Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2004
- Posts
- 14,027
O
M
G.
PLEASE tell us you were *trying* to be funny with this post. Please.
Is sub life right for me? What do I need to know?
- Thread starter diamondroad27
- Start date
M
G.
PLEASE tell us you were *trying* to be funny with this post. Please.
velvet_crush
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Nov 25, 2007
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- 1,542
What? What? Where did this come from?
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2005
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- 39,700
What is your first language? Just curious.
BiBunny
Moon Queen & Wanderer
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2005
- Posts
- 11,663
What is your first language? Just curious.
Spambotanese?
The problem with the OP is simply that the questions are so broad as to be impossible to answer. Understanding whether you are into some or all aspects of BD/SM is generally a journey, a path, and over time you kind of figure out what you need. One of the main answers to your question is that there is no right path, and as others have pointed out, there is no such thing as a 'true dominant' since everyone's definition, whether sub or dom or switch, is going to be different. There are dominants in my opinion who are bad ones, ones who violate safewords, ones who think because someone has given them power over them it gives them the right to do as they wish and so forth (I realize there are people in absolute D/s who would object to this, but that is an extreme case that isn't going to apply to a newbie.)
As a newbie, I think you should be looking more at the questions the dom asks you, rather then what you ask him/her. I can only speak for myself and my experience, but as a newbie I did deal with dominants (okay, they were pros in my early days but still) and what they always tried to find out was where I was at and where I wanted to go, or help me answer those questions when I couldn't. Later on when I became more lifestyle, experienced people of all stripes when talking to me asked me questions, probed where I was at and made suggestions about things to try..and when my life partner became involved, helped her navigate a path to help her work with me to find what we needed *shrug*.
My advice would be to see if the 'dom' you are talking to is making any attempt to learn what you are about, where you are with all this, ask your fantasies, your fears, your limits, what you expect, etc and use that as a basis for talking. Sorry, but if a guy is faced with a newbie and starts telling them how they must do x, y and z to be a 'true sub' or starts on this long explanation of how they have to serve them and do what they want, I would toss them on the reject pile (again, I am talking with a newbie here, with more experienced people who already can communicate their needs/issues and so forth, different story). To me a good dominant faced with a questioner or newbie sub uses their knowledge to help the person make up their mind if they are even interested, talks about the facets of things, gets an idea of who the person is, where they are, and then starts talking more about the nitty gritty of possibly meeting/doing things and so forth.
BTW, before some of the people on here assume this is dumping the load on the dominant, it isn't, this is more about the way an experienced person can help a newbie along. If I ever met someone taking the dominant role for the first time, I as an experienced sub would be helping that person the same way, and I would expect that the newbie in either case works with the other person, communicates, to find what may or may not be going on, so the responsibility is both, but an experienced person has to know how to figure out where the newbie is, use questions to get out of them basic things like what they are interested in what they are not, what limits they have, cause when they are that raw, they may not even know how to talk about those things or communicate them.
Getting back to the OP, I would find someone who seems willing to listen to you, who has the patience to help you figure out what you may or may not want and then works with you to make it happen. If they don't have that kind of patience they shouldn't be attempting to be with a newbie IMO, but rather should stick to experienced people.
As a newbie, I think you should be looking more at the questions the dom asks you, rather then what you ask him/her. I can only speak for myself and my experience, but as a newbie I did deal with dominants (okay, they were pros in my early days but still) and what they always tried to find out was where I was at and where I wanted to go, or help me answer those questions when I couldn't. Later on when I became more lifestyle, experienced people of all stripes when talking to me asked me questions, probed where I was at and made suggestions about things to try..and when my life partner became involved, helped her navigate a path to help her work with me to find what we needed *shrug*.
My advice would be to see if the 'dom' you are talking to is making any attempt to learn what you are about, where you are with all this, ask your fantasies, your fears, your limits, what you expect, etc and use that as a basis for talking. Sorry, but if a guy is faced with a newbie and starts telling them how they must do x, y and z to be a 'true sub' or starts on this long explanation of how they have to serve them and do what they want, I would toss them on the reject pile (again, I am talking with a newbie here, with more experienced people who already can communicate their needs/issues and so forth, different story). To me a good dominant faced with a questioner or newbie sub uses their knowledge to help the person make up their mind if they are even interested, talks about the facets of things, gets an idea of who the person is, where they are, and then starts talking more about the nitty gritty of possibly meeting/doing things and so forth.
BTW, before some of the people on here assume this is dumping the load on the dominant, it isn't, this is more about the way an experienced person can help a newbie along. If I ever met someone taking the dominant role for the first time, I as an experienced sub would be helping that person the same way, and I would expect that the newbie in either case works with the other person, communicates, to find what may or may not be going on, so the responsibility is both, but an experienced person has to know how to figure out where the newbie is, use questions to get out of them basic things like what they are interested in what they are not, what limits they have, cause when they are that raw, they may not even know how to talk about those things or communicate them.
Getting back to the OP, I would find someone who seems willing to listen to you, who has the patience to help you figure out what you may or may not want and then works with you to make it happen. If they don't have that kind of patience they shouldn't be attempting to be with a newbie IMO, but rather should stick to experienced people.
Netzach
>semiotics?
- Joined
- Mar 3, 2003
- Posts
- 21,732
Protip:
In gay parlance, bottoming is not just SM, it's being on the bottom when you fuck. Which is extrapolated to liking bottoming in SM. It can be either.
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2005
- Posts
- 39,700
What is your first language? Just curious.
It is not English.
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2005
- Posts
- 39,700
yes, that is obvious.
Problem is, your understanding of the nature of the question is incorrect because you are not fluent enough in English to completely understand it.
Therefore, your answers are not relevant. In many cases a poor answer is not very important, like if you were baking cookies-- but we deal with issues of identity and behavior here, and we don't want to give insulting or unbalanced advice.
So, I ask you to please stay, practice your English with us, but be careful about answering questions asked in English.
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