Stop being attracted to a a particular fetish

I am turned on by the thought of cuckoldry and women cheating on and abusing men.

Obviously this isn't healthy. How do I get rid of this??

Don't tell me to just accept it. I would accept it if it just turned me on. But I do suffer from low self esteem, poor body image, love shyness, feel like I lack masculinity, have few friends and had an abusive childhood. I feel like its reated to that.

Well, I'm not going to tell you to just accept it. But, if it's just the THOUGHT of these things and not actually performing them, then what's the problem?

Are there any treatments?

I doubt I would cross the line. i do fantasize about doing the same thing. having a future wife who is a cuckquean.

but this turns me on more.

basically adultery turns me on.

how do i ensure that the other scenario turns me on more?

You don't really have a whole lot to worry about with that particular fantasy. I'm pretty sure chances are heavily in favor of you meeting a gal who is not into that.

Besides which, if your not having sex at the moment with another person and we're just talking what gets you excited with your hand, don't worry about it, the mind tends to head into extremes when your sexless.

Now if you are having sex on a regular basis with another person and you can't stop thinking about it, see a therapist, it's not unknown for a guy to want to be cuckolded but it's generally best to see an expert and get their opinion on the situation before anything else.

newtoforums said:

Don't tell me to just accept it. I would accept it if it just turned me on. But I do suffer from low self esteem, poor body image, love shyness, feel like I lack masculinity, have few friends and had an abusive childhood. I feel like its reated to that.

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Change the low self esteem, poor body image, love shyness, lack masculinity, having few friends and the "need" or fantasy of the cuckholding will likely diminish. I can assure you that as you change the perception of yourself, you'll not only feel better about yourself you notice that others see you differently as well. You may or may not be able to alter these characteristics on your own, if you can great, if you can't and you really want to, then seek the help of a professional.

How would you feel about these fantasies/tastes/fetishes if you had a healthier self-esteem, body image and felt more healed from your childhood abuse?

I'd strongly suggest dealing with those core issues and then deciding what's healthy/a good balance for you with a kink-aware/friendly therapist. You can find such a professional here, on the NCSF website. Your kinks in and of themselves are perfectly fine, so it'd likely be best for you to work with a professional who is openminded and well-informed about kink and can help you distinguish what's healthy for you, personally.

Once you "treat" your low self-esteem and other primary issues, you'll either find these fantasies/kinks fade away or remain. If they do remain, you'll have to figure out whether or not you want to make them realities, and if so, how you can do that in ways that are as healthy as possible for you and your partner(s). People do it all the time, so if you do consider traveling the reality route, you may want to find support in your local kinky community.

Well its not like its an everyday thing. I normally don't jerk off to this. I do fantasize about being unfaithful to women as well. How do I make that fantasy dominate this one?



This is not a normal fetish. i just want to be a normal guy with a vanilla relationship and light bdsm sexually. CFNM and anal sex also turn me on. That should be the limit of femdom and maledom in my relationship.

newtoforums said:

Well its not like its an everyday thing. I normally don't jerk off to this. I do fantasize about being unfaithful to women as well. How do I make that fantasy dominate this one?



This is not a normal fetish. i just want to be a normal guy with a vanilla relationship and light bdsm sexually. CFNM and anal sex also turn me on. That should be the limit of femdom and maledom in my relationship.

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From reading your posts, you have a heck of a lot to learn about BDSM and/or open/poly relationships...

CutieMouse said:

From reading your posts, you have a heck of a lot to learn about BDSM and/or open/poly relationships...

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Enlighten me.

newtoforums said:

Well its not like its an everyday thing. I normally don't jerk off to this. I do fantasize about being unfaithful to women as well. How do I make that fantasy dominate this one?



This is not a normal fetish. i just want to be a normal guy with a vanilla relationship and light bdsm sexually. CFNM and anal sex also turn me on. That should be the limit of femdom and maledom in my relationship.

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The thing is, it's a perfectly normal fantasy. Why do you think there's so much fantasy material on it? The whole point of fantasy, anyway, is to enjoy things that you wouldn't normally do. Otherwise, it wouldn't be half as exciting as a fantasy since you could just do it. If you've read many of my posts, that should give you an idea of just how extreme my fantasies are. (they're a lot less tame than cuckolding)

infinity706 said:

The thing is, it's a perfectly normal fantasy. Why do you think there's so much fantasy material on it? The whole point of fantasy, anyway, is to enjoy things that you wouldn't normally do. Otherwise, it wouldn't be half as exciting as a fantasy since you could just do it. If you've read many of my posts, that should give you an idea of just how extreme my fantasies are. (they're a lot less tame than cuckolding)

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More or less extreme?

I only think about this when I am hard. And I certainly never get hard over it. Normally i get an erection out of thinking about something else. Then this pops into my head.

Question:

Why isn't it 'healthy'?

In my experience, embracing a fetish and thinking about it all the time will result in it becoming boring after a year or two.

in fairness, sundandshadow, doesn't something else usually fill that void?

ed

silverwhisper said:

in fairness, sundandshadow, doesn't something else usually fill that void?

ed

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Of course - it's the sign of a healthy, active, and creative mind to regularly find new topics to be interested in. My point was, though, that declaring some topic 'forbidden' or 'only to be thought about on special occasions' is counterproductive to a goal of getting over an obsession with this topic. It makes the topic be like 'the white elephant in the room which everyone is hyperaware of because it's forbidden to mention it'. Also, trying to avoid thinking about a topic will not result in any insight as to why that topic is particularly interesting to one's subconscious or other personal insights. If the OP wants to understand why cuckolding fascinates him against his will, he will only find and answer to that question by thinking and talking about the subject. He would probably learn a great deal about himself if he tried to write a story about cuckolding, or both cuckolding and reverse cuckolding.

BTW I do not think reverse cuckolding is a 'healthy substitute' for cuckolding; both could be self-destructive behaviors of a person who subconsciously wanted to destroy a relationship due to a belief that they didn't deserve it or a fear of commitment or some other negative belief. On the other hand both could be a healthy part of a non-jealous, sexually open relationship or a way to satisfy voyeuristic tendencies within a relationship. Infidelity is a powerfully symbolic act, but whether that symbolism is a negative retreating from intimacy or a positive demonstration of trust and compersion is totally dependent on the psychology of the individual thinking about that symbol.

newtoforums said:

More or less extreme?

I only think about this when I am hard. And I certainly never get hard over it. Normally i get an erection out of thinking about something else. Then this pops into my head.

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Ok, I'll ask you this. A woman is in bed having her special fun time with herself. She starts fantasizing that she's a call girl and she meets up with a client. He takes her to a warehouse where she gets gangbanged by 57 random strangers. That would be an extreme and potentially dangerous fantasy. Would you say that it's wrong for her to enjoy thinking about it?

Basically, you can't really choose what turns you on and it's not like it can really harm you unless you actually do it. Besides, like others have said, it'll lose some of its power over time if you just embrace it. You'll probably get some great orgasms out of it, though.