areacode613
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jan 29, 2001
- Posts
- 169
Below is a file compiled over the years , which I think could be of great help to new submissives or those unsure of what this thing bdsm is all about, hope this is of use to someone. Areacode613@hotmail.com
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submission
Getting Started
What is a submissive? How do you know if you even are a submissive? How does one learn to be a submissive? Here is my take on it...
What is a submissive?
A submissive/slave is generally one who enjoys being Dominated. This goes much deeper than that though...it is something in your heart and soul, a need to give over control and power, a need to please and serve, a need to give over the essence of yourself and trust someone else with your mind, heart, body, soul..and even your life. This is deep stuff...there is probably no greater release or rush than in truly giving submission.
Submissives are not doormats. We are not here to be abused. What we have to give...the gift of ourselves...should be cherished and looked after by the One we choose to give it to. You will find that most submissives are not weak willed at all...they are extremely strong women who know and appreciate their own strength and power and who know exactly what they are giving over when they submit.
Submissives actually have the true power in the relationship. A Dominant may do what He wills, but He has no power except that which the submissive gives Him. In play, He can only do what He wants within set limits, limits which have been previously agreed upon by B/both parties...and while a good Dom will take you places you have never been, He cannot do so past your own consent. The submissive always has the power to STOP any action by using a previously agreed upon SAFEWORD if the play ever gets past that which the submissive can handle.
Despite the Bondage/S&M factors, it is not about abuse or force. It is about a mutually satisfying power exchange that is SAFE, SANE and CONSENSUAL. Whatever happens within that relationship must be all three of these things, otherwise it may be classified as abuse. Many C/couples will draw up legal contracts to this end, and before formally committing to any D/s relationship, a contract of terms is a good idea. Click HERE to see an example of an o/l contract. If A/anyone has a copy of a r/l contract I can post, that would be great.
How do you know if you are a submissive?
Well, this is a good question, and I am not even sure I have the answer to it. I have seen signs of being a submissive in myself since before puberty even..but I did not know that that is what they were. I had to put together a lot of little clues to figure it out. If you like and enjoy being controlled and Dominated, then you have a submissive streak...whether you are a sub, switch, or just like to roleplay submission depends on how much you really want to give. There are varying degrees of submission, both o/l and in r/l.
How do you become a submissive? Well, the first thing you have to do is study and learn what your submission is. The more you know about submission and BDSM the more you will know about yourself, what you want and need to get out of BDSM, and the degree of submission you wish to practice. You must know yourself first, before you go getting involved with any Doms. I can't stress this enough. Would you drive a car without first learning how? How can you truly give your submission if you don't know what you are handing over? DON'T jump into an o/l BDSM relationship without first knowing what you are getting into. Your submission is a beautiful gift...if you value it, and yourself, you will give it to the One person who is right for your needs, not the first "Dom" who makes you kneel and offers you a collar.
HOW do you learn more?
You do this by talking to others, reading, and then reading some more. And I don't mean talking to the Dom who tried to pick you up in the gogo last night, either... the sad but true fact is that 90% of the Doms you will meet o/l haven't got a clue themselves; they are in it so they can type "kneel wench and suck my winky". The best people to talk to about submission are the other subs. A lot of the older subs you will meet while online are actually real life subs who come to the go-go to chat with their friends. They can give you a much better idea about submission and the BDSM lifestyle in general.
READ everything you can get your hands on. There are numerous good, informative sites to look at, as well as numerous books you can read...click HERE for a list of web links, books, and other useful resources.
TO EACH THEIR OWN
You will find that People hang out in the Go-Go for a variety of reasons, to fulfill different things in their life. What they practice and why is their business. Some people come here just to chat and be with their friends. Some are looking for r/l relationships, some are looking for o/l only relationships. You will find married people who practice o/l only, couples who each have their own separate o/l BDSM relationships, single people, older people, younger people...there is nothing wrong any variation as long as everyone is honest. I know one sub who was o/l so that she could learn and teach her husband. Some people live in remote areas and are simply unable to practice in r/l. Some enjoy o/l as an addition to a vanilla life. Some Masters have multiple subs, and some subs have multiple Doms... I personally think there is nothing wrong with any of this; to each their own; it is not my place to judge the kinks and practices of others. As long as they are honest with all parties, don't hurt others, and behave with honor, I could care less why they are here or what they are doing.
Now, what is acceptable subbie behavior in the Go-Go?
This checklist should be filled out by a Sub and provided to their Dom/Top before playing with them. This will provide a quick "head-start" to identifying limits, negotiating and finding common ground for play. Dominants may wish to work through the checklist, to get a better handle on their specific interests. Switches should go through the checklist twice; one persons Dom and Sub interests may be very different.
For each item, you need to provide two answers:
For experience, write YES or NO next to each item to indicate if you have ever DONE that activity. Mark N/A if it does not apply to your gender.
For willingness, indicate for each item how you feel about DOING that activity by rating it on a scale of NO or 0 to 5.
"?" means you don't understand what the item is attempting to describe.
NO means you will NOT do that item under any circumstances (a hard limit).
0 (zero) indicates you have utterly no desire to do that activity and don't like doing it (in fact, may loath it) and would ordinarily object to doing it, but you would permit the Dominant to do it if it they really wanted it. (sometimes called a "soft limit").
1 means you don't want to do or like to do this activity, but wouldn't object if it was asked of you.
2 means you are willing to do this activity, but it has no special appeal for you.
3 means you usually like doing this activity, at least on an irregular/ occasional basis.
4 means you like doing this activity, and would like to experience it on a regular basis.
5 means the activity is a wild turn-on for you, and you would like it as often as possible.
Mark with an asterisk (*) those items which you are willing to do only with your current sex partner(s), but not with casual play-partners.
Note any additional information or nuances which might be important for your Dom to know in the margin to the right. For example under diapers you might wish to distinguish between "wetting" and "soiling".
There is intentionally some overlap between categories. Unless otherwise stated, the Sub is the recipient/target of the activity.
Experience, Willingness Notes & Nuances
yes/no, NO or 0-5
Abrasion :
Age play :
Anal sex :
Anal plugs (small) :
Anal plugs (large) :
Anal plug (public, under clothes):
Animal roles :
Arm & leg sleeves (armbinders) :
Aromas :
Asphyxiation :
Auctioned for charity :
Ball stretching :
Bathroom use control :
Beastiality :
Beating (soft) :
Beating (hard) :
Blindfolds :
Being serviced (sexual) :
Being bitten :
Breast/chest bondage :
Breath control :
Branding :
Boot worship :
Bondage (light) :
Bondage (heavy) :
Bondage (multi-day) :
Bondage (public, under clothing) :
Breast whipping :
Brown showers (scat) :
Cages (locked inside of) :
Caning :
Castration fantasy :
Catheterization :
Cattle prod (electrical toy) :
Cells/Closets (locked inside of) :
Chains :
Chamber-pot use :
Chastity belts :
Chauffeuring :
Choking :
Chores (domestic service) :
Clothespins :
Cock rings/straps :
Cock worship :
Collars (worn in private) :
Collars (worn in public) :
Competitions (with other Subs) :
Corsets (wearing casually) :
Corsets (trained waist reduction):
Cross-dressing :
Cuffs (leather) :
Cuffs (metal) :
Cutting :
Diapers (wearing) :
Diapers (wetting) :
Diapers (soiling) :
Dilation :
Dildoes :
Double penetration :
Electricity :
Enemas (for cleansing) :
Eenmas (retention/punishment) :
Enforced chastity :
Erotic dance (for audience) :
Examinations (physical) :
Exercise (forced/required) :
Exhibitionism (friends) :
Exhibitionism (strangers) :
Eye contact restrictions :
Face slapping :
Fantasy abandonment :
Fantasy rape :
Fantasy gang-rape :
Fear (being scared) :
Fisting (anal) :
Fisting (vaginal) :
Flame play :
Following orders :
Food play (cucumbers, sorbet...) :
Foot worship :
Forced bedwetting :
Forced dressing :
Forced eating :
Forced homosexuality :
Forced heterosexuality :
Forced masturbation :
Forced nudity (private) :
Forced nudity (around others) :
Forced servitude :
Forced smoking :
Full head hoods :
Gags (cloth) :
Gags (inflatible) :
Gags (phallic) :
Gags (rubber) :
Gags (tape) :
Gas masks :
Gates of Hell (male) :
Genital sex :
Given away to another Dom (temp) :
Given away to another Dom (perm) :
Golden showers :
Gun play :
Hairbrush spankings :
Hair pulling :
Hand jobs (giving) :
Hand jobs (receiving) :
Harems (serving w/other subs) :
Harnessing (leather) :
Harnessing (rope) :
Having food chosen for you :
Having clothing chosen for you :
Head (give fellatio/cunnilingus) :
Head (rcv fellatio/cunnilingus) :
High heel wearing :
High heel worship :
Homage with tongue (non-sexual) :
Hoods :
Hot oils (on genitals) :
Hot waxing :
Housework (doing) :
Human puppy dog :
Humiliation (private) :
Humiliation (public) :
Hypnotism :
Ice cubes :
Immobilization :
Infantilism :
Initiation rites :
Injections :
Intricate (Japanese) rope bondage:
Interrogations :
Kidnapping :
Kneeling :
Knife play :
Leather clothing :
Leather restraints :
Lectures for misbehavior :
Licking (non-sexual) :
Lingerie (wearing) :
Manacles & Irons :
Manicures (giving) :
Massage (giving) :
Massage (receiving) :
Medical scenes :
Modeling for erotic photos :
Mouth bits :
Mummification :
Name change (for scene) :
Name change (legal, permanant) :
Nipple clamps :
Nipple rings (piercings) :
Nipple play/"torture" :
Nipple weights :
Oral/anal play (rimming) :
Over-the-knee spanking :
Orgasm denial :
Orgasm control :
Outdoor scenes :
Outdoor sex :
Pain (mild) :
Pain (medium) :
Pain (severe) :
Persona training (in scene) :
Personality modification (RL) :
Phone sex (serving Dom) :
Phone sex (serving Dom's friends):
Phone sex (commercial provider) :
Piercing (temporary, play-pierce):
Piercing (permanent) :
Plastic surgery :
Prison scenes :
Prostitution (public pretense) :
Prostitution (actual) :
Pony slave :
Public exposure :
Punishment Scene :
Pussy/cock whipping :
Pussy worship :
Riding crops :
Riding the "horse" (crotch tort.):
Rituals :
Religious scenes :
Restrictive rules on behavior :
Rubber/latex clothing :
Rope body harness :
Saran wrapping :
Scarification :
Scratching - getting :
Scratching - giving :
Sensory deprivation :
Serving :
Serving as art :
Serving as ashtray :
Serving as furniture :
Serving as a maid :
Serving as toilet (urine) :
Serving as toilet (feces) :
Serving as waitress/waiter :
Serving orally (sexual) :
Serving other doms (supervised) :
Serving other doms (unsupervised):
Sexual deprivation (short term) :
Sexual deprivation (long term) :
Shaving (body hair) :
Shaving (genital hair) :
Shaving (head hair) :
Skinny-dipping :
Sleep deprivation :
Sleepsacks :
Slutty clothing (private) :
Slutty clothing (public) :
Spandex clothing :
Spanking :
Speech restrictions (when, what) :
Speculums (Anal) :
Speculums (vaginal) :
Spitting :
Spreader bars :
Standing in corner :
Stocks :
Straight jackets :
Strap-on-dildos (sucking on) :
Strap-on-dildos (penetrated by) :
Strap-on-dildos (wearing) :
Strapping (full body beating) :
Suspension (upright) :
Suspension (inverted) :
Suspension (horizontal) :
Supplying new partners for Dom :
Swallowing feces :
Swallowing semen :
Swallowing urine :
Swapping (with one other couple) :
Swinging (multiple couples) :
Tampon Training (in ass) :
Tattooing :
Teasing :
TENS Unit (electrical toy) :
Thumbcuffs (metal) :
Tickling :
Triple penetration :
Urethral Sounds (metal rods) :
Uniforms :
Including others :
Vaginal dildo :
Verbal humiliation :
Vibrator on genitals :
Violet Wand (electricial toy) :
Voyeurism (watching others) :
Voyeurism (your Dom w/others) :
Video (watching others) :
Video (recordings of you) :
Water torture :
Waxing (hair removal) :
Wearing symbolic jewelery :
Weight gain (forced) :
Weight loss (forced) :
Whipping :
Wooden paddles :
Wrestling :
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Willingness quick-key:
? Don't understand this item.
* I will do with current sex partner only.
NO I WILL NOT DO that item under ANY circumstances (a hard limit).
0 No desire, don't like, will permit if special to Dom (a soft limit).
1 Don't want to do, but will.
2 Willing to do, but has no special appeal.
3 Usually LIKE doing, on an irregular/ occasional basis.
4 LIKE doing, would like it on a regular basis.
5 WILD TURN-ON, would like it as often as possible
BDSM Definitions
home > community > definitions BDSM Definitions....Dah Lingo!
Definitions used in D&S, B&D and S/M BDSM - (1) Umbrella term for activities of B&D, D&S, S&M (2) Boston Dungeon Society Member B&D - Bondage and Discipline. A subgroup within D&S which is largely involved in making the submissive physically helpless and applying stimuli which outside of a scene would be painful. See Bondage. See Discipline. Blood sports - A group of techniques in which the submissive's skin is broken and blood is allowed to escape. Since the advent of AIDS and the spread of hepatitis, interest in blood sports has declined and those who practice it have developed techniques to protect themselves. The most common blood sport is cutting. See Cutting. Bondage -A group of techniques for rendering a submissive physically helpless. These include rope ties, handcuffs and manacles, wrapping and mummification. See B&D. See Mummification. See Decorative binding. See Immobilization. Bottom - A submissive. CBT - Cock and ball torture. Cutting - A technique in which cuts are carefully made in the submissive's skin to produce an aesthetically pleasing pattern and stimulation to the submissive. The cuts are sometimes made into permanent markings by placing sterile foreign substances in them before they heal. See Blood sports. Decorative binding - Using rope or cord to compress or tie a portion of the body where struggle will not cause it to tighten or cut into the submissive. See Immobilization. Discipline - The application of stimuli which, outside of a scene, would be considered painful. Common discipline techniques are whipping, spanking and strapping. See B&D. Dominant - An individual who accepts the submissive's power and uses it for their mutual pleasure. See Sadist. Edgeplay - These are particularly dangerous D&S that are looked upon with some trepidation. Because there is no formal 'ruling body' in D&S, what is called edgeplay is up to the individual. Therefore, something that to one person might be considered edgeplay might not be edgeplay to another. Edgeplayer -A person takes part in edgeplay. Example: "The guy is a real edgeplayer; he's into heavy bloodsports and asphyxia." Go word - A signal by the submissive that everything is all right and you can continue with or increase the present level of stimulation. See Stop word See Slow word. Golden Showers - A humiliation technique where the dominant urinates on the submissive. Consumption of the urine may be part of this scene. Immobilization - Using rope or other bondage tools to render a submissive relatively helpless despite his or her struggles. See Decorative binding. Masochism - The ability to derive pleasure from pain. Derives from the writings of Leopold von SacherMasoch. See S&M. Panic snap - A linking device used with cable and chain that allows two lengths to be disconnected even when there is tension in the system. A safety device. S&M - Sadism and Masochism; A term often used to describe the D&S scene; however, it is falling into disrepute because it is both inaccurate (Dominants are not sadists.) and overly limited (All submissives are not masochists.). See Sadism. See Masochism. Sadist - An individual who enjoys causing pain in a nonconsensual manner or regardless of the presence of absence of consent. Derives from the writings of the Marquis de Sade. See S&M. Safe word -A word or phrase which permits the submissive to withdraw consent and terminate the scene at any point without endangering the illusion that the dominant is in complete control. See Slow word. See Go word. Scat - A slang term for scatophilia, taking pleasure in playing with and sometimes eating feces. While this is occasionally used as a means of humiliation, it presents a relatively severe health risk, not limited to AIDS and hepatitis. Slow word - A signal by the submissive that things are getting too intense and you should change or decrease the stimulation. See Safe word. See Go word. SAM - Smart Arsed Masochist. A pseudo submissive who attempts to control everything the dominant does. A term of contempt. Example: "She's cute and willing, but she's a real SAM; you will spend most of your time trying to keep her from telling you which whip to use and how to swing it." See 'Topping From the Bottom.' Scene (The) - The gamut of D&S activities and people considered as a whole. Example: "The scene contains some of the nicest people I have ever met." Scene (A) - An individual session of whatever duration where the participants are in their D&S roles. Example: "It was a tremendously hot scene last night when Master Jim waxed Lisa at The Vault." Slave - Often used interchangeably with submissive. However, generally reflecting a more intense level of submission or non-sexual or sexual-plus submission. For example, a slave might be someone who remains in a 24-hour-per-day submission and cooks, cleans and, otherwise, takes care of a dominant's house. See submissive Strapple - An elongated paddle with a bit more flex so that is something intermediate between a strap and a paddle. Submissive - An individual who gives up power in a D&S relationship for the mutual pleasure of those involved. Suspension - A set of techniques for suspending a submissive using ropes, webbing or chain so that no part of the body touches the floor. This is a highly specialized technique and great care must be used to prevent damage. Switch (Switchable) - A person who enjoys both the dominant and submissive roles. A switch may be dominant to one person and submissive with another or may be dominant or submissive with the same person at different times. Top - A dominant. Topping from the bottom - For a submissive to dictate the precise action in a scene. A term of contempt. Example: "She's cute and willing, but she's always topping from the bottom; you will spend most of your time trying to keep her from telling you which whip to use and how to swing it." See 'SAM' TT - Tit torture. The term applies to both males and females. Vanilla - Not in the scene. A term used to describe ordinary, conventional life both sexual and otherwise. While it can be used in a pejorative sense, it is more often used to distinguish between scene and non-scene activities and people. Example: "I have to be careful in my vanilla life that people don't find out that I'm a dominant." Definitions used in BDSM is a public service brought to you by Boston Dungeon Society for the greater BDSM community and is largely taken with permission from The Loving Dominant by John Warren. Each of us recalls the first steps into experiences of the lifestyle we here at BDS live and the feeling of not knowing all the lingo. We hope to make those first steps a bit easier for those who are now on the threshold. Comments please e-mail BDS Definitions Editor Be sure to mention Definitions in your correspondence.
Just for Fun! Bottom the one with her butt in the air and tongue hanging out Consensual agreeable to all involved Dominant power-hungry bitch Endorphins happy drugs released by the brain when you're in love, in pain, or eating chocolate Limits the point at which something fun becomes un-fun Masochist endorphin addict Negotiation exchanging info before a scene -- what you've done, what you might do, what's a definite no-no Novice new or inexperienced pervert Pervert a queer kind of queer Play Party SM sex party Rebel Bottom likes to make power-hungry bitches prove it Sadist gets all wet from making girls moan and scream Safe Word a pre-set word or signal that means "slow down" or "stop" -- useful if you like to scream "no" when you really mean "yes"! Scene a date or period of time set off for SM play Submissive likes to keep power-hungry bitches happy Switch enjoys topping and bottoming (not usually at the same time!) Top the Big Cheese; sports a nasty smile and nastier implements Vanilla good ol' egalitarian licking, sucking and fucking! Chris Bitch's Note: I did not write this my fellow kinksters, so please do not take heed in these words as they are just for kicks!
Some more laughs: Some frequently used abbreviations used in and around the BBS's and IRC. AFAIK As Far As I Know a.s.b alt.sex.bondage a.s.s alt.sex.spanking BTW By The Way CHUDWAH Clueless Heterosexual Dom Wannabe FAQ Frequently Asked Question(s) FWIW For What It's Worth FYI For Your Information GIF/JPEG Compression formats for digital pictures. HNG Horny Net Geek IMHO In My Humble Opinion IMNSHO In My Not-So-Humble Opinion IMX In My Experience IRC Internet Relay Chat LOL Laughing Out Loud MMF Make Money Fast, the Usenet's infamous chain-letter MOTAS/OS/SS Member of the Appropriate Sex/ Opposite Sex/ Same sex OTOH On The Other Hand PISS Passive Ignorance Silence Strike RL Real Life ROTFL(MAO) Rolling On The Floor Laughing (My Ass Off) RTFM Read the F***ing Manual SO Significant Other WIITWD What it is that We Do WTH What The Heck/Hell WRT With Respect To YKINOK Your Kink is not OK YKIOKIJNMK Your Kink is OK, It's Just not My Kink YMMV Your Milage may Vary 24/7 24 hours, 7 days/week, full time [g]grin [bg] big grin [eg] evil grin [veg] very evil grin
Rules for subs
1.Be patient!A potential top will let you know if she or he is interested in you or not. Keep in mind that
your purpose as a submissive is to serve and to satisfy someone who will take into
consideration the realization of your fantasies. Don't expect your top to be able to turn on
like a light switch. The timing must be right for both of you.
2.Be humble. You may be God's or Goddess' gift to the world and the most sought after prize in town,
but no one needs to hear it or wants to hear it. You will have ample opportunity to show how
good you are. No matter what you claim, the "real you" will show through in a scene.
Don't set yourself up for failure by developing expectations that you know you and your
top can never reach.
3.Be open. You can learn something about SM and about yourself from everyone into the scene, no
matter how experienced or inexperienced they are, or how dominant or submissive they are. SM
is a very personal art, and an "I already know it all" attitude will make you miss valuable SM
lesson and experiences, and ignore potentially valuable SM friends.
4.Communicate!Verbalization is necessary, but at the appropriate time and in the appropriate way.
Your top needs to know basic information about you, such as experiences, fantasies,
health concerns, and turn-offs. But - unless it's an emergency - wait until your top asks.
Don't expect your dominant to be a mind-reader who instinctively knows your needs,
wants, and limits. Your cooperation will enhance the scene for both of you.
5.Be honest. Don't be afraid to share your needs and fantasies. Your dominant expects it. Honesty
about your wants, health concerns, and turn-offs is essential to a good scene. Lying or being
less than candid can only lead to problems, as the top will base the scene on inaccurate
information. Besides causing problems, it can be dangerous.
6.Be vulnerable. Your scene is a two-way street. It is not just the physical realization of your prior
fantasies. If you want to limit your experience to certain physical and psychological
stimulation, then contract with your top ahead of time. But don't always expect your top to
be a puppet in a fantasy play you've written in your head. It's far better to let your top
surprise you, to enxtend your limits, to take you to places you're never been before. When
you trust your top completely, let her or him know it, and let him orher guide you into new
fantasies.
7.Be realistic. Your dominant is human, and even the most experienced tops have moments of
awkwardness and indecision. Don't call attention to what you perceive as a lapse. Know the
difference between reality and the fantasy world you see in books and magazines. Few tops
are rich enough to afford a large dungeon with a lavish layout of equipment. Your top's
equipment is expensive - respect it and don't abuse it.
8.Be really submissive!This is the whole point. Let your dominant take you over completely. Don't
coach or second guess or be critical of your top. Exchange information on
your special needs before the scene starts, but once it starts be quiet! If you
insist on running a scene to your own specifications, then you should try being
a top. You have agreed to limitations of your own power. Stay within those
limitations. Respect and obey your top and expect punishment if you don't.
Accept it gracefully and cheerfully. Your top has many things tobe concerned
with, including your safety and what turns you on. Be loyal and dependable
and enjoy your role.
9.Be healthy! SM, like any strenuous activity, requires that its participants - both active and passive -
be in top physical and emotional health. The amount you sleep, your eating habits, your
alcohol and drug intake, and everyday stress affect your response and endurance during a
scene. Your dominant needs to know when your physical or emotional energy is low. No
matter how tempting a scene sounds, an "I want it all now" attitude when you aren't able
to give your all will leave both of you feeling let down. You serve yourdominant and
yourself best by staying healthy.
10.Have fun! After all, sex is all about having a good time. You have earned and you are entitled to the
W
A Corporate Exec Bitch Pup Speaks On Submission
submissive Articles
Author: essence^
Date: 03 May 1999
Article
In BDSM circles, both in real life and cyberspace, submission is often spoken of in metaphors. Some of the common phases used for submission are gift, power exchange or subspace: these inexact terms can seem mystical and for someone new to the idea or the BDSM lifestyle they are confusing to say the least. It is important to be realistic about your expectations regarding your submission and to understand what it is you are offering your partner. Lets start with some definitions of what a submissive is:
The dictionary definition of the adjective submissive and its' root word submit:
sub·mis·sive (seb-m?? adjective
Inclined or willing to submit. 1
sub·mit (seb-m?) verb
1. To yield or surrender (oneself) to the will or authority of another.
2. To subject to a condition or process.
3. To commit (something) to the consideration or judgment of another.
verb, intransitive
1. To give in to the authority, power, or desires of another..
2. To allow oneself to be subjected to something.
[Middle English submitten, from Latin submittere, to set under : sub-, sub- + mittere, to cause to go.] 2
You can not speak of submission without including D/s, Dominance and BDSM, these terms are inter-linked and important in understanding just what submission is.
A D/s relationship consists of two or more consenting adults who compare favorably on a direction for their relationship. In this relationship one of the partners will take the dominant or controlling role, and the other partner, the submissive or controlled role. Just like in any other relationship, it is a two way street: However, to outsiders it probably does not seem so. Each has different needs, as defined by their role as Dom or sub; each is satisfied in different ways. However, they are dependent on each other to satisfy their own needs. This relationship is usually codified in a contract, which specifies the roles, limits and responsibilities of the parties involved.
Although the submissive's role appears to be somewhat elementary, in actuality, the sub plays a large role in shaping the D/s relationship. The sub's fundamental responsibility is to follow her Dom's directions and to please the Dom. Additionally, the submissive needs to be patient, open and vulnerable, humble, honest, truly submissive and above all realistic. 3
"The sub is the Dom's companion, his student, and his lover." 4 As a companion to the Dom the sub is allowed to share in the Dom's activities, voice opinions and place limits on behaviors as set by mutual agreement of both parties. The Dom should treat the sub with respect, honesty and dignity. As the Dom's student, the sub learns about the Dom, how to please him or her and hopefully more about themselves in the process. The sub expects to be shown the right way to act and rewarded if they please the Dom and to be corrected if they do not. As a lover, the sub will want to please the Dom because they earnestly care for the Dom's well being and because they derive pleasure from doing so. The sub does this, not out of fear of pain or retribution, but because they want to give the Dom pleasure.
The most complete, straightforward D/s definition of submission I have found is:
"Submission is the act of surrendering some or all of ones personal power to another person. It's allowing someone else to control your body and behavior within certain preset limits. This must be a willing act on the part of the submissive or the boundaries of abuse have been crossed. The methods and levels of submission are infinite. Each person must decide how much and how far this exchange of power will go but the rules of "safe, sane and consensual" must always apply." 5
Expressing your submissive nature can be one of the most powerful opportunities to find the deepest levels of trust, power and the intimacy. It is the preeminent expression of who you are. Learn all you can about it from published articles and don't be afraid to ask questions from other trusted submissive and dominant. Ultimately, there is no wrong or right… it is your journey. May it be a good one.
To Submit: ...to overcome resistance to direction and yield one(self) to the will of another
Submission is an action of personal strength. To overcome internal resistance the submissive must control their desire or need to maintain personal control in the creation and delivery of all personal decisions. They must overcome the need to express or deliver their personal judgment as the basis for creating, directing and taking self action. They must overcome their desire to ACT defensively through CHALLENGE and directed conflict when exposed to the direction of another. As part of this process they must also submerge their ego to allow them to follow or accept direction from another without fear of loss of face, status or worth.
To yield is to 'reward' through the offering of the inner self to the direction or will of another. This 'gift' is the non-resistance or need of conflict TO direction and external control.
Resistance is usually based on FEAR of loss. That loss may be the perception of ego or self, loss of control, loss of independence, loss of status and loss of perceived personal value or worth.
There are some 'new' submissives who believe that they need a 'strong' Dominant to conquer or externally overcome their resistance to direction and control. This implies an action of external 'force' upon the submissive. A violent, compulsion or constraint exerted AGAINST a person. Such an action implies that the (self) of the submissive is not consenting to direction but in fact resisting or overtly acting in opposition to the acceptance of voluntary direction by another person. Non-consensual FORCE violates one of the primary tenants of the BDSM community and factually negates that the 'submissive' is voluntarily submitting at all.
The identification of 'strong' Dominant and the inability of a submissive to find one who meets these self-created unattainable standards allows the submissive to evade taking the internal actions necessary to control themselves in order to offer themselves truly in submission.
A person who actively RESISTS direction or control is NOT submitting. Acting out with resistance is a demonstration that the individual has NOT overcome their internal resistance to external direction and control.
Some submissives believe that by yielding or 'rewarding' access to their physical body that they are offering to the recipient of that 'reward' their submission. To reward access WITHOUT yielding your inner (self) or ego to the voluntary acceptance of the will of another is NOT submission. It is to role play submission on the surface without real meaning or depth in the exchange. Such an offering is shallow and quite limited. Again this is often an action of defense based on fear of loss of control or exposure of emotional or mental vulnerability by the submissive.
Part of overcoming the defensive structures inside the mind of the submissive is the absolute necessity of the submissive to overcome their FEAR of releasing control to another.
Some submissives do not wish to release or submerge their egos through voluntary submission instead desiring to shift responsibility for their submission to a forcible or non-voluntary IMPOSITION of submission upon them thereby allowing them to save 'face' and shift the BLAME of their submission to the person who had IMPOSED that condition or state upon them.
Submission CANNOT be imposed. Control CAN be imposed or FORCED. Often through tools of intimidation, fear, pain, guilt or shame. We call this IMPOSITION of FORCE - ABUSE! This is a non-consensual action.
A submissive cannot escape personal responsibility for their submission. They must overcome the societal implications of perceived weakness of character and perverse or corrupt moral standards on their own. A submissive must overcome their feelings of shame and guilt for taking direct voluntary actions against the 'accepted' role of the 'independent successful human adult' as defined by the standards of outer society. It is important to consider that shame and guilt are tools used by religions, governments and communities to impose censure and through that censure CONTROL members of the community who no longer believe or follow the often rigid and limiting acceptable path of an adult within that community.
You punish the unusual through shunning, disparagement and expressed direct shame or humiliation. Any individual who defies or is able to ignore societal rules or controls becomes dangerous and perceived to be potentially beyond the control of that society. Such defiance causes FEAR.
The acknowledgement and acceptance of TOTAL responsibility for the submission of the self within is the first TRUE step that a submissive takes toward total submission and the offering of the self to the will and direction of another.
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submission
Getting Started
What is a submissive? How do you know if you even are a submissive? How does one learn to be a submissive? Here is my take on it...
What is a submissive?
A submissive/slave is generally one who enjoys being Dominated. This goes much deeper than that though...it is something in your heart and soul, a need to give over control and power, a need to please and serve, a need to give over the essence of yourself and trust someone else with your mind, heart, body, soul..and even your life. This is deep stuff...there is probably no greater release or rush than in truly giving submission.
Submissives are not doormats. We are not here to be abused. What we have to give...the gift of ourselves...should be cherished and looked after by the One we choose to give it to. You will find that most submissives are not weak willed at all...they are extremely strong women who know and appreciate their own strength and power and who know exactly what they are giving over when they submit.
Submissives actually have the true power in the relationship. A Dominant may do what He wills, but He has no power except that which the submissive gives Him. In play, He can only do what He wants within set limits, limits which have been previously agreed upon by B/both parties...and while a good Dom will take you places you have never been, He cannot do so past your own consent. The submissive always has the power to STOP any action by using a previously agreed upon SAFEWORD if the play ever gets past that which the submissive can handle.
Despite the Bondage/S&M factors, it is not about abuse or force. It is about a mutually satisfying power exchange that is SAFE, SANE and CONSENSUAL. Whatever happens within that relationship must be all three of these things, otherwise it may be classified as abuse. Many C/couples will draw up legal contracts to this end, and before formally committing to any D/s relationship, a contract of terms is a good idea. Click HERE to see an example of an o/l contract. If A/anyone has a copy of a r/l contract I can post, that would be great.
How do you know if you are a submissive?
Well, this is a good question, and I am not even sure I have the answer to it. I have seen signs of being a submissive in myself since before puberty even..but I did not know that that is what they were. I had to put together a lot of little clues to figure it out. If you like and enjoy being controlled and Dominated, then you have a submissive streak...whether you are a sub, switch, or just like to roleplay submission depends on how much you really want to give. There are varying degrees of submission, both o/l and in r/l.
How do you become a submissive? Well, the first thing you have to do is study and learn what your submission is. The more you know about submission and BDSM the more you will know about yourself, what you want and need to get out of BDSM, and the degree of submission you wish to practice. You must know yourself first, before you go getting involved with any Doms. I can't stress this enough. Would you drive a car without first learning how? How can you truly give your submission if you don't know what you are handing over? DON'T jump into an o/l BDSM relationship without first knowing what you are getting into. Your submission is a beautiful gift...if you value it, and yourself, you will give it to the One person who is right for your needs, not the first "Dom" who makes you kneel and offers you a collar.
HOW do you learn more?
You do this by talking to others, reading, and then reading some more. And I don't mean talking to the Dom who tried to pick you up in the gogo last night, either... the sad but true fact is that 90% of the Doms you will meet o/l haven't got a clue themselves; they are in it so they can type "kneel wench and suck my winky". The best people to talk to about submission are the other subs. A lot of the older subs you will meet while online are actually real life subs who come to the go-go to chat with their friends. They can give you a much better idea about submission and the BDSM lifestyle in general.
READ everything you can get your hands on. There are numerous good, informative sites to look at, as well as numerous books you can read...click HERE for a list of web links, books, and other useful resources.
TO EACH THEIR OWN
You will find that People hang out in the Go-Go for a variety of reasons, to fulfill different things in their life. What they practice and why is their business. Some people come here just to chat and be with their friends. Some are looking for r/l relationships, some are looking for o/l only relationships. You will find married people who practice o/l only, couples who each have their own separate o/l BDSM relationships, single people, older people, younger people...there is nothing wrong any variation as long as everyone is honest. I know one sub who was o/l so that she could learn and teach her husband. Some people live in remote areas and are simply unable to practice in r/l. Some enjoy o/l as an addition to a vanilla life. Some Masters have multiple subs, and some subs have multiple Doms... I personally think there is nothing wrong with any of this; to each their own; it is not my place to judge the kinks and practices of others. As long as they are honest with all parties, don't hurt others, and behave with honor, I could care less why they are here or what they are doing.
Now, what is acceptable subbie behavior in the Go-Go?
This checklist should be filled out by a Sub and provided to their Dom/Top before playing with them. This will provide a quick "head-start" to identifying limits, negotiating and finding common ground for play. Dominants may wish to work through the checklist, to get a better handle on their specific interests. Switches should go through the checklist twice; one persons Dom and Sub interests may be very different.
For each item, you need to provide two answers:
For experience, write YES or NO next to each item to indicate if you have ever DONE that activity. Mark N/A if it does not apply to your gender.
For willingness, indicate for each item how you feel about DOING that activity by rating it on a scale of NO or 0 to 5.
"?" means you don't understand what the item is attempting to describe.
NO means you will NOT do that item under any circumstances (a hard limit).
0 (zero) indicates you have utterly no desire to do that activity and don't like doing it (in fact, may loath it) and would ordinarily object to doing it, but you would permit the Dominant to do it if it they really wanted it. (sometimes called a "soft limit").
1 means you don't want to do or like to do this activity, but wouldn't object if it was asked of you.
2 means you are willing to do this activity, but it has no special appeal for you.
3 means you usually like doing this activity, at least on an irregular/ occasional basis.
4 means you like doing this activity, and would like to experience it on a regular basis.
5 means the activity is a wild turn-on for you, and you would like it as often as possible.
Mark with an asterisk (*) those items which you are willing to do only with your current sex partner(s), but not with casual play-partners.
Note any additional information or nuances which might be important for your Dom to know in the margin to the right. For example under diapers you might wish to distinguish between "wetting" and "soiling".
There is intentionally some overlap between categories. Unless otherwise stated, the Sub is the recipient/target of the activity.
Experience, Willingness Notes & Nuances
yes/no, NO or 0-5
Abrasion :
Age play :
Anal sex :
Anal plugs (small) :
Anal plugs (large) :
Anal plug (public, under clothes):
Animal roles :
Arm & leg sleeves (armbinders) :
Aromas :
Asphyxiation :
Auctioned for charity :
Ball stretching :
Bathroom use control :
Beastiality :
Beating (soft) :
Beating (hard) :
Blindfolds :
Being serviced (sexual) :
Being bitten :
Breast/chest bondage :
Breath control :
Branding :
Boot worship :
Bondage (light) :
Bondage (heavy) :
Bondage (multi-day) :
Bondage (public, under clothing) :
Breast whipping :
Brown showers (scat) :
Cages (locked inside of) :
Caning :
Castration fantasy :
Catheterization :
Cattle prod (electrical toy) :
Cells/Closets (locked inside of) :
Chains :
Chamber-pot use :
Chastity belts :
Chauffeuring :
Choking :
Chores (domestic service) :
Clothespins :
Cock rings/straps :
Cock worship :
Collars (worn in private) :
Collars (worn in public) :
Competitions (with other Subs) :
Corsets (wearing casually) :
Corsets (trained waist reduction):
Cross-dressing :
Cuffs (leather) :
Cuffs (metal) :
Cutting :
Diapers (wearing) :
Diapers (wetting) :
Diapers (soiling) :
Dilation :
Dildoes :
Double penetration :
Electricity :
Enemas (for cleansing) :
Eenmas (retention/punishment) :
Enforced chastity :
Erotic dance (for audience) :
Examinations (physical) :
Exercise (forced/required) :
Exhibitionism (friends) :
Exhibitionism (strangers) :
Eye contact restrictions :
Face slapping :
Fantasy abandonment :
Fantasy rape :
Fantasy gang-rape :
Fear (being scared) :
Fisting (anal) :
Fisting (vaginal) :
Flame play :
Following orders :
Food play (cucumbers, sorbet...) :
Foot worship :
Forced bedwetting :
Forced dressing :
Forced eating :
Forced homosexuality :
Forced heterosexuality :
Forced masturbation :
Forced nudity (private) :
Forced nudity (around others) :
Forced servitude :
Forced smoking :
Full head hoods :
Gags (cloth) :
Gags (inflatible) :
Gags (phallic) :
Gags (rubber) :
Gags (tape) :
Gas masks :
Gates of Hell (male) :
Genital sex :
Given away to another Dom (temp) :
Given away to another Dom (perm) :
Golden showers :
Gun play :
Hairbrush spankings :
Hair pulling :
Hand jobs (giving) :
Hand jobs (receiving) :
Harems (serving w/other subs) :
Harnessing (leather) :
Harnessing (rope) :
Having food chosen for you :
Having clothing chosen for you :
Head (give fellatio/cunnilingus) :
Head (rcv fellatio/cunnilingus) :
High heel wearing :
High heel worship :
Homage with tongue (non-sexual) :
Hoods :
Hot oils (on genitals) :
Hot waxing :
Housework (doing) :
Human puppy dog :
Humiliation (private) :
Humiliation (public) :
Hypnotism :
Ice cubes :
Immobilization :
Infantilism :
Initiation rites :
Injections :
Intricate (Japanese) rope bondage:
Interrogations :
Kidnapping :
Kneeling :
Knife play :
Leather clothing :
Leather restraints :
Lectures for misbehavior :
Licking (non-sexual) :
Lingerie (wearing) :
Manacles & Irons :
Manicures (giving) :
Massage (giving) :
Massage (receiving) :
Medical scenes :
Modeling for erotic photos :
Mouth bits :
Mummification :
Name change (for scene) :
Name change (legal, permanant) :
Nipple clamps :
Nipple rings (piercings) :
Nipple play/"torture" :
Nipple weights :
Oral/anal play (rimming) :
Over-the-knee spanking :
Orgasm denial :
Orgasm control :
Outdoor scenes :
Outdoor sex :
Pain (mild) :
Pain (medium) :
Pain (severe) :
Persona training (in scene) :
Personality modification (RL) :
Phone sex (serving Dom) :
Phone sex (serving Dom's friends):
Phone sex (commercial provider) :
Piercing (temporary, play-pierce):
Piercing (permanent) :
Plastic surgery :
Prison scenes :
Prostitution (public pretense) :
Prostitution (actual) :
Pony slave :
Public exposure :
Punishment Scene :
Pussy/cock whipping :
Pussy worship :
Riding crops :
Riding the "horse" (crotch tort.):
Rituals :
Religious scenes :
Restrictive rules on behavior :
Rubber/latex clothing :
Rope body harness :
Saran wrapping :
Scarification :
Scratching - getting :
Scratching - giving :
Sensory deprivation :
Serving :
Serving as art :
Serving as ashtray :
Serving as furniture :
Serving as a maid :
Serving as toilet (urine) :
Serving as toilet (feces) :
Serving as waitress/waiter :
Serving orally (sexual) :
Serving other doms (supervised) :
Serving other doms (unsupervised):
Sexual deprivation (short term) :
Sexual deprivation (long term) :
Shaving (body hair) :
Shaving (genital hair) :
Shaving (head hair) :
Skinny-dipping :
Sleep deprivation :
Sleepsacks :
Slutty clothing (private) :
Slutty clothing (public) :
Spandex clothing :
Spanking :
Speech restrictions (when, what) :
Speculums (Anal) :
Speculums (vaginal) :
Spitting :
Spreader bars :
Standing in corner :
Stocks :
Straight jackets :
Strap-on-dildos (sucking on) :
Strap-on-dildos (penetrated by) :
Strap-on-dildos (wearing) :
Strapping (full body beating) :
Suspension (upright) :
Suspension (inverted) :
Suspension (horizontal) :
Supplying new partners for Dom :
Swallowing feces :
Swallowing semen :
Swallowing urine :
Swapping (with one other couple) :
Swinging (multiple couples) :
Tampon Training (in ass) :
Tattooing :
Teasing :
TENS Unit (electrical toy) :
Thumbcuffs (metal) :
Tickling :
Triple penetration :
Urethral Sounds (metal rods) :
Uniforms :
Including others :
Vaginal dildo :
Verbal humiliation :
Vibrator on genitals :
Violet Wand (electricial toy) :
Voyeurism (watching others) :
Voyeurism (your Dom w/others) :
Video (watching others) :
Video (recordings of you) :
Water torture :
Waxing (hair removal) :
Wearing symbolic jewelery :
Weight gain (forced) :
Weight loss (forced) :
Whipping :
Wooden paddles :
Wrestling :
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Willingness quick-key:
? Don't understand this item.
* I will do with current sex partner only.
NO I WILL NOT DO that item under ANY circumstances (a hard limit).
0 No desire, don't like, will permit if special to Dom (a soft limit).
1 Don't want to do, but will.
2 Willing to do, but has no special appeal.
3 Usually LIKE doing, on an irregular/ occasional basis.
4 LIKE doing, would like it on a regular basis.
5 WILD TURN-ON, would like it as often as possible
BDSM Definitions
home > community > definitions BDSM Definitions....Dah Lingo!
Definitions used in D&S, B&D and S/M BDSM - (1) Umbrella term for activities of B&D, D&S, S&M (2) Boston Dungeon Society Member B&D - Bondage and Discipline. A subgroup within D&S which is largely involved in making the submissive physically helpless and applying stimuli which outside of a scene would be painful. See Bondage. See Discipline. Blood sports - A group of techniques in which the submissive's skin is broken and blood is allowed to escape. Since the advent of AIDS and the spread of hepatitis, interest in blood sports has declined and those who practice it have developed techniques to protect themselves. The most common blood sport is cutting. See Cutting. Bondage -A group of techniques for rendering a submissive physically helpless. These include rope ties, handcuffs and manacles, wrapping and mummification. See B&D. See Mummification. See Decorative binding. See Immobilization. Bottom - A submissive. CBT - Cock and ball torture. Cutting - A technique in which cuts are carefully made in the submissive's skin to produce an aesthetically pleasing pattern and stimulation to the submissive. The cuts are sometimes made into permanent markings by placing sterile foreign substances in them before they heal. See Blood sports. Decorative binding - Using rope or cord to compress or tie a portion of the body where struggle will not cause it to tighten or cut into the submissive. See Immobilization. Discipline - The application of stimuli which, outside of a scene, would be considered painful. Common discipline techniques are whipping, spanking and strapping. See B&D. Dominant - An individual who accepts the submissive's power and uses it for their mutual pleasure. See Sadist. Edgeplay - These are particularly dangerous D&S that are looked upon with some trepidation. Because there is no formal 'ruling body' in D&S, what is called edgeplay is up to the individual. Therefore, something that to one person might be considered edgeplay might not be edgeplay to another. Edgeplayer -A person takes part in edgeplay. Example: "The guy is a real edgeplayer; he's into heavy bloodsports and asphyxia." Go word - A signal by the submissive that everything is all right and you can continue with or increase the present level of stimulation. See Stop word See Slow word. Golden Showers - A humiliation technique where the dominant urinates on the submissive. Consumption of the urine may be part of this scene. Immobilization - Using rope or other bondage tools to render a submissive relatively helpless despite his or her struggles. See Decorative binding. Masochism - The ability to derive pleasure from pain. Derives from the writings of Leopold von SacherMasoch. See S&M. Panic snap - A linking device used with cable and chain that allows two lengths to be disconnected even when there is tension in the system. A safety device. S&M - Sadism and Masochism; A term often used to describe the D&S scene; however, it is falling into disrepute because it is both inaccurate (Dominants are not sadists.) and overly limited (All submissives are not masochists.). See Sadism. See Masochism. Sadist - An individual who enjoys causing pain in a nonconsensual manner or regardless of the presence of absence of consent. Derives from the writings of the Marquis de Sade. See S&M. Safe word -A word or phrase which permits the submissive to withdraw consent and terminate the scene at any point without endangering the illusion that the dominant is in complete control. See Slow word. See Go word. Scat - A slang term for scatophilia, taking pleasure in playing with and sometimes eating feces. While this is occasionally used as a means of humiliation, it presents a relatively severe health risk, not limited to AIDS and hepatitis. Slow word - A signal by the submissive that things are getting too intense and you should change or decrease the stimulation. See Safe word. See Go word. SAM - Smart Arsed Masochist. A pseudo submissive who attempts to control everything the dominant does. A term of contempt. Example: "She's cute and willing, but she's a real SAM; you will spend most of your time trying to keep her from telling you which whip to use and how to swing it." See 'Topping From the Bottom.' Scene (The) - The gamut of D&S activities and people considered as a whole. Example: "The scene contains some of the nicest people I have ever met." Scene (A) - An individual session of whatever duration where the participants are in their D&S roles. Example: "It was a tremendously hot scene last night when Master Jim waxed Lisa at The Vault." Slave - Often used interchangeably with submissive. However, generally reflecting a more intense level of submission or non-sexual or sexual-plus submission. For example, a slave might be someone who remains in a 24-hour-per-day submission and cooks, cleans and, otherwise, takes care of a dominant's house. See submissive Strapple - An elongated paddle with a bit more flex so that is something intermediate between a strap and a paddle. Submissive - An individual who gives up power in a D&S relationship for the mutual pleasure of those involved. Suspension - A set of techniques for suspending a submissive using ropes, webbing or chain so that no part of the body touches the floor. This is a highly specialized technique and great care must be used to prevent damage. Switch (Switchable) - A person who enjoys both the dominant and submissive roles. A switch may be dominant to one person and submissive with another or may be dominant or submissive with the same person at different times. Top - A dominant. Topping from the bottom - For a submissive to dictate the precise action in a scene. A term of contempt. Example: "She's cute and willing, but she's always topping from the bottom; you will spend most of your time trying to keep her from telling you which whip to use and how to swing it." See 'SAM' TT - Tit torture. The term applies to both males and females. Vanilla - Not in the scene. A term used to describe ordinary, conventional life both sexual and otherwise. While it can be used in a pejorative sense, it is more often used to distinguish between scene and non-scene activities and people. Example: "I have to be careful in my vanilla life that people don't find out that I'm a dominant." Definitions used in BDSM is a public service brought to you by Boston Dungeon Society for the greater BDSM community and is largely taken with permission from The Loving Dominant by John Warren. Each of us recalls the first steps into experiences of the lifestyle we here at BDS live and the feeling of not knowing all the lingo. We hope to make those first steps a bit easier for those who are now on the threshold. Comments please e-mail BDS Definitions Editor Be sure to mention Definitions in your correspondence.
Just for Fun! Bottom the one with her butt in the air and tongue hanging out Consensual agreeable to all involved Dominant power-hungry bitch Endorphins happy drugs released by the brain when you're in love, in pain, or eating chocolate Limits the point at which something fun becomes un-fun Masochist endorphin addict Negotiation exchanging info before a scene -- what you've done, what you might do, what's a definite no-no Novice new or inexperienced pervert Pervert a queer kind of queer Play Party SM sex party Rebel Bottom likes to make power-hungry bitches prove it Sadist gets all wet from making girls moan and scream Safe Word a pre-set word or signal that means "slow down" or "stop" -- useful if you like to scream "no" when you really mean "yes"! Scene a date or period of time set off for SM play Submissive likes to keep power-hungry bitches happy Switch enjoys topping and bottoming (not usually at the same time!) Top the Big Cheese; sports a nasty smile and nastier implements Vanilla good ol' egalitarian licking, sucking and fucking! Chris Bitch's Note: I did not write this my fellow kinksters, so please do not take heed in these words as they are just for kicks!
Some more laughs: Some frequently used abbreviations used in and around the BBS's and IRC. AFAIK As Far As I Know a.s.b alt.sex.bondage a.s.s alt.sex.spanking BTW By The Way CHUDWAH Clueless Heterosexual Dom Wannabe FAQ Frequently Asked Question(s) FWIW For What It's Worth FYI For Your Information GIF/JPEG Compression formats for digital pictures. HNG Horny Net Geek IMHO In My Humble Opinion IMNSHO In My Not-So-Humble Opinion IMX In My Experience IRC Internet Relay Chat LOL Laughing Out Loud MMF Make Money Fast, the Usenet's infamous chain-letter MOTAS/OS/SS Member of the Appropriate Sex/ Opposite Sex/ Same sex OTOH On The Other Hand PISS Passive Ignorance Silence Strike RL Real Life ROTFL(MAO) Rolling On The Floor Laughing (My Ass Off) RTFM Read the F***ing Manual SO Significant Other WIITWD What it is that We Do WTH What The Heck/Hell WRT With Respect To YKINOK Your Kink is not OK YKIOKIJNMK Your Kink is OK, It's Just not My Kink YMMV Your Milage may Vary 24/7 24 hours, 7 days/week, full time [g]grin [bg] big grin [eg] evil grin [veg] very evil grin
Rules for subs
1.Be patient!A potential top will let you know if she or he is interested in you or not. Keep in mind that
your purpose as a submissive is to serve and to satisfy someone who will take into
consideration the realization of your fantasies. Don't expect your top to be able to turn on
like a light switch. The timing must be right for both of you.
2.Be humble. You may be God's or Goddess' gift to the world and the most sought after prize in town,
but no one needs to hear it or wants to hear it. You will have ample opportunity to show how
good you are. No matter what you claim, the "real you" will show through in a scene.
Don't set yourself up for failure by developing expectations that you know you and your
top can never reach.
3.Be open. You can learn something about SM and about yourself from everyone into the scene, no
matter how experienced or inexperienced they are, or how dominant or submissive they are. SM
is a very personal art, and an "I already know it all" attitude will make you miss valuable SM
lesson and experiences, and ignore potentially valuable SM friends.
4.Communicate!Verbalization is necessary, but at the appropriate time and in the appropriate way.
Your top needs to know basic information about you, such as experiences, fantasies,
health concerns, and turn-offs. But - unless it's an emergency - wait until your top asks.
Don't expect your dominant to be a mind-reader who instinctively knows your needs,
wants, and limits. Your cooperation will enhance the scene for both of you.
5.Be honest. Don't be afraid to share your needs and fantasies. Your dominant expects it. Honesty
about your wants, health concerns, and turn-offs is essential to a good scene. Lying or being
less than candid can only lead to problems, as the top will base the scene on inaccurate
information. Besides causing problems, it can be dangerous.
6.Be vulnerable. Your scene is a two-way street. It is not just the physical realization of your prior
fantasies. If you want to limit your experience to certain physical and psychological
stimulation, then contract with your top ahead of time. But don't always expect your top to
be a puppet in a fantasy play you've written in your head. It's far better to let your top
surprise you, to enxtend your limits, to take you to places you're never been before. When
you trust your top completely, let her or him know it, and let him orher guide you into new
fantasies.
7.Be realistic. Your dominant is human, and even the most experienced tops have moments of
awkwardness and indecision. Don't call attention to what you perceive as a lapse. Know the
difference between reality and the fantasy world you see in books and magazines. Few tops
are rich enough to afford a large dungeon with a lavish layout of equipment. Your top's
equipment is expensive - respect it and don't abuse it.
8.Be really submissive!This is the whole point. Let your dominant take you over completely. Don't
coach or second guess or be critical of your top. Exchange information on
your special needs before the scene starts, but once it starts be quiet! If you
insist on running a scene to your own specifications, then you should try being
a top. You have agreed to limitations of your own power. Stay within those
limitations. Respect and obey your top and expect punishment if you don't.
Accept it gracefully and cheerfully. Your top has many things tobe concerned
with, including your safety and what turns you on. Be loyal and dependable
and enjoy your role.
9.Be healthy! SM, like any strenuous activity, requires that its participants - both active and passive -
be in top physical and emotional health. The amount you sleep, your eating habits, your
alcohol and drug intake, and everyday stress affect your response and endurance during a
scene. Your dominant needs to know when your physical or emotional energy is low. No
matter how tempting a scene sounds, an "I want it all now" attitude when you aren't able
to give your all will leave both of you feeling let down. You serve yourdominant and
yourself best by staying healthy.
10.Have fun! After all, sex is all about having a good time. You have earned and you are entitled to the
W
A Corporate Exec Bitch Pup Speaks On Submission
submissive Articles
Author: essence^
Date: 03 May 1999
Article
In BDSM circles, both in real life and cyberspace, submission is often spoken of in metaphors. Some of the common phases used for submission are gift, power exchange or subspace: these inexact terms can seem mystical and for someone new to the idea or the BDSM lifestyle they are confusing to say the least. It is important to be realistic about your expectations regarding your submission and to understand what it is you are offering your partner. Lets start with some definitions of what a submissive is:
The dictionary definition of the adjective submissive and its' root word submit:
sub·mis·sive (seb-m?? adjective
Inclined or willing to submit. 1
sub·mit (seb-m?) verb
1. To yield or surrender (oneself) to the will or authority of another.
2. To subject to a condition or process.
3. To commit (something) to the consideration or judgment of another.
verb, intransitive
1. To give in to the authority, power, or desires of another..
2. To allow oneself to be subjected to something.
[Middle English submitten, from Latin submittere, to set under : sub-, sub- + mittere, to cause to go.] 2
You can not speak of submission without including D/s, Dominance and BDSM, these terms are inter-linked and important in understanding just what submission is.
A D/s relationship consists of two or more consenting adults who compare favorably on a direction for their relationship. In this relationship one of the partners will take the dominant or controlling role, and the other partner, the submissive or controlled role. Just like in any other relationship, it is a two way street: However, to outsiders it probably does not seem so. Each has different needs, as defined by their role as Dom or sub; each is satisfied in different ways. However, they are dependent on each other to satisfy their own needs. This relationship is usually codified in a contract, which specifies the roles, limits and responsibilities of the parties involved.
Although the submissive's role appears to be somewhat elementary, in actuality, the sub plays a large role in shaping the D/s relationship. The sub's fundamental responsibility is to follow her Dom's directions and to please the Dom. Additionally, the submissive needs to be patient, open and vulnerable, humble, honest, truly submissive and above all realistic. 3
"The sub is the Dom's companion, his student, and his lover." 4 As a companion to the Dom the sub is allowed to share in the Dom's activities, voice opinions and place limits on behaviors as set by mutual agreement of both parties. The Dom should treat the sub with respect, honesty and dignity. As the Dom's student, the sub learns about the Dom, how to please him or her and hopefully more about themselves in the process. The sub expects to be shown the right way to act and rewarded if they please the Dom and to be corrected if they do not. As a lover, the sub will want to please the Dom because they earnestly care for the Dom's well being and because they derive pleasure from doing so. The sub does this, not out of fear of pain or retribution, but because they want to give the Dom pleasure.
The most complete, straightforward D/s definition of submission I have found is:
"Submission is the act of surrendering some or all of ones personal power to another person. It's allowing someone else to control your body and behavior within certain preset limits. This must be a willing act on the part of the submissive or the boundaries of abuse have been crossed. The methods and levels of submission are infinite. Each person must decide how much and how far this exchange of power will go but the rules of "safe, sane and consensual" must always apply." 5
Expressing your submissive nature can be one of the most powerful opportunities to find the deepest levels of trust, power and the intimacy. It is the preeminent expression of who you are. Learn all you can about it from published articles and don't be afraid to ask questions from other trusted submissive and dominant. Ultimately, there is no wrong or right… it is your journey. May it be a good one.
To Submit: ...to overcome resistance to direction and yield one(self) to the will of another
Submission is an action of personal strength. To overcome internal resistance the submissive must control their desire or need to maintain personal control in the creation and delivery of all personal decisions. They must overcome the need to express or deliver their personal judgment as the basis for creating, directing and taking self action. They must overcome their desire to ACT defensively through CHALLENGE and directed conflict when exposed to the direction of another. As part of this process they must also submerge their ego to allow them to follow or accept direction from another without fear of loss of face, status or worth.
To yield is to 'reward' through the offering of the inner self to the direction or will of another. This 'gift' is the non-resistance or need of conflict TO direction and external control.
Resistance is usually based on FEAR of loss. That loss may be the perception of ego or self, loss of control, loss of independence, loss of status and loss of perceived personal value or worth.
There are some 'new' submissives who believe that they need a 'strong' Dominant to conquer or externally overcome their resistance to direction and control. This implies an action of external 'force' upon the submissive. A violent, compulsion or constraint exerted AGAINST a person. Such an action implies that the (self) of the submissive is not consenting to direction but in fact resisting or overtly acting in opposition to the acceptance of voluntary direction by another person. Non-consensual FORCE violates one of the primary tenants of the BDSM community and factually negates that the 'submissive' is voluntarily submitting at all.
The identification of 'strong' Dominant and the inability of a submissive to find one who meets these self-created unattainable standards allows the submissive to evade taking the internal actions necessary to control themselves in order to offer themselves truly in submission.
A person who actively RESISTS direction or control is NOT submitting. Acting out with resistance is a demonstration that the individual has NOT overcome their internal resistance to external direction and control.
Some submissives believe that by yielding or 'rewarding' access to their physical body that they are offering to the recipient of that 'reward' their submission. To reward access WITHOUT yielding your inner (self) or ego to the voluntary acceptance of the will of another is NOT submission. It is to role play submission on the surface without real meaning or depth in the exchange. Such an offering is shallow and quite limited. Again this is often an action of defense based on fear of loss of control or exposure of emotional or mental vulnerability by the submissive.
Part of overcoming the defensive structures inside the mind of the submissive is the absolute necessity of the submissive to overcome their FEAR of releasing control to another.
Some submissives do not wish to release or submerge their egos through voluntary submission instead desiring to shift responsibility for their submission to a forcible or non-voluntary IMPOSITION of submission upon them thereby allowing them to save 'face' and shift the BLAME of their submission to the person who had IMPOSED that condition or state upon them.
Submission CANNOT be imposed. Control CAN be imposed or FORCED. Often through tools of intimidation, fear, pain, guilt or shame. We call this IMPOSITION of FORCE - ABUSE! This is a non-consensual action.
A submissive cannot escape personal responsibility for their submission. They must overcome the societal implications of perceived weakness of character and perverse or corrupt moral standards on their own. A submissive must overcome their feelings of shame and guilt for taking direct voluntary actions against the 'accepted' role of the 'independent successful human adult' as defined by the standards of outer society. It is important to consider that shame and guilt are tools used by religions, governments and communities to impose censure and through that censure CONTROL members of the community who no longer believe or follow the often rigid and limiting acceptable path of an adult within that community.
You punish the unusual through shunning, disparagement and expressed direct shame or humiliation. Any individual who defies or is able to ignore societal rules or controls becomes dangerous and perceived to be potentially beyond the control of that society. Such defiance causes FEAR.
The acknowledgement and acceptance of TOTAL responsibility for the submission of the self within is the first TRUE step that a submissive takes toward total submission and the offering of the self to the will and direction of another.
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