Ever avoid writing a story?

[lovecraft68]

I have a story drifting around in my head that keeps resurfacing, which usually is a sign of the muse saying we need to write this thing.

But I'm not someone who can write just anything I have to feel it. When I'm writing regular smut all I might feel is getting a little um...worked up. If I'm writing something more serious with some conflict I at times tend to be a little more serious and not just when writing, but that mindset stays until I'm done with the story.

I joke and refer to myself as a method writer, just as some actors live their role, my life can be a reflection of what I'm working on.

Which brings me to when I write something dark. I don't mean as in supernatural, but something with depressing storylines, broken characters and fucked up real life shit.

When I write these I'm often pulled down the rabbit hole and the story gets its poignancy from me reliving my own dark times in my younger years and I slip into a dark place in my head and it shows in my daily life. Near the end of my SWB series, when I'd hit the addiction and most depressing chapters my wife told me I had one more week to finish or she was going to force me into counseling. That's not a joke.

So this piece falls into it. Long story short its a look at what I would perceive parent/adult child incest as being without our fun frolicking sexy fantasy elements, but real life something is off here...in this case the mother used sex to manipulate and control her son from a young age(18 of course the pay platforms have an 18 rule but of course in real life we know this shit starts sooner) The mother is a an alcoholic mess who was abused and used by the sons father, and the son became her release, she made him love and need her in every way.

The story as I vision it is told in flashbacks during therapy sessions as the son, now married and having not seen his mother in a couple years, is trying to cope with his past(it also ended when his wife caught him with his mother, drama...always drama) so he's struggling to save his marriage as well by getting help.

So the point is my muse has thing scratching in my head, we all know that feeling, not just oh, good idea, but that NEED to write this thing. On the other side, my childhood was abusive, I saw my mother abused, dark matter of any kind brings all that crap back into my head and this would do it even more because of personal trauma in the "family unit"

Just curious is anyone else has dealt with struggling to avoid or push a story back for whatever reason and if you did, did it work, or did you cave and ultimately write as catharsis to get rid of the damn idea, as just the glimpses I keep getting of it are already stirring the dysfunction pot in my mind.

 

[jaF0]

My Life Story.


I wouldn't dare try to write it. I try not to even recall it.

 

[TadOverdon]

I'm not sure that this is the same thing, but...I've gone into stories with the intention of servicing some kink that I may enjoy as a fantasy or that I think readers of a particular book will get into, and found that I can't do it. I seem to have honest-to-god inhibitions and uncomfortable feelings committing some fantasies to "paper" and then having to look at them and live with them.

We've skirted non-con, I think, in stories that started out as full-on mind control fantasies. IR using the the familiar tropes and language that I suspect are triggers for the arousal of a lot of IR fans - I just can't quite. I wind up circling it.

This isn't intended as kink-shaming of others, I hope, because these are fantasies that I get into myself when some other writers use them. I even have favorites. But there's some self-regulation of dissatisfaction with myself when I approach them

 

[oggbashan]

Yes - my first ever story.

I wrote it with a very crude wordprocessor under C/PM and it grew to about 12,000 words before I decided on a complete rewrite, but even so, it would never have been suitable for Lit as the whole premise was about sexual abuse the main character had suffered as a child and its effects on him throughout his life.


When I rewrote it, I saved the original on a 5.25 360k floppy floppy which became corrupt so the original is lost and the rewite was crap. The original had some promise, but the rewrite was a disaster. I have used some incidents from it in Lit stories but I would like to see a decent version.

It keeps resurfacing in my consciousness but since it isn't for Lit, it just waits, and waits, and waits.

If I ever do resurrect it, it will probably remain only on my hard drive, unpublished anywhere.

 

[lovecraft68]

I'm not sure that this is the same thing, but...I've gone into stories with the intention of servicing some kink that I may enjoy as a fantasy or that I think readers of a particular book will get into, and found that I can't do it. I seem to have honest-to-god inhibitions and uncomfortable feelings committing some fantasies to "paper" and then having to look at them and live with them.

We've skirted non-con, I think, in stories that started out as full-on mind control fantasies. IR using the the familiar tropes and language that I suspect are triggers for the arousal of a lot of IR fans - I just can't quite. I wind up circling it.

This isn't intended as kink-shaming of others, I hope, because these are fantasies that I get into myself when some other writers use them. I even have favorites. But there's some self-regulation of dissatisfaction with myself when I approach them

I understand that completely, its why I don't see the need to challenge myself to write something I'm not into or don't completely understand.

I've written Dub con stories and always keep looking back and thinking did I make sure I gave enough clues/signs there was actual consent, that she did want it?

 

[lovecraft68]

Yes - my first ever story.

I wrote it with a very crude wordprocessor under C/PM and it grew to about 12,000 words before I decided on a complete rewrite, but even so, it would never have been suitable for Lit as the whole premise was about sexual abuse the main character had suffered as a child and its effects on him throughout his life.


When I rewrote it, I saved the original on a 5.25 360k floppy floppy which became corrupt so the original is lost and the rewite was crap. The original had some promise, but the rewrite was a disaster. I have used some incidents from it in Lit stories but I would like to see a decent version.

It keeps resurfacing in my consciousness but since it isn't for Lit, it just waits, and waits, and waits.

If I ever do resurrect it, it will probably remain only on my hard drive, unpublished anywhere.

There's really no market for that erotica wise, unless you had wanted to delve into the pit of asstr which has no age limits.

It might play into mainstream if you toned down the details on the sexual aspects of it, if not maybe its best to leave at the one that got away...on purpose.

 

[SimonDoom]

Sometimes I lose interest in writing a story, but not because it's too dark for me. My stories typically do not delve into much darkness. I usually like to keep the tone playful.

 

[TadOverdon]

I understand that completely, its why I don't see the need to challenge myself to write something I'm not into or don't completely understand.

I've written Dub con stories and always keep looking back and thinking did I make sure I gave enough clues/signs there was actual consent, that she did want it?

I do that!

 

[oggbashan]

There's really no market for that erotica wise, unless you had wanted to delve into the pit of asstr which has no age limits.

It might play into mainstream if you toned down the details on the sexual aspects of it, if not maybe its best to leave at the one that got away...on purpose.

It wasn't intended to be an erotic story at first. I won't go anywhere near asstr.

As amended it could have been mainstream fiction with the abuse just mentioned without details but providing the justification for the character's subsequent actions when an adult - not revenge, but working his way through and beyond it to achieve acceptance by his community for being more than he seemed to be.

But it was started nearly 25 years ago. I think I have moved on so much that I couldn't revive it - not that I really want to.

 

[sirhugs]

Yes.

Like Ogg, it started with my first submission. I finally wrote it because it would not shut up in my head. I felt much better.

Other ideas occasionally still do the same. Unfortunately, one recently involved a tentacle monster.

I wish I had one right bow suitable for the e Nude Day contest.

 

[Sextified]

I have a story drifting around in my head that keeps resurfacing, which usually is a sign of the muse saying we need to write this thing.

Just curious is anyone else has dealt with struggling to avoid or push a story back for whatever reason and if you did, did it work, or did you cave and ultimately write as catharsis to get rid of the damn idea, as just the glimpses I keep getting of it are already stirring the dysfunction pot in my mind.

I quite often get ideas stuck in my head, or ones that come at me very strongly that don't quite fit in my current story.

This can apply to GOOD ideas as well as disturbing ones. A while back there was a quote from a forum contributor about "Too many Plot Bunnies and not enough cages for them all!" I copied that down as a folder title on my desktop to remind me that the little critters are the lifeblood of creativity, but too many of them can be destructive.

- - - -

What I have done for years now is write little snippets. Short little bare bones ideas dealing with ideas that just won't go away. The kind that are distracting or teasing me off course. While some people can just dash off something and place it in a dark little folder never to be looked at again, that never really worked for me.

So I have another writer friend of mine, and we EXCHANGE our little menaces, and the ACT of sharing them seems to neuter them.

No judgements. No recriminations. No picking up a phone and calling the mental health authorities.

Neither one of us really KNOWS for sure where this stuff comes from, but PURGING them from our system seems to work better than anything else we have ever come up with. If all you do is just bundle up the darkness into a tighter and tighter little ball, and hide it, it tends to fester and corrupt anything else it touches inside of you. It's not really gone, but is still there and growing.

- - - -

The old saw about 'Sunlight being the best disinfectant' is quite true for a lot of people. Bringing out a troubling issue to even ONE other set of eyes, after you have written the unpolished core of it down, can do wonders.

All of us who write on any "Free" or "Semi-Free" website have rules to obey. With a little thinking, we all come up with ways to 'Say' certain forbidden things, and allude to them, without getting into too much trouble.

By writing my "Snippets" I can freely express anything, and then I can take the 'emotional impact' of those words, and use THAT in the stories I DO publish.

If you have a main character that has been horribly traumatized by 'off limit' abuse? By exorcising your own demons with words, you will gain true insight on how to better express that to your readers, and still stay on the 'Right' side of the line.

- - - -

At least that works for me, and so far my equally damaged writing friend hasn't called the police to arrest me, or the men in white coats to cart me away!

Yet!

 

[TadOverdon]

I've also done the opposite. The only porn short story I've written started gnawing at me while we were finishing Mothers Gone Wild. I'd sit down to do revisions on the book and wind up writing hundreds of words on the story instead.

Up to that point I'd always been pretty good at focusing on one thing at a time. Since then, I've had two books start on me while I was working on others.

 

[gunhilltrain]

I have a story which I am writing, but I'm reluctant to publish it because of some violence in it. It is definitely not going on Lit in any case. I usually, if not always, avoid violence in my stories

I'm not sure how violent it would be considered by others, It involves non-consensual BDSM inflicted on a guy by a woman, and his later murder of her. I think the ending will be his inept dealings with the police.

I was going to put a disclaimer on it saying that he is an unreliable narrator, and that much of the plot never happened and are just his fantasies about the event. I have some desire to finish it just to see if I can do it; it's more than a bit improbable. And yet, I don't necessarily want to publish it anywhere.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Duplicate post.

 

[LAHomedog]

Yes. Usually the story involves a real person close to me. It makes me uncomfortable to go public with something that is so revealing about them. Feels as if I'm violating their privacy somehow.

 

[gordo12]

I've suppressed several:

One wandered into disabled people and their mental capacity. Prereaders said no.
One wandered into child abuse since she was born. Too young for here or anywhere.
Another was a western about a girl and her horse, and somehow it wandered into them getting better acquainted. I deleted it.

I understand the buzzing in your head compulsion to write things. Only you can decide whether the cost of that is worthwhile.

 

[gunhilltrain]

I've suppressed several:

One wandered into disabled people and their mental capacity. Prereaders said no.
One wandered into child abuse since she was born. Too young for here or anywhere.
Another was a western about a girl and her horse, and somehow it wandered into them getting better acquainted. I deleted it.

I understand the buzzing in your head compulsion to write things. Only you can decide whether the cost of that is worthwhile.

You can write them for yourself and just not show them to anyone. Like what I am doing, I need to get it out.

Interesting that in print there is some extremely dark stuff. American Psycho probably qualifies, although there are doubts about the reliability of the narrator. English author Will Self can write some truly shocking stuff, like the opening of My Idea of Fun.

 

[lovecraft68]

You can write them for yourself and just not show them to anyone. Like what I am doing, I need to get it out.

Interesting that in print there is some extremely dark stuff. American Psycho probably qualifies, although there are doubts about the reliability of the narrator. English author Will Self can write some truly shocking stuff, like the opening of My Idea of Fun.

American Psycho is disturbing, and a little confusing in places.

Michael Slade(which is three writers under one name) has some seriously dark and sick content in their books which are crime thrillers that border on horror(think se7en or movies along those lines) especially their Masterpiece Ghoul.

As for sheer holy fuck sickness, I've yet to find anything to top Jack Ketchum's Offseason, especially the extended version.

 

[Javahead]

I quite often get ideas stuck in my head, or ones that come at me very strongly that don't quite fit in my current story.

<snip>

What I have done for years now is write little snippets. Short little bare bones ideas dealing with ideas that just won't go away. The kind that are distracting or teasing me off course.

<snip>

The old saw about 'Sunlight being the best disinfectant' is quite true for a lot of people. Bringing out a troubling issue to even ONE other set of eyes, after
By writing my "Snippets" I can freely express anything, and then I can take the 'emotional impact' of those words, and use THAT in the stories I DO publish.

That’s a bit different from how I use snippets, but I can see how it might be cathartic.

For me, snippets are how I deal with insistent plot bunnies when I’m trying to focus on another story. Write the scenes I can’t get out of my head otherwise, save them to work on later, and then try to get stuck back into the story they derailed.

A couple of my better received stories started out that way. Though honestly compels me to admit that there are many never get beyond that first insistent idea.

The way I handle stories or scenes I really don’t want to write is less productive: simple procrastination.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Since this is supposed to be an erotic literature site, one would think that we are all supposed to be adults here. But Lit and one other site are rather careful about presenting violence. A couple of other sites have almost no rules at all.

There are plenty of real-life stories that are quite gruesome - the Khmer Rouge, the Nazis, Rwanda, the Manson Family, Ed Gein, and so forth. Jesus, Jeffrey Dahmer; they should give a medal to the other convict who killed him.

Somehow these are reported on and described in detail and the world goes on. These should be more disturbing because they actually happened. I think the mass killings bother me more than the lone serial killers. As in Cambodia or Rwanda, huge numbers of seemingly ordinary people went berserk and committed atrocities. Then, when it was over, most of them went back to something like regular lives.

 

[Payne_Hall]

American Psycho is disturbing, and a little confusing in places.

Michael Slade(which is three writers under one name) has some seriously dark and sick content in their books which are crime thrillers that border on horror(think se7en or movies along those lines) especially their Masterpiece Ghoul.

As for sheer holy fuck sickness, I've yet to find anything to top Jack Ketchum's Offseason, especially the extended version.

It’s funny you bring both of these up because I absolutely love Michael Slade and Ketchum’s The Girl Next Door.

But as far as books that stunned me with a kind of extremely dark fascination, I think Harris’ Hannibal has to be a top one. I don’t know if this was because of the time I read it in life, but there was something terrifying about Clarice being the symbol of purity and falling to Hannibal’s madness in the way she did, after resisting his “therapy” and everything else. Some of the wording was almost romantic in nature, in the same way that Dracula’s wording, and I that was part of what made it so awful for me.

House of Leaves by Danielewski was another one that did pretty well with ambience.

Also, I know people bring up De Sade in tandem with disturbing content a lot, but his stuff just struck me as strange. And as another random side note, I’m still angry over the fact that Bret Easton Ellis was interested in directing 50 Shades of Gray and casting a porn star and people didn’t let that happen. This was almost a thing and I didn’t get it and I’m forever upset about this fact. I don’t care about anything to do with the books or anything. That’s just something that I would have loved to have for some Ellis’ book scenes. Heheheh, just think of it.

 

[JaxRhapsody]

I have a story drifting around in my head that keeps resurfacing, which usually is a sign of the muse saying we need to write this thing.

But I'm not someone who can write just anything I have to feel it. When I'm writing regular smut all I might feel is getting a little um...worked up. If I'm writing something more serious with some conflict I at times tend to be a little more serious and not just when writing, but that mindset stays until I'm done with the story.

I joke and refer to myself as a method writer, just as some actors live their role, my life can be a reflection of what I'm working on.

Which brings me to when I write something dark. I don't mean as in supernatural, but something with depressing storylines, broken characters and fucked up real life shit.

When I write these I'm often pulled down the rabbit hole and the story gets its poignancy from me reliving my own dark times in my younger years and I slip into a dark place in my head and it shows in my daily life. Near the end of my SWB series, when I'd hit the addiction and most depressing chapters my wife told me I had one more week to finish or she was going to force me into counseling. That's not a joke.

So this piece falls into it. Long story short its a look at what I would perceive parent/adult child incest as being without our fun frolicking sexy fantasy elements, but real life something is off here...in this case the mother used sex to manipulate and control her son from a young age(18 of course the pay platforms have an 18 rule but of course in real life we know this shit starts sooner) The mother is a an alcoholic mess who was abused and used by the sons father, and the son became her release, she made him love and need her in every way.

The story as I vision it is told in flashbacks during therapy sessions as the son, now married and having not seen his mother in a couple years, is trying to cope with his past(it also ended when his wife caught him with his mother, drama...always drama) so he's struggling to save his marriage as well by getting help.

So the point is my muse has thing scratching in my head, we all know that feeling, not just oh, good idea, but that NEED to write this thing. On the other side, my childhood was abusive, I saw my mother abused, dark matter of any kind brings all that crap back into my head and this would do it even more because of personal trauma in the "family unit"

Just curious is anyone else has dealt with struggling to avoid or push a story back for whatever reason and if you did, did it work, or did you cave and ultimately write as catharsis to get rid of the damn idea, as just the glimpses I keep getting of it are already stirring the dysfunction pot in my mind.

The only thing that keeps me from writing a story is the inability to make the plot work.

 

[lovecraft68]

It’s funny you bring both of these up because I absolutely love Michael Slade and Ketchum’s The Girl Next Door.

But as far as books that stunned me with a kind of extremely dark fascination, I think Harris’ Hannibal has to be a top one. I don’t know if this was because of the time I read it in life, but there was something terrifying about Clarice being the symbol of purity and falling to Hannibal’s madness in the way she did, after resisting his “therapy” and everything else. Some of the wording was almost romantic in nature, in the same way that Dracula’s wording, and I that was part of what made it so awful for me.

House of Leaves by Danielewski was another one that did pretty well with ambience.

Also, I know people bring up De Sade in tandem with disturbing content a lot, but his stuff just struck me as strange. And as another random side note, I’m still angry over the fact that Bret Easton Ellis was interested in directing 50 Shades of Gray and casting a porn star and people didn’t let that happen. This was almost a thing and I didn’t get it and I’m forever upset about this fact. I don’t care about anything to do with the books or anything. That’s just something that I would have loved to have for some Ellis’ book scenes. Heheheh, just think of it.

Ghoul was so good-had some pretty kinky scenes for a mainstream book, they're work always does have some fetish stuff-and one of those endings that had you go, no way...then you went back through the book and see where yes, it was there, we didn't see it. Great stuff. Headhunter is good too.

Blows my mind three people, I think two men and a woman, can write together that seamlessly. Slade has come up with some of the sickest killers I've ever read about. Three sickos locked in a cell writing LOL

Desade's work was his time periods equivalent to over the top shock value, it was as if he were trying to see how extreme he could be, but for its time, its hard to top. The movie Salo is based on his work and...just pass on it, trust me.

By all accounts Jack Ketchum was a great guy, someone in my author's association went to school with him and visited from time to time. But his animosity towards women in his writing was disturbing. Anything can be a device or theme in a book, but its in all his books, especially Girl Next Door and The Woman maybe it was catharsis cause mom didn't love him or something, but wow its there in spades.

Honestly, I picked up on it not only because I hate men who abuse women, or abide it, but I have that same current in my books, but its hatred of men, so I can identify. Difference is is doesn't seem like he acted that way in his real life, I do.

Hannibal...I gave that one a Meh, way too out there for me, and I lost any attraction to Lecther after he mind fucked Clarice. In that book Lechter went from an interesting anti-hero to a superhero...the rabid hogs parting for him like he's Moses and the third brother hired to kill him has him in his sites and let's him go

The man who killed your two brothers and after an entire back story on how they never broke a contract. Come on Thomas Harris, stop buying into Hollywood hype.

I hadn't heard the porn star story about Shades. Maybe they figured Ana the 23 year old written to speak and act like a 15 year old was supposed to be innocent. What would have been amusing is how few of the audience would have known she was a porn star(without being told) because real porn is too much for anyone who thought that book was hot.

I always wonder how Don Johnson and Melanie felt that their daughter's first role was an R rated skin flick (as much as it was allowed to be). Not that Melanie didn't do some sleazy work early on(Fear City comes to mind) but she also didn't have parents in the industry and that kind of 'pedigree'

 

[ChloeTzang]

......Just curious is anyone else has dealt with struggling to avoid or push a story back for whatever reason and if you did, did it work, or did you cave and ultimately write as catharsis to get rid of the damn idea, as just the glimpses I keep getting of it are already stirring the dysfunction pot in my mind.

I write them. One of my stories on Lit is quite personal, altho I changed everything around, but writing about it was a cathartic experience for sure.

I have a couple of others that are rather darker, not personal, but just much darker stories that would never see the light of day on Lit, they wouldn't pass, but I'm writing them anyhow, mostly to get them out of my head, because I find that once I write them, that's it. I can let it go....

 

[nikisixx]

too close to home... had to respond.

Answer is yes.

Post is far too close to home.

Never thought of writing here again, to be honest. Not because of all of you, but because of me. However, that's a long story.

I started writing here for some self-therapy -- an escape -- but it turned into a bit of a disaster. My own personal rabbit-hole you mentioned was just too enticing, too strong, .... like the gravity of a trillion suns.

Point is, that my stories became darker and darker.... and I had to stop. There is a long
queue of stories that I wrote, that I just can't publish. They are too autobiographical and hurt far too much.


Anyway, I remember I line in Martin Amis' "London Fields",
"Do you want to know how the story ends? You can always imagine whatever you want to.
No matter what's going in the world, you can always imagine anything you like. And it will make you happy."


Maybe, just maybe, I can imagine different endings for my stories and return someday.


-Nicola.

I have a story drifting around in my head that keeps resurfacing, which usually is a sign of the muse saying we need to write this thing.

But I'm not someone who can write just anything I have to feel it. When I'm writing regular smut all I might feel is getting a little um...worked up. If I'm writing something more serious with some conflict I at times tend to be a little more serious and not just when writing, but that mindset stays until I'm done with the story.

I joke and refer to myself as a method writer, just as some actors live their role, my life can be a reflection of what I'm working on.

Which brings me to when I write something dark. I don't mean as in supernatural, but something with depressing storylines, broken characters and fucked up real life shit.

When I write these I'm often pulled down the rabbit hole and the story gets its poignancy from me reliving my own dark times in my younger years and I slip into a dark place in my head and it shows in my daily life. Near the end of my SWB series, when I'd hit the addiction and most depressing chapters my wife told me I had one more week to finish or she was going to force me into counseling. That's not a joke.

So this piece falls into it. Long story short its a look at what I would perceive parent/adult child incest as being without our fun frolicking sexy fantasy elements, but real life something is off here...in this case the mother used sex to manipulate and control her son from a young age(18 of course the pay platforms have an 18 rule but of course in real life we know this shit starts sooner) The mother is a an alcoholic mess who was abused and used by the sons father, and the son became her release, she made him love and need her in every way.

The story as I vision it is told in flashbacks during therapy sessions as the son, now married and having not seen his mother in a couple years, is trying to cope with his past(it also ended when his wife caught him with his mother, drama...always drama) so he's struggling to save his marriage as well by getting help.

So the point is my muse has thing scratching in my head, we all know that feeling, not just oh, good idea, but that NEED to write this thing. On the other side, my childhood was abusive, I saw my mother abused, dark matter of any kind brings all that crap back into my head and this would do it even more because of personal trauma in the "family unit"

Just curious is anyone else has dealt with struggling to avoid or push a story back for whatever reason and if you did, did it work, or did you cave and ultimately write as catharsis to get rid of the damn idea, as just the glimpses I keep getting of it are already stirring the dysfunction pot in my mind.