I get that as you had to deal with both the loss and knowledge of his behavior at the same time. Hugs. And I believe you are right about happiness. Yesterday, I was at her grave site and began to miss her a lot with tears. Fortunately, I had made plan to be with llife long friends at noon and that made me happy, that the sadness faded. I think finding happiness is the only cure. Thank you!
It wasn't so simultaneous. I had first the sorrow - and the relief, as i hadn't been content for years, and I was also afraid of a long, long waning. Fighting against the inevitable for years. I didn't have what that takes.
Regarding plans, the best advice I ever got was to always have something to wait for. It may be small big, but have something. A weekly hobby that you are able to enjoy, coffee with friends, yous sister visiting, a trip, a peer group meeting... Even just a weekly call that matters! Whatever. I noticed I need to something to wait for every single week, biweekly wasn't enough for me.
I am sorry you had to go through it. Espepcially the unfaithfulness. My experience of sorrow has dimensioned because I have things to do like grandpa taxi. Also, the weekly gathering with life long supportive friends is something that I look forward to. Thanks for the idea. I am trying to do regular visits to the grave to water the forget me not seeds. I do not know if the seeds will germinate but making the effort seems to help me.It wasn't so simultaneous. I had first the sorrow - and the relief, as i hadn't been content for years, and I was also afraid of a long, long waning. Fighting against the inevitable for years. I didn't have what that takes.
It calmed down into a depression. Hopelessness even, waiting for the house to find a buyer to be able to move back to the city, back to life, not having energy for anything.
And then, over 8 months after his death, the disbelief, "wasn't I good enough?", anger. In the end both bitterness and "fuck it, I ain't mourning for that bastard!"
And then I started to live again, with the help of new Lit friends.
I lost my husband July 6th,2021, and this described me to the max!
then again, I was depressed already before he passed. And last year hypersexuality probably described me well.
Oh sweetie, my heart goes out to you
I want to thank you for sharing your feelings. Know that you are not alone (one year ago July 15 for me). And understand that we care and support you.It's officially July 6th.
2 years ago today I got the call. My best friend/husband was gone.
I never thought in a million years he'd die before me. I have survived more medical issues that should of ended my life per statistics than he'd ever had to endure, yet I'm still here.
I'm not a religious person, I'm a realist.
He never thought it would kill him.
No one did.
I have a form of survivors guilt, I say. I have lots of mixed emotions, but hearing of his death isn't like what you see on TV. Why didn't I scream bloody murder and cry and freak out like you see others do when their spouse of 25 years dies??
I can't look at his pictures, it feels weird. But I am glad I took the pictures of our life together.
I know what it's like to be loved by someone, to 100% trust someone, and to feel sexually craved by someone you're married to.
I had that with him.
I've been numb for 2 years. I've cried lots of times, yes. But I tend to block the pain of losing him still.
Maybe because he died so peacefully. I know he wasn't hurting, he passed away the most ideally way possible.
I've never really talked or written about him like this, so, forgive me for the long post.
I'm a firm believer in telling people you appreciate them or love them, because you really just don't know.
I told him I loved him before he passed. Maybe a year before, but I said it.
My heart's been loved fully by him. That I'll always have.
That is hopeful and sad at the same time. Maybe he had a smile on his face when he passed away?
Maybe.
Men used to go first because of 2 reasons: age differences being common that way, and also men drinking and smoking more, making their life expectancy shorter.
Yes, the child birth death rates were insane. I feel bad for the men now who are left behind. I know men who couldn't use a debit card. I see them all the time where I work.
Oh damn, that's bad. Here it's more about the old generation men not knowing how to even cook potatoes. Then again, the ones about 80 currently already usually do. The really helpless ones are half a generation older than that.
Thanks for the exchange. I am part of the over 50 group of widows and widowers here locally. There are more widows than widowers in our group. We found that the men relied so much on their wives they are just barely functioning. So I agree there is a feeling of helplessness by the men especially those so very dependent on their wives.
Here it's also common that men rely on their wife in social regard. They might not have close friends except for their wife. Meaning they are a lot more alone after her death - or even after divorce. Friends in hobbies don't necessarily help much.
