Have you written about something sexual and then been inspired to try it in real life?

[AwkwardlySet]

Not a fan?

Em

Nothing against him either. But for the life of me I can't grasp what women find in him, aesthetically speaking.

 

[Seadog777]

I hear about this kind of thing happening. I haven't come close, personally, to such festivities. But I feel like it should be possible for everyone to have a great time, if all participants are dedicated to giving every other participant a lot of attention and focus. Like, if they all actually like each other and care about making sure no one feels left out. A problem like this seems like it results from one or more participants being insensitive.

I think there are a lot of different reasons that something can happen.
I know that the few times that I did participate, things just got out of hand.
The "insensitivity" really comes out at the end, when everyone is done.
Some people (my ex) where NOT sorry or apologetic, so they caught some well-deserved hands.
FTR.....my sister took care of my ex for me. #SistersRule

 

[EmilyMiller]

Nothing against him either. But for the life of me I can't grasp what women find in him, aesthetically speaking.

I find that about some girls. Exhibit A - Katee Sakhoff.

Em

 

[AwkwardlySet]

I find that about some girls. Exhibit A - Katee Sakhoff.

Em

There we agree completely. I don't find her attractive at all

 

[Seadog777]

I find that about some girls. Exhibit A - Katee Sakhoff.

Em

Katee Sackoff

TBH.....I only give her a 6 on looks. What makes her hot as hell TO ME, is that she does almost all her own stunts and she's a legitimately tough woman.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Katee Sackoff

TBH.....I only give her a 6 on looks. What makes her hot as hell TO ME, is that she does almost all her own stunts and she's a legitimately tough woman.

See - reasons

Em

 

[EmilyMiller]

There we agree completely. I don't find her attractive at all

People are different and like different people.

The guy celebs I like are a varied bunch:

1. Idris Elba (ideally in character as Luther)
2. Alex Skarsgård (ideally in character as Gadi)
3. Hyun Bin (any character or IRL, I don’t mind, just please return my messages Hyun)
4. Pedro Pascal (I could be his adopted child, but not biologically related child - he likes that sort of shit)

Em

—

UPDATE: I fucking hate iOS autocorrect changing Hyun to Hyundai!!’

 

[AwkwardlySet]

People are different and like different people.

The guy celebs I like are a varied bunch:

1. Idris Elba (ideally in character as Luther)
2. Alex Skarsgård (ideally in character as Gadi)
3. Hyun Bin (any character or IRL, I don’t mind, just please return my messages Hyundai)
4. Pedro Pascal (I could be his adopted child, but not biologically related child - he likes that sort of shit)

Em

I get your point. But...

The reason why I scoffed at Andrew Garfield is because I couldn't see the physical attraction for him. Any other kind of attraction makes no sense to me. They are actors and their personalities are nothing like the characters we like and tie them to. They are often shitheads even. For example, I tend to separate Morena and Inara. Morena is physically hot and attractive, regardless of her true personality (which I have no idea about. She could actually be really great in reality even, but that's besides the point). If I didn't find her physically attractive, I would probably say I find Inara attractive, if you catch my meaning. I separate actors from characters very easily in my head, especially after I've heard a couple of them mocking the very beloved characters they played.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I get your point. But...

The reason why I scoffed at Andrew Garfield is because I couldn't see the physical attraction for him. Any other kind of attraction makes no sense to me. They are actors and their personalities are nothing like the characters we like and tie them to. They are often shitheads even. For example, I tend to separate Morena and Inara. Morena is physically hot and attractive, regardless of her true personality (which I have no idea about. She could actually be really great in reality even, but that's besides the point). If I didn't find her physically attractive, I would probably say I find Inara attractive, if you catch my meaning. I separate actors from characters very easily in my head, especially after I've heard a couple of them mocking the very beloved characters they played.

I don’t. As above, I associate actors (and actresses) with characters. People are different.

FWIW I liked Garfield as Spider-man. But liked him even more as Jonathan Larson.

Em

 

[Britva415]

I’m not a normal sub - as the sub community here delights in telling me. I do like to be restrained. I do like pain being inflicted. But I only ever do that with people who are happy that I call the shots.

What's the intersection between your own "not a normal sub" status versus the phenomenon called "topping from the bottom?"

Asking as someone who's never done BDSM.

 

[EmilyMiller]

What's the intersection between your own "not a normal sub" status versus the phenomenon called "topping from the bottom?"

Asking as someone who's never done BDSM.

I don’t subscribe to BDSM monthly, so I get as confused by the terminology as I do between MFF, FMF and FFM, FFS!

I like to be restrained and to have mid-level pain inflicted (none that causes lasting damage, at the very most red welts - not purple contusions - no blood spilled). I like to be restrained and fucked. I like to be restrained and teased / denied - so long as I eventually get fucked.

I don’t want to be humiliated or verbally abused or made to crawl around on all fours on a leash or kept in a cage.

I don’t have the view that I exist only to please my master / mistress. I enjoy the above, I’m not doing it for anyone else.

What does that make me (aside from a cumslit that is )?

Em

 

[Kumquatqueen]

What's the intersection between your own "not a normal sub" status versus the phenomenon called "topping from the bottom?"

Asking as someone who's never done BDSM.

The 'sub community' on Lit and online includes one heck of a lot of fantasists who claim they want to be a sub 24/7 and will do aaanything for a True Dom(me). Until I removed 'female' from my profile, I'd get at least one a week messaging me saying they'd do whatever I wanted. Sadly they were never close enough to clean my house, so I'd tell them to read my stories and say what they thought, if they'd do 'anything' for me.

Nooo, not like that...

Most subs or bottoms agree with a partner what A can do to B, when and where, then go do it. Which mostly works. Most people would submit just for a session of sexytimes, or maybe add roleplaying and submission for some hours, but hardly anyone manages real 'full time' submission - either they have to adjust to the needs of real life but may have a code for commands and equally a code for 'not now I'm in a vital meeting', or you get a sub wheedling for being treated as a sub 24/7 because they want someone else to handle all the hard work of real life for them - and then wonder why they've been ghosted or dumped and why can't they find a Real Dom(me) TM?

When agreeing what A will do to B, there's a huge spectrum from 'take it away, I'll try to take it whatever' to 'I want you to do exactly this, then this, then this' - someone who agrees to do that may be called a 'service top' because they're serving the bottom rather than choosing what they want to do. That could also be called 'topping from the bottom' especially if it happens during the scene, but some people will accuse any bottom who dares express any opinion as 'topping from the bottom'.

So it can be a bit of a loaded phrase.

I realise I'm coming across as rather negative and doom-laden about the scene - far from it! Loads of brilliant people in person, and it's mostly easy to avoid the wankers who just want to abuse someone, if you stick to playing in public (in clubs, not general public!) At home with your partner - well, it's the same risk as being naked in bed with them, mostly. Just I do know too many people who've gone to a BDSM workshop, got all enthusiastic, and then had a bad experience with some guy(*) who's gone too far. And all the sleazy guys(*) coming to beginner workshops to perv on the newbies. We had to schedule sessions for BDSM 101 and Advanced BDSM at the same time, to keep the latter out of the former.


*I can only think of one woman and maybe two people of indeterminate gender who were ever a problem - and at least 100 men.

I've done a lot of demos and run teaching sessions over the last 30 years. Might set up my own fetish club once I retire - many have closed in recent years.

 

[EmilyMiller]

The 'sub community' on Lit and online includes one heck of a lot of fantasists who claim they want to be a sub 24/7 and will do aaanything for a True Dom(me). Until I removed 'female' from my profile, I'd get at least one a week messaging me saying they'd do whatever I wanted. Sadly they were never close enough to clean my house, so I'd tell them to read my stories and say what they thought, if they'd do 'anything' for me.

Nooo, not like that...

Most subs or bottoms agree with a partner what A can do to B, when and where, then go do it. Which mostly works. Most people would submit just for a session of sexytimes, or maybe add roleplaying and submission for some hours, but hardly anyone manages real 'full time' submission - either they have to adjust to the needs of real life but may have a code for commands and equally a code for 'not now I'm in a vital meeting', or you get a sub wheedling for being treated as a sub 24/7 because they want someone else to handle all the hard work of real life for them - and then wonder why they've been ghosted or dumped and why can't they find a Real Dom(me) TM?

When agreeing what A will do to B, there's a huge spectrum from 'take it away, I'll try to take it whatever' to 'I want you to do exactly this, then this, then this' - someone who agrees to do that may be called a 'service top' because they're serving the bottom rather than choosing what they want to do. That could also be called 'topping from the bottom' especially if it happens during the scene, but some people will accuse any bottom who dares express any opinion as 'topping from the bottom'.

So it can be a bit of a loaded phrase.

I realise I'm coming across as rather negative and doom-laden about the scene - far from it! Loads of brilliant people in person, and it's mostly easy to avoid the wankers who just want to abuse someone, if you stick to playing in public (in clubs, not general public!) At home with your partner - well, it's the same risk as being naked in bed with them, mostly. Just I do know too many people who've gone to a BDSM workshop, got all enthusiastic, and then had a bad experience with some guy(*) who's gone too far. And all the sleazy guys(*) coming to beginner workshops to perv on the newbies. We had to schedule sessions for BDSM 101 and Advanced BDSM at the same time, to keep the latter out of the former.


*I can only think of one woman and maybe two people of indeterminate gender who were ever a problem - and at least 100 men.

I've done a lot of demos and run teaching sessions over the last 30 years. Might set up my own fetish club once I retire - many have closed in recent years.

My only experience has been in isolation and doing stuff that was suggested to me and I agreed I’d try. I didn’t have anyone to compare notes with. As might be evident, I’m far from submissive outside of certain narrow sexual contexts. And TBH - even back in the day, BDSM was an occasional thing, not my life.

Your comment about fantasists resonates. I did feel I was getting beaten up by a gang of 13 yos. Thing is they were pretty unpleasant about it. I actually avoided the forums and stuck to PMs only for many months.

Em

 

[_krista_]

ALL.....THE....TIME