REBIRTH series feedback thread

[Wraiter]

Hi,

I'm working on my first novel. It started as a short story with admiration of the sexy look of a pregnant woman in mind.

https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=6234155&page=submissions

The usual "what if..." for a fictional story was in this case: "What if a woman could have the body, the emotions, and the psychological state of pregnancy, without taking a child to term? And what if a person could have a birth-like experience and be fully aware of it? And what if this would be combined?"

Not everybody will see the erotic component in this setting, but I think a few will see it.

It contains explicit descriptions of sexual activities, and in addition, of medical experiments, insertion of objects and ejecting them, huge models of functional female genitalia, activities between girls for fun, girls exploring male and female bodies out of curiosity, lactating breasts. And of course, pregnant sex activities, even if just simulated. Sometimes these topics are mixed.

About the writing: I'm not a native English speaker and I wrote this story with international readers in mind. Therefore, I try to keep an easy-to-read and understand language.

Today, as I'm starting this thread, part 5 (Day 04) was published. I am still working on the following parts and would be very happy about constructive feedback.

Have a nice read!

 

[greg50]

I posted a comment on Rebirth - Day 4 as greg72 but it seems you want people to post hear instead so will repeat the comment.
There was no point to Erdmann beyond the standard asshole / pervert character abusing their position of power / authority.
The storyline between Jason and the girls could be a major plotline or a loose end / distraction depending on how you deal with Doris and her reaction to the embrace at the end of the chapter.
This will affect the sexual relationship between Doris and Cooper which could impact the interaction between him and Catherine.
Then there is Sarah. The ending of 37 opens all kinds of storylines between her and Catherine.
Additional
I am the Greg who sent you private feedback.

 

[Wraiter]

Still working on Day 05. Some preview:



"I call it ‘shaving game’. For us, it's a familiar full-body grooming experience. For you, it will probably feel unfamiliar and new, but I'm sure you'll like it."

"Now I'm excited too. We've never played this as a game before!" Melly looked genuinely surprised.

"Yes, that's right,” Linda continued. “But I wanted it to be fun and exciting for all of us. I have two boxes here with little pieces of paper. On one is one of our names. On the other, a body part. When you draw another person's name, you get to take care of their named body part. When you draw your own name, you get to choose who takes care of yours. And if the part is already done, the piece of paper comes back. I hope I didn't miscount, in the end, everyone should be fully groomed and taken care of."