Why are you submissive?

I am a sub because I have a hunger for obedience. I need to be lower than my Sir, and for him to assert his superiority over me. I need to be able to submit to him, and for him to use and abuse my body for his pleasure. I really enjoy a man who can push me past my limits, and free my mind from the thresholds I think I can't get past. I need my Sir to take me to other worlds.. to bring my mind to a place I can't even imagine. I love it when my Sir denies my freedom, and ignores my begging. I need to give myself completely to my Sir, body mind and soul. I NEED to feel useful and loved

A few years ado I answered that question and used it on my profile on Fet. Here is how I worded it then. It still applies for me now.

Why am I submissive?

I'm just a kinky girl looking to have fun.

Well...that's what I said on another site about 7 years ago and it led me to meeting MDS - my Daddy, my Owner, the man who has taught me to accept my fantasies not as nasty, perverted thoughts that I should be ashamed of, but as things of value to explore and to be made into reality.

From the Story Of O by Pauline Reage:

"...the fact is," said the other voice,"that if you do tie her up, or whip her a little, and if she begins to like it--then that's no good either. We've got to move beyond the pleasure stage. We must make her tears flow"

In some ways this is what submission means to me.

I am not a submissive because it is fun, because sex got boring and I wanted a little excitement, because I thought being tied up with rope was pretty or sexy. Nor did I become a submissive because I wanted to get spanked, or whipped. I'm not a pain slut.

I also am not a submissive because I have a naturally submissive personality. True, I have a natural tendency to be non-confrontational and to please the people I love. But that is a far cry from being submissive. I am strong willed. I am a smart confident woman who knows what I want and am willing to follow those wants with action.

So if all that is not why I am a submissive, why am I? Like many I have had dark fantasies for as long as I could remember. But as fantasies they were under my control. I was safe in my deviance. Then I met someone who has what it takes to not only "tie me up and whip me a little" but to move beyond the pleasure stage, to make my tears flow. Not necessarily in a literal sense but more in a emotional/mental sense. It is the ache, the internal craving for this vulnerable state that keeps me obedient, submissive to Him.

It is also what keeps me an ecstatic sub.

I couldn’t even begin to tell you why.

It makes no sense to me whatsoever. Accepting a submissive role, even just in the bedroom, goes against both my personality and my personal belief system. Yet nothing gets me wetter than a little forced submission.

I resent the hell out of it most days.

Which might be why I like my submission with a dash of roughness. Or maybe not. I doubt I'll be figuring it out any time soon.

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Edit: Might have been a tad cranky when posting.... Let me recant and say that SOME days I resent the hell out of it. Most days, well, I'm starting to accept the status quo.

I sometimes question if I am truly submissive.. or if I just have a kink in what I like in the bedroom. I in am currently having a hard time deciding which it is. I am a very independent woman, I like to be in control. I thought I had found a good balance with my Sir, but I am not sure anymore. I find I want more control than I should outside the bedroom, but still want that lost/taken control in the bedroom.

Why am I a sub... I have no fucking clue. I guess I am just a messed up woman who doesn't know what she wants... but knows what she likes from sex.

There is nothing wrong with 'just having a kink in the bedroom.' Anyone who tells you you are doing it wrong-- including yourself-- needs a kick in the butt and instructions to stop reading those stupid romance novels

I have asked myself this for years. I used to be ashamed of these urges I had. I didn't understand them. Everyone tell young girls to stand up for themselves, to not be a doormat. Don't let some guy walk all over you. And I didn't. I was shy, but I was not a pushover. I didn't give in to guys who wanted to have their way with me.

But I still had these feelings. They tormented me. And they mostly had nothing to do with sex, but that's when I was most able to express them, even when I didn't know what they were all about.

I don't know WHY I am submissive. But I'm starting to learn what it means to me. It's not just a kink in the bedroom. I've unfortunately not had more than a handful of true "bedroom" experiences where I've been able to express my submissive side.

I used to think being submissive made me weak. But I've learned that it's actually the opposite. It makes me strong. It takes a mighty force of will to give all of your power and control over to someone else. It takes strength to trust another person that much.

To me it's not just about sex. It's about power, and different ways to be powerful. It's an ability, an asset, a mindset.

I used to wonder how I could be a strong, creative, assertive woman and still be submissive. This may sound trite, but one day I cam across this quote by Anais Nin and something just clicked.

“I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.”

This was written at a different time, and of course the gender roles could be reversed or done away with altogether. It sounds a bit old fashioned, even to me, but it was the first time that it occurred to me that I could be strong, and submissive.

Stella is right, though it took me a long time to be comfortable with the fact that there is no right or wrong way to do it. An anyone who tells you differently is an asshole.

Because it is how I discovered my "best self."

I'm mildly sub with my bud. I do what I'm told, when to do it, how to do it, how long to do it and to beg when he says so. He's fun, creative and non violent. He recently brought another man in to play with us. I now service them both. My MM sex life has never been more fun and fulfilling.

I'm not so much sub as I like to be controlled.

Interesting reading. I'm not a sub, but I've asked my partner (who is). She says simply this: "Because I am". Very apt, I thought...

It's complicated.

I am not a submissive but I am, sometimes, a masochist. I smirk at obedience but I like to please the man I love. I would spit in your face at just a hint that I am lower than you in any way, but I like to be forced to do things I secretly want to do but would never admit openly. I want to let go of control sometimes but it would take a person I admire and very much respect for that (and my respect is hard to earn).
I dont get along with the word sub well, but I have traits that could make someone mistake me for one, at his risk. And I will only show some of those traits to a rare person strong and capable enough to deal with them.

I thrive on feeling needy,vulnerable and the weaker one.

Because it's the rightest thing in a world full of wrong things.

Really though, I like the opacity it requires of the both of us, the straightforwardness, the plain english. I am rarely a team player, but give me a leader that really meshes with me, and I will morph into the helpiest helper and wants nothing more than to build something bigger than theirself. And contributing to that bigger thing, that outside thing, is awesome when I don't feel taken advantage of. Then of course there's the masochism, but that's pretty self explanatory.

I can‘t tell about others.in my case, my teenage experience made me realize that nothing excite me more than being forced to expose & humiliation by another woman.
i am a dominant woman in real life.perhaps i find solace in aubmission in sex.though my submissive tendency is with women only.i am a dom to guys.i can‘t explain this contradiction in my psyche.

sub

With only a 3" penis, it was never meant for me to be anything but submissive

bi_sub_lady_doc said:

I can‘t tell about others.in my case, my teenage experience made me realize that nothing excite me more than being forced to expose & humiliation by another woman.
i am a dominant woman in real life.perhaps i find solace in aubmission in sex.though my submissive tendency is with women only.i am a dom to guys.i can‘t explain this contradiction in my psyche.

Click to expand...

I am right there with you. I like being submissive to guys and ladies. but can be dominant with ladies ,with ease and comfort.

Switches rock.

I am obstinate, stubborn, bloody-minded, awkward, recalcitrant... But with a man who makes me feel alive, who makes me want to be a better person and who makes me want to love and care for him, I am submissive. And I am submissive because I derive great pleasure from knowing he is satisfied. It is the singlemost precious gift I can offer him. For me, it is the total opposite of abuse and humiliation; it is the result of my being understood and cherished for who I am. It is a rare thing and I don't give it lightly, or often.

The question would be similar in my mind to other questions like "Why is your hair black?" or "Why do you like licorice?" I like licorice because I do. My hair is black because that's what color it is. I am submissive because I am. It's just another part of me.

BiTodd said:

I am right there with you. I like being submissive to guys and ladies. but can be dominant with ladies ,with ease and comfort.

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“ release from being dominant in real life“ plus “a wish to experiment with my limit“ make the points for me.

In my every day life, I am the one deciding what's for dinner, what the budget can handle, so on and so forth. I am not shy about telling my opinion and don't fuck with my kids or you will get a mama bear on your heels, but close the bedroom door and when I call my man "master" my pulse and breathing quicken and I am a wet puddle of sexual readiness.

asianannyv said:

I'm not so much sub as I like to be controlled.

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Good distinction.

KoPilot said:

Because it's the rightest thing in a world full of wrong things.

Really though, I like the opacity it requires of the both of us, the straightforwardness, the plain english. I am rarely a team player, but give me a leader that really meshes with me, and I will morph into the helpiest helper and wants nothing more than to build something bigger than theirself. And contributing to that bigger thing, that outside thing, is awesome when I don't feel taken advantage of. Then of course there's the masochism, but that's pretty self explanatory.

Click to expand...

Though I am really wrestling with even trying to wear the "submissive" label these days, this really resonated with me.

I love submission because I love the obvious sense of power and happiness it instills in my SO. He loves, loves, loves being dominant, and I feel a sense of that as well from what I enable in him. I know I am more of a dominant bottom (thanks Stella ) and that works perfectly for us, but I definitely identify as his sub