being in love

[naughtyminx]

just wondering why it never gets easier, lol..

i'm in love with my best friend.. he's in love with me.. we have been for a long long time.. i know it, he knows it, everyone we know knows it.. but we cant admit it to each other at the moment.. can talk about everything under the sun but our feelings for each other.. not in a serious fashion anyway.. its all that old cliche where we've both been hurt real bad.. u know the drill..

 

[SweetErika]

What do you think would happen if you just took the plunge and verbalized it?

 

[Bobmi357]

I have to agree with Erika here. Sure you've been hurt in the past and so has he. But if you don't take that plunge and come out and say it, you'll never be able to act on those feelings. Love means lowering your defenses. Love means being vunerable and trusting the other person not to hurt you.

You can't win by sitting on the sidelines saying "I don't want to get hurt again".

Tell him. Or show him. But break the ice unless you like being alone and lonely.

 

[naughtyminx]

i dont know.. i cant predict this one.. we've spoken before in a joking fashion about it and how he's worried if it went wrong we would ruin whats perfect between us.. and i admit i couldnt stand to lose him..

on the other hand, i dont doubt what i see in his eyes and what i feel, and what i know he feels when we're together..

it would be rude not to tell him.. i respect him too much not to let him make his own decision.. i just find it hard to put myself on the line like that..

 

[Cathleen]

naughtyminx, I had an experience a few weeks ago that is coming to my mind. We both had been 'sort of beating around that bush' and we were able admit we cared a lot for each other, that was the start. Then a few weeks ago I was having one of those days when you just need someone to sooth you, even by phone, I didn't care if he even said anything, just listening to him breathe would have helped. He did help and I was in that vulnerable place Bobmi mentioned, the words just came out of my mouth - 'I am falling in love with you' - he said the same back. It was a starting place of sorts, we let it settle a day or so and then were able to start talking about what it meant, what our situation was etc.

Bob's words are echoing in my mind here, it is about letting our defenses down, trusting he will not hurt you. What I have realized is that he is a good man, his intentions are not to hurt me - we have taken time to know each other better so I am comfortable with his character, his behaviors - he is a good man.

I trusted myself first, trusted that I was aware enough to know a good person when I met them - making a friend is the same - making a special friend takes that extra trust in yourself that you will choose wisely.

Loving and being in love are two very different things in my mind - I know I love this man, and certainly feel as if I am in love with him too. Do you trust yourself to make good friends? Maybe work with that idea first and then trust yourself.

You can make a prediction but you can't know unless you do it. Kind of like taking the next right step.

 

[SweetErika]

i dont know.. i cant predict this one.. we've spoken before in a joking fashion about it and how he's worried if it went wrong we would ruin whats perfect between us.. and i admit i couldnt stand to lose him..

on the other hand, i dont doubt what i see in his eyes and what i feel, and what i know he feels when we're together..

it would be rude not to tell him.. i respect him too much not to let him make his own decision.. i just find it hard to put myself on the line like that..

Perhaps you both ought to consider that the best relationships are built on solid friendships, and friendships that strong can weather just about anything. It's fine to acknowledge there's risk, but look at everything you already have that will contribute to the success of the relationship... knowledge, communication, trust, respect, love, the ability to spend a lot of time together and enjoy it, etc. Also think about how much "safer" it is to not take the next step...is the perceived safety worth the possibility of missing out on what could be infinitely better than what you have now?

 

[Bobmi357]

Bob's words are echoing in my mind here, it is about letting our defenses down, trusting he will not hurt you. What I have realized is that he is a good man, his intentions are not to hurt me - we have taken time to know each other better so I am comfortable with his character, his behaviors - he is a good man.

Its a lesson I learned pretty late in life. The problem is I've been on that sideline waiting and hoping to be found by cupid. Well the news is if you want to find cupid you've got to go looking for him.

Every attempt at a relationship is a risk. Relationships and falling in love means being able to trust someone so much that you know they will never knowingly hurt you. Sure there will be the accidental hurt. But you know he/she will not go out of their way to cause you pain. If you can't get to this level of trust, then the relationship is doomed. You cannot maintain a one way relationship for long without it faltering.

When I broke up with my ex wife I could have sworn off women for the rest of my life and entered a cloister. She'd hurt me in ways that only a woman can truly hurt a man. I could have sat there stewing in my hurt and promising myself never to get involved again. But that seemed rather a fruitless and cold existance to me. Sure you can get hurt. But if you don't play, you can't win!

 

[SexyChele]

Its a lesson I learned pretty late in life. The problem is I've been on that sideline waiting and hoping to be found by cupid. Well the news is if you want to find cupid you've got to go looking for him.

Every attempt at a relationship is a risk. Relationships and falling in love means being able to trust someone so much that you know they will never knowingly hurt you. Sure there will be the accidental hurt. But you know he/she will not go out of their way to cause you pain. If you can't get to this level of trust, then the relationship is doomed. You cannot maintain a one way relationship for long without it faltering.

Oh yes, yes, yes, yes!!

It is certainly true that you could possibly lose a friendship, but haven't you sort of done that already? I mean, if you both have this huge issue between you, so big that you can't even talk about it, are you two truly being "friends"? Last I knew, friends could talk about anything, everything. It sounds like you both are holding back, so perhaps this has already affected the friendship?

I would say verbalize. It could be an end to a friendship, yes. It could also be the beginning of something very special. What a way to begin the New Year, yes? (Okay, so I'm a sappy romantic and one of my favorite movie moments was when Harry tells Sally how he feels at midnight on New Year's in "When Harry Met Sally")

 

[SweetErika]

I would say verbalize. It could be an end to a friendship, yes. It could also be the beginning of something very special. What a way to begin the New Year, yes? (Okay, so I'm a sappy romantic and one of my favorite movie moments was when Harry tells Sally how he feels at midnight on New Year's in "When Harry Met Sally")

That's exactly what I was thinking! It's one of my all-time favorites too.

 

[Kissophile]

Oh yes, yes, yes, yes!!

It is certainly true that you could possibly lose a friendship, but haven't you sort of done that already? I mean, if you both have this huge issue between you, so big that you can't even talk about it, are you two truly being "friends"? Last I knew, friends could talk about anything, everything. It sounds like you both are holding back, so perhaps this has already affected the friendship?

I would say verbalize. It could be an end to a friendship, yes. It could also be the beginning of something very special. What a way to begin the New Year, yes? (Okay, so I'm a sappy romantic and one of my favorite movie moments was when Harry tells Sally how he feels at midnight on New Year's in "When Harry Met Sally")

"I'll have what she's having."

In another life I used to think and write a lot about love. But then I discovered that it's like trying to write on water.

Besides, someone smart pointed out to me that what matters most is to love, not to merely think about it.

Naughtyminx, it certainly sounds like both of you are consumed by fear. It may be as much a fear of losing each other's friendship as it is a fear of screwing up in love.

One thing that lovers do for each other is to offer a refuge from fear. Perhaps you could start by saying somehing along the lines of, "You know, I've had something on my mind for a long time now and I've been afraid of saying it. But that's really silly because I actually feel safer with you than with anyone else I know. So here goes. ...."

Good luck. BTW, many people say that New Year's Eve is a heck of a good time to start a new chapter.

 

[jacuzzigal]

BTW, many people say that New Year's Eve is a heck of a good time to start a new chapter.

Good point, KP. Nothing like a new year for new starts.

 

[babydoll2u]

Good point, KP. Nothing like a new year for new starts.

I'm countin' on it!

 

[LadyJeanne]

Sometimes, maybe often, love requires a leap of faith, and that can be very scary. But it sounds like the two of you have the best kind of foundation from which to make that leap.

You won't lose the friendship if the romance doesn't work out. It may take some time afterwards, but people who truly love each other as friends find a way to handle it in a mature way, even if it takes a little time for the awkwardness to fade.

Odds are though, that if you already love each other, the romance will work out and you'll find yourselves in love with your best friend. You have to give yourselves the chance to have that - what could you possibly find with someone else that would be better?

Good Luck to you!

 

[crazybbwgirl]

ahhh - the double-edged sword of love! The awful painful scarey risk of putting your heart out there in the open unprotected. The awesome wonderful rollercoaster ride of putting your heart out there in the open unprotected.

 

[Denae]

Take the risk and tell him how you feel.

I have regrets and this is not a good way to live. I wished I'd taken the chance. He did once, but I didn't take him seriously because he called to tell me when he came home from an overseas trip and had had a lot to drink.

I know he would have cherished me and spent every moment of his life treating me like a queen.

Fear of losing him and his friendship kept me silent.

Take a chance. Love and happiness are worth trying for.

 

[naughtyminx]

well guys and gals.. u all gave me the push i needed.. we're now together in every sense of the word (for now at least).. thanks for ur encouragement and sense, hoorah!!

 

[Cathleen]

well guys and gals.. u all gave me the push i needed.. we're now together in every sense of the word (for now at least).. thanks for ur encouragement and sense, hoorah!!

Well that is just terrific! I'm glad to hear that - good for you.

Love is a thrilling ride, and it does take some interesting turns, highs and lows and sometimes it just glides along.

I hope we can keep this thread going - to discuss what love is to each of us, how it can change and all that goes with it. I know my mind gets on that rollercoaster and sometimes I apply the breaks too quickly or even fly off the tracks too.

It can be difficult for me to sit with the emotions that come with love. I wonder when and if that changes, I wonder how we know it is here.

I'm so happy for you

 

[SweetErika]

well guys and gals.. u all gave me the push i needed.. we're now together in every sense of the word (for now at least).. thanks for ur encouragement and sense, hoorah!!

Wonderful news! Congratulations!

 

[horny_male_slut]

well guys and gals.. u all gave me the push i needed.. we're now together in every sense of the word (for now at least).. thanks for ur encouragement and sense, hoorah!!

Well done K

I always knew that you (and he) could do it

Congratulations to both of you...Hope you'll both be very happy sweet heart

 

[naughtyminx]

fankyew

was hilarious in the end.. we'd fallen asleep in each others arms again watchin tv and he woke me up at 5am so he could go to the loo.. when he came back i just went "so... are u gonna kiss me or what" and the rest is history, lol..


(incase anyone's wondering, lololol)

*blushes*

 

[SexyChele]

fankyew

was hilarious in the end.. we'd fallen asleep in each others arms again watchin tv and he woke me up at 5am so he could go to the loo.. when he came back i just went "so... are u gonna kiss me or what" and the rest is history, lol..


(incase anyone's wondering, lololol)

*blushes*

Wonderful news! I'm so happy for you, and wish you both all the best for the new year and the new relationship!

 

[Xectxny19X]

awww...SWEET!!