Hi everyone,
After spending years enjoying so many of the stories on Literotica, I finally decided it was time to lose my virginity and try my hand at writing a story.
I have been working on this thing for weeks, rather obsessively. I've wanted to have someone take a look at it before submitting the story, but after I read through the Volunteer Editor FAQ's, I was deterred by the idea of possibly having to wait days just for the initial response to my request. Added to the probable turnaround time, I was just too impatient to go through with it. I have some proofreading/editing experience myself, so I convinced/deluded myself into thinking I could catch the errors on my own.
Well, what I'm finding is that I'm just too damn close to the story, and I'm being foiled by my own impatience. I've been working on it so intensely for such a prolonged period that every time I read it over I find a fresh typo, and I've finally decided to wave the white flag and ask/plead for help.
I'm submitting the story to the Erotic Couplings category. In addition to oral/vaginal sex and masturbation, it includes some elements/episode(s) of voyeurism/exhibitionism, anal and rough(ish) sex.
The story is in three parts, and has a total word count of ~38.5K, so it's not going to be a quick read. Just thought you should know that.
Here is the beginning of Part 1:
The bush plane shook as it flew into a current of air. Julia gripped the seat, the blood leaving her knuckles.
“Just a little turbulence,” the pilot said cheerfully, as if in response to her unspoken fear. “These little planes get tossed around more easily than the jets you’re probably used to, but don’t you worry. I’ve been flying out in the bush for twenty seven years and haven’t met a current yet that I couldn’t navigate.”
That calmed her a little. Julia took a deep breath and loosened her hold of the seat enough so that the color returned to her hands. She gave a nervous laugh. “Oh I’m not worried,” she lied, betrayed by her shaking voice. “Uncle Ray assured me that you’re one of the best, so I know I’m in good hands.”
The pilot eyed her curiously. “I must admit I’m a little surprised that Ray’d agree to let his young niece stay alone at his cabin for an entire year. You do know you’ll be nearly three miles from the nearest neighbor, and a good fourteen miles from town with no road to get you there? It could get awfully lonesome in that little cabin those long cold winter months.”
“Believe me, it wasn’t easy to convince my uncle. It took me three years to persuade him, and he agreed only under certain conditions,” Julia explained. “He’ll be flying out here in September to check in on me, and then he plans to return in January as well. He’s also made arrangements with his neighbor to stop by from time to time.
“Uncle Ray stocked up enough firewood to last me the whole year, so I have plenty of fuel, and I intend to have enough food on hand at any given time to last me for months.”
She continued, “Besides, if worse comes to worse, I can always take his snowmobile, I mean snowmachine,” she corrected, reminding herself to use local terminology, “into town and rent a room if living off the grid ends up being too much for me to deal with. That was another one of my uncle’s conditions, and he arranged a place for me to stay if it comes to that.”
“Well, it sounds like you have put a lot of thought into it,” the pilot admitted, “and it’s good you have a backup plan. My apologies; I didn’t mean to pry. It’s just that a lot of folks get these romantic ideas about living here, and those who aren’t properly prepared...”
He said no more, and didn’t need to; she knew what he was going to say.
“I know it’s not going to be easy,” Julia acknowledged. “I’d like to think I’m a resourceful person, though, and I do have wilderness and survival experience.”
“Well, that’s good. You’ll likely need to use those skills before your year is up.”
Julia nodded her agreement, and turned her eyes to the window, soaking in the Alaskan landscape as the plane’s shadow skimmed along the undulating, tree covered surface below, following their path.
Even now she saw a moose rising from the surface of a shimmering lake that was bordered by a thick swath of trees. Far in the distance the snow covered mountains rose bold and majestic, welcoming her to her new home. This was the romance the pilot was talking about, Julia thought in awe, a giddy grin splitting her face; this place was amazingly, breathtakingly beautiful.
It was some time before the pilot finally spoke. “Well, we’re coming to it.”
Julia looked up, her eyes following his pointing finger. A wide ribbon of water came into view from behind the trees. In the distance she could see a small clearing with a cabin and other small buildings on it, and then another. Must be her “neighbor”, she thought to herself with a smile. Beyond that, a little further in the distance, she saw the buildings and homes of tiny Eagle Eye, Alaska.
The cabins, and then the town, seemed deceptively close together from this vantage point, but Julia knew she would be effectively cut off from them. Never had she lived so far from a town, let alone the nearest house. She felt a thrill of excitement for the adventure looming, right now, before her, and her stomach flipped a little.
“Hold on tight, darlin'. We’re going in.”
Julia braced herself with her hands, her whole body tight. A soundless prayer formed behind her lips. Breathe, she reminded herself, don’t forget to breathe. Flying made her uncomfortable, it always had, but the worst part was taking off. And landing. Damn, that clearing looks awfully short.
~~~~
Mostly what I'm looking for is for someone to:
1) Proofread it for typos, misspellings, punctuation, etc. I know a couple of times I noticed that I'd written "his" when I meant "her", for example.
2) Help me tighten up phrases or passages where I get too wordy (my Achilles heel) or unnecessarily use passive voice. I've gone through and done quite a bit of slicing myself, so I (crossing my fingers) hope this won't be something the editor will need to do too extensively. Nevertheless, if I've taken twenty words to describe something that could be more effectively conveyed in ten, I'd appreciate that feedback.
3) Provide a general overview of his/her impressions of my story. Do the characters behave/speak consistently (and/or distinctively)? Does the plot move logically and at a pace that engages the reader throughout? Do I have any obvious factual errors? Did I tie up the loose ends? I welcome specific suggestions, especially if something particularly sticks out as needing attention.
4) Be willing to give me a turnaround time of, say, five days or less if at all possible. Okay, okay, the impatient girl in me would really, REALLY like it back within three days, but I also recognize that you folks, unlike me apparently ;-), probably have busy lives. Nonetheless, I'm letting you know ahead of time my preferences here because it was hard enough for me to put off submitting this thing yet again, and I'm afraid I couldn't bear to wait another two weeks.
Like I mentioned before, this story has taken a life of its own, to the point of obsession, and I'm seriously starting to feel the only way to finally let go of it is to get the fucker submitted as soon as possible. It's important to me that the story is one of good quality, but at the same time I do not want to keep working on it for another four weeks. I need to move on! :-D
Pretty please, will someone help me out?
Thank you so much for your consideration! I really appreciate that you folks are willing to volunteer your services!
~ starscape
After spending years enjoying so many of the stories on Literotica, I finally decided it was time to lose my virginity and try my hand at writing a story.
I have been working on this thing for weeks, rather obsessively. I've wanted to have someone take a look at it before submitting the story, but after I read through the Volunteer Editor FAQ's, I was deterred by the idea of possibly having to wait days just for the initial response to my request. Added to the probable turnaround time, I was just too impatient to go through with it. I have some proofreading/editing experience myself, so I convinced/deluded myself into thinking I could catch the errors on my own.
Well, what I'm finding is that I'm just too damn close to the story, and I'm being foiled by my own impatience. I've been working on it so intensely for such a prolonged period that every time I read it over I find a fresh typo, and I've finally decided to wave the white flag and ask/plead for help.
I'm submitting the story to the Erotic Couplings category. In addition to oral/vaginal sex and masturbation, it includes some elements/episode(s) of voyeurism/exhibitionism, anal and rough(ish) sex.
The story is in three parts, and has a total word count of ~38.5K, so it's not going to be a quick read. Just thought you should know that.
Here is the beginning of Part 1:
The bush plane shook as it flew into a current of air. Julia gripped the seat, the blood leaving her knuckles.
“Just a little turbulence,” the pilot said cheerfully, as if in response to her unspoken fear. “These little planes get tossed around more easily than the jets you’re probably used to, but don’t you worry. I’ve been flying out in the bush for twenty seven years and haven’t met a current yet that I couldn’t navigate.”
That calmed her a little. Julia took a deep breath and loosened her hold of the seat enough so that the color returned to her hands. She gave a nervous laugh. “Oh I’m not worried,” she lied, betrayed by her shaking voice. “Uncle Ray assured me that you’re one of the best, so I know I’m in good hands.”
The pilot eyed her curiously. “I must admit I’m a little surprised that Ray’d agree to let his young niece stay alone at his cabin for an entire year. You do know you’ll be nearly three miles from the nearest neighbor, and a good fourteen miles from town with no road to get you there? It could get awfully lonesome in that little cabin those long cold winter months.”
“Believe me, it wasn’t easy to convince my uncle. It took me three years to persuade him, and he agreed only under certain conditions,” Julia explained. “He’ll be flying out here in September to check in on me, and then he plans to return in January as well. He’s also made arrangements with his neighbor to stop by from time to time.
“Uncle Ray stocked up enough firewood to last me the whole year, so I have plenty of fuel, and I intend to have enough food on hand at any given time to last me for months.”
She continued, “Besides, if worse comes to worse, I can always take his snowmobile, I mean snowmachine,” she corrected, reminding herself to use local terminology, “into town and rent a room if living off the grid ends up being too much for me to deal with. That was another one of my uncle’s conditions, and he arranged a place for me to stay if it comes to that.”
“Well, it sounds like you have put a lot of thought into it,” the pilot admitted, “and it’s good you have a backup plan. My apologies; I didn’t mean to pry. It’s just that a lot of folks get these romantic ideas about living here, and those who aren’t properly prepared...”
He said no more, and didn’t need to; she knew what he was going to say.
“I know it’s not going to be easy,” Julia acknowledged. “I’d like to think I’m a resourceful person, though, and I do have wilderness and survival experience.”
“Well, that’s good. You’ll likely need to use those skills before your year is up.”
Julia nodded her agreement, and turned her eyes to the window, soaking in the Alaskan landscape as the plane’s shadow skimmed along the undulating, tree covered surface below, following their path.
Even now she saw a moose rising from the surface of a shimmering lake that was bordered by a thick swath of trees. Far in the distance the snow covered mountains rose bold and majestic, welcoming her to her new home. This was the romance the pilot was talking about, Julia thought in awe, a giddy grin splitting her face; this place was amazingly, breathtakingly beautiful.
It was some time before the pilot finally spoke. “Well, we’re coming to it.”
Julia looked up, her eyes following his pointing finger. A wide ribbon of water came into view from behind the trees. In the distance she could see a small clearing with a cabin and other small buildings on it, and then another. Must be her “neighbor”, she thought to herself with a smile. Beyond that, a little further in the distance, she saw the buildings and homes of tiny Eagle Eye, Alaska.
The cabins, and then the town, seemed deceptively close together from this vantage point, but Julia knew she would be effectively cut off from them. Never had she lived so far from a town, let alone the nearest house. She felt a thrill of excitement for the adventure looming, right now, before her, and her stomach flipped a little.
“Hold on tight, darlin'. We’re going in.”
Julia braced herself with her hands, her whole body tight. A soundless prayer formed behind her lips. Breathe, she reminded herself, don’t forget to breathe. Flying made her uncomfortable, it always had, but the worst part was taking off. And landing. Damn, that clearing looks awfully short.
~~~~
Mostly what I'm looking for is for someone to:
1) Proofread it for typos, misspellings, punctuation, etc. I know a couple of times I noticed that I'd written "his" when I meant "her", for example.
2) Help me tighten up phrases or passages where I get too wordy (my Achilles heel) or unnecessarily use passive voice. I've gone through and done quite a bit of slicing myself, so I (crossing my fingers) hope this won't be something the editor will need to do too extensively. Nevertheless, if I've taken twenty words to describe something that could be more effectively conveyed in ten, I'd appreciate that feedback.
3) Provide a general overview of his/her impressions of my story. Do the characters behave/speak consistently (and/or distinctively)? Does the plot move logically and at a pace that engages the reader throughout? Do I have any obvious factual errors? Did I tie up the loose ends? I welcome specific suggestions, especially if something particularly sticks out as needing attention.
4) Be willing to give me a turnaround time of, say, five days or less if at all possible. Okay, okay, the impatient girl in me would really, REALLY like it back within three days, but I also recognize that you folks, unlike me apparently ;-), probably have busy lives. Nonetheless, I'm letting you know ahead of time my preferences here because it was hard enough for me to put off submitting this thing yet again, and I'm afraid I couldn't bear to wait another two weeks.
Like I mentioned before, this story has taken a life of its own, to the point of obsession, and I'm seriously starting to feel the only way to finally let go of it is to get the fucker submitted as soon as possible. It's important to me that the story is one of good quality, but at the same time I do not want to keep working on it for another four weeks. I need to move on! :-D
Pretty please, will someone help me out?
Thank you so much for your consideration! I really appreciate that you folks are willing to volunteer your services!
~ starscape
