46n2
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2021
- Posts
- 437
I had a shitty Mom.
She’s an amazing person. All sorts of different and varying things all at once. If you are a woman you will enjoy her (she might not like you though). She was and did a lot of things that other women might not be brave enough to approach at the time (little bit of Jane Fonda in her; in my mother. Just a little bit. Well, a fair amount, I suppose). Plenty inventive, my mother.
She was brave.
But not brave enough.
Never understood what it means to birth a son. Or what that’s all about. In her mind, it seems, I was supposed to be this thing that gave her some more of what she might want. It never occurred to her that I might be a thing all on my own. I am a thing - beyond her. And she needs to nurture THAT.
-I remember a time… you’ll forgive me for being kinda loaded right now… I was sitting near the edge of the waves in Mexico, a Margarita in my hand. I was watching my brother's children, out there in the waves, near the edge. They had just become old enough that they could go out there on their own and… investigate things. And I was watching them do that. I was feeling significantly moved by what I witnessing. And it wasn’t just the Margarita talking. They were becoming independent. And I was pleased. I was watching them show me they can be that. While they had no idea at all that I was watching that any. A moment of Bliss for me personally. I may have been about to cry, I was so fuckin happy to watch them be who they are.
Then my brother’s fucking cunt wife thought to ruin the moment.
“Hey [my name], let me tell you what women are about.”
That’s nearly an exacting quote. Let me fucking tell you what women are about. Like she’s in any position at all to speak for any woman beyond herself. And like I knew nothing about them at all without her offering up her own ideas. Absolutely insane. Fucking mind-shattering crazy statement to ever even offer up. But that’s what she’s good for. My brother’s fucking cunt of a wife. The lowest human I have ever been forced to endure.
In her defense? She had a Margarita in her own hand as well. A second one, I do believe.
So she says to me… in summary…
Life was lots better for HER. When the children where trapped within her belly. When she could carry them around. And had no mind of their own at all. Wholly dependant - upon her.
THAT. Was a better time. In her mind.
And I’m lending an ear to that. At the very moment I had been observing and very much enjoying the entire opposite concept of THAT one. I don't mean "in summary" as some sort of adjustment to what she actually said. That's what she said. Stright up, told me life was better when they were in her tummy. And now it's not. Cuz they wanna do their own thing. That's what she said. Thought to sit her flat ass down and announce that to me. WTF?
That was a bad day for me.
That shit went into my head like an ice pick. And it’s been stabbing at me ever since.
Man that shit hurts…
Fucking cunt.
THAT. Is NOT. What a Mother is meant to be.
You have a child. And yeah - what a tremendous burden that is. Once that happens yer all ass up over teakettle. I get it. I bet that sucks. It’s not all about YOU anymore. Oh darn.
Yeah. You just birthed an entire other person onto the planet. This is your greatest responsibility now. Nothing else can or will ever compare. Brand new person. On the planet. Thanks.
So here’s what you DO NOT do.
Keep making it all about you.
You don’t watch them flourish. And wish they wouldn’t.
You don’t like it better when they were stuck up in yer tummy and had no thoughts beyond you being the most necessary thing ever in their world. You don’t want that. You want them to WIN and well beyond and without you. That’s what you’re supposed to want.
And I understand that’s… well, that’s a lot to ask out of a person. To be that sacrificial.
Yup. It is.
So. You know. Think about that. Before you give birth.
Are you ready? Can you grasp the concept?
Cuz if you can’t? Do not have one.
He will carry that shit around for the rest of all eternity.
Don’t do that to him.
Be bigger than yourself.
She’s an amazing person. All sorts of different and varying things all at once. If you are a woman you will enjoy her (she might not like you though). She was and did a lot of things that other women might not be brave enough to approach at the time (little bit of Jane Fonda in her; in my mother. Just a little bit. Well, a fair amount, I suppose). Plenty inventive, my mother.
She was brave.
But not brave enough.
Never understood what it means to birth a son. Or what that’s all about. In her mind, it seems, I was supposed to be this thing that gave her some more of what she might want. It never occurred to her that I might be a thing all on my own. I am a thing - beyond her. And she needs to nurture THAT.
-I remember a time… you’ll forgive me for being kinda loaded right now… I was sitting near the edge of the waves in Mexico, a Margarita in my hand. I was watching my brother's children, out there in the waves, near the edge. They had just become old enough that they could go out there on their own and… investigate things. And I was watching them do that. I was feeling significantly moved by what I witnessing. And it wasn’t just the Margarita talking. They were becoming independent. And I was pleased. I was watching them show me they can be that. While they had no idea at all that I was watching that any. A moment of Bliss for me personally. I may have been about to cry, I was so fuckin happy to watch them be who they are.
Then my brother’s fucking cunt wife thought to ruin the moment.
“Hey [my name], let me tell you what women are about.”
That’s nearly an exacting quote. Let me fucking tell you what women are about. Like she’s in any position at all to speak for any woman beyond herself. And like I knew nothing about them at all without her offering up her own ideas. Absolutely insane. Fucking mind-shattering crazy statement to ever even offer up. But that’s what she’s good for. My brother’s fucking cunt of a wife. The lowest human I have ever been forced to endure.
In her defense? She had a Margarita in her own hand as well. A second one, I do believe.
So she says to me… in summary…
Life was lots better for HER. When the children where trapped within her belly. When she could carry them around. And had no mind of their own at all. Wholly dependant - upon her.
THAT. Was a better time. In her mind.
And I’m lending an ear to that. At the very moment I had been observing and very much enjoying the entire opposite concept of THAT one. I don't mean "in summary" as some sort of adjustment to what she actually said. That's what she said. Stright up, told me life was better when they were in her tummy. And now it's not. Cuz they wanna do their own thing. That's what she said. Thought to sit her flat ass down and announce that to me. WTF?
That was a bad day for me.
That shit went into my head like an ice pick. And it’s been stabbing at me ever since.
Man that shit hurts…
Fucking cunt.
THAT. Is NOT. What a Mother is meant to be.
You have a child. And yeah - what a tremendous burden that is. Once that happens yer all ass up over teakettle. I get it. I bet that sucks. It’s not all about YOU anymore. Oh darn.
Yeah. You just birthed an entire other person onto the planet. This is your greatest responsibility now. Nothing else can or will ever compare. Brand new person. On the planet. Thanks.
So here’s what you DO NOT do.
Keep making it all about you.
You don’t watch them flourish. And wish they wouldn’t.
You don’t like it better when they were stuck up in yer tummy and had no thoughts beyond you being the most necessary thing ever in their world. You don’t want that. You want them to WIN and well beyond and without you. That’s what you’re supposed to want.
And I understand that’s… well, that’s a lot to ask out of a person. To be that sacrificial.
Yup. It is.
So. You know. Think about that. Before you give birth.
Are you ready? Can you grasp the concept?
Cuz if you can’t? Do not have one.
He will carry that shit around for the rest of all eternity.
Don’t do that to him.
Be bigger than yourself.
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