What would you do with a time machine?

[Kirkrapine]

Here are the rules: You can only visit the past, and you can't change it -- if you try to save Lincoln or kill Hitler, events will thwart you -- what happened, happened. But you can go as a tourist, and you can bring back artifacts (but, of course, no artifact that is now known to be someplace else than in your possession).

I would visit Elizabethan London and videorecord Shakespeare's plays at the Globe.

And fuck Cleopatra. Just so I could say I'd done it -- history says she wasn't really beautiful.

 

[lovecraft68]

Go back and buy up copies of Action Comics #1, Detective Comics #27 Marvel Mystery comics #1 etc...

Then hang out with HP Lovecraft.

Beat the shit out of pathetic little spineless shrimp Charles Manson then kill him and his mush brained followers.

Other than that....not too much.

 

[CandiCame]

I guarantee you couldn't get close enough to fuck Cleopatra.

If I had a "go back in time only" time machine I'd do what every red blooded American would do. Go back and buy something that I knew was going to be worth a shitton of money one day. Because I know textile art, I can probably do that in ways that a lot of people wouldn't notice- I could get authentic Celtic lace for example, from the pre-Roman war days. Almost all that shit was destroyed. I could bring that into an expert and they would shit their pants, and presumably present me with a dump-truck full of money.

 

[CandiCame]

Go back and buy up copies of Action Comics #1, Detective Comics #27 Marvel Mystery comics #1 etc...

Then hang out with HP Lovecraft.

Beat the shit out of pathetic little spineless shrimp Charles Manson then kill him and his mush brained followers.

Other than that....not too much.

Why does everyone want to hang out with people who couldn't stand them? Lovecraft was a xenophobic shut-in who would have peered through the blinds creepily at your from his aunt's house and then not opened the door.

 

[pointless]

your rules are crap. fuck your rules.

 

[EmpressJosephine]

What would you do with a time machine?

Smash it and burn the blueprints.

I can think of few things more dangerous.

 

[Kirkrapine]

I guarantee you couldn't get close enough to fuck Cleopatra.

If I had a "go back in time only" time machine I'd do what every red blooded American would do. Go back and buy something that I knew was going to be worth a shitton of money one day. Because I know textile art, I can probably do that in ways that a lot of people wouldn't notice- I could get authentic Celtic lace for example, from the pre-Roman war days. Almost all that shit was destroyed. I could bring that into an expert and they would shit their pants, and presumably present me with a dump-truck full of money.

Perhaps not; carbon-14 testing would show the artifacts to be new, not ancient, so they would assume they were forgeries, unless you let them in on your time-machine secret.

To make money, I would go back to 1929 right after the crash and buy cheap stock shares in megacorps still in existence today. Much easier than going to California before the Gold Rush -- the gold would be there, but getting it would take a lot of work.

It might also be fun to hunt for valuable artifacts history says mysteriously disappeared at some point. Collectors would bid for those and not demand carbon-14 testing.

 

[Kirkrapine]

Smash it and burn the blueprints.

I can think of few things more dangerous.

Title text: We never see any time travelers because they all discover it's a huge mistake. This is also why your friend at the lab suddenly looked a year older recently.

 

[IG_88]

your rules are crap. fuck your rules.

Basically the same rules King sets up in 11/22/63 isn't it?

 

[SgtSpiderMan]

Perhaps not; carbon-14 testing would show the artifacts to be new, not ancient, so they would assume they were forgeries, unless you let them in on your time-machine secret.

To make money, I would go back to 1929 right after the crash and buy cheap stock shares in megacorps still in existence today. Much easier than going to California before the Gold Rush -- the gold would be there, but getting it would take a lot of work.

It might also be fun to hunt for valuable artifacts history says mysteriously disappeared at some point. Collectors would bid for those and not demand carbon-14 testing.

Obtain the artifact, put it in a bank safety deposit box, upon returning to the future, retrieve it.

 

[bellisarius]

Smash it and burn the blueprints.

I can think of few things more dangerous.

*chuckle* Good call.

 

[IG_88]

Here are the rules: You can only visit the past, and you can't change it -- if you try to save Lincoln or kill Hitler, events will thwart you -- what happened, happened. But you can go as a tourist, and you can bring back artifacts (but, of course, no artifact that is now known to be someplace else than in your possession).

I would visit Elizabethan London and videorecord Shakespeare's plays at the Globe.

And fuck Cleopatra. Just so I could say I'd done it -- history says she wasn't really beautiful.

How would you plan on fucking Cleopatra? Serious question.

 

[CandiCame]

Obtain the artifact, put it in a bank safety deposit box, upon returning to the future, retrieve it.

See, this is the kind of content I need. This I can use.

 

[Kirkrapine]

Basically the same rules King sets up in 11/22/63 isn't it?

That story never made sense to me. I can imagine ways saving JFK might lead to nuclear war, but earthquakes?! How could a change in the course of merely human events have such cosmic significance?!

 

[IG_88]

That story never made sense to me. I can imagine ways saving JFK might lead to nuclear war, but earthquakes?! How could a change in the course of merely human events have such cosmic significance?!

Cuz the writer said so.

 

[Harrypalm]

Ride with my father in an amphibious troop carrier at Guadalcanal.
View the eruption of Krakatoa from a safe distance.
Stand with Joseph and Mary at Jesus' cradle the night he was born.
On the deck of the Titanic at the ice berg strike.
Meet Winston Churchill.

 

[rae121452]

land in nyc in 1955, stay and live out my life (i've have to be 20 or so, though)
land in 1965 and live out my life in san francisco.
i don't want to live any time that didn't have antibiotics.

 

[Not Normal]

I'd go back and see the John Coltrane quintet around the time of A Love Supreme. That's my first instinct.

In Candi's scenario, I'd go back to the 80s and buy up a bunch of tube gear, Mics, compressors. There were people giving away compressors that got for 5 figures now. I'd grab a bunch, keep enough to use and sell the rest.

 

[Kirkrapine]

I'd like to go to Liverpool and hear the Beatles play in the Cavern.

The 1970s would also be fun -- sexual revolution and no AIDS!

 

[Not Normal]

I'd like to go to Liverpool and hear the Beatles play in the Cavern.

The 1970s would also be fun -- sexual revolution and no AIDS!

Guess again.

 

[phrodeau]

I'd like to go to Liverpool and hear the Beatles play in the Cavern.

The 1970s would also be fun -- sexual revolution and no AIDS!

Back when all they played were cover tunes, and they could just barely handle their instruments?

 

[MNGuy]

Just a few things:

• As mentioned, go back to the days after the stock market crash, and buy a bunch of stock, so when I come back, I can cash it in.
• Film JFK's assassination with a sound capable movie camera to prove three shots by Oswald. Make sure to film Oswald in the window.
• Hang out with my Dad.
• Run into my younger self and encourage him to hang on to Nicole. But I'm sure that stupid shit won't listen.
• Go to Roswell and find out what really crashed, take pictures, and 'discover' the camera when I return, so I won't change history, same with the JFK camera.

 

[Kirkrapine]

I guarantee you couldn't get close enough to fuck Cleopatra.

True -- access to queens is difficult if you're not a powerful Roman.

 

[IrezumiKiss]

1) Invent biological nanotech that enhances both physical and cognitive attributes. Sort of like a mix of Iron Man's current armor and the smart pill seen in the movie/TV series "Limitless." But the effects of these shits don't go away after a few hours.

2) Concurrently invent portable invisibility, flight and phase technology for one-person operation, including self-sustaining energy weaponry run off of nuke fusion of raw materials; document the process of such in Cliff's Notes fashion for the chosen to read.

3) Travel back to, oh...let's sayyyy...the 1850's, when chattel slavery in America reached its halcyon days. 3,953,761 (12.7% of the population) of those dark-skinned non-whites Busybody shits himself over every day and will continue to do so until he croaks were in chains.

4) Infect as many able-bodied slaves through multiple warp jumps throughout the Americas as I can with this nanotech, including the adjacent First Peoples who were battling for their lands along with them. Give them access to the Cliff's Notes of self-building process, including tactics on how to apply them in order to improve the present and future. Leave the dominoes to fall as they will.

5) Sit back in my time machine in the skies next to a month's supply of Sunny & Annie's Pho sandwiches plus bottles of nigori sake and push 2X fast forward, watching on multiple telescreens the Benny Hill skit-like sped-up timeline hilarity ensuing due to the demise of slavery, the demise of the genocide of the true Americans, the demise of white supremacy and the shitty hegemony of whiteness, watching the rise of original peoples share time-centric knowledge and culture, introducing civilization to social advancement sets decades earlier than they would've been thanks to simple acceptance of differences.

6) Fast forward regular speed back to the time I left in 2018 and watch a beautiful sunrise over a better America - nay - a better world - that acknowledges multitudes with justice and respect. A better world that has valued and used input from a multitude of minds to improve the human condition instead of fueling itself on selfish exploitation, needless wars and locust-like ruin for the gluttony of the 1%. And witness the first hyperspace travel mission beyond Pluto using warp technology.

CC: also see the first Polynesian-American female president at age 35, global deserts transforming into jungles through terraforming, fossil fuel obsolescence, Mars colonies, button-touch birth control from a FitBit-like device, plastic wastes in oceans becoming children's fairytale fantasies, gender affirmations no longer being an issue, elves coming out of hiding since human beings finally got their shit together instead of destroying each other, transdimensional portals opening, destructive elder Gods like Cthulhu being eliminated with affordable molecular disruption firearms, a final end to the argument over pineapple on pizza and beans in chili, etc., etc.

Bascially, assholes and their whole legacy are kept at a minimum in this new reality. Dassit. Where's my Way-Back Machine at?

 

[Kirkrapine]

1) Invent biological nanotech that enhances both physical and cognitive attributes. Sort of like a mix of Iron Man's current armor and the smart pill seen in the movie/TV series "Limitless." But the effects of these shits don't go away after a few hours.

2) Concurrently invent portable invisibility, flight and phase technology for one-person operation, including self-sustaining energy weaponry run off of nuke fusion of raw materials; document the process of such in Cliff's Notes fashion for the chosen to read.

3) Travel back to, oh...let's sayyyy...the 1850's, when chattel slavery in America reached its halcyon days. 3,953,761 (12.7% of the population) of those dark-skinned non-whites Busybody shits himself over every day and will continue to do so until he croaks were in chains.

4) Infect as many able-bodied slaves through multiple warp jumps throughout the Americas as I can with this nanotech, including the adjacent First Peoples who were battling for their lands along with them. Give them access to the Cliff's Notes of self-building process, including tactics on how to apply them in order to improve the present and future. Leave the dominoes to fall as they will.

5) Sit back in my time machine in the skies next to a month's supply of Sunny & Annie's Pho sandwiches plus bottles of nigori sake and push 2X fast forward, watching on multiple telescreens the Benny Hill skit-like sped-up timeline hilarity ensuing due to the demise of slavery, the demise of the genocide of the true Americans, the demise of white supremacy and the shitty hegemony of whiteness, watching the rise of original peoples share time-centric knowledge and culture, introducing civilization to social advancement sets decades earlier than they would've been thanks to simple acceptance of differences.

6) Fast forward regular speed back to the time I left in 2018 and watch a beautiful sunrise over a better America - nay - a better world - that acknowledges multitudes with justice and respect. A better world that has valued and used input from a multitude of minds to improve the human condition instead of fueling itself on selfish exploitation, needless wars and locust-like ruin for the gluttony of the 1%. And witness the first hyperspace travel mission beyond Pluto using warp technology.

CC: also see the first Polynesian-American female president at age 35, global deserts transforming into jungles through terraforming, fossil fuel obsolescence, Mars colonies, button-touch birth control from a FitBit-like device, plastic wastes in oceans becoming children's fairytale fantasies, gender affirmations no longer being an issue, elves coming out of hiding since human beings finally got their shit together instead of destroying each other, transdimensional portals opening, destructive elder Gods like Cthulhu being eliminated with affordable molecular disruption firearms, a final end to the argument over pineapple on pizza and beans in chili, etc., etc.

Bascially, assholes and their whole legacy are kept at a minimum in this new reality. Dassit. Where's my Way-Back Machine at?

See the OP -- you can't change the past!