MarcDwayne
Novice
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2023
- Posts
- 30
I would really agree if I was tackling a 750 word sprint. However, and for whatever reason, the story got very descriptive and the set up in part one admittedly plodding. A bit of a Loving Wive's cliche.That's five hundred words of close introspection, but it's passive, nothing's really happening. The guy's got out of bed, obviously numbed because Melissa's gone (but it's five hundred words before we know her name), and there's coffee. But that's about it, story wise.
You've got to grab your reader's attention right from the very first sentence, but your opener is like a monologue from Marvin the Paranoid Android.
How about you turn it around, and use that last sentence as your first? You'll be into your story straight away, and I won't have to read through five hundred words of not much going on, before I get to it.
However, this is not very uncommon in many of the long format stories I have read here. I am a very visual writer, trying to set place and time ..
Now - saying all of this, I know this story is unruly large - but there is madness in the making. I learned a great deal and by part two, the quest for pace was discovered.
I am a fan of some of the larger works here. Of authors that take time to paint pictures for me.
If you read my expert - I created space, I hinted at addiction, betrayal, and catching someone in the act in the very setting I open with. You can do this with one sentence - but why not paint a bigger picture?
I do appreciate this and I can assure you, the next story will be tiny in comparison.
The ultimate question is should I publish or trash it ... flaws and all?
Maybe I am Marvin after all.