First Story, Asking Community for Feedback

Hi,

This is my first time writing erotica in almost 30 years, since I was a young horny teen boy (until my parents found my cache and made me destroy it). I'd love to get some constructive feedback.

https://www.literotica.com/s/sacred-and-profane

I'm not sure how I might change this story in any case. It's (almost) completely true. But I've always wanted to write one kind of novel or another, and this is a good a place to start getting writing feedback as any

Thanks!

A tough story to give feedback on if as you say, it's essentially true. There's no reason to doubt that - the horrible simplicity of the scenario rings true. And if you've lived with the consequences for a very long time, then the impact on you is clearly very important.

It reads as a piece of reportage though, not erotica. You've recounted the circumstances in a straightforward, prosaic manner, much as a reporter might. This gives the recount (a deliberate choice of word) a distancing, non-emotional stance. But maybe that's what a non-fiction piece needs to do. It would somehow be wrong to be aroused by what is actually a very horrible, very unerotic situation.

You touch on the human connection, but somehow for me it didn't ring true - I think that's because of the distancing effect of the prose. That's a difference between fiction and non-fiction writing, I think. With fiction you want to suspend disbelief and make the shadow of a curl of hair on the girl's throat the most exquisitely sensual thing you've ever seen, and conjure something very intimate and emotional from that. And that can be done with erotica. But with a newspaper article, not so much.

As I say, it's a tough one to respond to. I think it's a bit of a truism - bleak subject matter is rarely erotic.