The man on the balcony

[Devinter]

Alright - so I wrote a story a while back (not uploaded) that I think has some potential but I wasn't entirely sure where to go with it after the initial premise, so I am coming here to the forums asking for some creative suggestions.

The premise is this; It's late at night. A woman living alone in a flat hears a loud thud, or crash, and to her great surprise she finds a man lying on her balcony - despite living in a tall building, ten stories or so up, on the top floor - and there's no way this man could've really gotten there any other way than falling out of the sky. He appears to be unconscious at first, and he's unnaturally beautiful, wearing extravagant clothes. Obviously, the woman freaks out, but as she's in the process of calling for an ambulance - not knowing what else to do - the man gets up and approaches her. He appears to be completely unharmed.

He doesn't seem to speak. And he doesn't really seem to understand her words either. But his eyes says it all. He comes across as kind, warm, and full of desire. After some back and forth and debating over what to do, the woman eventually cannot resist the subtle advances of this man (mostly him just appearing very non-threatening, wanting to be close to her, undressing her with his eyes - he doesn't touch her without her permission) and so she ends up in bed with him - and they have intense, passionate sex. He seems to know exactly what she likes, how she wishes to be touched, when to go faster and when to go slower. All of her kinks are taken care of. But there's also an emotional connection she cannot explain.

They fall asleep together, but in the morning, he's gone. Now, I could end the story there, without any explanations given, but it feels a little cheap. Plus, I think this story needs a happy ending somehow. In the rough draft, she's torn up about the man being gone, and stresses out over it - feeling a little heartbroken, despite getting attached to him so quickly, without their encounter making a lot of sense. And then night comes she hears another loud thud/crash from the balcony, implying he might have returned, and the story ends right there.

Honestly, it's kind of a 'stroker' but I still want the story element to feel satisfying to the reader. Any suggestions would be warmly welcomed. Thank you in advance!

 

[LoneMilf]

Cute idea

I think I'd let the woman wake up and gradually realize that it was just a dream. A week later, she's still aching from the memory of the dream when she spots the guy while grocery shopping. She approaches him and the connection is instant. Ending it there, you have a happy ending an no real need for explanations - the dream was simply a prophecy of what was to come.

 

[Rob_Royale]

Interesting. Superhero or some sort of supernatural fella? Very Dracula-esque. I think it works fine as a stroker, but personally, I'd rather see some sort of elaborate story.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

Maybe she runs into him a few months later, grocery shopping like LoneMilf mentioned, or maybe a park? Feels like a good park bench conversation, and I think that would work with how well you set the stage in your writing.
He can talk now, and he thanks her for giving him form so he could complete his mission?

 

[jaF0]

For those that want to go to the dark side ....

.... the mysterious man is Death in human form. His mission is to claim her, but she's been living a very private, almost reclusive life and he has little other opportunity. But ... after meeting her, he's extraordinarily taken with her and this presents a problem for him. Does he claim her, or not?


Variations told in Death Takes a Holiday, 1934 with Frederic March and again in 1971 with Monte Markham
Also told in Nothing In The Dark (The Twilight Zone, episode 81, 1962) with Robert Redford.

And probably several others.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

Meet Joe Black was a somewhat more recent version. Anthony Hopkins and Brad Pitt.

 

[Fl_maledad]

I would much rather read erotica, than watch porn!

 

[Fl_maledad]

Oops wrong thread response…awkward!!!

 

[Devinter]

Liking all of the suggestions so far. Thank you kindly.

I have written another (also unpublished) story that features a sort of "death" character so might not go exactly for the classic grim reaper route in case that story makes it to the website one day, but some sort of angel that ferries souls to the afterlife would still work! But the "meeting each other later" is really interesting too.

 

[jaF0]

Thing is, it doesn't really have to be dark. It could be enlightening and relieving. You don't say much about the woman, but what if she lives up there alone because she's ill, or disabled? What if the man is her way out? She's afraid at first, but comes to see that it might be her best option. If done right, it could be a powerful feels good story.

If you want to make it erotica, even fantasy erotica, the man might have the power to turn her into the stunning beauty she always wanted to be. He might be able to waive off her illness and give her health and mobility again. She would have the one spectacular encounter that always eluded her.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

She's an older widow, frail, slowing down, but still managing. Pictures around their apartment of her and her now deceased husband having adventures all over the world.
She hears the noise, find him on the balcony struggles to help him inside, doesn't call 911, but the maternal instinct takes over, she makes sure he's ok, brews some tea, and as she does she just seems to be feeling better than she has in years. They end up making love and she has the body she had on her wedding night, all those years ago.
In the morning he's gone. She's the old woman she was before, but she feels somehow...better.
She has more energy, she gets up in the morning and takes a walk in the park, something she hasn't done in years, and it becomes a regular thing for her again.
A week or so later she is sitting on a bench, an old man walks by slowly using his cane for support. A beautiful young woman is by his side, letting him wall but obviously apprehensive about him falling.
The old woman looks at him...and realizes it's the man from that night.
He smiles at her, tips his cap, and continues on.

 

[jaF0]

^^^ Similar to Somewhere In Time with Christopher Reeve and Jane Seymour.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

^^^ Similar to Somewhere In Time with Christopher Reeve and Jane Seymour.

That one was actual time travel, wasn't it?

 

[jaF0]

No. It was all in his head. Imagined. Self-hypnosis. Suddenly crashed back to consciousness at the sight of a modern penny.

Similarity is that she returned as a very old lady and asked him to come back to her.

 

[Devinter]

I think I have an idea of where I want to go with it now, thanks to your great suggestions. However, I am finishing and uploading another story first, before getting back to this particular one, so there's probably still a few more days for forwarding brilliant ideas if anything comes to mind!

I also think I will make it slightly less kinky overall.. Maybe. It's borderline fetish territory currently which might not mix so well with the romantic aspects for a relatively short story. It's about 6000 words right now, and at least 50% is just graphic sex - but there's a market for that too, of course!

 

[Kelliezgirl]

But if he never went back, why would she do that?

 

[Devinter]

You don't say much about the woman, but what if she lives up there alone because she's ill, or disabled? What if the man is her way out? She's afraid at first, but comes to see that it might be her best option. If done right, it could be a powerful feels good story.

I am working on something like this for the Pink Orchid challenge (yes, I'm all over the place!) - wheelchair bound lady that suffers from depression. Struggling with that one too, but mostly because I am attempting to write it in first person from a female perspective. Challenging for sure. However, that's another issue/story entirely, so I won't derail my own thread with it! I do like writing powerful feels good stories from time to time, though - and I have published a few, even though most of my uploads is nothing but smut!

 

[Rob_Royale]

She's an older widow, frail, slowing down, but still managing. Pictures around their apartment of her and her now deceased husband having adventures all over the world.
She hears the noise, find him on the balcony struggles to help him inside, doesn't call 911, but the maternal instinct takes over, she makes sure he's ok, brews some tea, and as she does she just seems to be feeling better than she has in years. They end up making love and she has the body she had on her wedding night, all those years ago.
In the morning he's gone. She's the old woman she was before, but she feels somehow...better.
She has more energy, she gets up in the morning and takes a walk in the park, something she hasn't done in years, and it becomes a regular thing for her again.
A week or so later she is sitting on a bench, an old man walks by slowly using his cane for support. A beautiful young woman is by his side, letting him wall but obviously apprehensive about him falling.
The old woman looks at him...and realizes it's the man from that night.
He smiles at her, tips his cap, and continues on.

This is very good.

 

[Devinter]

Despite all your great ideas, I went and ruined it - turning it into an "anal obsession" story. Oopsie! But fret not; I have gotten a lot of inspiration from your ideas and intend to put them to use in that other "death" story that I mentioned instead! Because this one truly did feel more of a kinky stroker and less like a romantic story, even though I made an attempt at mixing them both. On second thought, I figured it was wiser to just "divide and conquer".

So " Stranger on the balcony " is now only going to appeal to a small group of butt-obsessed readers, but that's okay! Working on quite a few romantic and sentimental pieces currently, so I think it may be a good balance, and something to satisfy my more perverted readers with. Thanks again for all the helpful suggestions.