Hoping for some real world help, advice, support

[CoyoteHoward]

I've posted about it before, but I'm reaching out for help because I'm needing the support.

I'm a 38M, have been married for almost 18 years, together with her for almost 21, and I'm divorcing her. She cheated on me back in 2012 and I didn't know. Then I found out in 2018, and between not respecting myself, thinking it was best for our son, thinking we could get better I stayed with her and had a daughter with her(she's 4 now).

But then in July I found out she has been, at the very least, having inappropriate conversations with customers. She is an insurance agent. And while the texts I was able to see don't explicitly say they had sex, it's a moot point as in 2018 I laid it out there that nothing even close to this could happen again.

Now to my point: I'm struggling to see any positive for a man, especially an American man, to associate with a woman personally.

What is the benefit for a man to marry a woman? At what point does it not bite him in the ass? Help me not feel hopeless about women.

 

[Saint_Ann]

I've posted about it before, but I'm reaching out for help because I'm needing the support.

I'm a 38M, have been married for almost 18 years, together with her for almost 21, and I'm divorcing her. She cheated on me back in 2012 and I didn't know. Then I found out in 2018, and between not respecting myself, thinking it was best for our son, thinking we could get better I stayed with her and had a daughter with her(she's 4 now).

But then in July I found out she has been, at the very least, having inappropriate conversations with customers. She is an insurance agent. And while the texts I was able to see don't explicitly say they had sex, it's a moot point as in 2018 I laid it out there that nothing even close to this could happen again.

Now to my point: I'm struggling to see any positive for a man, especially an American man, to associate with a woman personally.

What is the benefit for a man to marry a woman? At what point does it not bite him in the ass? Help me not feel hopeless about women.

You think being married to a woman is difficult, you should try being married to a man.

 

[juttjaw]

I've posted about it before, but I'm reaching out for help because I'm needing the support.

I'm a 38M, have been married for almost 18 years, together with her for almost 21, and I'm divorcing her. She cheated on me back in 2012 and I didn't know. Then I found out in 2018, and between not respecting myself, thinking it was best for our son, thinking we could get better I stayed with her and had a daughter with her(she's 4 now).

But then in July I found out she has been, at the very least, having inappropriate conversations with customers. She is an insurance agent. And while the texts I was able to see don't explicitly say they had sex, it's a moot point as in 2018 I laid it out there that nothing even close to this could happen again.

Now to my point: I'm struggling to see any positive for a man, especially an American man, to associate with a woman personally.

What is the benefit for a man to marry a woman? At what point does it not bite him in the ass? Help me not feel hopeless about women.

It's not about women, it's not about marriage, or even a relationship. It's about the person. Now you know what you don't want, what things you are unwilling to tolerate and how you don't want to be treated. The next step is finding a person that fits what you want in another. All I can tell you is, be honest with anyone you get close to. I know how tough it is to have hard conversations with someone you barely know, but make sure you discuss everything you don't want. Not just for you, but for the other as well. Somethings will be glaringly obvious and some subtle. But discussing these things are paramount to have a good relationship with a good person.

I'm not saying you have a list of demands, if that's the case, stay single. Actually think about it. Something like "I'll never eat roast beef on Tuesday afternoons" is not what I'm talking about. But "I will always be honest with you, even if it's hard." is more along the lines. You reap what you sow, so sow the things you want to reap. You're older and wiser than you were.

Above all else, pick someone who will be good to your children. They are the most important thing. If a partner meets every criteria, but is an asshole to your kids? Kick them to the curb, you kids are more important, always.

 

[RosevilleCAguy]

What is the benefit for a man to marry a woman? At what point does it not bite him in the ass?

There isn't any.

Depends on a lot of variables, but it's possible to not get bitten.