SPOILERS!!! Star Wars the Force Awakens has something for everyone

[LJ_Reloaded]

as far as Social Justice is concerned.

For those who want to see more black main characters in sci-fi films, there's Finn, the black guy who isn't a fucking bitch out turncoat the way Lando Calrissian turned on Han Solo. And he dinged up the main villain with a lightsaber in a fight he should have died 5 seconds into, but didn't.

Anti-war people will love how Finn lined up with his fellow troops to massacre a village of civilians, but never opened fire. The whole damned thing made him sick to his stomach and led to his defection.

For those looking for women main characters who pass the sexy lamp tests, Rey is an absolute slam dunk. Feminists will dig her, and especially the GRRL POWAHHH crowd will fucking orgasm at the sight of her mind-tricking a stormtrooper with zero Force training and then literally physically overpowering and then beating the main villain Kylo Ren like a fucking rug. But she also wasn't a Mary Sue.

Men's rights activists will love the fact that she didn't emasculate Finn for not being on her level. In fact she had his back 9,000 percent. That part after they got done waxing the asses of some TIE Fighters in the Millennium Falcon was some shit you gotta see again, and again, and again. Then when Finn wanted to make a run for the dark corners of the galaxy and abandon everyone, she had his back again, begging him to stay. Rey is not the kind of woman to abandon men - or droids - in distress. In a way she's the ultimate class of feminist character - depending on your definition of feminism.

If you are a shitlord who's got it in for women, well there's Stormtrooper Captain Phasma. The over-hyped 6'3" actress from Game of Thrones never took off her mask, was a domineering bully who actually helped drive Finn into quitting his job as an evil mook, and when Rey, Finn and the gang captured her, she pulled off the most cowardly move that has ever been seen in science fiction: at gunpoint, she turned off the shields protecting the new Death Star 3.0. Yup, it fell to a woman authority figure to fail to take one for the team to protect her pseudo-empire's greatest asset, and sentence millions of her fellow compatriots to death. (Personally I'd like to whack JJ Abrams on the nose with a newspaper for how he did Phasma.)

If you are a shitlord who's got it in for men, well there's Kylo Ren. Nuff said.

Oh, and if you're Hispanic, there's Poe, the badass X-Wing pilot who racked up kills like he was the Red Baron. There are female X-Wing pilots and an Asian dude who is a commander working with General Leia. The Asian dude was played by someone who was in the "Lost" TV series. There was even a new Porkins, and he didn't seem to die.

What Star Wars didn't have anything for was white men. The main white male villain was a tantrum throwing idiot who killed the other major white male character. Star Wars also didn't have anything for racists. Homophobes might breathe a sigh of relief, though, as there were no gay characters. Yet.

Star Wars pulled off a feat of sci-fi diversity that in my opinion will set a new standard. And it's the only movie I liked as much as Mad Max Fury Road. I'm headed out to go see it again today. Ciao!

 

[AngeloMichael]

Who says Rey had zero force training? I mean it's possible that's how her character's story will go but not likely.

Seemed pretty clear her memory had been messed with and she did have training and it was coming back to her the more she was exposed to it through Ren and in dire situations.

 

[benjamin96]

star wars is going to get destroyed by BvS.
heck, even jurassic world had a bigger opening weekend than star wars!

 

[AngeloMichael]

star wars is going to get destroyed by BvS.
heck, even jurassic world had a bigger opening weekend than star wars!

The Force Awakens Pretty Much Broke Every Box Office Record But One.
http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat..._the_box_office_record_for_best_domestic.html

Coming into the weekend, there was little doubt that Star Wars: The Force Awakens would make all the money. But how much is all the money, exactly? $238 million in North America, and $517 million worldwide. That is all the money.


The former number is enough to handily shatter the record for biggest-ever domestic opening, which was previously held by Jurassic World ($209 million). Other records the film Force-choked into oblivion: biggest single-day gross ($120.5 million), biggest December opening, and biggest theater average for a wide release ($57,568).


And yet the film will not, it seems, snag the record for biggest global debut of all time, a failure you can blame on China and the universal appeal of dinosaurs. Jurassic World opened to $525 million worldwide, largely because it screened in the world’s most populous country, and second-largest movie market, on its very first weekend; The Force Awakens doesn’t premiere there until January.

The only record BvS is going to shatter is for a March opening.
Otherwise it will be beat by Civil War in May.
And BvS is going to suck donkey balls.

And I'm a DC fanboy saying this.

 

[LJ_Reloaded]

star wars is going to get destroyed by BvS.
heck, even jurassic world had a bigger opening weekend than star wars!

See that red beam streaking across the sky? That's Sad Batman, Wonder Woman and Superman all being annihilated. And there's five of those beams coming.

On a side note, I forgot, ANIME FANS will have a good reason to watch this show, too, because that fucking Starkiller station was some shit straight outta Space Cruiser Yamato's darkest nightmares. I could probably fly American Airlines around that planet, native tribes could evolve on that fucker, and not ever discover that it was actually an active duty star-eating WTF OMFG multi planet killer.

And then Captain Phasma went and turned off the shields...

 

[borisk]

The movie was entertaining but come the fuck on!

When I first saw the planet, images of tie fighters flying through trenches. You would think on the 3rd attempt they would find and fix the Achilles heal. Again there just happens to be a soft spot... on the surface!

Kylo Ren voice when he had his darth vader helmet on was like fingers on a chalk board. When he took the helmet off for the first time I was waiting for porn music to start.

I guess the cantina is a chain of bars across the galaxy

I didn't like how Finn story played out. At first we think he is a seasoned fighter who pussies out, but for some dumb ass reason he is taken off sanitation to go fight? WTF, at least fill in the blanks.

 

[M. Jordan]

The movie was entertaining but come the fuck on!

When I first saw the planet, images of tie fighters flying through trenches. You would think on the 3rd attempt they would find and fix the Achilles heal. Again there just happens to be a soft spot... on the surface!

Kylo Ren voice when he had his darth vader helmet on was like fingers on a chalk board. When he took the helmet off for the first time I was waiting for porn music to start.

I guess the cantina is a chain of bars across the galaxy

I didn't like how Finn story played out. At first we think he is a seasoned fighter who pussies out, but for some dumb ass reason he is taken off sanitation to go fight? WTF, at least fill in the blanks.

I really liked it but seemed like a lot of really old plot lines being rejuvenated. Sort of a "Best of" movie.

 

[lovecraft68]

I really liked it but seemed like a lot of really old plot lines being rejuvenated. Sort of a "Best of" movie.

That's what you get when you've been milking a series for close to 40 years.

 

[borisk]

One cool thing I learned today is the holo chess apparently picks up where the last game ended, and the winner/looser are reversed. Have to wait for the release to verify it.

This came from Tested interview with the original creator of the stop motion was hired to create the scene.

 

[benjamin96]

The Force Awakens Pretty Much Broke Every Box Office Record But One.
http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat..._the_box_office_record_for_best_domestic.html




The only record BvS is going to shatter is for a March opening.
Otherwise it will be beat by Civil War in May.
And BvS is going to suck donkey balls.

And I'm a DC fanboy saying this.

You could be God and it wouldn't make you right, as Marvel is doomed vs the biggest event in superhero history. Doomed. BvS will shatter everything you've ever known....BTW, I bet you didn't see Jurassic World coming either....

 

[SilvaTungDevil]

Homophobes might breathe a sigh of relief, though, as there were no gay characters. Yet.

I think that new droid had a little sugar in his tank, if you know what I mean!

 

[LairOfTheCougar]

Best Star Wars movie I've seen in thirty-some years. Really its the first one (the only one I really truly liked) redone with cooler effects and a more franchisy feel to it. It's a fine way to kill a couple of hours and it won't make you think. One of the very few 3D movies I've seen that truly use the 3D to good effect.

It's not like it's 90 minutes of Jar-Jar's ass farting or anything like that, it's a pretty decent movie.

A number of the characters sort of had motivations. I did especially like Fin turning. That was a nice touch I thought. Though it would have been nice to have some more insight into his former comrades and how they reacted to it.
I mean beyond shouting "Traitor!" and then not shooting him where he stands.

As for spoilers I can't really think of anything that wasn't predictable, except maybe that one thing and I kind of thought that might happen anyway. I did entertain thoughts that it might go the other way, but that would have been novel and unexpected, so no luck there.







So anyway
WARNING!! WARNING!! WARNING!!
SPOILERS!! SPOILERS!! SPOILERS!!!

Imagine thousands of Ridley Scott rotating warning lights and a recorded voice counting down the seconds you have left.

There are TIE fighters.

There are X-wings.

A couple of Battle Britain style dogfights, pretty cool ones actually and as a change they mostly take place inside an atmosphere. Kind of harms the TIE fighter disbelief with that one, but what the fuck. Its Star Wars, you're not supposed to think. That would be the other 'Star' thing.

Stormtroopers STILL cannot shoot for shit. Thirty goddamn years of being crack and elite and crack and secret crack elite uber DeltaSealSASSpetznaz badass muthas and they cannot nail one goddamn untrained ragass rebel.

Darth Vader 2 is a whiney goddamn little emo bitch child. But we do get to see his teen heartthrob, Byronic sensitive face and long black gothy hair.
His turn ons include long walks on the beach, cutting himself, force choking generals who look like they just graduated high school, being insecure and the power of the dark side.
Turn offs: being even the least bit competent at his life's work.

The bad guys put all of their resources into one singular enormous, insanely powerful, poorly defended, wunderwaffer asset. That is easily destroyed leaving them pretty fucked. Apparently they didn't get it the first two times.

They can built self aware fully intelligent machines, but not actually use them for anything. Except exposition and apparently ballast in X-wings.

Mark Hamill does NOT have a bitchin Corvette. Or any lines.

And my official plotline speculation. Drum roll, if you please.
The scavenger girl Ray is almost definitely Skywalker's daughter. Now as for the mother, you heard it here first, place your bets now, the DNA results will be here right after this commercial break, it's Jar Jar!

 

[Aella_]

I liked it too, but more as a "study aid" (kept the movie going so that I don't die of boredom during my reading).

Nevertheless, I don't understand why people are so crazy for 'Star Trek', yet they never mention the 'Battlestar Galactica' 2004-2008 series?

Those are more geared tw. adults, and they have a better plot and special effects. Plus a couple of hot actors.

 

[LairOfTheCougar]

I liked it too, but more as a "study aid" (kept the movie going so that I don't die of boredom during my reading).

Nevertheless, I don't understand why people are so crazy for 'Star Trek', yet they never mention the 'Battlestar Galactica' 2004-2008 series?

Those are more geared tw. adults, and they have a better plot and special effects. Plus a couple of hot actors.

Eh, they are really totally different beasts. Trek was about what humanity could be if they like fucking applied themselves and grew up, plus big ideas, some of the times anyway. BSG (which was excellent BTW) was about humans facing the worst situations possible and behaving the way humans usually do in those situations. Very dark, grim and gritty and intense. It didn't really create much of a universe to explore and EVERYBODY dies. Plus Trek has been around a lot longer and is more influential whereas BSG isn't nearly as widely known.
Then there was that deal with whole last season or so. It got kind of weird.
Trek is pretty much the standard comparison, or Dr. Who if you want to be that way.

Farscape, (also quite good) again, not as widely known. It did create a really cool universe, but no real big ideas, mostly people trying to stay alive and not shank each other. Also it did kind of get a little off the rails in later seasons.


Firefly, kick ass to be sure, but again mostly people just trying to get by. It's universe was, by design, empty and hostile. Didn't last long enough to really get going.



Of course everybody knows that that Blake's 7 is better than all of them put together, so there.

 

[LJ_Reloaded]

The scavenger girl Ray is almost definitely Skywalker's daughter. Now as for the mother, you heard it here first, place your bets now, the DNA results will be here right after this commercial break, it's Jar Jar!

My money is on this dude's speculation. 50,000 Quatloos!