I want to paint you green and spank you like a misbehaving avocado.

Stormpucci · Dec 2, 2016

Sure, sure... you're thinking to yourself:

"Self - what does a misbehaving avocado do to actually misbehave?"

I'll tell you right here and now - we're not going to discuss the avocado's behaviour. This is about you.

If you're still fantastically confused and wondering "WTF?!" then I have good news - that makes you entirely normal.

Me: 42, articulate, male business-owner, frequent traveler, consumate smart-ass, married guy prone to frequent bouts of misbehaviour.

You: Female and not scared off by someone who's a self-described sapiophile.

If you're looking for someone to spank your ass and demand that you make me a sandwich, I'm probably not your guy. If you want to discuss world events, psychology theory, and guerilla marketing tactics, interrupted with frequent masturbatory eruptions of raw, throbbing bliss, we should probably chat. I'm good like that.

TL/DR: I'm not insane, I'm a normal, smart-alecky, polite articulate guy who really likes to make you cum... and I made you read this far.

AlliaPotestas · Dec 2, 2016

Haha! I am not the girl you are looking for, but I wanted to drop by and say I love the ad

Why guerrilla marketing tactics?

Good luck, x

Stormpucci · Dec 2, 2016

AlliaPotestas said:
Why guerrilla marketing tactics?

Good luck, x

Oh come on - who doesn't cream their panties at the well placed discussion of guerilla marketing tactics?

-- pause --

OK - ASIDE from "everyone?"

LauraSole · Dec 2, 2016

Has to be the best title in the forum.

Still, now I expect
1) a new genre of avocado-fetish to arise,
2) ???
3) profit.

RamblinRed · Dec 2, 2016

Man, this post and the responses totally made my day! More of this please!

girlyboi85 · Dec 2, 2016

I get my priest to sanctify my avocado so I can have holy guacamole.

jstar2081 · Dec 2, 2016

LauraSole said:
Has to be the best title in the forum.

Still, now I expect
1) a new genre of avocado-fetish to arise,
2) ???
3) profit.

Agreed, I had to look, and then I could not stop reading. Well done sir, hazzar, hazzar!

2) guerilla marketing tactics ( although what apes have to do with marketing is in clear

)

Eva_Star · Dec 2, 2016

I'm an avocado sadist. Those bitches misbehave, they get the business end of my fork and a healthy dose of hot sauce on the wounds. I don't put up with that crap.

Haha I hope you find what you are looking for! Thanks for the smile.

KeltAssassin · Dec 3, 2016

I'm a guy and just had to read it lol funny

BouncieCurls · Dec 3, 2016

Very funny! I thought I might have been the girl with the bliss and frequent masturbatory eruptions but then once I looked up sapiophile I felt guilty for not being intelligent enough to know what it meant without looking it up.

jackdaw · Dec 3, 2016

BouncieCurls said:
Very funny! I thought I might have been the girl with the bliss and frequent masturbatory eruptions but then once I looked up sapiophile I felt guilty for not being intelligent enough to know what it meant without looking it up.

You shouldn't feel guilty: One can't know everything. It takes intelligence to know when to look stuff up, I always think!

AlliaPotestas · Dec 3, 2016

BouncieCurls said:
Very funny! I thought I might have been the girl with the bliss and frequent masturbatory eruptions but then once I looked up sapiophile I felt guilty for not being intelligent enough to know what it meant without looking it up.

Knowing or not knowing the meaning of sapiophile is not a measure of intelligence, it just means at some point you have or haven't been taught the word. There will be Mensa members who would have had to look it up.

I don't just say this to make you feel better, I say to make myself feel better as I also had to look it up

RubenesqueAphrodite · Dec 3, 2016

this was cute..lol
You had me up to "married"

And I was a bit put off by the unnecessary violence on Persea americana...

Good luck though..

MissAshleyToYou · Dec 3, 2016

I feel like you must make a really good guacamole

mrron · Dec 3, 2016

Miss Ashley makes a good point.

This is definitely one of the more fascinating threads to come along. Kind of a refreshing change from some of the other drivel we all like to post here.

Stormpucci · Dec 5, 2016

Wow - that's a lot of love for misbehaving avocados.

I think all of you need some help. I mean, I KNOW I need help, but come on people - it's a green fruit. It's not like it's really, really sexy or anything.

I mean, it's not like I got Barney the Dinosaur to do a striptease for you.

NaughtyGuy40 · Dec 5, 2016

BouncieCurls said:
Very funny! I thought I might have been the girl with the bliss and frequent masturbatory eruptions but then once I looked up sapiophile I felt guilty for not being intelligent enough to know what it meant without looking it up.

Just because one doesn't have an amazing general knowledge, doesn't mean one isn't intelligent. That's my opinion for what it's worth

Stormpucci · Dec 7, 2016

NaughtyGuy40 said:
Just because one doesn't have an amazing general knowledge, doesn't mean one isn't intelligent. That's my opinion for what it's worth

I agree with you 100%. However, I would argue that there are also people who don't have a good grasp of general knowledge and aren't intelligent.

I refer to these people as FAST. Admit it - everyone knows someone who is FAST.

Farm
Animal
STupid.

FAST people are not sexy people.

Eva_Star · Dec 7, 2016

Stormpucci said:
I agree with you 100%. However, I would argue that there are also people who don't have a good grasp of general knowledge and aren't intelligent.

I refer to these people as FAST. Admit it - everyone knows someone who is FAST.

Farm
Animal
STupid.

FAST people are not sexy people.

Pigs are smart. Just saying...

Stormpucci · Dec 8, 2016

Eva_Star said:
Pigs are smart. Just saying...

And tasty!

Piscator · Dec 11, 2016

He'll skip the jalapeno iif you let him use the guacamole for lube.

Stormpucci · Dec 12, 2016

Piscator said:
He'll skip the jalapeno iif you let him use the guacamole for lube.

If you've ever doubted the ability of a penis to wince in horror, I dare you to read this sentence out loud, and then consider using the jalapeno as lube.

Ow... ow.... ow.... ow....

may_I_please · Dec 12, 2016

Stormpucci said:
And tasty!

And now I want a bacon tomato and avocado sammich

lonely_niceboy · Dec 12, 2016

Naughty Avocado strip tease....

lonely_niceboy · Dec 12, 2016

For those who instead have a fetish for naughty Hass Avocado photography

I want to paint you green and spank you like a misbehaving avocado.

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