I popped into my butcher's today for some fillet steak. I had decided to cut it into smaller steaks myself, rather than get them to do it, for reasons I won't bother to go into.
"How much do you want?" the butcher asked, cleaning some of the fatty bit off the top of the fillet with a single scything movement.
"Oh, about six inches," I said.
He sniggered desperately.
"You do know how big six inches is, don't you?"
He sniggered some more and sent the boy out the back. He cut me the steak, and then he said: "Do you want a chair? You might want to sit down before I tell you how much this is."
"I know the value of six inches," I assured him, to further sniggering.
I tell you what, that was the nicest piece of meat that has come in my mouth for quite some time, oh yes it was
I popped into my butcher's today for some fillet steak. I had decided to cut it into smaller steaks myself, rather than get them to do it, for reasons I won't bother to go into.
"How much do you want?" the butcher asked, cleaning some of the fatty bit off the top of the fillet with a single scything movement.
"Oh, about six inches," I said.
He sniggered desperately.
"You do know how big six inches is, don't you?"
He sniggered some more and sent the boy out the back. He cut me the steak, and then he said: "Do you want a chair? You might want to sit down before I tell you how much this is."
"I know the value of six inches," I assured him, to further sniggering.
I tell you what, that was the nicest piece of meat that has come in my mouth for quite some time, oh yes it was
Been there, done that myself. A good time was had by all.
The mind boggles! as for other bits ... I shall not give a detailed account of the sensations (There wouldn't be a dry seat in the house.)
HP, you are so naughty! You know bestiality is not allowed around here
You are naughty too, Ogg and TxRad
) which I had carefully placed on the ground by the tyres so I would be able to find them again when I had finished - and I did find them again, but they were squashed flat. So then I had to go to the little bits and pieces motorparts shop round the corner and spend 50p on two new dust caps, and drive all the way round the block again because you can't turn left onto the Heads of the Valleys Road at that point. - google if you don't believe me.) 
It was total MILF heaven there. Not only were there of course a lot of secondhand bookshops , there were also lots of shops selling mugs with chickens and pheasants on them, and stalls in the market selling Alpaca knitting wool, and antique Welsh woollen blankets, and new picnic rugs and all sorts. And I was able to go to the post office first, and post some letters and a parcel to my brother in Vietnam, containing a chess piece from John Lewis (the set he had bought from their Edinburgh store had two white Queens and only seven white pawns, so they very courteously and quickly arranged for me to get a replacement pawn for him from the Cardiff store), and some novelty erasers for his kids. (Even if I had just been paid, I would hesitate to spend £350 on an antique Welsh blanket.) Not very many. I know that Hay books are totally over-priced and you can get a much better deal on Abe Books. But you can't go to Hay-on-Wye and not buy any books. 
There are several meanings to bareback riding.
I don't recommend it on an elephant. The hairs on the back of an elephant's neck are like so many sharp needles. I was seeping blood from multiple punctures.
'Kay,....
I also bought a copy of Arthur Ransome's Secret Water v. cheaply from a market stall; I commented to the stall holder that when they made the film, they had to change one of the girls' names - you can't have a children's film with a character called Titty nowadays. Although he said he thought it was a fine name. I stuck my bosom out and said, I thought so too.
I have had a lovely day today!
And I recently went up to Glasgow to do a workshop on forum posting . Yes I am becoming an accredited expert on forum posting It was kinda strange because the workshop didn't quite go as I'd planned it, and it was also kinda fun because I ended up in a mini suite with a mezzanine bedroom, two tv's and complimentary humbugs. I usually have to go to at least one meeting with managers to get free humbug. He used to get Madeira in for me too, which I thought was very funny (Ogg and HP will know why). He used to tell me off if I dated property developers, as for some reason he thought they were hairy around the hocks, but if I picked up someone like that fisherman I met on Plenty of Fish (where else! ), or that builder who once played international rugby, he quite liked to hear about them 
Don't stay gone so long. You make us worry. Like you got married or something bad like that. I'll see if I can make up a new bumper sticker. "Dirty Old Men make the best of Friends."
As a friend of mine (who no longer walks among us) used to say: I was born a man, so I can't claim credit for that. Getting old just happened, so I can't claim credit for that either. But being dirty ... that was all my own idea.
Sorry to hear that you have lost one of your DOMs, Naoko. We survivors will just have to try harder.
I will miss him - cheeky old sod.
Hullo dahlinks
partly I have come here to reassure you that I am well, Piglet is well - and we have been making festive paper snowflakes as you can see.
Naturally I am over-worked and have more bizarre yet true manager stories to tell than even Ogg or HP would credit
However, the main reason I put my head in here is that one of my friends passed away, and you guys would be the only ones to whom I could properly explain how I felt about him. He was pretty elderly - like 90 (seriously), and had become frail after making quite a good recovery from a broken hip a few months back, so it is not too surprising that he slipped away. But I will miss him
I do miss my friend. 
