in training and i made a mistake

I just started my training 1 week ago today and i have already made some huge mistakes. It almost costed me the whole relationship. See, I became very testy with him and I wouldn't listen and I gave him alot of attitude because I had a really bad day at work. I took out my frustrations out on him verbally. He was so surprised that I acted like that. This happened last Tuesday and he wouldn't speak to me until yesterday. He is still very angry with me and he told me I will be punished for what I have done. Any advice?

in training

I also forgot to mention that I have huge guilt complex because he has been nothing but nice to me while during this training. When I spoke with him last night, I could still here the displeasure in his voice. So far he has been a fair yet stern dominant. He told me not to call him, that he would call me tonight and that we will discuss this behavior further. The last words he said to me last night were this: you need to think about the way you talked to me and you need to think about your behavior. He went on to say that neither one of those will ever be tolerated again. I dont know what to do from here, I feel so numb inside.

I think it would depend on the relationship that you're in. Are you 24/7? Are you together? as in the flesh? Are you long distance?

Have you submitted to him more than just this one week training?

Hi. We are together as in a relationship.(not marriage) We live in seperate homes. We have been in the flesh together. I submitted to him once prior in person and several times over the phone.

Well one of the first things my PYL asks me is how I am and how I feel and I am honest. One week I was depressed (you see I am unemployed). I had had a great interview only to find out that the company was laying off. So my PYL hugged me and no heavy stuff and no real training. Of course there was the PYL / pyl thing going on but we talked only because I was feeling somewhat hypersensitve.

I guess it boils down to what everyone else; you need to communicate your feelings and talk, like a normal relationship.

what is pyl?

michelina said:

what is pyl?

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pick your label
PYL for a top,Dom/me,Daddy
pyl for a bottom,sub,slave
xx

I get a weird, sick feeling in the pit of my stomach reading threads like michelina's. I can only offer three words that might help:

Safe. Sane. Consensual.

If you are aware that you've misbehaved, then just be prepared to accept your punishment.

I think that Diva hit the nail on the head with her post.

While you may be involved in a D/s relationship, that doesn't mean that you aren't human.

Also the way I see it, is that if you aren't 24/7 with this man, then you have just as much right as any other person to go off every now and again.

Also unless you are both there for the D/s and that only, then you might want to take a step back and look at the relationship. The relationship should be first, the D/s second. It sounds like he has that flip flopped, which might be ok, if you feel the same way, but it doesn't sound like it from your post.

Also, you say that you've been in training for a week. Yet this was posted today (tuesday) and you say this happened tuesday.

If he hasn't been speaking to you since then, what kind of training is that? Sounds like he's training you how to live without an insensitive fuck.

Also from your other post, it sounds like you think that if you do something wrong again that he'll leave you. If that is what you think, then leave him and save him the trouble.

A laps in your submission is not a reason to leave someone. Everyone has bad days. My submissive has "talked back" and such, sometimes she was serious, others she was playing, looking for a punishment. When she is serious I have to take a step back and find out why.

This man is being emotionally abusive and fucking with your head.

Slut_loves_pain said:

This man is being emotionally abusive and fucking with your head.

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I agree with you. My PYL is nothing but nice and sensitive and aware of my feelings. But firstly we are friends and secondly PYL / pyl. He should never be emotionally abusive. Even when I am in session my PYL is stern but afterwards he makes sure I understand the name of the game and hugs and makes sure I am emotionally ok.

And when we chat he never brings up what I did or did not do during the session. We keep that for the session.

He needs to care for you as a person. Drop this abusive guy.

I agree with NCShin. Your PYL needs to step back and be a friend when you act out. He needs to be your friend also and if that cannot happen...well...

We all have bad days and he needs to accept that.

It was last tuesday, not today. Sorry ,if I confused you. It is not that I think that he will leave me. He usually is very caring and concerned about me and he always ask me about my job and how the day went. Last tuesday when he asked me how my day went, I took my frustrations out towards him, by being very disrespectful towards him and being down right bitchy. He did tell me a couple of times to tone my voice down and to stop cursing and yelling so loud at him. I am not allowed to curse, especially at him. I was so furious about what had happened at my job that I wasnt even hearing anything that he had said. Once he became angry with me is when I realized that I had made a huge mistake. I want to please him. I am to ask permission before I do anything and I have a bachelorette party coming up this saturday evening and I know I need to ask his permission to go to it. However, at this point , because I acted the way that I did, I am not sure if I should ask him(not for the fear of him telling me no)but for the fact of the way that I treated him. He also told me that he understands that I am sorry for what I have done, but, he will not tolerate being talked to like that. He also said that I may vent to him about my day, but, i need to learn how to talk to him without the attitude and bitchyness. Are there any books out there that I could read that could help me learn about the d/s lifestyle? I do have a question: Does 24/7 mean living with that person 24/7? If that is the case, then no we do not have a 24/7 relationship. We talk on the phone everyday and we see each 2 times a week or more depending when he wants to see me.

i am a little confused

I have noticed that some of you mentioned about "abuse" I am confused. I thought the reason he didnt talk to me until yesterday was because of the way I treated him. I thought I was being a good submissive by doing as I was told by not calling him and waitng for him to call me. He told me not to call him and I was to wait until he called me.

I submit all the time to him. I have had very little knowledge and I am learning along the way. I told him that I was very new to this lifestyle and very curious about this lifestyle. He does allow me to yell(vent) about things that are bothering me as long as I don't direct the yelling at him. However, I am not allowed to cuss at anytime, never at him or at any other time. He will discipline me if I do.

What is imo?

michelina said:

I submit all the time to him. I have had very little knowledge and I am learning along the way. I told him that I was very new to this lifestyle and very curious about this lifestyle. He does allow me to yell(vent) about things that are bothering me as long as I don't direct the yelling at him. However, I am not allowed to cuss at anytime, never at him or at any other time. He will discipline me if I do.

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Shouldn't the punnishment fit the crime?

what do you mean? Please help me I am so confused.

thank you for telling me what that meant. I wasnt exactly sure. thanks.

gingermango said:

I get a weird, sick feeling in the pit of my stomach reading threads like michelina's. I can only offer three words that might help:

Safe. Sane. Consensual.

Click to expand...

Bingo!