First story: seeking feedback and help

[mastercock86]

Maggie’s training

My first story. Ideally it would develop into further stories and adventures. I would like to receive feedback and comments on how to improve my writing and style, also considering English is not my mother tongue.

Thank you!

 

[RoperTrace]

Okay, it was your first story, so that's an accomplishment. You got the story idea across pretty well, but it has some rough edges. For instance, Maggie's boss, Eleonore has her name spelled differently three or four times; Elenore, Eleonore. Not a big deal, but it's somewhat distracting.

John, the Master trainer, also morphed into Tom for a couple scenes before he changed back into Master John. Or maybe I missed where Tom entered the scene. If you can't find another set of eyes to proof read it before publishing; you can always ask for volunteers on here.
Since English isn't your first language, that may explain a couple word substitutions that makes the reader pause. For instance, using wait time rather than waste time. Again, your meaning still comes across. All in all, you told a story and had it published, so congratulations, you've joined the writers' club here on Lit.com.