Feeling good could be defined
as an absence of feeling bad,
so today brings analgesically
induced goodness to those neurons
accustomed to bein numbed with pain.
But there's some scars healing
at a central point of feeling love.
It's not bad insomuch
that this feeling isn't as good
as it was around the time
a hurt heart could be convinced
that everything was all right.
I guess that even when I felt good
living a lie was just as painful as living
the barefaced truth that is today.
Push against stonewalled
resolve with petulant
shoves against every rock.
Stomp with heavy boots
along the stubborn ridge
to break a misplaced step.
Keep at it -
just as persistent.
Pick along the edge -
just as resistant.
Twist the fibrous strand
until it breaks
and you have provoked
retribution for every
painful wound.
A skeleton of alloys, steel made stainless
supports a superstructure of titanium.
Metal coated with slick plastics, teflon
too brittle for this purpose, this needs
to bend and perform in twisted poses.
Graphite sinews connect lengths
and wrap joints that lift and pull,
pushing in endless motion to power
a pump fuelled by resistance
and sunlight. The beat goes on
in a rhythm not unlike our own pumps.
Science gives us skin cells of undying
health and impermeable softness
to wrap the workings in. Nano bits
flood tubes with everything a body
needs to become a super human.
You are a vision of average appeal,
virtual perfection to the normal
amongst us. No flaws to be seen,
no gaps in knowing, an absence
of a learning curve that satisfies
many but only makes me uncomfortable.
You are my creation, more than a gollum;
you are not magic, not of God. Invention
placed a responding physiology, comparative
deduction determines when you smile
My servant, you are untiring, unsad,
unaware of how people decide if you
should exist or be swallowed
in a recycling machine.
If I held such gravity,
my heat would not disperse
and my darkness would swallow
every light that ventures close
enough to be within my influence.
If I held such gravity,
I would not be warm enough to love
you. My heat would die could I
not share it and how could we
continue? My darkness extinguished
my light long ago and now I need
to explode into a universe
of strings of possibilities. One
of which brings me to love
you under the influence
of your gravity. Pull me in
and hold me under so that I
can disperse and become one with you.
I remember how she smelled
like ancient smoke, tired
cabbage and black exhaust
blasted out of bus motors
and rumbled by Deux Chevaux
in the traffic circle
at the head of the Champs Elysse.
Stroll toward three-storied
Ferari dealerships and twenty-dollar
cafe au laits (but they serve
it with biscuits and that's better)
to watch the curious tourists
wish they could afford to shop
here every week for Jimmy Choos.
Two stops on the Metro and you
emerge from the bottom of Paris
ready to climb to the top it still
smells like cabbages but now
odours are chased away by the wind
rushing you forward to midnight
and the damp curbs of Pigalle.
I remember waking up with noises
of the Gare l'Est squealing
through the open window and smiling
at the soreness of after-sex
muscles' reluctance to move
and the look on the cabby's face
when we told him to drive on
from our back-seat entanglement.
It was your fault, you insisted
on finding a live sex show.
Too bad the performance was limp
but what could we expect
for the last show of the night-
turned-morning with dawn a mere
two hours away and just one
more erection before bed.
Aortic Stenosis Isn't All That Squeezes My Heart Today Robin Williams 1951-2014
I know I have a epitaph
steaming agony up from a scar
not unlike the one you wore
so proudly funny everywhere.
You'd bare it like your soul,
but little did we understand
that your soul stayed hidden
deeper than wounds on your chest
I laughed in porcine squealed snorts
when you performed your bovine moo
giggled as I thought about wallows
in barnyard goo while you chewed cud
You made me laugh away depression
while it tortured you back to addiction.
How dark was it in those footlights
once you took away your red nose?
Once you wiped off the grease paint,
dear clown, were you afraid to show
the world the face that twisted
sorrow, afraid we wouldn't care?
Now, how will I battle back the dark
that sometimes pokes holes in light
pleasure and memories? Without you
the world is sad and holds fewer joys.
But we will continue because saviours
exist and happiness is always easier
than depression no matter what the bottle
tries to tell you differently. Rest.