eastern sun
hungry little creature
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2005
- Posts
- 2,703
Feedback that you're doing well at this, right? I get that.
I think my desire for certainty goes deeper than that. It's pretty obvious when I'm doing the s thing well or not, and we don't have too much trouble determining its relative merits.
The bigger problem is with life itself. I want some certainty that the actions I'm taking in regards to my children's welfare, my career, my interactions with my family and my community are "right." That the mistakes I'm making are not so obvious that anyone with their eyes open would see them.
Isn't that the basis of much of our socialization? Do this, this and this, and you'll get the education, job, moral well-being, friendship and love, etc. that will help you sleep well at night?
In choosing an M/s relationship, I have to acknowledge that what I'm really craving - at least in part - is relief from the limbo of life's uncertainty.
I haven't followed the traditional tracks that our society lays down for success.
I've been thinking a lot lately about that poem by Antonio Machado I quoted early in this thread -
Wanderer, the road is your
footsteps, nothing else;
wanderer, there is no path,
you lay down a path in walking.
In walking, you lay down a path
and when turning around
you see the road you'll
never step on again.
Wanderer, path there is none,
only tracks on the ocean foam.
We gain some confidence in following the paths that others have walked before us. Confidence that we're not straying too far off the mark, and drowning in the ocean of confusion.
Having rejected many of the traditional paths, how much am I looking to my relationship to offer that kind of guidance?
I think I'm wrong to expect to find that kind of certainty there. I think I'm asking too much.
You may already know this, and be able to see it so clearly. But it's time for me to realize the proper size of the M/s dynamic.