LJ_Reloaded
バクスター の
- Joined
- Apr 3, 2010
- Posts
- 21,217
Previously I wrote about the types of toxic women that sensible men should stay away from if they want to avoid disaster in their lives, and the type of women that they should be looking for instead. The article is of course geared towards those who despise the idea of male expendability, and of course male feminists would prefer to ignore that advice - but they do so at their own peril.
Feminists and women's magazines have both published many lists of men that they say women should avoid. The above list is logically and morally no different. But what these lists miss, however, is the flip-side of the issue: if you want a romantic relationship with a good person, you actually have to be a good person.
So, guys, while you're keeping in mind those negative traits to avoid in women, here's some toxic behavior that you might want to not engage in as well. Don't be this kind of guy... these traits are self-destructive.
1) Mr. Traditional Conservative. The Patriarchal influence upon Conservatism is as strong as the influence of absolute crazy upon the Taliban. They just can't seem to stop making fun of women or castigating women for doing certain jobs that they think are "men's jobs." Then there's the crazier ones who say women should "relax and enjoy it" when rape happens, and of course they like to strip women of political power. Does Patriarchy also hurt men? Well, why don't you decide for yourself? Or how about this... argue with a Conservative about Selective Service and see how many death or violence threats you get? Multiply the number of threats you get by a penny apiece. Your new house is now paid for.
What is my overall point here? Being a Patriarchal Conservative is the other half of male expendability, the twin sibling to hypergamy and radical feminism. If you subscribe to traditional beliefs - women staying home, etc - then you're justifying hypergamy and male expendability. I mean, who's going to be the ones to die in the coal mines if the Patriarchy prevails and women are all made to stay home? You guessed it... men! And, to be aligned with the ideology that says "relax and enjoy the rape" is an utter abomination. Radical feminism is just a mirror image of that mentality. Don't be that kind of man. Along with the male radical feminist, it's the most toxic type of man you can be.
2) The Male Radical Feminist. Do you like laughing at men who are physically abused by their wives? Do you say men deserve it when they're abused? Do you laugh at men who get castrated just for filing for divorce? Do you think it's a woman's right to cheat on you and make you pay for another man's kid? Do you nod in agreement when a radfem says how much she hates male babies? If so, at least two things are true: you engage in rabid self-hate, and you advocate these things because they've never happened to you. In any case, warning men not to be this kind of person is rather redundant: radical feminism in action will inevitably defraud or, literally beat some sense into you. When she eventually runs you over in a fit of rage, well... of course you're more likely to just be some radfem's lifelong whipping post than to be run over. Enjoy!
3) The rabid anti-feminist: AKA Mr "All Feminists Are Evil". Remember what I said about avoiding women who make fun of men's rights activism? Because they define the entire issue as a bunch of misogynists who hate women? Do I even need to explain how that goes both ways? At least hear her out. Of course that doesn't mean you should waste time with women who think "patriarchaaaah is why women get lesser sentences for the same crime" or "there is no such thing as misandry" - but this is a good time to remind y'all that Christine Hoff Sommers and Cathy Young are also feminists. There's more like them out there: like, for instance, Deborah Watkins, former head of the Dallas chapter of the National Organization for Women, who jumped ship and became Treasurer of the National Coalition for Men. I know it's harder to adopt an attitude of separating the radical misandrist feminists from what Christina Hoff Sommers calls equity feminists (however few or many there are), but let me put it this way: broadbrushing is mental laziness.
4) The Ever-Persistent Suitor. This one is actually tied with The Thug/Bad Boy below as far as undesirability goes. The Ever-Persistent Suitor pursues a woman relentlessly, either putting up with her silly games and letting her get away with leading him on, or he just won't take no for an answer. The latter is a threat to her and makes the suitor look like a dangerous creep, while the former makes him a friggin chump. If you've actually read this far then you know in depth about why the Ever-Persistent Suitor is potentially creepy, so I'm going to write more about the chump factor. In nature the male is saddled with the burden of pursuing the female. It gives her a huge power advantage over the guy: men have to climb mountains and slay dragons to be seen as attractive, but all she has to do is show up. When you chase a woman relentlessly, you are playing into a lopsided game that favors her, at your expense. If she's not totally creeped out by you, then she knows she's got you wrapped around her finger. If by some chance you convince her to be with you, she's going to be the one with all the power in that relationship. Eventually she's going to abuse you, cheat on you, cuckold you... let us just say that you do not want a relationship where she knows you want her more than she wants you. Whether a woman is genuinely playing hard-to-get or she's trying to politely tell you to buzz off, the solution is the same: disengage immediately. This is not the same as a PUA "Freeze-out" in which you shut down communications out of spite, to coerce her into coming back to you. This is called totally redirecting your efforts elsewhere to somewhere more productive, like talking to another woman, or maybe even a matchmaking service. Anything as long as it's not the continued pursuit of the woman who won't be with you. What few men realize (well, the successful ones do) is that there's between 3-4 billion other women out there and that's a hell of a lot of options. That one-in-a-million woman you're so madly in love with? There's 3,000-4,000 more out there who are just like her. Stop being the Creep or the Expendable Male and move on.
5) The Thug/Bad Boy. A majority of women love alpha males, this is something you learn early in life. Just like in the animal kingdom, men get involuntarily separated into alpha males and then the rest, the sexually undesirables. If you're a men's rights activist you both know this and you also know not to play this game. Basically, if you're a nice guy by nature, don't even bother trying to learn how to be a bad boy or a thug. If that's the only way you can find yourself in a relationship, that relationship is not worth it. Pursuing relationships like that is only going to get you hurt. Or worse, thrown in jail, killed, or (in the case of marriage) taken for everything you own when she gets tired of you and leaves. Moreover you're playing the game by her rules: being the man she wants, rather than looking for the woman that you are compatible with. As the moronic Steve Harvey said during the one intellectually bright moment in his life: change the game. Be more concerned about finding the woman with personality traits that you find desirable.
The corollary to this is Don't be the Jerk. You know, the guy who mistreats his girlfriend intentionally just to, well, you know, be a bad boy. Waiting to return her phone calls so she can pine for you more, and generally acting like you've got better things to do than be around her. You might think you're just preventing her from thinking you're clingy - but you're also being dishonest to her and to yourself. You might also be afraid of being called a doormat - well, the problem is not being a doormat. The problem is her abusing you, if she is in fact taking advantage of you. If your excessive niceness is just you being you and she abuses that... leave. Don't turn around and become a jerk, just leave her.
6) Shallow Hal. Don't. Judge. Women. Solely. By. Their. LOOKS. Let's put it this way. Not that all women fall into this dichotomy but for simplicity's sake let's suppose you have a chunky woman who's a gamer and pukes at the "American women are still oppressed" nonsense, and she likes cheap dates and covers her own tab. Then you've got the svelte woman that thinks you need to achieve God knows what feats of Alpha maleness to be worthy of her attention. Who ya going for? If you're looking for an egalitarian woman you have to be open minded about what she looks like. Otherwise you're playing right into the same narrow minded thinking that also breeds hypergamy. Remember those women who hate short men? Don't be like them. This also means you should flee from most Pickup Artist groups and forums, especially ones that rate women by their looks. And certainly, if you got advice about "desirable women" from a place like Return of Kings, bleach it from your brain. Think with your neo-cortex, not your lizard brain!
7) Shamers. As a corollary to #5, don't be a fat basher, an ageist, etc. Not dating women whose weight or age don't float your boat is one thing - but making fun of them and making snide remarks about them is downright childish. A super tall woman can't help if she's a 6'2" "amazon" or whatever the derogatory term is. If you were a 5'1" man would you be happy if people attacked you for that? Well then. Learn the difference between what you personally find repulsive, and people whose traits are hazardous to other people's safety and well-being. (Hint: Smokers are a public hazard, while fat people aren't.)
8) Mr. Friendzoned. Firstly, the Friendzone does exist. It's been previously known as Unrequited Love, or "Let's Just Be Friends". If some dumb feminist says the Friendzone doesn't exist then pretend he or she doesn't exist: they're already wasting Earth's precious oxygen - don't even let them also waste your time. That said, don't be Mr. Friendzone. Who is Mr. Friendzoned? It's the guy who lingers in "Let's Just Be Friends" land, pining for the woman who put him there. See #4 for more about this. There is also the dangerous creep factor, aka "Damn bitch she friendzoned me arrrrgh fuck her!!!" Contrary to what some feminists believe, it's not like there's any sort of actual epidemic of this kind of assholish men, but let's face it - guys who do that are assholes and thanks to radical feminism we all have to pay the price for their stupidity. Just... don't be one of those few, shameless idiots that make us all look bad.
There's another issue about the Friendzone - the guys who do crazy things for women that they're not in a romantic relationship with. You've heard of the type - dudes who buy rings, iPads, flowers, give her a pedicure, etc. Okay, here's the problem with this: what do you have special to give that SPECIAL woman in your life? You've already done the outrageous things for a woman you have no reciprocal romance with. Save the extreme stuff, will you? Reserve the pedicures and buying iPads (if you really must go there) for the woman who calls you her boyfriend. If you can conceive it being an act you'd see in a romance book, don't do it for mere friends.
Finally, if she stuck you in the Friendzone, there's a way out: it's called looking for someone else. Unrequited love is one of those things that will cling to you like Napalm if you let it. As I said above, if she's one in a million, there's still literally three thousand women like her out there. Go find them!
9) Prince Charming. This is you playing into the Hypergamy game, and that's putting it nicely. Everyone's met this type of dude - the one who will bail a woman out of her overdue bills, be her surrogate baby's daddy, etc - all in hopes of a romantic or sexual relationship, or even out of sheer chivalry. Look, when was the last time a woman ever bailed your ass out of a sling like that? Prince Charming also likes to, mostly out of sheer chivalry, automatically take a woman's side in a dispute. A LOT, like 105% of male radical feminists, fall into this category. There's an entire book that one could write about what's wrong with Prince Charming - complete with whole chapters about how it feeds into Hypergamy and more chapters about the nauseating insincerity of being Prince Charming to woo a woman, and others about how it perpetuates male expendability. But I'm just going to say: don't be this kind of guy. Don't even try.
10) The Wanna-Be Pick-Up Artist. When you have to walk up to a woman and talk a good game to get her to have sex with you, you've already lost even if you won. You're playing right into an enormous power imbalance that favors her. Would she ever have to talk a good game to be with you? No? Then you need to stop and rethink your life. Your whole life, not just your presence in that venue at that moment. She doesn't think of you as valuable enough to spend her time and energy to convince you to be with her. And yet somehow you think that your pick-up skills can convince her to see you as worth her time? Come on now. Even if you could convince her of such, look who's doing all the hard work here. YOU. Just because you're male doesn't mean you always have to be the one who does all the work. Do you really need to present yourself as a contestant to be "shit tested" by a woman? You're giving her all the power. The other problem with Pickup Artist behavior is it's often quite creepy and always very pushy. How do you even know if she wants to talk to guys at all? So you've not only given her all the power of rejection by engaging in Pickup Artist tactics, but in many cases you're being offensive and getting in her space when she doesn't want you, or guys in general, there. (Like when she's just there for a drink or with her girlfriends on a girls night out?)
It's better to look for more equitable situations where men and women work more equally to connect with each other - either for quickies or for long term relationships. In short, look online, where you can be assured that women are already looking for someone. And if your reason for busting your ass with Pickup Artist nonsense just to get noticed by a woman is because she's a "10" please see #6.
Tired of all the crap women put you through? Nothing wrong with that. But at the same time, take a look at yourself. Strive to be the change that you want.
Feminists and women's magazines have both published many lists of men that they say women should avoid. The above list is logically and morally no different. But what these lists miss, however, is the flip-side of the issue: if you want a romantic relationship with a good person, you actually have to be a good person.
So, guys, while you're keeping in mind those negative traits to avoid in women, here's some toxic behavior that you might want to not engage in as well. Don't be this kind of guy... these traits are self-destructive.
1) Mr. Traditional Conservative. The Patriarchal influence upon Conservatism is as strong as the influence of absolute crazy upon the Taliban. They just can't seem to stop making fun of women or castigating women for doing certain jobs that they think are "men's jobs." Then there's the crazier ones who say women should "relax and enjoy it" when rape happens, and of course they like to strip women of political power. Does Patriarchy also hurt men? Well, why don't you decide for yourself? Or how about this... argue with a Conservative about Selective Service and see how many death or violence threats you get? Multiply the number of threats you get by a penny apiece. Your new house is now paid for.
What is my overall point here? Being a Patriarchal Conservative is the other half of male expendability, the twin sibling to hypergamy and radical feminism. If you subscribe to traditional beliefs - women staying home, etc - then you're justifying hypergamy and male expendability. I mean, who's going to be the ones to die in the coal mines if the Patriarchy prevails and women are all made to stay home? You guessed it... men! And, to be aligned with the ideology that says "relax and enjoy the rape" is an utter abomination. Radical feminism is just a mirror image of that mentality. Don't be that kind of man. Along with the male radical feminist, it's the most toxic type of man you can be.
2) The Male Radical Feminist. Do you like laughing at men who are physically abused by their wives? Do you say men deserve it when they're abused? Do you laugh at men who get castrated just for filing for divorce? Do you think it's a woman's right to cheat on you and make you pay for another man's kid? Do you nod in agreement when a radfem says how much she hates male babies? If so, at least two things are true: you engage in rabid self-hate, and you advocate these things because they've never happened to you. In any case, warning men not to be this kind of person is rather redundant: radical feminism in action will inevitably defraud or, literally beat some sense into you. When she eventually runs you over in a fit of rage, well... of course you're more likely to just be some radfem's lifelong whipping post than to be run over. Enjoy!
3) The rabid anti-feminist: AKA Mr "All Feminists Are Evil". Remember what I said about avoiding women who make fun of men's rights activism? Because they define the entire issue as a bunch of misogynists who hate women? Do I even need to explain how that goes both ways? At least hear her out. Of course that doesn't mean you should waste time with women who think "patriarchaaaah is why women get lesser sentences for the same crime" or "there is no such thing as misandry" - but this is a good time to remind y'all that Christine Hoff Sommers and Cathy Young are also feminists. There's more like them out there: like, for instance, Deborah Watkins, former head of the Dallas chapter of the National Organization for Women, who jumped ship and became Treasurer of the National Coalition for Men. I know it's harder to adopt an attitude of separating the radical misandrist feminists from what Christina Hoff Sommers calls equity feminists (however few or many there are), but let me put it this way: broadbrushing is mental laziness.
4) The Ever-Persistent Suitor. This one is actually tied with The Thug/Bad Boy below as far as undesirability goes. The Ever-Persistent Suitor pursues a woman relentlessly, either putting up with her silly games and letting her get away with leading him on, or he just won't take no for an answer. The latter is a threat to her and makes the suitor look like a dangerous creep, while the former makes him a friggin chump. If you've actually read this far then you know in depth about why the Ever-Persistent Suitor is potentially creepy, so I'm going to write more about the chump factor. In nature the male is saddled with the burden of pursuing the female. It gives her a huge power advantage over the guy: men have to climb mountains and slay dragons to be seen as attractive, but all she has to do is show up. When you chase a woman relentlessly, you are playing into a lopsided game that favors her, at your expense. If she's not totally creeped out by you, then she knows she's got you wrapped around her finger. If by some chance you convince her to be with you, she's going to be the one with all the power in that relationship. Eventually she's going to abuse you, cheat on you, cuckold you... let us just say that you do not want a relationship where she knows you want her more than she wants you. Whether a woman is genuinely playing hard-to-get or she's trying to politely tell you to buzz off, the solution is the same: disengage immediately. This is not the same as a PUA "Freeze-out" in which you shut down communications out of spite, to coerce her into coming back to you. This is called totally redirecting your efforts elsewhere to somewhere more productive, like talking to another woman, or maybe even a matchmaking service. Anything as long as it's not the continued pursuit of the woman who won't be with you. What few men realize (well, the successful ones do) is that there's between 3-4 billion other women out there and that's a hell of a lot of options. That one-in-a-million woman you're so madly in love with? There's 3,000-4,000 more out there who are just like her. Stop being the Creep or the Expendable Male and move on.
5) The Thug/Bad Boy. A majority of women love alpha males, this is something you learn early in life. Just like in the animal kingdom, men get involuntarily separated into alpha males and then the rest, the sexually undesirables. If you're a men's rights activist you both know this and you also know not to play this game. Basically, if you're a nice guy by nature, don't even bother trying to learn how to be a bad boy or a thug. If that's the only way you can find yourself in a relationship, that relationship is not worth it. Pursuing relationships like that is only going to get you hurt. Or worse, thrown in jail, killed, or (in the case of marriage) taken for everything you own when she gets tired of you and leaves. Moreover you're playing the game by her rules: being the man she wants, rather than looking for the woman that you are compatible with. As the moronic Steve Harvey said during the one intellectually bright moment in his life: change the game. Be more concerned about finding the woman with personality traits that you find desirable.
The corollary to this is Don't be the Jerk. You know, the guy who mistreats his girlfriend intentionally just to, well, you know, be a bad boy. Waiting to return her phone calls so she can pine for you more, and generally acting like you've got better things to do than be around her. You might think you're just preventing her from thinking you're clingy - but you're also being dishonest to her and to yourself. You might also be afraid of being called a doormat - well, the problem is not being a doormat. The problem is her abusing you, if she is in fact taking advantage of you. If your excessive niceness is just you being you and she abuses that... leave. Don't turn around and become a jerk, just leave her.
6) Shallow Hal. Don't. Judge. Women. Solely. By. Their. LOOKS. Let's put it this way. Not that all women fall into this dichotomy but for simplicity's sake let's suppose you have a chunky woman who's a gamer and pukes at the "American women are still oppressed" nonsense, and she likes cheap dates and covers her own tab. Then you've got the svelte woman that thinks you need to achieve God knows what feats of Alpha maleness to be worthy of her attention. Who ya going for? If you're looking for an egalitarian woman you have to be open minded about what she looks like. Otherwise you're playing right into the same narrow minded thinking that also breeds hypergamy. Remember those women who hate short men? Don't be like them. This also means you should flee from most Pickup Artist groups and forums, especially ones that rate women by their looks. And certainly, if you got advice about "desirable women" from a place like Return of Kings, bleach it from your brain. Think with your neo-cortex, not your lizard brain!
7) Shamers. As a corollary to #5, don't be a fat basher, an ageist, etc. Not dating women whose weight or age don't float your boat is one thing - but making fun of them and making snide remarks about them is downright childish. A super tall woman can't help if she's a 6'2" "amazon" or whatever the derogatory term is. If you were a 5'1" man would you be happy if people attacked you for that? Well then. Learn the difference between what you personally find repulsive, and people whose traits are hazardous to other people's safety and well-being. (Hint: Smokers are a public hazard, while fat people aren't.)
8) Mr. Friendzoned. Firstly, the Friendzone does exist. It's been previously known as Unrequited Love, or "Let's Just Be Friends". If some dumb feminist says the Friendzone doesn't exist then pretend he or she doesn't exist: they're already wasting Earth's precious oxygen - don't even let them also waste your time. That said, don't be Mr. Friendzone. Who is Mr. Friendzoned? It's the guy who lingers in "Let's Just Be Friends" land, pining for the woman who put him there. See #4 for more about this. There is also the dangerous creep factor, aka "Damn bitch she friendzoned me arrrrgh fuck her!!!" Contrary to what some feminists believe, it's not like there's any sort of actual epidemic of this kind of assholish men, but let's face it - guys who do that are assholes and thanks to radical feminism we all have to pay the price for their stupidity. Just... don't be one of those few, shameless idiots that make us all look bad.
There's another issue about the Friendzone - the guys who do crazy things for women that they're not in a romantic relationship with. You've heard of the type - dudes who buy rings, iPads, flowers, give her a pedicure, etc. Okay, here's the problem with this: what do you have special to give that SPECIAL woman in your life? You've already done the outrageous things for a woman you have no reciprocal romance with. Save the extreme stuff, will you? Reserve the pedicures and buying iPads (if you really must go there) for the woman who calls you her boyfriend. If you can conceive it being an act you'd see in a romance book, don't do it for mere friends.
Finally, if she stuck you in the Friendzone, there's a way out: it's called looking for someone else. Unrequited love is one of those things that will cling to you like Napalm if you let it. As I said above, if she's one in a million, there's still literally three thousand women like her out there. Go find them!
9) Prince Charming. This is you playing into the Hypergamy game, and that's putting it nicely. Everyone's met this type of dude - the one who will bail a woman out of her overdue bills, be her surrogate baby's daddy, etc - all in hopes of a romantic or sexual relationship, or even out of sheer chivalry. Look, when was the last time a woman ever bailed your ass out of a sling like that? Prince Charming also likes to, mostly out of sheer chivalry, automatically take a woman's side in a dispute. A LOT, like 105% of male radical feminists, fall into this category. There's an entire book that one could write about what's wrong with Prince Charming - complete with whole chapters about how it feeds into Hypergamy and more chapters about the nauseating insincerity of being Prince Charming to woo a woman, and others about how it perpetuates male expendability. But I'm just going to say: don't be this kind of guy. Don't even try.
10) The Wanna-Be Pick-Up Artist. When you have to walk up to a woman and talk a good game to get her to have sex with you, you've already lost even if you won. You're playing right into an enormous power imbalance that favors her. Would she ever have to talk a good game to be with you? No? Then you need to stop and rethink your life. Your whole life, not just your presence in that venue at that moment. She doesn't think of you as valuable enough to spend her time and energy to convince you to be with her. And yet somehow you think that your pick-up skills can convince her to see you as worth her time? Come on now. Even if you could convince her of such, look who's doing all the hard work here. YOU. Just because you're male doesn't mean you always have to be the one who does all the work. Do you really need to present yourself as a contestant to be "shit tested" by a woman? You're giving her all the power. The other problem with Pickup Artist behavior is it's often quite creepy and always very pushy. How do you even know if she wants to talk to guys at all? So you've not only given her all the power of rejection by engaging in Pickup Artist tactics, but in many cases you're being offensive and getting in her space when she doesn't want you, or guys in general, there. (Like when she's just there for a drink or with her girlfriends on a girls night out?)
It's better to look for more equitable situations where men and women work more equally to connect with each other - either for quickies or for long term relationships. In short, look online, where you can be assured that women are already looking for someone. And if your reason for busting your ass with Pickup Artist nonsense just to get noticed by a woman is because she's a "10" please see #6.
Tired of all the crap women put you through? Nothing wrong with that. But at the same time, take a look at yourself. Strive to be the change that you want.
