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How to not put into the friend zone

GallantWriter

GallantWriter

Charming Chaos
Joined
Oct 29, 2011
Posts
8,516
So, I guess I'm just an idiot, or not worth liking. I always seem to get put into the friend zone. I mean I try not no t but it always happens. Its almost like, as soon as I realize I am interested, then she places me right in the friend zone...It is just awful.
 
Please don't take offense at this, as I don't know you, so it's just a guess. But my guess is you are being too wimpy. Or you might think of it as "too nice," but it's the same thing. Women like a man who is at least a little bit of a "bad boy." They'll deny it, but it's true.

I'm not saying you need to treat them like crap (although it works for many guys); just be a little more aggressive, a little more naughty, a little more suggestive.

And if you get slapped nine times out of ten... well, that tenth time will be worth it!.......Carney
 
Carnevil9 said:
Please don't take offense at this, as I don't know you, so it's just a guess. But my guess is you are being too wimpy. Or you might think of it as "too nice," but it's the same thing. Women like a man who is at least a little bit of a "bad boy." They'll deny it, but it's true.

I'm not saying you need to treat them like crap (although it works for many guys); just be a little more aggressive, a little more naughty, a little more suggestive.

And if you get slapped nine times out of ten... well, that tenth time will be worth it!.......Carney
Click to expand...

In general, I'd say yes and no to that:)D I see men every where rolling their eyes and muttering,"Women")

Your on Lit so you have a naughty side. just adjust the filter between brain and mouth.
let through,complements and things you would like to do to them.
Don't let out, things you would like them to do to you, or be crude(that how Carney got the permahandprint:D)

Just say it like you could, would, might, follow through. You don't need to be explicit. Being vague will just get their imaginations going. Don't pick and choose who you do this with based on your interest in starting a relationship, just back off on women who are gettng ready to slap you.

For example I stuck my tongue out at a friend who told me,"Don't do that unless you are going to share" If we were alone instead of in a car with two others...

Boils down to, make comments that show you do have a set:p
 
I think you have to step back and realize what age the women are that you are talking to. If you're online and your talking to a much older woman, than there is a good chance you are only going to be her friend, because she is at an age where she knows what she wants and she knows the type of man who can give her what she is looking for.

If you're talking with girls online that are your age, then you need to look for something in common besides sex, unless that is all either of you are looking for. But if you're looking for something more meaningful than a nice cyber moment, then you're going to have to be friends first and lovers second, most likely.

In the "real world" - I think you still have to be the friend before the lover if you're thinking long term. If you're just wanting to get laid, hit a club, even if you're under legal drinking age - you may have to wear a fancy stamp proclaiming you're under 21, but eventually you'll find that one girl that isn't looking for anything but a man to satisfy a craving she has.

A little aggressiveness is nice, but only if the girl/woman knows that is what she wants. If she's a timid thing, coming at her like a horny bull who wants to pull her hair, and smack her ass - well that's gonna make her run.
 
RedHairedandFriendly said:
In the "real world" - I think you still have to be the friend before the lover if you're thinking long term. If you're just wanting to get laid, hit a club, even if you're under legal drinking age - you may have to wear a fancy stamp proclaiming you're under 21, but eventually you'll find that one girl that isn't looking for anything but a man to satisfy a craving she has.
Click to expand...
I don't think the making friends part is the issue. I think he was talking about trying to start something and getting the "but your my friend you don't have a penis" reaction.
 
I can see that. Perhaps showing interest faster in the lady? Not taking so much time establishing friend mode, but bring on penis mode more quickly?
 
RedHairedandFriendly said:
I can see that. Perhaps showing interest faster in the lady? Not taking so much time establishing friend mode, but bring on penis mode more quickly?
Click to expand...
The friend zone does exist for a reason - it's supposed to be a polite and gentle way of saying the woman is not interested in the man and does not want him to show interest in her. If the guy expresses sexual interest first he'll get rejected more directly and not get to be friends with the woman at all. In some cases that's desirable, in others it isn't.
 
I think my original post still stands in some instances. The long post a couple hours old.

Gallant is a good person and I think he's gonna have a hard time not slipping into the friend mode because he is such a great guy.He's polite, easy to talk to, and friendly without being crude and nasty. He really is a gentleman.

Hopefully though the right lady will come along and if she needs to make the first move, she does so quickly letting him know that she wants to be more than friends.
 
A good read.....good luck Gallant, you and I have many of the same problems.
 
Nice Guys

I have known a number of nice, polite men who ended up in the friend zone with women they were attracted to and had wanted to pursue.

I am a fan of nice guys (to a degree), and this is the best advice I can share...

Don't be afraid to flirt more strongly--as suggested above, with your lustful desires and penis in mind--sooner than you ordinarily would, and see where that gets you. With a smile and a glimmer in your eye, ask what she's open to. Your niceness will still show through, and you'll have a noticeably fascinating dark side...

If she's interested, she will respond. If not, and you're "just a friend," don't let it be a setback. Move forward.


Someone I know once shared the following story:
A nice guy goes to a bar/club/store/library or wherever, and maybe talks to 1-2 girls, and he goes home alone feeling good about his effort.

A player meets 25 girls at those same places and ends up with phone numbers and/or finds several willing partners, where he can take his pick.

Try find a happy medium by showing more confidence and assertiveness than you normally do... and believe that you're worth the attention. Otherwise, women may see through an act.
Good luck!
 
You know, by being a bit more often in the 'friend' zone, you will also learn to understand certain women, and that can be an added bonus. Just sayin'.
 
GallantWriter said:
So, I guess I'm just an idiot, or not worth liking. I always seem to get put into the friend zone. I mean I try not no t but it always happens. Its almost like, as soon as I realize I am interested, then she places me right in the friend zone...It is just awful.
Click to expand...

The only way to not be put in the friend zone is to walk away. This sounds harsh, but that's the way it is. You are what you are. If she wants a taller guy, you can't grow any taller. If a woman knows you, know you are interested in her and is not interested in you, there is nothing to be gained by pursuing her, except maybe a restraining order.

It's a peacock problem, so you have to think like a peacock. Spread your tail feathers and say, "Look at this tail. I am the greatest peacock you've ever seen." If she is not impresses, it sucks, because it's the only tail you have.

There is good news. While you have only one tail, there are lots of women. Don't torture yourself by hanging around a woman who isn't interested in you. Be nice, be polite, but be somewhere else. There could be another woman in the group who is intrigued by your tail feathers, but isn't going to do or say anything because it's plain you are hung up on her friend.

One last point. Women will watch and judge you by how you handle rejection. It's no time to turn hostile or turn to others for sympathy. Smile and say, "You've broken my heart and I wish it could have been some other way." Then, walk away.
 
The friend zone is not always a bad place to be. If you are smart enough to pay attention, you can learn lots about what women want from women who are just friends. The closer you are as friends the more comfortable they are to share their thoughts with you. The question is are you willing to really listen or like most men will you just not care what women think?
 
Someone up there mentioned showing your interest early on. I completely agree with that. She may have been interested when she first met you, but when you didn't show any signs of being into her, she automatically put you in the friend category in her mind. Your statement about "by the time I realize I'm interested" makes me wonder if you're waiting too long. If you think you even MIGHT be interested, then flirt.
 
bronzeage said:
The only way to not be put in the friend zone is to walk away. This sounds harsh, but that's the way it is. You are what you are. If she wants a taller guy, you can't grow any taller. If a woman knows you, know you are interested in her and is not interested in you, there is nothing to be gained by pursuing her, except maybe a restraining order.

It's a peacock problem, so you have to think like a peacock. Spread your tail feathers and say, "Look at this tail. I am the greatest peacock you've ever seen." If she is not impresses, it sucks, because it's the only tail you have.

There is good news. While you have only one tail, there are lots of women. Don't torture yourself by hanging around a woman who isn't interested in you. Be nice, be polite, but be somewhere else. There could be another woman in the group who is intrigued by your tail feathers, but isn't going to do or say anything because it's plain you are hung up on her friend.

One last point. Women will watch and judge you by how you handle rejection. It's no time to turn hostile or turn to others for sympathy. Smile and say, "You've broken my heart and I wish it could have been some other way." Then, walk away.
Click to expand...
*thumbs up* This is like what I wanted to say, but better stated.
 
heartoftexasgrl said:
Your statement about "by the time I realize I'm interested" makes me wonder if you're waiting too long. If you think you even MIGHT be interested, then flirt.
Click to expand...

bronzeage said:
Women will watch and judge you by how you handle rejection. It's no time to turn hostile or turn to others for sympathy. Smile and say, "You've broken my heart and I wish it could have been some other way." Then, walk away.
Click to expand...

I completely agree.
And who knows? She may change her mind after that type of response... Women are funny that way. :rose:
 
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I'm pretty sure the best way to avoid the friend zone is to be available as the fuck buddy if you can handle it. Of course, it works much better for a lot of women if you're real friends and the sex is just a bonus. It can even work well with the women that like stable relationships, in the event thier relationship ends. It works particularly well in my case, considering I'm the "gay friend," anyway. I'm just pansexual, rather than actually gay, so I can provide sexual services to friends of both sexes, as needed. ;)
 
GallantWriter said:
So, I guess I'm just an idiot, or not worth liking. I always seem to get put into the friend zone. I mean I try not no t but it always happens. Its almost like, as soon as I realize I am interested, then she places me right in the friend zone...It is just awful.
Click to expand...

Chances are your waiting too long between meeting them and expressing your wishes to be more than friends. If you dont want to be in the friends dont set yourself up as only a friend.
 
Eh, missed a lot of good posts in here, but for the longest time I was always in that dreaded Zone, and it took a while to figure out how to get out.

As a man who likes being courteous, kind, good manners, friendly, and all the related things, it's easy to be seen as someone that doesn't have that potential. I'd suggest, first, don't turn into someone else's version of a masculine, forceful image of a "romance-sexy" guy. It'll feel odd, people will notice you're trying too hard, and will ultimately fail.

Be you, but a version that is a little less accommodating. It's an easy trap to fall into, being constantly accessible and available to do things for a woman (or women) you really like. It's tough to see you as a desirable man if you are too willing to do what she wants. If you keep sight of your needs and personality, while being a nice guy, you'll be surprised. I finally learned that a woman respects you more if you have a life of your own, that doesn't appear to revolve around hers.

just a thought.

:D
 
Personally, I fall into this sometimes too.
I have learned in the years some people really just view you as a friend, or never thought you view you otherwise.

I know personally, my best male friend for over eight years, and I just had this odd experience.
He has just broken up with his girlfriend, and I went over his house to hang out, do the normal chill, watch tv, talk about whatever bs we normally do.. But something that night was different, I ended up sleeping over and having sex with him, inwhich this happened 2 days later again. We both just told another we never thought of putting another in the friend zone, it just happened.. and honestly, if it happened that way it should stay that way. He and I are not that close anymore because of the shift in relationship. Sometimes, the friendzone is best, you never have to break the persons heart, or leave them.
 
As an individual who was similarly in your situation (especially given I was in relationships between 18-22 or thereabouts) I've recently been advised by a close friend in a couple of ways to avoid being friend-zoned.


A couple of things I'm a little warier of now:
- If I meet a girl I'm interested in I'm going to let her know I'm interested, usually by asking for her number upon the first meeting.
- If I get the girl's number I'm not going to add her to Facebook and when I ask if she wants to grab dinner I'm going to do it over the phone (i.e. not on Email, Facebook, SMS).
- If possible I'm going to be a little bit suggestive around her and not hold back on the sexual flirting. As a personal preference I go for girls with a sexual imagination so often I'll lead a conversation there to see what she likes. It also lets her know I have a penis. Yay!
- If possible I'm going to try and get some subtle physical contact going. A friend suggested this and it's difficult for me as I'm typically not a touchy-feely person.
- Aim to contact the girl quite shortly after meeting her. A general consensus among my friends (who are mostly girls) is a couple of days is good, sooner if you both had a great time.


As someone earlier in this thread highlighted, the girl needs to know you're interested and that you're not afraid to make a move. While I couldn't tell you why, I'm pretty sure just making your intentions clear (i.e. you find her interesting and sexually attractive) as early as possible will assist you on your quest.
 
GallantWriter said:
So, I guess I'm just an idiot, or not worth liking. I always seem to get put into the friend zone. I mean I try not no t but it always happens. Its almost like, as soon as I realize I am interested, then she places me right in the friend zone...It is just awful.
Click to expand...

Stop being a friend. Hang out with your buddies and if you are out, then when you see a woman who is attractive to you, ask for her number. It's OK if the answer is no.

Never let a girl complain about men or her current/ex boyfriend with you. That puts you in friend-zone.

You need to play the part of a man she would be interested in -- and be a busy guy. Maybe you can squeeze her in between the ATVing, fishing, hunting, surfing -- whatever.
 
From my personal experience, its better to get even closer from friends
 
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