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Sub-Types, Are You Passive In Bed?

Sub-Types, Are You Passive In Bed?

  • I'm a pyl or switch who tends to be passive in bed

    Votes: 20 31.7%

  • I'm a pyl or switch who tends not to be passive in bed

    Votes: 10 15.9%

  • I'm a pyl or switch who tends to be 50/50 passive/not passive

    Votes: 19 30.2%

  • I'm a PYL who has selective reading comprehension

    Votes: 5 7.9%

  • Shut up and show your tits

    Votes: 17 27.0%
  • Total voters
    63
BiBunny

BiBunny

Moon Queen & Wanderer
Joined
Dec 7, 2005
Posts
12,194
I saw this topic on another site and was intrigued, so I thought I'd post here. There's a poll coming, too.

Those of you who identify as pyls (or the switchy people), are you passive in bed? Or do you tend to be more assertive and/or aggressive? I know it's often very dependent on the situation or your mood, so I'm going to make the poll one where you can choose more than one option.

So, pyls, are you passive in bed? Why or why not?
 
No. My brain is fried tonight so I'll come back tomorrow and elaborate.
 
I was mulling this over, trying to decide how to answer (given that it's been so long, I had to think way way way back), and just as I was about to give up and go "Meh... 50/50? Maybe?" I was reminded of a conversation in which it was pointed out I am the fuckee, not the fucker. Even if I appear to be the fucker, I am still the fuckee.

So yeah - giddy squishy little puddle of goo (however whomever chooses to make that happen), but not so much assertive in bed.
 
Just realized I didn't answer my own question. :rolleyes:

I'm super-passive in bed, to the point that it has affected my previous relationships. I don't know if it's submissiveness, insecurity, uncertainty, or some combination of the above.

I never initiate sex. I might blush and say, "I'm horny," or rub my body suggestively against the other person's when we're snuggling, but that's it. I hate being on top during sex and will only do it if I'm given no choice in the matter. I always wait to be told or shown what to do. I can lie there and watch Master and Mistress have sex without making any motion toward either of them until I'm told to, and I don't really get off on being a voyeur.

It's like I don't know what to do unless I'm told. Once I know what's expected of me, I'm fine and completely comfortable with complying. From what I understand, that's fairly strange.
 
Not passive. Not ever.

I initiate at times, he initiates at times.

It usually winds up with me being controlled, restrained, forced, etc.

But I am usually still fighting. :eek:


Oh - show us your tits!
 
I don't consider myself aggressive in bed, and I don't consider myself to be passive. I consider myself to be involved. I don't just lay back and let him do all the work, but he directs what's going on.
 
Yeah, I guess I could've worded that better.

I don't lay back and let the other person do all the work, either. I can become really, really involved as long as I have clear directions. Just don't expect me to do anything until you tell me to, LOL.
 
In the beginning of a relationship, yes, I do tend to be passive about any sort of display of affection or sex. It's like I need the other person to outline what's okay, what's not. Once I learn what he likes and what is acceptable behavior, not to mention once I'm very comfortable with him and the sexual side of our relationship, I do a better job of not being so hesitant with going for what I want. I still have a very hard time asking specifically for something to be done to me, but don't have a problem initiating what I'd like to do to him. If I'm allowed to do such things, that is.
 
BiBunny said:
Yeah, I guess I could've worded that better.

I don't lay back and let the other person do all the work, either. I can become really, really involved as long as I have clear directions. Just don't expect me to do anything until you tell me to, LOL.
Click to expand...

Ok, I'll go for that. lol
 
Man, my experiences must be really skewed. Only 1 out of the 10 women I've been with has not been passive, and that one was insane. Started beating me with a plush toy while riding me... not really something that worked for me.
 
Dude, I thought everybody wanted to be beaten severely about the head and shoulders with a teddy bear while having sex. :D
 
BiBunny said:
Dude, I thought everybody wanted to be beaten severely about the head and shoulders with a teddy bear while having sex. :D
Click to expand...

Well, maybe. But only if we're done and I'm allowed to get the giggles.
 
BiBunny said:
Dude, I thought everybody wanted to be beaten severely about the head and shoulders with a teddy bear while having sex. :D
Click to expand...

If only it were. It was a huge frigging frog with what felt like solid rocks for eyes. She grabbed it by its legs and just started beating the crap out of me. It did teach me the value of cheap bondage though, so it wasn't all for nothing.
 
By my definition of passive...no I'm not.

I don't initiate what we do in bed since that goes against our expected dynamics. I do however participate fully...enthusiastically...even if sometimes it's letting him do as he wishes to me and my 'job' is reacting naturally to the pain/pleasure that I'm receiving. He takes pleasure from my responses and the control he has over them.

Being passive in bed suggests to me that I'm a wet blanket...lying there listless...almost a 'get it over with' type of attitude...and no that's definitely not me.
 
BiBunny said:
Just realized I didn't answer my own question. :rolleyes:

I'm super-passive in bed, to the point that it has affected my previous relationships. I don't know if it's submissiveness, insecurity, uncertainty, or some combination of the above.

I never initiate sex. I might blush and say, "I'm horny," or rub my body suggestively against the other person's when we're snuggling, but that's it. I hate being on top during sex and will only do it if I'm given no choice in the matter. I always wait to be told or shown what to do. I can lie there and watch Master and Mistress have sex without making any motion toward either of them until I'm told to, and I don't really get off on being a voyeur.

It's like I don't know what to do unless I'm told. Once I know what's expected of me, I'm fine and completely comfortable with complying. From what I understand, that's fairly strange.
Click to expand...

BiBunny said:
I don't lay back and let the other person do all the work, either. I can become really, really involved as long as I have clear directions. Just don't expect me to do anything until you tell me to, LOL.
Click to expand...

I am EXACTLY like this and it frustrates the shit out of my Master sometimes. He says he doesn't feel desired if he only gets sex when he demands it but I'm hopeless at initiating. I don't know what's wrong with me. During play, I very rarely show initiative and this also annoys Master as he'd like to be surprised sometimes rather than having to orchestrate everything. Even though I know my passivity irks him at times, I can't seem to modify my behaviour. It's a huge mental block for me and I really don't know why.

So believe me, you're not alone. :kiss:
 
Im a 50/50, although I generally end up in a submissive position even if we start out with me on top. I will and do initiate sex, and am a very active participant.

If its a new partner, I tend to be passive until I know them and how they 'tick'.
 
Possibly not passive enough lol.

I get eager and involved and I want him so much that I find it difficult to restrain myself. :eek:

Having said that I am easily put in my place if my eagerness oversteps the mark and these days I would normally ask if I desperately wanted to serve or do something in some particular way. And if I am told no, I know that's exactly what it means.

At other times I may be a little more passive, though still involved. Maybe its a mindset thing; maybe on those occassions I am not given the opportunity to be anything else. Usually it depended on how D set the mood and what he wanted. As with anything else, I would just take his lead.
 
CurlyKat said:
In the beginning of a relationship, yes, I do tend to be passive about any sort of display of affection or sex. It's like I need the other person to outline what's okay, what's not. Once I learn what he likes and what is acceptable behavior, not to mention once I'm very comfortable with him and the sexual side of our relationship, I do a better job of not being so hesitant with going for what I want. I still have a very hard time asking specifically for something to be done to me, but don't have a problem initiating what I'd like to do to him. If I'm allowed to do such things, that is.
Click to expand...

I'm the same way in the begining of a relationship. I'm just terribly shy. :eek: I'll blush and nod but that's about it.

Once I'm comfortable, watch out *giggles*. But I've always been permitied freedom when it comes to my partner's sexual members. My favorite thing to do is wake my partner by rubbing on him or sucking on him.

Once it becomes evident that I am a horny little thing, then the asking comes, usually. By that I mean I'm no longer permited to just grab his cock and start playing with it, I have to ask for what I want. This is hard for me and that shyness comes back. :eek:

But yeah, I can be pretty agressive. I've even been known to growl when I'm denied something I want. :eek:
 
I don't think I'd say passive. I prefer him to direct things, but I also know what he likes by this point, so I don't really need to wait on him if he's not in the mood to give a lot of direction.
 
I couldn't find an answer to the poll that fit so I will just answer here.

In my vanilla marriage I initiate sex about 80% of the time and let him direct it about 60% of the time as far as what we do.

In my D/s relationship I wouldn't say I am passive. But aggressive doesn't fit either. It is as if I am transparently craving him. I don't initiate sex in the way I do with my husband but...I guess it is more like lady-like seduction. I have also dropped to my knees while he has been workingon the computer or something and just patiently waited, begging for sex with my eyes.

Once in bed I am very enthusiastic but he gives directions and i follow immediately. I will sometimes beg for a change in position or to be allowed to do something but usually I just follow, like dancing.

So I guess I would say I am not passive or aggressive, just eager and obedient.
 
Passive is a not a word I'd use. I think of passive as the old joke of "Beige. I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

What I call it for me is a tendency toward "Hamster brain." (Not a technical term, just my observation and correlation with the animal world and brain chemistry)

I had hamsters and I noticed that they fought like everloving hell when they weren't in heat and the female usually tore large chunks out of the male if he approached her when she wasn't interested. Enough so that they had to be separated when she wasn't in heat.

But when heat came around, she's presenting and still and he's biting and ripping the hell out of her and she's just fine with it.

For me it means that the brain chemistry itself that brings on that state of just wanting to take anything that happens, is ecstatic.

Hamster brain. I haz it.
 
i would say that i am very passive, however passive to me does not mean being a wet blanket or composing shopping lists in my head. it means that sex always revolves around the needs and desires of my partner, ALWAYS, that i never initiate sex in any manner, that i need to be guided and directed (i never assume what it takes to please a man). i also am very quiet and reserved. a man who enjoyed a woman being very responsive, whether positively or negatively, would not be pleased with me. i suppose you could call me a willing vessel and tool for a man's use and pleasure. and while that is what is expected of me by my Master, it is also just the way i have always been.
 
ecstaticsub said:
I couldn't find an answer to the poll that fit so I will just answer here.

In my vanilla marriage I initiate sex about 80% of the time and let him direct it about 60% of the time as far as what we do.

In my D/s relationship I wouldn't say I am passive. But aggressive doesn't fit either. It is as if I am transparently craving him. I don't initiate sex in the way I do with my husband but...I guess it is more like lady-like seduction. I have also dropped to my knees while he has been workingon the computer or something and just patiently waited, begging for sex with my eyes.

Once in bed I am very enthusiastic but he gives directions and i follow immediately. I will sometimes beg for a change in position or to be allowed to do something but usually I just follow, like dancing.

So I guess I would say I am not passive or aggressive, just eager and obedient.
Click to expand...

This is me, except you explained it much better ES!:rose:
 
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