ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received

[h_i_s]

Ok .. there are many threads around here devoted to the best of the worst PMs and Emails received. Perhaps we can use this thread to list the absolute WORST of the Best?


RULES (Lits rules by the way .. not mine):

DO PROTECT and RESPECT the sender's right to anonymity (sp? ... hell i'll look it up on spell checker later).
DO NOT provide real names.
DO NOT provide nicknames/account names/IDs/screen names ... whichever you choose to call them.
DO NOT provide any personal and/or identifiable information such as email addresses, phone numbers, addresses etc.
DO NOT provide a picture of the person who sent you the email or PM .. unless you can prove to Manu or Laurel or Catalina or Marquis and any other admin or MOD who requests said proof from you.
DO NOT do anything else on this thread that is against that the 'terms of service' (TOS) or 'terms of agreement' (TAO) or whatever you want to call that big ass 'rule thingy' you agreed to when you registered for an account at Literotica.



We all receive the wanker and troll and wannabe PMs and emails now and then...
while most received are pittiful, disgusting, and proof that the gene pool has been polluted a bit since the beginning of time ....... some do warrant a good laugh or two. Most get deleted ... some even receive replies for whatever reason.

Have fun and share the best of the worst PMs and emails you have ever received on this thread... with the rest of us. If nothing else, the rest of us will not feel we are the only one's who are so priviledged in receiving them.

[h_i_s]

Here's the latest PM/email i received today from none other than that well know site: collarme.com .


he wrote: love to see that snake winding its way in your cunt that would be a blast



my reply to him: Putting aside the fact that due to your lack of integrity, honor and respect (not to mention your inability to maintain a basic sentence structure and/or method of punctuation), i wouldn't allow you to catch a glimpse of my little toe, let alone my sweet unattainable OWNED and collared pussy ......

It's a female snake and as far as i can tell based on the way she interacts with my other snake who is a male ...... she's not at all into bisexual play. She prefers males.

What i would love to see and witness would be my snake as she draws back into a strike pose, and proceeds to quickly lunge all of her 75 pounds at your crotch, finally locking her powerful jaws at the base of your limp little dick.

Do you know that the teeth of a burmese python are hooked back, much like a fish hook? Their teeth are formed in this way because after catching their live food, they tend to pull back quickly so as to insure a good hold ... it rips the fuck out of the flesh.

Do you realize that once they strike, their saliva will prevent the blood of their victim from clotting? Perhaps your little pee-pee would be chomped in two. You'd certainly bleed like a friggin pig, regardless. Now THAT would be a REAL blast.

She doesn't care much for devouring pigs.

Lucky for you, heh?

Sincerely, the collared property and wife of INSIDEYOURMIND;
cynn



Normally, my Master replies, if they even get a reply at all. This evening though, IYM told me that there was an email in my bulk folder from a dumbass that He thought i may enjoy responding to myself. i did.

[INSIDEYOURMIND]

Do you know that the teeth of a burmese python are hooked back, much like a fish hook? Their teeth are formed in this way because after catching their live food, they tend to pull back quickly so as to insure a good hold ... it rips the fuck out of the flesh.

Do you realize that once they strike, their saliva will prevent the blood of their victim from clotting?

It's remarkable how much my little girl has learned about snakes

[sphynx's dragon]

I don't get any troll emails or pms....wait a sec!

[graceanne]

I normally either ignore obnoxious PM's or just be nice to them till they get sick of exchanging pm's that aren't getting them anywhere.

[the captians wench]

I was trolled on both my pic threads this week. But I was told to be nice and just ignore them.

[Andante]

Originally Posted by sinn0cent1

he wrote: love to see that snake winding its way in your cunt that would be a blast

my reply to him: Putting aside the fact .........

Sincerely, the collared property and wife of INSIDEYOURMIND;
cynn

Sinn, I just LOVE your answer

[h_i_s]

Originally Posted by Andante

Sinn, I just LOVE your answer

Thank you, Andante.

Many understand how useful the block/ignore feature is, and in many cases ... it is the best solution.

Sometimes placing a person on ignore is not the best alternative. Sometimes i disagree with ignore as the best option and choose not to block. This is especially true in a chat or forum setting where the blockee/ignoree does post frequently, which will make a conversation (especially when others have NOT put the person on ignore and continue to converse with them) near to impossible to follow would they be blocked.

Of course, that issue doesn't present itself with email and/or PMs. Sometimes i do reply to those and benefit by blowing off pent up stress, emotion aka steam... & sometimes it does help. Call me wierd ... or odd, but i've never been 'normal' (blech) so why start trying to be .. now? heh ..

In that my Master 'suggested' i reply to that message on collarme ... it wasn't a decision which i had to think hard about, or question.

[marieR19]

Awwww! Now I'm wishing I hadn't deleted the best (worst) of the crazy emails I've gotten, mainly from collarme. I have some dousies (sp?)!


Heather

[jadefirefly]

So far I haven't gotten anything truly awful. Although I did receive a little tidbit the other day from what appears to be a regular casanova... I don't think. :P

It was very simple: hi, would you care to chat with a guy about things of a sexual nature?

I didn't reply. Just because you phrase your cyber request in a polite manner, doesn't make you any less of an assmonkey.

[Netzach]

Asshat. (beavis laugh)

I just love the word asshat.

I haven't gotten anything THAT stupid by email, nothing spectacularly funny anyway.

[FurryFury]

I don't get a lot of "bad" PM's. People tend to be just fine mostly with me. I do like to ask these guys who are fishing, I believe for cyber, cam or phone stuff why the contacted me. Rarely can they give an answer. That is because I think they contacted a whole bunch of people and can't recall one from another. They aren't going to get cyber, cam or phone from me anyway but not having a reason to contact me specifically means they also won't likely hear back from me in the future.

Fury

[@}-}rebecca----]

Ohhh just received an email that I have PM mail at alt . Please see the following :


hi ,
>
> how r u?....i m eddie frm xxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx... (removed to 'protect' privacy)
>
> tell me more about ur likes n dislikes
>
> waiting 4 ur reply
>
> take care
>
> bye


Sitting here thinking to myself 'ohhhh awww lucky girl I am' he obviously wrote that especially for me.......swoons...lol. I then embark into dangerous territory ( yes obviously I have too much time on my hands today ) I will look at his profile.



Disclaimer I take no responsibilty for your wellbeing if you decide to read past this point.

most of the girls i had sex with have said "eddie can someone really satisfy a women like you". well i think thats a compliment which a guy expect from every women. I am really very serious about my health nowadays n i excercise 4-5 times week but girls are ultimate fantasy. i prefer going to bars than nightclubs because you get some time to be with your girl to talk n get her some orgasm. i would love if the girl is dominant but probably i would'nt mind if she wants me to be dominant. which i am definetly all the time. when i am on the bed with girl i would love experience everything. i would do crazy things which i reckon no girl would have ever experienced. i always want to concentrate on one girl rather than having sex with two at the same time. i would'nt mind if the girl want to experiment something new on me. i would love it......c ya girls ..c u on the bed.

I am looking for a girl who really enjoys sex . she should be as agressive as me because sex is an adventure if there is no agression there would'nt be any excitement. my sexual fantasy since childhood is to give a girl a throat job and cum into her mouth if she is happy to take it. believe me girls i am known to be a good masseur when i am on the bed with a girl. i believe if u want to have full pleasure of sex you should start with oral sex and carry on for atleast half an hour to get the maximum orgasm. girl ..trust me if you wanna have the best sex ...be with me.....hahaha


Shudders Think I will go take a shower now .........

[jadefirefly]

Oh, dear lord...

My head hurts just deciphering that, let alone boggling that someone actually wrote that, and was serious when he did!! O.O

[@}-}rebecca----]

Originally Posted by jadefirefly

Oh, dear lord...

My head hurts just deciphering that, let alone boggling that someone actually wrote that, and was serious when he did!! O.O

Ohhh yes I think so, should I reply ?

[jadefirefly]

Are you able to reply with equally atrocious grammar and spelling, just to see if he notices/cares? :P

[@}-}rebecca----]

Originally Posted by jadefirefly

Are you able to reply with equally atrocious grammar and spelling, just to see if he notices/cares? :P

I could try ..............lol

[jadefirefly]

Good luck!

I've tried, before, and I find it's actually harder for me to do that than it is to type well.

[INSIDEYOURMIND]

Originally Posted by jadefirefly

Are you able to reply with equally atrocious grammar and spelling, just to see if he notices/cares? :P

He would most likely not accept that from his sub

[@}-}rebecca----]

Originally Posted by INSIDEYOURMIND

He would most likely not accept that from his sub

Oh I have no intention of reply, the idea while amusing at first is nothing I will embark on. The post was for the humor content , best leave 'Eddie' to somone more 'deserving' than I.

[jadefirefly]

Originally Posted by INSIDEYOURMIND

He would most likely not accept that from his sub

Oh, likely not. Because it's okay for him to be half-illiterate, but his sub's gotta be perfect, right? :P

Unless he can't make up his mind, which it sounds like, and then it might just be okay for him to sound like an idiot because he's the sub? It's so hard to tell these days. :P

[Joe Schmoe]

Originally Posted by @}-}rebecca----

Ohhh just received an email that I have PM mail at alt . Please see the following :


hi ,
>
> how r u?....i m eddie frm xxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx... (removed to 'protect' privacy)
>
> tell me more about ur likes n dislikes
>
> waiting 4 ur reply
>
> take care
>
> bye


Sitting here thinking to myself 'ohhhh awww lucky girl I am' he obviously wrote that especially for me.......swoons...lol. I then embark into dangerous territory ( yes obviously I have too much time on my hands today ) I will look at his profile.



Disclaimer I take no responsibilty for your wellbeing if you decide to read past this point.

most of the girls i had sex with have said "eddie can someone really satisfy a women like you". well i think thats a compliment which a guy expect from every women. I am really very serious about my health nowadays n i excercise 4-5 times week but girls are ultimate fantasy. i prefer going to bars than nightclubs because you get some time to be with your girl to talk n get her some orgasm. i would love if the girl is dominant but probably i would'nt mind if she wants me to be dominant. which i am definetly all the time. when i am on the bed with girl i would love experience everything. i would do crazy things which i reckon no girl would have ever experienced. i always want to concentrate on one girl rather than having sex with two at the same time. i would'nt mind if the girl want to experiment something new on me. i would love it......c ya girls ..c u on the bed.

I am looking for a girl who really enjoys sex . she should be as agressive as me because sex is an adventure if there is no agression there would'nt be any excitement. my sexual fantasy since childhood is to give a girl a throat job and cum into her mouth if she is happy to take it. believe me girls i am known to be a good masseur when i am on the bed with a girl. i believe if u want to have full pleasure of sex you should start with oral sex and carry on for atleast half an hour to get the maximum orgasm. girl ..trust me if you wanna have the best sex ...be with me.....hahaha


Shudders Think I will go take a shower now .........

Just how masochistic are you? I didn't even get past the first line because it was beyond my threshold.

[graceanne]

Originally Posted by Joe Schmoe

Just how masochistic are you? I didn't even get past the first line because it was beyond my threshold.

LOL Me either. I read the first line and could feel my eyes glazing over.

[Joe Schmoe]

Originally Posted by graceanne

LOL Me either. I read the first line and could feel my eyes glazing over.

~laughs~

Did you reach subspace?

[graceanne]

Originally Posted by Joe Schmoe

~laughs~

Did you reach subspace?

No. *sigh* I guess I'm just not masochistic enough.