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Finding your match on line....

MissTaken

MissTaken

Biker Chick
Joined
Jun 30, 2001
Posts
20,570
BDSM personal ads, friends we make at various BDSM websites, BDSM chat rooms....EGADS!

Can being single be anymore frustrating, nerve racking, or demoralizing than this?

It isn't easy. It seems that there are many Dom/mes and subs on line who are "game players." They enjoy talking the talk, may even want to write scenes on line, but have little understanding for the emotional and mental aspects of power exchange. And, many "players" are not likely to ever engage in real life experience.

I am finding the on line "Dom search" very frustrating and at times, humorous.

Perhaps a thread wherein we could share our experiences and vent and seek advice concerning on line BDSM "dating" would be in order?

Then, when Mr. Right comes along, how do we transition from the safey of your pc in the comfort of your home to real life D/s?
 
Heh. You really want to have some frustrating fun, try hunting through the On-Line personals as a switch; try writing a personal as a switch.

Agreed. It's a huge pain in the ass.

and not the fun kind, either.

:D

that said, the possible payoff is worth it.

Time for The Beast to crack his bud open and bloom. Hell, even cacti have flowers...
 
MissTaken said:
BDSM personal ads, friends we make at various BDSM websites, BDSM chat rooms....EGADS!

Can being single be anymore frustrating, nerve racking, or demoralizing than this?

It isn't easy. It seems that there are many Dom/mes and subs on line who are "game players." They enjoy talking the talk, may even want to write scenes on line, but have little understanding for the emotional and mental aspects of power exchange. And, many "players" are not likely to ever engage in real life experience.

I am finding the on line "Dom search" very frustrating and at times, humorous.

Perhaps a thread wherein we could share our experiences and vent and seek advice concerning on line BDSM "dating" would be in order?

Then, when Mr. Right comes along, how do we transition from the safey of your pc in the comfort of your home to real life D/s?
Click to expand...
I agree with your post MissT, however I also believe there are subs who do it too, and you didn't give that any recognition. I have had it done to me in the past, and I am curious why you focused on Dom/mes only. Btw, communicating through a board or anywhere that lacks voice, takes a certain something out of the ability to truely hear the sencerity (if any) in a persons tone. So please do not take this post as an attack. It is simply curiosity, and looking for an answer.
 
A thousand appologies. When reading your post MissT, I overlooked the Dom/mes and subs alike. All I saw was Dom/mes. Forgive my oversight.
 
BlkPnthr said:
A thousand appologies. When reading your post MissT, I overlooked the Dom/mes and subs alike. All I saw was Dom/mes. Forgive my oversight.
Click to expand...

No problem. :)

I have talked with many Doms who are equally, if not more frustrated by empty promises, games and even false checklist.

On line dating is frustrating on any level, I will acknowledge non BDSM personals as well.

It is unfortunate there are no "truth in advertising" laws governing personal ads. *smirks*
 
MissTaken said:


No problem. :)

I have talked with many Doms who are equally, if not more frustrated by empty promises, games and even false checklist.

On line dating is frustrating on any level, I will acknowledge non BDSM personals as well.

It is unfortunate there are no "truth in advertising" laws governing personal ads. *smirks*
Click to expand...
Yes, online dating is extremely frustrating. If you think about it though, it is to be expected I guess. So many people come online to be someone they are not in RL. After my last encounter with a sub, where I had my heart broken, I gave up on the D/s scene. In a way I am glad, and in a way I miss it. Everything happens for a reason though. I guess my sacrifice was to give up the whole scene to find the woman of my dreams, who I am now engaged to. A small price to pay to have a dream come true I figure:)
 
MissTaken said:
It is unfortunate there are no "truth in advertising" laws governing personal ads. *smirks*
Click to expand...

*Chuckles*

"AD: 32 yo SWM Dom Seeking 20- 25 yo SWF Sub. Very capable and knowledgable... will teach new subs anything they need to know. Trust is a must. So is personality."

Truth: Geeky 17 year old kid who read a few BDSM stories. Wants a convienent excuse to treat his new GF like a waste basket. The younger and more guilable, the better. Must have big tits.
 
I've just been "looking around" market for a relatively short time, as some of you know. Well, *this* time around, anyway. I've been here before.

All in all, i've found online ads to be an expedient way to meet and sort through potential Dominants.

One can decide in an immediate manner whether to pursue any deeper kind of contact or friendship and online ads don't have time component that actually meeting face-toface and talking and sorting through the social pleasantries has in, say, a munch situation.

Online ads are *fast* They're *everywhere*. They free me to focus on the ideas and words and emotions offered via email... the physical can wait for later. For me, in my life, playing into what i need, if the mental connection isn't there (as evidenced by a good email attraction) then the physical won't be there, either.

I've found alt.com to be consistently good over the last 5 or 6 years. I've found two of my last three long-term (longer than a year) Dominants via that site.

Lately i've used bondage.com, too. There it's all people like us. Everyone is a BDSM'er. That's kinda cool. Additionally, it's far easier to find someone in my local area than it is at alt.com.

However, and true to form, the Dominant on whom i'm focsing now is one from alt. Go figure.

Another good topic, MissT.:rose:
 
Black_Bird said:


*Chuckles*

"AD: 32 yo SWM Dom Seeking 20- 25 yo SWF Sub. Very capable and knowledgable... will teach new subs anything they need to know. Trust is a must. So is personality."

Truth: Geeky 17 year old kid who read a few BDSM stories. Wants a convienent excuse to treat his new GF like a waste basket. The younger and more guilable, the better. Must have big tits.
Click to expand...

You have been into my e mail??? :D
 
You know what, guys?

I've rarely met or talked/emailed much with anyone from alt or bondage who wasn't as s/he represented themselves.

Maybe i have a finely honed bullshit dector, maybe the age range i seek into has something to do with it, maybe because i word my ads so strongly toward those with experience the newbies don't bother me... but for whatever reason, i rarely hear from pretenders.

I'm sorry you've had those experiences.
:(
 
What are some of the triggers/cues/red flags that tell us that the guy/gal on the other end of the pc isn't being straight with us?


How do you know when to push the Ignore button?




For example: If I am asked if I take anal within the first few messages, adios!



*Please, don't misread the intent of the thread. I have had some positive experiences as well.
 
I think we all understand the intent of your post, Miss Taken. I know that finding someone online is in some ways more difficult, but in others freeing, too.

It's definitely a balancing act, learning to listen to our brains while our hearts are hoping and our bodies are full of need.




edited for spelling, i can't leave those errors due to shaking hands forever
 
Last edited:
Oh, now I really wanna see a cym ad...


There is an art to writing those, absolutely.

Funny..being a married, monogamous woman...I really love reading personal ads.

My husband walked in while I was reading a batch and replied,
"So, are you still mine?"


I just find them fascinating...like looking into other people's grocery carts...but more with sexy words.
 
Ah..cookied out.

I just realized though upon reading my post as unregistered..anyone can tell it's me cuz I type all funny.

BTW..this should read:
I just find them fascinating...like looking into other people's grocery carts...but with a lot more sexy words.
 
There is a skill to writing personal ads.

Lately, any that I have used seem top use as much space covering what I won't do and what I am NOT looking for.

It certainly cuts down on the traffic. :)
 
Black_Bird said:


*Chuckles*

"AD: 32 yo SWM Dom Seeking 20- 25 yo SWF Sub. Very capable and knowledgable... will teach new subs anything they need to know. Trust is a must. So is personality."

Truth: Geeky 17 year old kid who read a few BDSM stories. Wants a convienent excuse to treat his new GF like a waste basket. The younger and more guilable, the better. Must have big tits.
Click to expand...

or in chat rooms -
"i am dom, and you will call me sir"
translation - I'm sitting here with a goofy grin and hard on waiting for some daft chick to get me off

and i know it goes both ways panther

In defence maybe some people are just inexpereinced ( i know i am) and inadvertantly stepping on other peoples toes - remember the first time you asked someone out - it was hard wasn't it.
It is depressing though i chat in several palces and i try to be clear that i am sub and that i expect a certian level of intellect from my play partner - i have come across idiots however who see the whole bdsm/fetish tag as a way to get a girl online who won't say no
 
petrel said:


or in chat rooms -
"i am dom, and you will call me sir"
translation - I'm sitting here with a goofy grin and hard on waiting for some daft chick to get me off

and i know it goes both ways panther

In defence maybe some people are just inexpereinced ( i know i am) and inadvertantly stepping on other peoples toes - remember the first time you asked someone out - it was hard wasn't it.
It is depressing though i chat in several palces and i try to be clear that i am sub and that i expect a certian level of intellect from my play partner - i have come across idiots however who see the whole bdsm/fetish tag as a way to get a girl online who won't say no
Click to expand...
Never had a problem asking someone out:) I don't fear rejection
 
Ok, let's face it folks... finding that right someone is just plain hard...

But when you want them to flog your ass, clamp your nipples and blindfold and gag (still shudders a little but moving toward the day)... then we are talking a whole new arena....

Personally, I found Himself at alt.com... but it took months... ok maybe some of that was me... but I did the chat room there.. the im there and waded through a ton of emails... (I guess I am a little picky)...

I learned very early on alt.com that all are not what they seem... but I know now that was because I was new, uncertain of what I was looking for and how to get what I wanted... eventually, I learned to be specific, as a newbie can be, to be assertive about what I wanted...

It is hard... I knew after reading an email whether I wanted to look at a Dom/mes profile or not... and i usually sent a no thank you type email in return... I was shocked at some of the replies from these Dom/mes that I received...

I do agree that many seem to be what they are at alt.com... but just like all the other places, there are those who are not...

It took months to find Himself and in the end he found me...
 
I found my online mistress and now reallife girlfriend and mistress by not looking for one. Actually she found me, we chatted for a year, became good friends, then became intimate and fell in love with each other.

One day we talked about fantasies and mine was to be tied up to a bed and for her to be in control. She said she wanted to try that to and already has a pair of cuffs and as they say the rest is history.
 
After placing my first profile on alt.com, i was swamped with responses from many so-called Doms. Most of whom would open with the ever popular line of "on your knees bitch" Oh yeah, that really makes a girl want to reply to that person!!
After quite a while of sorting through the wannabes and sickos, i was lucky enough to meet the Master of my dreams.:heart: Believe it or not, he was only an hour away from me. We now have a wonderful life together and are planning to be married in June.
Even though you may have to kiss a few toads along the way, there is hope of finding exactly what you're looking for online. If it can happen for me, it can happen for anyone.
:D
Be well all,

J's_g
 
How wonderful to hear success stories!

Welcome to the boards, Jester's Girl! *waving up at Jester's Girl*

Do you recognize me incognito?

I must add that I have made many sub friends on line. :D
 
It's just like finding a friend offline, you need luck to find the right person.
I've my ads at alt.com and bondage.com and have several responses, most of them were of the "spank me, whip me, make me cum" type. I collect those, they are always good for a laugh or two. :D But on the other hand, I've already made some promissing contacts, so it all boils down to luck. And even if I feel like being a jerk magnet at times, I'm not giving up on those online ads, because I might just get lucky and find the sub of my dreams.
Monika
 
As usual, many good points being made from those posting.

Yes, it is a challenge.

Yes, it is like finding a friend off line- caution, discretion, trust must develop. All these things take time.

I have finally learned to find the humor in many of those men and women approaching me.

Everyone has their own needs, hence the "I am a pain slut. I want you to abuse me" ads.

As usual, those that I connect with live on the opposite coast....


Oh well, all in good time!
 
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