Aunt Jemima & Uncle Ben
- Thread starter loquere
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Hypoxia
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Ah, the old BBC+BBW fantasy. Probably with Mrs Butterworth for a threesome. But now we're mixing carbs, chunking up, not getting enough protein. Call in the cheezeheads!
loquere
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Hypoxia
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What, all those oats, even more carbs? No, we need protein. Call for Farmer John or Jimmy Dean, put some sausage on the table. Or go straight to Colonel Sanders for the bird and all the trimmings. His whip-hand will keep them all in line.
Sean Renaud
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I am way to sober for this crap but I have to know. Are Cereal Mascots bestiality?
Hypoxia
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I think they qualify as fantasy animals so you're safe to poke a few. Have fun. Wipe up the crumbs.
NOTE: This is my LIT post #8086. That used to be an important microprocessor. Next is 8087, the math co-processor. Then the 8088, that chop-down version that underpowered the first PCs. Ah, history...
loquere
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I take offense to 'crap.' This is good shit.
LIVINRFANTASIES
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Only if you include the Pillsbury Dough boy and the Michilan Tire guy. We need some obestality here.
Don't invite the Jolly Green Giant. Now this shit is some good crap.
Don't invite the Jolly Green Giant. Now this shit is some good crap.
loquere
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I know we joke about adding all these other characters, but a romantic story about the only two iconic black characters in the food world was what I was striving for.
It fits so perfectly, uncle Ben and aunt Jemima. This romantic story should have already been written.
It's the 1960's a young aunt jemima is a waitress at a Missouri dinner, she dreams of opening her own dinner some day, free from the demands of her white boss. A dashing bow tie wearing, young uncle Ben who is a food/rice wholesaler from Texas has been wooing aunt Jemima for over a year, he loves her fluffy pancakes and let's her know it. They finally get married and open there own dinner in Chicago, working side by side in the hot kitchen.
It fits so perfectly, uncle Ben and aunt Jemima. This romantic story should have already been written.
It's the 1960's a young aunt jemima is a waitress at a Missouri dinner, she dreams of opening her own dinner some day, free from the demands of her white boss. A dashing bow tie wearing, young uncle Ben who is a food/rice wholesaler from Texas has been wooing aunt Jemima for over a year, he loves her fluffy pancakes and let's her know it. They finally get married and open there own dinner in Chicago, working side by side in the hot kitchen.
MayorReynolds
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Cap'n Crunch.
loquere
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That actually made me laugh.
MayorReynolds
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Not only does he have an authoritative, baritone voice, perfect for bullying people around, but he's got that big curly mustache—appropriately colonial, I'd say.
loquere
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Hypoxia
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Meanwhile the blonde Doublemint identical twins are mutually cunnilincting merrily, the snap-crackle-pop triplets are daisychaining, and Old Captain Spice... well, he's busy with his semen...A curly moustache is essential.
Hypoxia
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Well, she has hot buns...
adelelawrus
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I thought he meant Uncle Ben from Spiderman and I was thinking "that could be a really interesting / odd" combination.
Hypoxia
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Hmmm, mix superheroes and food mascots. Interesting. Tony the Tiger meets The Human Torch! The Rice Krispies Dwarves vs the Avengers! Swamp Thing goes organic/vegan! But keep Captain America away from the French (cheese-eating surrender monkeys) fries. (Does Wonder Woman blow curds?)
loquere
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I've been expecting you.
Hypoxia
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Ever write the story?
Ben and Jem grew up next-door to each other. best friends from kindergarten through high school. But the Ben joins the Army. Jem, broken-hearted, takes a series of lovers and cooking jobs.
Meanwhile Ben's Army career leads him to a senior NCO position in the Logistics Command (i.e. food delivery). He'd joined at 17 so after putting in his 20 he was out at 37. Finally makes it back home, and finds Jem running a catering service. Their romance rekindles, yada yada. Cue the HEA ending.
Or add drama. Men from Jem's past keep re-appearing: the Green Giant; the Hungry Man; Mr Peanut. And yes, St Pauli Girl. Ben must deal with each.
loquere
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No, I haven't written it.
MayorReynolds
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Nobody's mentioned the Brawny Man?
Big, thick and girthy, like a roll of paper towels.
Big, thick and girthy, like a roll of paper towels.
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