Feedback on my first erotic story!

Hello all! So I wrote my first erotica short story a few weeks ago and I would really like some proper feedback since I intend to write more stories of this nature. This story I'm posting is a story about two men named Maxwell and Kastor. Maxwell has recently been through some bad times in his life involving his family and his sexuality and wonders into a bar owned by Kastor for a drink and things pick up from there.

Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated, no matter how harsh or blatant or blunt. Thanks again!

Respite:
https://www.literotica.com/s/respite-3

Someone else will comment on the gay dynamic (I see a commenter already has), but my comments are mostly technical.

Don't tense hop. This piece jumps backwards between past and present tense. I suspect you might not even know you do it - i had it pointed out to me once, and I'd not spotted it during edit. But, choose a tense, and stick to it.

Also, breaking down the fourth wall needs a lot of care, and I don't think it works at all well, here. Your lead is far too flippant, jokey. He's just been disowned from his family, yet he treats it like a plastic crown just came off his favourite My Little Pony. I'm afraid this guy would drown in a puddle, he's so shallow.

I have a feeling you knew ahead of time what your feedback would be...

Aside from the tense thing (I'd suggest past tense is probably safer if you've just started writing), you seem to have the technical basics.

Write genuine emotion next time, not this lip gloss.