the marks of a slave

[eastern sun]

We're having a lot of fun right now, because I'm directing him in a play. And when I direct, I communicate very clearly what I want to see. He asked me to direct him because he trusts my choices, but it's taken us a few rehearsals just to adapt to the power shift. He's not actively resisting my direction - it just took a little while for him to figure out that I was actually telling him what to do (i.e. me (after the first run-through of a scene): "cross to the table on that line" . . . (after the second run): "could you cross to the table when you say that?" . . . (after the third): "when you say that line, walk over to the table" him: "what?" me: "walk over to the table while you say that line" him: "oh." me (interrupting during the fourth run): "that line, that's when you cross" him: "oh . . . ok." me: "yeah, that's great. Thanks.")

We had to work through one scene about six times before he could hear what I wanted, but when he finally relaxed and just did what I asked him to do, he had us all in stitches. (him: "yeah. . . that was a good idea. . . that works." me: "yeah. I thought it would. that was great.")

It's very funny actually.

He doesn't want me to just watch while he does whatever he pleases. But when my ideas run counter to his, it can be a little challenging.

We're still in the middle of this project, and will be until next spring at the rate we're moving. If I were actually in control of it, we would probably spend more concentrated time on it, and push it through more quickly; but it's better - less compromised - and more finely crafted because of the way we're working.

I did have to tell him to learn his lines, though.

Working with the power balance in rehearsals has been challenging at times, and probably has contributed to the slowness of the pace (with other factors like work and summer vacations getting in the way as well). There was one period where I grabbed the bull by the horns and started pushing very hard for particular outcomes at each rehearsal. The other actors responded pretty quickly, but he was really resistant. He would just glare at me, and go up on his lines. Or move through his blocking by rote. Clearly expressing his discomfort with the process. I had to change the way I was working in order to make progress, but when I lightened up, he relaxed and everything I was looking for as a director was right there in his performance.

One of the reasons we are happiest in the power exchange is because of these personality traits of ours. The pushy quality of my "dominance" meets the passive-aggressiveness of his "submission" and we go nowhere fast. When I let go, and he is direct, we click as partners and interesting things start happening.

 

[Keroin]

We're still in the middle of this project, and will be until next spring at the rate we're moving. If I were actually in control of it, we would probably spend more concentrated time on it, and push it through more quickly; but it's better - less compromised - and more finely crafted because of the way we're working.

I did have to tell him to learn his lines, though.

Working with the power balance in rehearsals has been challenging at times, and probably has contributed to the slowness of the pace (with other factors like work and summer vacations getting in the way as well). There was one period where I grabbed the bull by the horns and started pushing very hard for particular outcomes at each rehearsal. The other actors responded pretty quickly, but he was really resistant. He would just glare at me, and go up on his lines. Or move through his blocking by rote. Clearly expressing his discomfort with the process. I had to change the way I was working in order to make progress, but when I lightened up, he relaxed and everything I was looking for as a director was right there in his performance.

One of the reasons we are happiest in the power exchange is because of these personality traits of ours. The pushy quality of my "dominance" meets the passive-aggressiveness of his "submission" and we go nowhere fast. When I let go, and he is direct, we click as partners and interesting things start happening.

Thanks ES! Will comment more later.

 

[FloggingMolly]

glad to see this thred back

 

[rosco rathbone]

glad to see this thred back

<3 rashunal speling

 

[eastern sun]

Last night we were watching tv together after the kids went to bed. He wanted to talk about work, and I was having a hard time focussing. My body language said "I'm listening," but my eyes kept wandering back to the t.v. (I've seen my kids do this a million times while I'm trying to tell them something "very important.") He got up and walked into the other room, and I gave my full attention to the movie.

About a minute later, he walked back into the room, crossed to the couch, and I heard the loud, sharp crack of a leather-strike. Suddenly totally alert, I waited for the pain to hit. I could feel it dense and burning hot in my hand, spreading up my arm like an electric current.

Except it never happened.

He stood there with his belt in his hand, grinning at the look on my face. "That'll teach you who to listen to." He had struck the leather arm of the couch about an inch away from my hand, far harder than he has ever struck me. And the realization that there would be no pain sent my adrenalin addled brain reeling. He chuckled at my response. And I spent the rest of the evening wrapped around his body while he worked at his laptop. I loved him.

 

[sweepthefloor]

i love to read your words.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Last night we were watching tv together after the kids went to bed. He wanted to talk about work, and I was having a hard time focussing. My body language said "I'm listening," but my eyes kept wandering back to the t.v. (I've seen my kids do this a million times while I'm trying to tell them something "very important.") He got up and walked into the other room, and I gave my full attention to the movie.

About a minute later, he walked back into the room, crossed to the couch, and I heard the loud, sharp crack of a leather-strike. Suddenly totally alert, I waited for the pain to hit. I could feel it dense and burning hot in my hand, spreading up my arm like an electric current.

Except it never happened.

He stood there with his belt in his hand, grinning at the look on my face. "That'll teach you who to listen to." He had struck the leather arm of the couch about an inch away from my hand, far harder than he has ever struck me. And the realization that there would be no pain sent my adrenalin addled brain reeling. He chuckled at my response. And I spent the rest of the evening wrapped around his body while he worked at his laptop. I loved him.

hehe, awesome

 

[ultramarineblue]

As much as I hate to admit it, I'm not a very good conversationalist. I can't figure out how to do the back and forth part with any sense of ease and grace. I can listen. And I can talk. But I watch with awe at the relationship-building repartee, debate and dialogue that takes place here. There is a very subtle and constant shift in "power" in the give-and-take in any good conversation. And I have to wonder, in my own life, which came first - the desire to live in a power exchange or the clumsiness I feel in those subtle conversational shifts.

I'm glad to see this thread back.

I'm not good at participating in threads here. I think that you do very well and that you put into words eloquently the thoughts and feelings many feel.

 

[Obsequium]

Empowerment....

Adoration is all that her eyes held for the hand that bound her. With faith came surrender and she soars with a freedom higher then mere mortals, on the shoulders of her Masters will and touches heaven.


Obsequium


What? I had a good night. Love the journal.

 

[Keroin]

We're still in the middle of this project, and will be until next spring at the rate we're moving. If I were actually in control of it, we would probably spend more concentrated time on it, and push it through more quickly; but it's better - less compromised - and more finely crafted because of the way we're working.

I did have to tell him to learn his lines, though.

Working with the power balance in rehearsals has been challenging at times, and probably has contributed to the slowness of the pace (with other factors like work and summer vacations getting in the way as well). There was one period where I grabbed the bull by the horns and started pushing very hard for particular outcomes at each rehearsal. The other actors responded pretty quickly, but he was really resistant. He would just glare at me, and go up on his lines. Or move through his blocking by rote. Clearly expressing his discomfort with the process. I had to change the way I was working in order to make progress, but when I lightened up, he relaxed and everything I was looking for as a director was right there in his performance.

One of the reasons we are happiest in the power exchange is because of these personality traits of ours. The pushy quality of my "dominance" meets the passive-aggressiveness of his "submission" and we go nowhere fast. When I let go, and he is direct, we click as partners and interesting things start happening.

Having worked with many directors, I was really curious to see how this would play out. The best directors I've seen, know how far to push or pull in order to get what they need form their actors. You've always struck me, from your writing, as being highly intuitive, so I had a feeling you would make an excellent director. However, because of the power dynamic between you and your husband, I wondered if that would change things. I think your decision to "let go" was a wise one - too many directors believe it is all about "control".

Learning lines is kind of a necessity, though. LOL.

Directing is tricky business. Kudos to you for taking that on, ES! And kudos on your patience with the process, that would definitely be my Achilles heel. My current creative partner has been known to ask, "Are you sure you're not a sadist?" given my penchant for "whip cracking".

Thanks for updating. I love following the threads of people's lives on this board.

 

[kiss_of_sin]

i absolutely adore this thread. i don't understand some of the psyches in it, i don't understand the complicated relationships, but i enjoy it. i thank you all for contributing.

 

[Adakgirl]

Greetings Eastern Sun, nice to be back. I was offline for awhile because the motherboard fried on my laptop. I am now all set up with a new laptop and ready to tell everyone to BACK_UP YOUR STUFF! I lost a lot of my writings and poems and many special convo's because this new SATA hookup thingamagig won't allow me to transfer my stuff from my old hard drive to this Laptop...

anyway, so nice to read you again I will be backpaging a lot in order to catch up on whats been going on in this thread. kisses

 

[Adakgirl]

I am trying so hard to hold on to the telling of my own story. Even as I give up my claims on the direction of my future, I resist giving up the power of creating the narrative of my past.

ok i haven't read back through so I am reacting to this blind but:

wAIT A MINUTE HERE, WHO'S ASKING YOU TO GIVE up ?? whoops caps.

Who would be blind enough and stupid enough to ask or require you to give up the telling of your own story? That is something that no one should dare to fuck with, not even your Master.
So if your Master is doing so, plz tell him that, with all due respect, that I now know for a fact, that he's a complete and total idiot. Who is not worthy of his position. You are the only writer...and an amazingly, talented writer at that... who can possibly write your own story the way it should be written.

If you are thinking of using a writer and relating your own story to a writer in order for them to write it for you, then that would be a big mistake. You are one of the best I have ever read and I have read only snips of your writing to make that judgment on.

If in fact none of the above are what's happening then I offer my profuse humble apologies to your Master. and admit I am a complete total idiot for posting out my mouth, before my ass can catch up.

 

[minx1]

Last night we were watching tv together after the kids went to bed. He wanted to talk about work, and I was having a hard time focussing. My body language said "I'm listening," but my eyes kept wandering back to the t.v. (I've seen my kids do this a million times while I'm trying to tell them something "very important.") He got up and walked into the other room, and I gave my full attention to the movie.

About a minute later, he walked back into the room, crossed to the couch, and I heard the loud, sharp crack of a leather-strike. Suddenly totally alert, I waited for the pain to hit. I could feel it dense and burning hot in my hand, spreading up my arm like an electric current.

Except it never happened.

He stood there with his belt in his hand, grinning at the look on my face. "That'll teach you who to listen to." He had struck the leather arm of the couch about an inch away from my hand, far harder than he has ever struck me. And the realization that there would be no pain sent my adrenalin addled brain reeling. He chuckled at my response. And I spent the rest of the evening wrapped around his body while he worked at his laptop. I loved him.

envious

 

[eastern sun]

I have been so sick for the past few days. Last Saturday, I started describing my symptoms to him, and he put up his hand and said "not interested" with a smile. He gave me the sick day. And then another one. And then one more. I lay in bed with those strange vivid dreams brought on by infection.

You never actually get sick days when you're a parent though. The kids got worried, and demanded that I get up to prove to them that all was well in the world. I was grateful on Monday, when they both went off to school and I could sleep in peace.

He's taking a vacation from work in early November to spend time with me. I am not ready.

 

[rida]

I have been so sick for the past few days. Last Saturday, I started describing my symptoms to him, and he put up his hand and said "not interested" with a smile. He gave me the sick day. And then another one. And then one more. I lay in bed with those strange vivid dreams brought on by infection.

You never actually get sick days when you're a parent though. The kids got worried, and demanded that I get up to prove to them that all was well in the world. I was grateful on Monday, when they both went off to school and I could sleep in peace.

He's taking a vacation from work in early November to spend time with me. I am not ready.

I know the feeling ^^^

And no, there are no sick days for parents ... or slaves.

HUGS

 

[eastern sun]

Having worked with many directors, I was really curious to see how this would play out. The best directors I've seen, know how far to push or pull in order to get what they need form their actors. You've always struck me, from your writing, as being highly intuitive, so I had a feeling you would make an excellent director. However, because of the power dynamic between you and your husband, I wondered if that would change things. I think your decision to "let go" was a wise one - too many directors believe it is all about "control".

Learning lines is kind of a necessity, though. LOL.

Directing is tricky business. Kudos to you for taking that on, ES! And kudos on your patience with the process, that would definitely be my Achilles heel. My current creative partner has been known to ask, "Are you sure you're not a sadist?" given my penchant for "whip cracking".

Thanks for updating. I love following the threads of people's lives on this board.

Thanks, Keroin. (And congratulations on your recent win! )

I've been playing with power dynamics as a theater director for a long time, ever since I was in college actually. I was really into the idea of the director as "servant" of the production, and directed a number of successful student productions, in which my vision was the guiding force, but was presented in a directorial style that always deferred to the "needs of the production."

My senior thesis, however, was an experiment in which the director would serve as the hub of a wheel, allowing each artist - from actor to designer to lighting crew - to create "their best work" within the parameters of the chosen script. I acted more as a facilitator than a visionary, and in my opinion, the production failed utterly. Not because it was so bad, but because the production failed to capture the playwright's intentions. I accepted the designer's plan, though it differed significantly from what I pictured when I read the script. I gave only general blocking directions to the actors, without directing the more subtle nuances of character gesture and relationship, leaving those to the actors. And ended up with a rather ill-defined presentation of the script, lacking rhythm and focus, in a very pretty set.

And what made it worse is that I knew exactly what it should have looked like. (It should have been darker and more brooding.) I might have been happier if I didn't.

It was all I needed to convince myself that the eye of the director, as the holder of the vision of the production, was essential. There can't be an empty hub.

The rest of my career has been a lesson in how to work with people to make those visions manifest. Discovering that gentle balance between "making it happen" and "letting go."

The power dynamics between my husband and I obviously affect the process. But the same kinds of dynamics exist with actors and directors who aren't in an M/s relationship. (I've seen movies where it seemed like the director was unable or unwilling to direct the "star" they'd been given, to the detriment of the movie.) In our case, I feel quite comfortable speaking my mind, and taking all the actions a director would take in the creation of a theatrical production. But it always takes place within a framework where his authority is paramount. He is the Producer.

 

[eastern sun]

i love to read your words.

I love your words too.

 

[eastern sun]

I'm glad to see this thread back.

I'm not good at participating in threads here. I think that you do very well and that you put into words eloquently the thoughts and feelings many feel.

Thanks. i've always enjoyed reading your posts, and often identify with you as an artist. I don't know how long you've been showing your work, but I always think of those years when the thrill of getting your work out into the public eye outweighs the stress of putting it out there, by just a little bit. Are you painting?

 

[eastern sun]

Greetings Eastern Sun, nice to be back.

Hi. Before I got sick last week I got a surprise visit by two guys from the oil company. They came unannounced to replace the blower motor in my furnace.

They had never worked on a furnace like mine before, and we sort of made friends while we led each other through the intricacies of the high efficiency system.

After they left, I had to ride my fist over fantasies of standing DP sandwiched between those two guys - a scene I will always until the end of time refer to as Adakgirl's.

Thank you for sticking up for me.

 

[gypsy*seer]

Your av is beautiful, Eastern Sun!

 

[eastern sun]

Your av is beautiful, Eastern Sun!

Thank you, gypsy.

 

[rida]

Your av is beautiful, Eastern Sun!

ditto and pretty deep eyes!





I have AV & IMG turned off so do not get to see them until somebody points them out

 

[eastern sun]

We've been picking up the pieces of the games we used to play, and last night I thanked him, saying "you are so kind to me."

"Don't expect me to be a kind master, I don't want you to be a kind slave."

 

[rida]

.....