Curious_in_Cali
Terribly Human
- Joined
- Feb 20, 2011
- Posts
- 17,010
OP, the actions of the ex would concern me less than the actions of the current partner. If you have expressed that it makes you uncomfortable then I find it more odd that he would continue to engage in communication with your ex.
SlutAddicted, sometimes I read posts like yours and I'm reminded that some people have not had to fight defensively in their lives as much as others. I had an argument with an ex once where it finally occurred to me that he had never experienced fear of physical harm. It was in that moment that it finally clicked that every argument I could make speaking from my experience of fear would never make sense to him. It was not until years later that he experienced a profound physical injury and experienced vulnerability that he FINALLY allowed the idea that defensive actions in response to fear were not "over emotional" but actually a valid place to take action from. Some people can trust someone when they say the bench has wet paint, but most others have to touch it to believe it.
Just because something is difficult does not mean that it is impossible. When it comes to protecting your true self, it would be wise to not underestimate the humans ability to adapt to survive. The actions I have had to choose to take in my life do not reflect my most comfortable and inherent sensibilities, but I am still here, whole, and thriving as my true self because of them. What I have had to do DOES NOT define who I am, it is simply what I had to do to get to today.
It's a beautiful idea that we can just know and freely be who we are from birth, but we mostly survive until we find the life havens that allow us to truly undress and be ourselves. If it took me until the day I was dying to find peace in the knowing who I am and breathing and being it would be no less valid than had I always known and lived in that space.
How long something takes to accomplish does not change it's importance or validity either. Some wounds and inner muck can take a life time to sort. It is not our place to determine someone else's identity. It is our responsibility to honor the gestation of self identity in others if we are to demand the right to define ourselves.
Dragonflies spend most of their life as swimming water bugs, and yet us external observing humans label them dragonflies. Are they truly a dragon fly or a water bug? If the truth is that they are both, then no answer is wrong, it is simply how they identify at the time of being asked. If the flitting dragonfly declared itself truly a water bug, and found peace in that who are we to argue?
SlutAddicted, sometimes I read posts like yours and I'm reminded that some people have not had to fight defensively in their lives as much as others. I had an argument with an ex once where it finally occurred to me that he had never experienced fear of physical harm. It was in that moment that it finally clicked that every argument I could make speaking from my experience of fear would never make sense to him. It was not until years later that he experienced a profound physical injury and experienced vulnerability that he FINALLY allowed the idea that defensive actions in response to fear were not "over emotional" but actually a valid place to take action from. Some people can trust someone when they say the bench has wet paint, but most others have to touch it to believe it.
Just because something is difficult does not mean that it is impossible. When it comes to protecting your true self, it would be wise to not underestimate the humans ability to adapt to survive. The actions I have had to choose to take in my life do not reflect my most comfortable and inherent sensibilities, but I am still here, whole, and thriving as my true self because of them. What I have had to do DOES NOT define who I am, it is simply what I had to do to get to today.
It's a beautiful idea that we can just know and freely be who we are from birth, but we mostly survive until we find the life havens that allow us to truly undress and be ourselves. If it took me until the day I was dying to find peace in the knowing who I am and breathing and being it would be no less valid than had I always known and lived in that space.
How long something takes to accomplish does not change it's importance or validity either. Some wounds and inner muck can take a life time to sort. It is not our place to determine someone else's identity. It is our responsibility to honor the gestation of self identity in others if we are to demand the right to define ourselves.
Dragonflies spend most of their life as swimming water bugs, and yet us external observing humans label them dragonflies. Are they truly a dragon fly or a water bug? If the truth is that they are both, then no answer is wrong, it is simply how they identify at the time of being asked. If the flitting dragonfly declared itself truly a water bug, and found peace in that who are we to argue?