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So this isn't an "am pic" post - it's personal - but I feel like this is my own little spot in these threads so here I come to vent.
I became friends with a man over a year ago through these forums. He and I became very close and I shared personal details of my life with him. One of these being that I'm married and the other being that I have a child.
For those of you who have befriended me over the past couple years, this is not news to you as these are not details that I hide. In short, my marriage is crap. There are several things that led to this situation but in the end we live like roommates and are far from being in love. Life is expensive and complicated - especially when you have a child. Divorce is certainly in my future, as I desperately want to finally be happy - to find "the one". But as I get finances in order so that I can adequately care for myself and my daughter, I am still married to my husband.
I don't like to label myself as a cheater - but I know that's what I am. It's not something I make a habit of or something I take lightly. I don't get off on cheating. More so than physical - I've emotionally cheated a few times. I know every "cheater" has their reason and mine really falls to finding a connection.
So back to the friend I made on here...
He disappeared for several months and reappeared back tonight. He assumed I had divorced by now - I wish I had, but no. When he found out I was still married, this is the reaction I get:
"...you disgusting leech of a selfish excuse for a woman. Seriously. You should be thrown in hell. It makes me sick that people like you even exist."
(There was more but you get the point...)
What people who aren't in situations like mine don't understand is that life sucks. (I sure we all know that). Life puts us in situations that aren't black and white. Life makes us choose between seeing something as 50% good or 50% bad. Sometimes you make choices that aren't perfect but are what you have to do to keep your head above water. And yes, the stabing pain of loneliness feels like you're drowning.
So am I really that awful? I know cheating is wrong, but when neither party is in love and are just moving through the motions, is what I'm doing that bad? And mind you, I'm the bread winner this house so I'm not exactly "leeching". But maybe I am...maybe I'm just a horrible person that really does deserve hell - or at least "friends"like this guy.
(Stepping off my soapbox) Thanks for letting me vent....
Let me give you the ONLY New Year's Resolution you ever need... Be Happy!
Do whatever it takes for you to be happy. If that means living in your current situation for now while looking for a better guy, just do it. And cut the negative people out of your life who don't support you in doing what it takes to be happy.
It will be tough, but you will be better for it. I wish you all the best. Just know that there *is* someone out there for you, you just have to find him!
Thank you so much for the advice. But I will say, it's not that I'm waiting to find Mr. Right to change my situation - I just choose to keep my heart open while I work on what I need to do before leaving.
Guy sounds like a douche that isn't in touch with your feelings and needs. And isn't that what you're trying to escape? You're probably better off without him.
So this isn't an "am pic" post - it's personal - but I feel like this is my own little spot in these threads so here I come to vent.
I became friends with a man over a year ago through these forums. He and I became very close and I shared personal details of my life with him. One of these being that I'm married and the other being that I have a child.
For those of you who have befriended me over the past couple years, this is not news to you as these are not details that I hide. In short, my marriage is crap. There are several things that led to this situation but in the end we live like roommates and are far from being in love. Life is expensive and complicated - especially when you have a child. Divorce is certainly in my future, as I desperately want to finally be happy - to find "the one". But as I get finances in order so that I can adequately care for myself and my daughter, I am still married to my husband.
I don't like to label myself as a cheater - but I know that's what I am. It's not something I make a habit of or something I take lightly. I don't get off on cheating. More so than physical - I've emotionally cheated a few times. I know every "cheater" has their reason and mine really falls to finding a connection.
So back to the friend I made on here...
He disappeared for several months and reappeared back tonight. He assumed I had divorced by now - I wish I had, but no. When he found out I was still married, this is the reaction I get:
"...you disgusting leech of a selfish excuse for a woman. Seriously. You should be thrown in hell. It makes me sick that people like you even exist."
(There was more but you get the point...)
What people who aren't in situations like mine don't understand is that life sucks. (I sure we all know that). Life puts us in situations that aren't black and white. Life makes us choose between seeing something as 50% good or 50% bad. Sometimes you make choices that aren't perfect but are what you have to do to keep your head above water. And yes, the stabing pain of loneliness feels like you're drowning.
So am I really that awful? I know cheating is wrong, but when neither party is in love and are just moving through the motions, is what I'm doing that bad? And mind you, I'm the bread winner this house so I'm not exactly "leeching". But maybe I am...maybe I'm just a horrible person that really does deserve hell - or at least "friends"like this guy.
(Stepping off my soapbox) Thanks for letting me vent....
Guy sounds like a douche that isn't in touch with your feelings and needs. And isn't that what you're trying to escape? You're probably better off without him.
That is very true. He was a good friend in the past but I've already said my goodbyes.
That is very true. He was a good friend in the past but I've already said my goodbyes.
So where did this guy disappear too....did he say he was leaving the site? l don't think there is anything wrong with chatting and looking for compassion on here...Like someone else said a few posts up....a lot of people are in a loveless marriage....people stay in a marriage for a lot of reasons. Kids is number one. Finances is a second....l really want to know where this guy went for a few months. If he was into you then he would understand your situation.
That is very true. He was a good friend in the past but I've already said my goodbyes.
There's some saying about it being easy to be good friends when things are good. Sometimes those people can turn on you in a second when things stop being favorable for them.
That sums up most of my relationships.
So this isn't an "am pic" post - it's personal - but I feel like this is my own little spot in these threads so here I come to vent.
I became friends with a man over a year ago through these forums. He and I became very close and I shared personal details of my life with him. One of these being that I'm married and the other being that I have a child.
For those of you who have befriended me over the past couple years, this is not news to you as these are not details that I hide. In short, my marriage is crap. There are several things that led to this situation but in the end we live like roommates and are far from being in love. Life is expensive and complicated - especially when you have a child. Divorce is certainly in my future, as I desperately want to finally be happy - to find "the one". But as I get finances in order so that I can adequately care for myself and my daughter, I am still married to my husband.
I don't like to label myself as a cheater - but I know that's what I am. It's not something I make a habit of or something I take lightly. I don't get off on cheating. More so than physical - I've emotionally cheated a few times. I know every "cheater" has their reason and mine really falls to finding a connection.
So back to the friend I made on here...
He disappeared for several months and reappeared back tonight. He assumed I had divorced by now - I wish I had, but no. When he found out I was still married, this is the reaction I get:
"...you disgusting leech of a selfish excuse for a woman. Seriously. You should be thrown in hell. It makes me sick that people like you even exist."
(There was more but you get the point...)
What people who aren't in situations like mine don't understand is that life sucks. (I sure we all know that). Life puts us in situations that aren't black and white. Life makes us choose between seeing something as 50% good or 50% bad. Sometimes you make choices that aren't perfect but are what you have to do to keep your head above water. And yes, the stabing pain of loneliness feels like you're drowning.
So am I really that awful? I know cheating is wrong, but when neither party is in love and are just moving through the motions, is what I'm doing that bad? And mind you, I'm the bread winner this house so I'm not exactly "leeching". But maybe I am...maybe I'm just a horrible person that really does deserve hell - or at least "friends"like this guy.
(Stepping off my soapbox) Thanks for letting me vent....
That sums up most of my relationships.
Very little in a relationship is clear cut and simple. Shit happens. If your "friend" isn't willing to be as patient with you as you need him to be, he isn't the guy for you. He just weeded himself out of the selection process. You are better off knowing what you now know even though it hurts a lot. It obviously could have been much worse. Imagine what would have happened if you had gotten further invested into a "real life" relationship and something stressful happened? He did you a favor by exposing his true character when he did, no matter how much it hurts now.Beyond being "into me" he truly was a friend. I didn't ask him where he went (his personal ad post pretty much summed it up) but he expected me to "grow some balls" in his absence and get a divorce.