Dominatrix

This is my worst nightmare. Waking up to find myself trussed up on the wrack awaiting her pleasure or displeasure. The fear of being secured or bound is almost a phobia for me. I cannot begin to understand men who are submissive.

It is even odder for me to rationalize men who to the outside world are "alpha" males who get off on this. I make no idle boast when I say I would accept death rather than be placed in that situation. Like many masculine straight males being unmanned is one of our biggest fears.

Pfft. So you can't put yourself in another man's shoes, so what?

Well, if you choose to see it as something that makes you less male and/or less "alpha" it might make it a bad thing.
I don't think everyone chooses to look at it that way and I don't think everyone who does thinks it's a bad thing to slip out of that role for a while.
People are different, it is as easy as that.

Stella_Omega said:

Pfft. So you can't put yourself in another man's shoes, so what?

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So what?

I'm trying to understand it.

Understanding is a path to acceptance.

Not unlike understanding and acceptance and tolerance of gay people.

I thought you of all people would understand that.

Oh! Then, you meant to ask a question;

"Can this forum help me understand the mindset of a submissive man?"

Well, I think you have to start by accepting the fact that they exist, right?

Men.

Real, tough, macho men. Who do not mind following orders, even when the person issuing the orders can't back them up with force.

Not girly men, nor weak men-- many of those types cant stand the idea of submission, BTW.

Stella_Omega said:

Oh! Then, you meant to ask a question;

"Can this forum help me understand the mindset of a submissive man?"

Well, I think you have to start by accepting the fact that they exist, right?

Men.

Real, tough, macho men. Who do not mind following orders, even when the person issuing the orders can't back them up with force.

Not girly men, nor weak men-- many of those types cant stand the idea of submission, BTW.

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I fully understand the need to follow orders. I have the discipline to follow orders of my superiors regardless of physical prowess.

I think what I am trying to understand is humiliation. It seems to me humiliation is a huge theme for male subs. I could be wrong in this premise. Truthfully I do not understand humiliation in the form of male Dom/female sub. These are things I am trying to understand.

Things like watersports. Is not watersports a form of humiliation.

I am rarely being judgmental as people may think I am even though I have strong opinions. Mostly I try to understand people.

I don't get humiliation either, and I hardly feel the need to try to understand it-- All I really have to do is agree that some people like it...

I am rarely being judgmental as people may think I am even though I have strong opinions. Mostly I try to understand people.

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Forming your questions as questions goes a long way towards changing that perception, just saying...

Watersports can be humiliating, almost always is. I kinda like pee play because it's very sensory, the heat of the stream, and the smells and the tang. But if someone is going to load it up with emotional baggage I can't stop them...

Please for the love of god work on your written communication skills. Because the introductory post was nowhere near the subjects of A) implying discussion was desired, B) there was a question being asked, or C) that the actual subject at hand was the presumed dichotomy of "alpha males" and humiliation.

I have opinions/thoughts re: all of the above; however, will be away from the computer most of the day. I'll try to add a a few things this evening.

Stella_Omega said:

I don't get humiliation either, and I hardly feel the need to try to understand it-- All I really have to do is agree that some people like it...
Forming your questions as questions goes a long way towards changing that perception, just saying...

Watersports can be humiliating, almost always is. I kinda like pee play because it's very sensory, the heat of the stream, and the smells and the tang. But if someone is going to load it up with emotional baggage I can't stop them...

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Yeah that is my fault. I have a bad habit of not putting question marks. I think some of that lies in the multitasking I am doing when I am on here and I write without looking at the text. Many times when I am on here I am also flying at 40,000 feet so I am distracted. I am framing questions in my mind but fail to type it as such.

Many times I am just seeking conversation because I am bored and I do like other peoples opinions to chew on. Flying a computerized commercial jet that virtually flies itself bores the fuck out of me.

My apology.

Very_Bad_Man said:

Yeah that is my fault. I have a bad habit of not putting question marks. I think some of that lies in the multitasking I am doing when I am on here and I write without looking at the text. Many times when I am on here I am also flying at 40,000 feet so I am distracted. I am framing questions in my mind but fail to type it as such.

Many times I am just seeking conversation because I am bored and I do like other peoples opinions to chew on. Flying a computerized commercial jet that virtually flies itself bores the fuck out of me.

My apology.

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....computerized or not, as a passenger, it is ENORMOUSLY unnerving for me to hear that my pilot could be browsing the internet and making posts on forums whilst I am at his mercy in a giant metal tube way too high in the air. Particularly since I fly across oceans on occasion. Not to mention the hypocrisy inherent in the airlines letting pilots browse the internet on flights


And yah, dude...you totally did not come off as "seeking understanding". You came off rather rude and dismissive...more like you were ranting about how these guys weren't "real men" and how their behavior is beyond comprehension (in the bad sense of the term, not the literal one).

bhndblueyes88 said:

....computerized or not, as a passenger, it is ENORMOUSLY unnerving for me to hear that my pilot could be browsing the internet and making posts on forums whilst I am at his mercy in a giant metal tube way too high in the air. Particularly since I fly across oceans on occasion. Not to mention the hypocrisy inherent in the airlines letting pilots browse the internet on flights


And yah, dude...you totally did not come off as "seeking understanding". You came off rather rude and dismissive...more like you were ranting about how these guys weren't "real men" and how their behavior is beyond comprehension (in the bad sense of the term, not the literal one).

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You do realize that the plane you are on is predominately being flown by a high tech GPS and not a pilot? In a Boeing 777 the plane even lands itself. By the way I have a co-pilot so it is not like at any time somebody is not in control even though the computer is actually in control unless we override it.

bhndblueyes88 said:

.


And yah, dude...you totally did not come off as "seeking understanding". You came off rather rude and dismissive...more like you were ranting about how these guys weren't "real men" and how their behavior is beyond comprehension (in the bad sense of the term, not the literal one).

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I just got a PM about you from someone in the fetish forum, VBM. I've forwarded it on to you.

If you want to have conversations, you will get more and better ones once you remember your manners.

Very_Bad_Man said:

You do realize that the plane you are on is predominately being flown by a high tech GPS and not a pilot? In a Boeing 777 the plane even lands itself. By the way I have a co-pilot so it is not like at any time somebody is not in control even though the computer is actually in control unless we override it.

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I realize that, but that's kind of not the point. The point is that, as a passenger, I'm putting my LIFE in your hands. YOUR hands. To hear you spend your flight time posting on literotica is unsettling. I'm just describing to you the visceral gut reaction I have to hearing that someone who is holding the lives of dozens to near a hundred individuals is using that responsibility to post on a sex forum. I don't disagree that the reality might make it "justified", but the fact is, that a lot of people are putting a lot of trust in you. And I bet a lot of them would have the same reaction I did.

bhndblueyes88 said:

I realize that, but that's kind of not the point. The point is that, as a passenger, I'm putting my LIFE in your hands. YOUR hands. To hear you spend your flight time posting on literotica is unsettling. I'm just describing to you the visceral gut reaction I have to hearing that someone who is holding the lives of dozens to near a hundred individuals is using that responsibility to post on a sex forum. I don't disagree that the reality might make it "justified", but the fact is, that a lot of people are putting a lot of trust in you. And I bet a lot of them would have the same reaction I did.

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I understand. I'm just telling you the plane is never unattended ever ever ever ever. We take shifts so to speak. Nobody can stare at instruments for hours without the mind fogging over. That is how mistakes happen. This is why there are two pilots. Believe me your life and the safety of a 300 million dollar plane is high priority. I would never be so irresponsible.

Stella_Omega said:

I just got a PM about you from someone in the fetish forum, VBM. I've forwarded it on to you.

If you want to have conversations, you will get more and better ones once you remember your manners.

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My manners?

My manners were fine.

He asked a question. Just because my answer is not the one he wants to hear in no way makes me rude. Even if my opinion is wrong it does not make it rude. I am the first person to apologize if I error just as I did here when I realized I did not form what I was saying as questions as my intent

Stating an opinion inconsistent with the general populations view is not being rude either. Opinion is what it is, an opinion. The fact that he wrote you such a PM making accusations about my sexuality as an innuendo was rude.

If you want to have conversations, you will get more and better ones once you remember your manners.

Stella_Omega said:

If you want to have conversations, you will get more and better ones once you remember your manners.

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I was not rude.

I cannot help he wants to be a little crybaby because he did not like my opinion. I guess the new rude on Lit is having a different opinion. I never called him a name unlike he called or insinuated with me.

Get your facts straight.

BTW forwarding PMs is a violation correct?

Very_Bad_Man said:

I was not rude.

I cannot help he wants to be a little crybaby because he did not like my opinion. I guess the new rude on Lit is having a different opinion. I never called him a name unlike he called or insinuated with me.

Get your facts straight.

BTW forwarding PMs is a violation correct?

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see, all this? It comes off as confrontational and snippy. Particularly the last bit. I'm sure some of it is intended in this specific post, but I'm calling it to your attention because this sort of tone has been present throughout. Even in your OP. I'm telling you this so you are aware of it, not as an accusation. It's not necessarily WHAT you say, but how you say it.

Yeah you sure as hell did call him names, you're doing it right now. You had a worse one in your PM to me. Jawdropping assholery in fact. it told me so much about you. I don't trust or admire people who bluster and insult when they get called on their shit.

You didn't say you had an opinion, you claimed you know the truth and the facts. That's not, as I have pointed out, a way to have a conversation.

He's not the only man who has wondered about your constant affirmation of your heterosexual manliness. The fact that you think someone wondering is a horrible, horrible insult says a whole lot too. I'm wondering.

Dominatrix are interesting. Far more than the male. My field is forensic psychology. Human sexuality is a very complex and interesting topic as our sexuality generally is a prime motivator in our lives.

I once dated a professional dominatrix. It is so funny that I never even knew that she did this as a living. She did not have sex with her customers. Neither did she try to dominate me. She was very "normal" in our sex life. When I say "normal" I refer to the vanilla side of sexuality.

I made the discovery by accident. I was painting her apt for her because I am such a nice boyfriend and decided to do something very nice as an extra figuring she would be most appreciative. She was always complaining about her closet being disorganized so I decided to build shelves and dividers for her shoes and clothes. Imagine my surprise upon entering her walk-in closet and discovering all the leather gear and her tools of the trade.

In retrospect, I should of respected her privacy and not entered her closet without asking. But my motives were pure as my intent was not to snoop. I built the shelves and installed them. Two days later I met her as she got home from her trip, that I later discovered was to visit a client.

When I told her of my discovery and how it happened she turned very pale. She was not mad and I think secretly she was relieved the secret was out. She was further relieved when I told her I had no interest in being a client even it was a special nonpaying client.

I discovered as far as she was concerned she loathed her clients and thought of them as bugs beneath her stiletto heels. I do not think this is indicative of every Dominatrix. The conversations we had about what she did were very interesting.

Unfortunately, I did break up with her. Even though she was not having sex with them she was performing for their sexual gratification and that smacks to close to prostitution and/or cheating on me. I could be wrong but it is how I felt and my cross to bare.

bhndblueyes88 said:

see, all this? It comes off as confrontational and snippy. Particularly the last bit. I'm sure some of it is intended in this specific post, but I'm calling it to your attention because this sort of tone has been present throughout. Even in your OP. I'm telling you this so you are aware of it, not as an accusation. It's not necessarily WHAT you say, but how you say it.

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First off, Stella had no business bringing this subject to this thread. She did so to start shit as she already PMed me. I apologized for the mistake in my opening. If I am wrong I admit it. In the case of my remark in another thread I was not. I refuse to be a doormat for somebody because they do not like a response.

Stella_Omega said:

Yeah you sure as hell did call him names, you're doing it right now. You had a worse one in your PM to me. Jawdropping assholery in fact. it told me so much about you. I don't trust or admire people who bluster and insult when they get called on their shit.

You didn't say you had an opinion, you claimed you know the truth and the facts. That's not, as I have pointed out, a way to have a conversation.

He's not the only man who has wondered about your constant affirmation of your heterosexual manliness. The fact that you think someone wondering is a horrible, horrible insult says a whole lot too. I'm wondering.

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I called him a crybaby because that is what he is when he goes running off PMing you instead of talking to me. I stand by my opinion and as of yet you have failed to prove my citing any medical journal that I am wrong.

I did not call him a single name in the post Stella to say otherwise is a lie. I keep reaffirming my sexual preference because I get tired of guys sending me PM's wanting to suck my dick. Christ sake I get fuckers sending me Yahoo Invites and turns out they want some sort of gay cyber.

And Stella I do not trust people who forward peoples PMs and discuss PMs in public forums, It says you are untrustworthy. Youare the person who made it public not I

Very_Bad_Man said:

<snip> I get tired of guys sending me PM's wanting to suck my dick. Christ sake I get fuckers sending me Yahoo Invites and turns out they want some sort of gay cyber.

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Strangely enough I get tons of pm's from guys wanting me to suck their cocks.
Hmmm .... I wonder if it is a conspiracy?

[smug mode] Ignoring all the 'he said, she said' stuff I just feel the need to stir up an entirely different kettle of fish by being really smug and saying that actually it's not necessary to look at the text to remember to add a question mark, surely. Touch typists certainly don't. [/smug mode]

Very_Bad_Man said:

First off, Stella had no business bringing this subject to this thread. She did so to start shit as she already PMed me. I apologized for the mistake in my opening. If I am wrong I admit it. In the case of my remark in another thread I was not. I refuse to be a doormat for somebody because they do not like a response.

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if you wish to have conversations, you will have more better ones when you remember your manners.

I called him a crybaby because that is what he is when he goes running off PMing you instead of talking to me. I stand by my opinion and as of yet you have failed to prove my citing any medical journal that I am wrong.

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you got any citations yourself? I just posted one.

I did not call him a single name in the post Stella to say otherwise is a lie. I keep reaffirming my sexual preference because I get tired of guys sending me PM's wanting to suck my dick. Christ sake I get fuckers sending me Yahoo Invites and turns out they want some sort of gay cyber.

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welcome to the club. I get the same invites, and I have a mustache scribbled on my face.

And you had better understand that you don't get to use words like you did-- even about other people-- without offending the fuck out of me. I don't know which is worse, "crybaby" or the other one.

The fact that you think being thought gay is a huge insult speaks worlds to me. It doesn't make me like you less, but it tells me that you are not worth listening to about gender and identity matters.

And Stella I do not trust people who forward peoples PMs and discuss PMs in public forums, It says you are untrustworthy. Youare the person who made it public not I

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I said I had gotten one that you might want to know about-- I did not talk about what it said. You did that.

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The more I read from this OP, the more I think

Easier to put them on ignore.

That way I don't have to risk wrinkles with the amount of times I raise my eyebrows as each post becomes more ridiculous and dis-believing.