The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Saxon_Hart]

and when you turn it over it says "Property of Sister Mary Elephant"

I put in a few escargots...

And the slugs destroy the garden.


I put in one for the road.

 

[NekoParks]

And the slugs destroy the garden.


I put in one for the road.

and you give one for the nice police officer's breathalyzer....

I put in sixteen vestal virgins who were leaving for the coast...

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you give one for the nice police officer's breathalyzer....

I put in sixteen vestal virgins who were leaving for the coast...

and they party with the three men you admire most.

I put in a butcher, a baker, and a candlestick maker...

 

[slyc_willie]

and they party with the three men you admire most.

I put in a butcher, a baker, and a candlestick maker...

And you get back the strangest sex toy craftsman ever.

I put in a vinyl recording of the soundtrack from Conan the Barbarian (1982)

 

[NekoParks]

and they party with the three men you admire most.

I put in a butcher, a baker, and a candlestick maker...

but "they" all answer to the name Martha Stewart.

I put in a cross-country fandango with my friends...

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And you get back the strangest sex toy craftsman ever.

I put in a vinyl recording of the soundtrack from Conan the Barbarian (1982)

but "they" all answer to the name Martha Stewart.

I put in a cross-country fandango with my friends...

and end up in a barbarian orgy.

I put in Le Sacre de Printemps...

 

[NekoParks]

and end up in a barbarian orgy.

I put in Le Sacre de Printemps...

and you tip-toe through the tulips.

I put in a broken record...

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you tip-toe through the tulips.

I put in a broken record...

and your name is enshrined in the Guiness Book.

I put in a recurrent note, a recurrent note, a recurrent n...

 

[slyc_willie]

and your name is enshrined in the Guiness Book.

I put in a recurrent note, a recurrent note, a recurrent n...

And you get back an echo.

I put in a box of mechanical pencils.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And you get back an echo.

I put in a box of mechanical pencils.

and all your stories and drawings lack soul.

I put in a reanimator...

 

[slyc_willie]

and all your stories and drawings lack soul.

I put in a reanimator...

And Peter O'Toole comes back from the dead.

I put in a prop from George Romero's original Night of the Living Dead.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And Peter O'Toole comes back from the dead.

I put in a prop from George Romero's original Night of the Living Dead.

and the eeg flatlines.

I put in a midnight thunderstorm at an Eastern European castle...

 

[Handley_Page]

and the eeg flatlines.

I put in a midnight thunderstorm at an Eastern European castle...

but it wakes nobody.



I put in Otto the photographer

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but it wakes nobody.



I put in Otto the photographer

and all your pictures are the same from left to right as from right to left.

I put in a palindromic conversation...

 

[Handley_Page]

and all your pictures are the same from left to right as from right to left.

I put in a palindromic conversation...

and all you get is: "Madam, I'm adam"


I put in a Katana

 

[afternightpersonality]

and all you get is: "Madam, I'm adam"


I put in a Katana

And you get a polka dotted hippo in a pink tutu.

 

[PinkPeep]

I put in all my sorrows.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

I put in all my sorrows.

And you get Pandora demanding her "fucking box" back.



I put in the seventh seal.

 

[CarolinaPeach]

And you get a ball to balance on your nose.

I put in my grandmother's scarf.

 

[steve44uk]

And you get a ball to balance on your nose.

I put in my grandmother's scarf.

... and I wonder how you found it under my bed.

I put in a velvet purse...

 

[Tio_Narratore]

... and I wonder how you found it under my bed.

I put in a velvet purse...

and you get a boar's ear.

I put in a silk stocking...

 

[steve44uk]

and you get a boar's ear.

I put in a silk stocking...

... but you're not on Santa's Nice List, so it comes back empty.

I put in Max the dog...

 

[Tio_Narratore]

... but you're not on Santa's Nice List, so it comes back empty.

I put in Max the dog...

and you get an enjoyable day of exercise at the park.

I put in three squirrels and a flock of pigeons...

 

[steve44uk]

and you get an enjoyable day of exercise at the park.

I put in three squirrels and a flock of pigeons...

... and you get an haute cuisine Cajun pie.

I put in Dennis Quaid's winning smile...

 

[Handley_Page]

... and you get an haute cuisine Cajun pie.

I put in Dennis Quaid's winning smile...

Turns to a grimace of terror in the face of a trio of Ladettes.



I put in a bottle of 20-year-old beer