fluff up part 2 before release!

Thank you for your positive feedback! I'm glad you liked the table scene, it was really fun for me to write!

 

[lovecraft68]

It's a decent start, and for readers who have some patience it's enough for them to look for the next installment. Writing was fine and didn't distract from the fairly simple set up.

For the stroke crowd (pardon the pun) the only sex being a hand job may not be that happy, but that's their thing. Also, some in the I/T crowd see cousins as being a bit weak, but seems like the brother could get in the mix at some point, or maybe I think that because its how these things generally go.

I tend to be patient and in no rush for the real heat, so for me the ending was enough heat-I'm a sucker for risky public sexual favors made hotter by being family and around family. I wrote a 6 page first chapter of a Mother/son series with the only action being a hand job so it can work to get people to tune in for the bigger payoff.

One thing...

The thick 'ropes' line...Ugh. There was an author here who used that all the time, its just a bad description, but that could be me, so if its my only real gripe, then a job well done.

 

[SmokingFap]

If I had to pick up on anything, it's that someone having their first orgasm at 18 is a little unrealistic, but I didn't mind, her innocence alongside his experience was very sexy.

I agree with you, but we all have to be careful not to cross Lit's somewhat ambiguous lines when it comes to teenage experiences. You have to be very vague, subtle, and delicate with the subject.

 

[JillForThrills]

Hi Jill! Thank you so, so much for your feedback! The first orgasm bit actually was inspired by the fact that I didn't have mine until I was 19. I thought what I had been experiencing for years were orgasms, but were just build up. I thought adding that in would be a way to add in a little bit of me. I know it's a crazy concept, and I could see how it comes across as unbelievable.

I promise, the next chapter is coming soon! It's in editing mode at the moment, and I wanted feedback on part 1 so I could figure out how to fluff up part 2 before release!

Thank you for your positive feedback! I'm glad you liked the table scene, it was really fun for me to write!

Wonderful! It makes it more exciting to know you've added something of yourself to the character x

 

[Chloe_Harper]

It's a decent start, and for readers who have some patience it's enough for them to look for the next installment. Writing was fine and didn't distract from the fairly simple set up.

For the stroke crowd (pardon the pun) the only sex being a hand job may not be that happy, but that's their thing. Also, some in the I/T crowd see cousins as being a bit weak, but seems like the brother could get in the mix at some point, or maybe I think that because its how these things generally go.

I tend to be patient and in no rush for the real heat, so for me the ending was enough heat-I'm a sucker for risky public sexual favors made hotter by being family and around family. I wrote a 6 page first chapter of a Mother/son series with the only action being a hand job so it can work to get people to tune in for the bigger payoff.

One thing...

The thick 'ropes' line...Ugh. There was an author here who used that all the time, its just a bad description, but that could be me, so if its my only real gripe, then a job well done.

Hi! Thank you for reading! The simplicity seems to be an agreed upon opinion so far. Cousins was definitely the safe choice here, but I don't think necessarily is bad. However, I could see the I/T crowd preferring the brother.

The thick ropes line, interesting. I never heard that gripe before, but I am happy to play with different imagery. I have had partners that it was in fact thick ropes shooting out, but that is not everyone. I am happy to change that up enough that it isn't over-used for sure. I wouldn't want to turn people off from repeated imagery for sure.

Thank you again for reading and presenting your honest opinions!

 

[StillStunned]

I second that the descriptions are very good. They put the reader in the moment, makes it feel very real.

Two points of criticism, though.

The first is that the story begins with a lot of exposition. There's not much there to grab the reader. I expect that most readers will just skim it.

Second, the use of 1P present tense makes this seem more like a fantasy than a story. There's a time and a place for using 1P present tense, and I don't think this is it. If you're not using it to create a sense of immediacy, it creates distance between the narrator and the reader. The reader is on the outside, looking in. It makes it seems like the narrator is sharing a sexual fantasy rather than telling a story that happened, or might have happened - and particularly for I/T readers the idea of it actually happening, and being drawn in, is the big thrill.

 

[Chloe_Harper]

I second that the descriptions are very good. They put the reader in the moment, makes it feel very real.

Two points of criticism, though.

The first is that the story begins with a lot of exposition. There's not much there to grab the reader. I expect that most readers will just skim it.

Second, the use of 1P present tense makes this seem more like a fantasy than a story. There's a time and a place for using 1P present tense, and I don't think this is it. If you're not using it to create a sense of immediacy, it creates distance between the narrator and the reader. The reader is on the outside, looking in. It makes it seems like the narrator is sharing a sexual fantasy rather than telling a story that happened, or might have happened - and particularly for I/T readers the idea of it actually happening, and being drawn in, is the big thrill.

Thank you for reading! I'm glad my descriptive writing seems to be coming across in a positive way.

Well, skimming is not something a writer wants to hear that most people might do. I suppose that's something I should look into more for future stories.

1p present tense note... I can definitely see your points on this. I enjoy writing these types of stories in 1p present to give a reader better insight and feel the emotions more clearly. If it's not working the way I want it to, then that's a goal I've failed at achieving in my writing, I/T or not.

You've given me some new notes to think on. Thank you for your constructive feedback and taking the time to read and give this!

 

[HaralLuhhan]

I haven't read it yet, but I agree with the comment about present tense. it just makes me lose focus on the story, honestly. I'll keep reading and try to overlook that for a more detailed review

 

[GeTee]

So, I don't know if I missed it, but I don't think I ever got the main female characters name or her character description? I didn't know if she was short and skinny, tall and muscular, average height and weight? It made it more difficult for me to picture the scenes. I think the characters needed more physical description at some point earlier on. I know she had a yellow bikini and Seth had a bearded face and not much else.

The writing and description of the acts and tension especially during the sunscreen application helped a lot. But again, I didn't know if he was applying the sunscreen to pale skin? Tanner skin? I assumed pale because she didn't want to burn, but at that point I already had a different image in my head and so I had to rethink the character and it made it a little difficult.

I don't personally mind that it was more vanilla, I prefer the stories I read to be telling and developing the story as the priority and the erotica aspect more secondary, but I do also understand that is not how every reader is. Either way, it's ok, writer's can't attract every audience.

 

[Chloe_Harper]

So, I don't know if I missed it, but I don't think I ever got the main female characters name or her character description? I didn't know if she was short and skinny, tall and muscular, average height and weight? It made it more difficult for me to picture the scenes. I think the characters needed more physical description at some point earlier on. I know she had a yellow bikini and Seth had a bearded face and not much else.

The writing and description of the acts and tension especially during the sunscreen application helped a lot. But again, I didn't know if he was applying the sunscreen to pale skin? Tanner skin? I assumed pale because she didn't want to burn, but at that point I already had a different image in my head and so I had to rethink the character and it made it a little difficult.

I don't personally mind that it was more vanilla, I prefer the stories I read to be telling and developing the story as the priority and the erotica aspect more secondary, but I do also understand that is not how every reader is. Either way, it's ok, writer's can't attract every audience.

Thank you so much for reading and critiquing! I actually did less physical character description in this story than I usually do on purpose. I had someone tell me they prefer to have less so they can visualize what they like. It was actually quite difficult for me to not have more physically detailed descriptions. I don't think I'll be doing that again, especially since you seem to be of a similar mindset to me on that front.

Thank you for taking the time to let me know your feelings on this! I always appreciate constructive feedback!

 

[GeTee]

I definitely prefer some description at some point, but I agree, it doesn't need to be every detail. Like, some description of what she looks like early on as a general appearance, but more description later as Seth is running his hands down her legs or chest would fill in more gaps. It also doesn't have to be done as a dump of information and pieces could be said here and there. Like when she was bringing the sunscreen originally, it could be for her pale skin instead of describing it as a character dump at the beginning. Or it could be a character trait description and say she brings sunscreen because she is overly cautious even though she has tan skin.

Overall, it's an interesting point, it makes me wonder what the majority prefers on this.

 

[Chloe_Harper]

I definitely prefer some description at some point, but I agree, it doesn't need to be every detail. Like, some description of what she looks like early on as a general appearance, but more description later as Seth is running his hands down her legs or chest would fill in more gaps. It also doesn't have to be done as a dump of information and pieces could be said here and there. Like when she was bringing the sunscreen originally, it could be for her pale skin instead of describing it as a character dump at the beginning. Or it could be a character trait description and say she brings sunscreen because she is overly cautious even though she has tan skin.

Overall, it's an interesting point, it makes me wonder what the majority prefers on this.

Oh no, I definitely agree. There's a time and place for describing a character all at once, but in a 1P perspective kind of story like this, sprinkling that detail in would be better suited. I wholeheartedly agree that's what I've should have done. I'm happy I tried this way though because now I know moving forward where I stand on descriptive physical details.

 

[StillStunned]

I think there are a few things to bear in mind with physical descriptions.

First, how often does anyone think of their own physical characteristics? If you're going to do it, make it natural and organic. "His bronzed body contrasted with my own pale skin" or something. Or "I knew my red hair caught people's attention. I'd hated it when I was younger, when the kids at school teased me, but now it was another weapon in my arsenal of seduction."

Second, particularly in the first person, having little description lets your reader self-insert more easily. Leave room for them to add the details in their own mind, and they'll engage more strongly with your story.

Third, if you are going to give any description, make sure you give the key features early on. Skin tone, hair colour, height, body shape. If you leave those blank to begin with, the reader will form a picture in their mind, and any contradictory details that you bring in later will either force them to change that picture - which drags them out of the story and lessens their engagement - or will simply be skipped. If it's important to the story, present it early on. Less prominent features - a scar on the character's arm, say, or a tattoo - can easily be tagged on to the reader's mental picture, but don't ask them to change the basics after the first few paragraphs.

(All the above being my personal opinion, of course.)

 

[GeTee]

I think there are a few things to bear in mind with physical descriptions.

First, how often does anyone think of their own physical characteristics? If you're going to do it, make it natural and organic. "His bronzed body contrasted with my own pale skin" or something. Or "I knew my red hair caught people's attention. I'd hated it when I was younger, when the kids at school teased me, but now it was another weapon in my arsenal of seduction."

Second, particularly in the first person, having little description lets your reader self-insert more easily. Leave room for them to add the details in their own mind, and they'll engage more strongly with your story.

Third, if you are going to give any description, make sure you give the key features early on. Skin tone, hair colour, height, body shape. If you leave those blank to begin with, the reader will form a picture in their mind, and any contradictory details that you bring in later will either force them to change that picture - which drags them out of the story and lessens their engagement - or will simply be skipped. If it's important to the story, present it early on. Less prominent features - a scar on the character's arm, say, or a tattoo - can easily be tagged on to the reader's mental picture, but don't ask them to change the basics after the first few paragraphs.

(All the above being my personal opinion, of course.)

That may be why I had a more difficult time with this one because the main character is female and I am male, so I wasn't going to self-insert which made it more difficult to me. Maybe female readers would be more well suited for it.

 

[StillStunned]

That may be why I had a more difficult time with this one because the main character is female and I am male, so I wasn't going to self-insert which made it more difficult to me. Maybe female readers would be more well suited for it.

No, I think the issue is the use of present tense. Like I wrote above, it comes across as someone describing a fantasy, and that creates a distance between the story and the reader.

 

[StillStunned]

By the way, @Chloe_Harper: if you feel that this is more analysis of your story than you care for, please say so. It's one thing to ask for people's opinions on your story, it's another to see it broken down and criticised in every detail.

So feel free to tell us all that you have enough feedback to consider, and can we please stop being mean to your poor story.

 

[Chloe_Harper]

*curtsies*

Thank you gentlemen. As I've said, constructive criticism definitely helps one become a better writer. My go-to for writing erotica has always been first person present tense, but I have done other. They both have had their place in success and failure for me. I suppose I will mark this one down as a failure, haha.

Anyway, y'all have given me lots to work with and grow from. I'll finish up the family reunion story as best I can, then start a new one with some of the advice I've been given from posting this thread.

 

[StillStunned]

Remember: we're all just amateurs, the same as you. None of us has won a Booker Prize or a Nobel. None of our opinions has inherently more merit than your own preference. So by all means consider our advice, but in the end do what works for you.

 

[GeTee]

Remember: we're all just amateurs, the same as you. None of us has won a Booker Prize or a Nobel. None of our opinions has inherently more merit than your own preference. So by all means consider our advice, but in the end do what works for you.

I agree fully, nicely said.