How To Get To Heaven When You Die

[Led_Astray]

If he exists, he's probably not going to come back for as long as Christians keep waving around mini-versions of the implement of torture and execution he died on.

 

[HelpImLost]

“To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible.”
―*St. Thomas Aquinas

 

[xfrodobagginsx]

If he exists, he's probably not going to come back for as long as Christians keep waving around mini-versions of the implement of torture and execution he died on.

He will return at His appointed time, not mans.

 

[phrodeau]

If he exists, he's probably not going to come back for as long as Christians keep waving around mini-versions of the implement of torture and execution he died on.

Maybe Jesus refuses to return until the stock price for myrrh goes up.

 

[Tryharder62]

All I know is that, so my mom won't worry, I have a clean pair of underwear ready for the trip!

 

[CandiCame]

I'm gonna get so much shit after the rapture. I know a shocking amount of religious people who have given me legal ownership of stuff for after the rapture, to the tune of, "After we're gone you're going to need this X". Which is like... weird and also kind?

But I know a lot of preppers so it's all Christian preppers who know I'm not getting abducted by skydaddy for various reasons and the topic of the end of days comes up a LOT among people who are willing to give you industrial sized cans of corn.

Come the rapture I am gonna be set for unmilled grain.

 

[xfrodobagginsx]

I'm gonna get so much shit after the rapture. I know a shocking amount of religious people who have given me legal ownership of stuff for after the rapture, to the tune of, "After we're gone you're going to need this X". Which is like... weird and also kind?

But I know a lot of preppers so it's all Christian preppers who know I'm not getting abducted by skydaddy for various reasons and the topic of the end of days comes up a LOT among people who are willing to give you industrial sized cans of corn.

Come the rapture I am gonna be set for unmilled grain.

?????

 

[phrodeau]

He will return at His appointed time, not mans.

Sounds like Robert Mueller.

 

[Tryharder62]

I'm gonna get so much shit after the rapture. I know a shocking amount of religious people who have given me legal ownership of stuff for after the rapture, to the tune of, "After we're gone you're going to need this X". Which is like... weird and also kind?

But I know a lot of preppers so it's all Christian preppers who know I'm not getting abducted by skydaddy for various reasons and the topic of the end of days comes up a LOT among people who are willing to give you industrial sized cans of corn.

Come the rapture I am gonna be set for unmilled grain.

?????

He knows a lot of Christians that are prepared for disaster. When they talk about the end times they say, when the rapture comes and they are taken to be with God, he can have their stuff.

 

[Tryharder62]

Sounds like Robert Mueller.

 

[xfrodobagginsx]

Sounds like Robert Mueller.

 

[xfrodobagginsx]

 

[xfrodobagginsx]

He knows a lot of Christians that are prepared for disaster. When they talk about the end times they say, when the rapture comes and they are taken to be with God, he can have their stuff.

Yeah, well we don't know the exact time of the rapture, but His second coming is 7 years after the rapture.

 

[CandiCame]

Yeah, well we don't know the exact time of the rapture, but His second coming is 7 years after the rapture.

And I'll be here to see it, living high on dry goods.

Bet yhall are jealous as fuuuuck.

 

[Tryharder62]

Yeah, well we don't know the exact time of the rapture, but His second coming is 7 years after the rapture.

So awesome! I am ready!

 

[Kirkrapine]

He knows a lot of Christians that are prepared for disaster. When they talk about the end times they say, when the rapture comes and they are taken to be with God, he can have their stuff.

Of course, only Protestant postmillennial dispensationalist fuckheads actually believe in the Rapture. Or think the End Time is something to look forward to.

 

[Tryharder62]

Of course, only Protestant postmillennial dispensationalist fuckheads actually believe in the Rapture. Or think the End Time is something to look forward to.

I've been called worse.

 

[xfrodobagginsx]

Of course, only Protestant postmillennial dispensationalist f@#$heads actually believe in the Rapture. Or think the End Time is something to look forward to.

1Co 15:51 ¶ Behold, I shew you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed,
52 In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed.
53 For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality.
54 So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory.
55 O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?

 

[phrodeau]

1Co 15:51 ¶ Behold, I shew you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed,
52 In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed.
53 For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality.
54 So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory.
55 O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?

Incorruptible? Not in the case of Jesus.

John 20:24 Now Thomas (also known as Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. 25 So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord!”

But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”

26 A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” 27 Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”

Either the story is full of holes, or Jesus was.

 

[phrodeau]

Religious leaders are such decent people.

https://www.foxnews.com/us/parents-want-priests-whop-presided-over-sons-funeral-removed

Maison Hullibarger, 18, a straight-A student, killed himself on Dec. 4. His funeral was on Dec. 8, and Rev. Don LaCuesta said the mass.

LaCuesta mentioned “suicide” six times and wondered out loud if the teen had repented enough to make it to Heaven, Hullibarger's family said.

The words were so hurtful that the family said Catholic officials in Detroit apologized in a statement to the Detroit Free Press. Hullibarger's parents want LaCuesta removed from his post in Monroe County, just south of Detroit.

"Everybody seems to understand but the Catholic Church," said Jeff Hullibarger.

The couple also claims that LaCuesta denied them the chance to eulogize their son, as had been discussed in advance. Several boys the same age as Maison walked out of the church crying, the couple said.

"People told me there was almost a smirk on his face," Jeff Hullibarger said.

The Catholic Church has backed off its tough stance on suicide in recent years, finding that it can be forgiven under certain circumstances.

 

[xfrodobagginsx]

Incorruptible? Not in the case of Jesus.

John 20:24 Now Thomas (also known as Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. 25 So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord!”

But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”

26 A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” 27 Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”

Either the story is full of holes, or Jesus was.

It's referring to a Christians resurrected body. It will no longer get old, die, rot. The nails in Christ's hands and feet are for identification and a reminder what He did for us.

 

[Tryharder62]

Religious leaders are such decent people.

https://www.foxnews.com/us/parents-want-priests-whop-presided-over-sons-funeral-removed

Just face it, some people are morons.

 

[CandiCame]

It's referring to a Christians resurrected body. It will no longer get old, die, rot. The nails in Christ's hands and feet are for identification and a reminder what He did for us.

Prefacing this with my inebration but that dude is half human with a dick and holes in his hands.

We all agree that there's no way in hell he doesn't jack off like that, right? Like with stigmata?

 

[Hal9000_]

 

[phrodeau]

Prefacing this with my inebration but that dude is half human with a dick and holes in his hands.

We all agree that there's no way in hell he doesn't jack off like that, right? Like with stigmata?

Do you think Jesus will be coming soon?