The Quantum Harem (closed)

So was there some sort of universal limit? Or was it just that too many universes that were too closely similar caused bleed over? He also wondered what exactly Cleopatra's nose caused but figured that would get Bailey off on another tangent. Maybe he could ask for the file? They were acting like a law office and that meant files, right?

"So what you're saying is that you want me to travel to alternate realities that have diverged when they weren't supposed to and correct the divergence, without knowing what caused it or what will fix it." Will raised his eyebrows, "And the cause of that divergence could be anything."

His eyes narrowed just a hair, "But let me follow up on one thing; you said that the multiverse will point me at a number of problems, twenty-something of them, then what happens to me?"

"The universe provides a palace," Bailey answered. "Rather opulent with stunning grounds in what you have probably have heard referred to as a 'bubble universe.' And only the bequested can enter this palace. Well, him and the members of his harem. And the harems are part of the question and solution, you see."

"For example, once you solve this problem with Ms. Checa," Bailey continued, "Assuming you don't act like a complete cad, Ms. Checa will undoubtedly be happy to return to the palace with you. And that is part of the problem solving you see. Once you locate Ms. Checa, and determine what event is about to cause the unwanted split off, you'll be able to return to your palace and enjoy a day or two before the universe expects you to go off and solve the next problem. But there was an instance when the bequester was a complete beast with his dedistressed damsels, and the universe tossed him to the curb, no warning given. And another with a lethargic fellow who had two or three women at his beck and call, and the universe gave him the toss and found someone else for the job. So there will be no slacking and no uncharitable behavior, or the universe will go about finding itself another handyman."

A palace in it's own extradimensional space outside of the rest of the multiverse? That was...well, this was all hard to believe. But Mister Bailey's head stunt had made a solid case for the "things beyond his ken" argument. He also had to acknowledge that...he wanted to believe it. All of his geeky like, he'd imagined being "chosen" for something bigger than he was. Whether it was pretending he had joined the Green Lantern Corps as a child or when playing video games. So he wanted this to be true.

Will smiled, "Well, I've never been called a cad and I certainly wasn't raised to be rude or cruel to anyone, especially to women." His mother was a feminist of the old school, after all. "But a harem...I wonder if it will change me. Everything does, I suppose."

"How do I know when there's a new...mission? Quest? Job?"

"Oh, yes, I suspect they'll be one on top of the other," Bailey answered. "Problems, that is, not women. Though I couldn't honestly assert either one of those assertions to be a fact. To be honest, once you're sent on your way, the firm...Mr. Potter and I...won't have any further contact with you. I suspect, though, that you'll know it's time for you to attend to your duties when you find one of these."

Bailey reached into his drawer and pulled out a key, placing it between himself and Will:



Bailey started to continue his spiel when he visibly did a double take at the key.

"Sorry, wrong one," he apologized, putting away the key and pulling out an almost identical one, though this one had an 'M' on it, rather than 'K.'

Will looked at the key; it didn't look like anything out of the ordinary but nothing today had. "So if phantom keys appear, it'll be time for work. Assuming I can solve the first one." Was he really talking this coolly about it? He was weird, all right.

"Mister Bailey, if I can't talk to you, how will I know what I'm doing? I'll have other questions. And if I do the wrong thing, the multiverse suffers, right?" He licked his lips, "I...is there anyone who I can reach out to or am I on my own?"

Bailey scratched his chin thoughtfully. "As to what you need to do, the multiverse will find a way to take care of sending you instructions, though the manner might be oblique. And if you do something wrong, I believe the multiverse can merely find another handyman, as it were. So I'm afraid, Mr. Baker, that if you do something wrong, it might be you who suffers."

The younger man felt a surge of consternation. "So I will be doing tasks with no idea what I'm supposed to do or who I'm supposed to help aside from hints from the universe itself which will be random and in no clear from and I won't know if I'm doing the right thing to resolve a problem or the wrong one until I do it and get thrown out by the multiverse, just to clarify."

And if he did get thrown out, what then? He wouldn't be doing his normal job if he did this one and he doubted they'd take him back. He felt a frustrated helplessness; like he was being told to play chess blindfolded and that if he lost, he'd evicted and have his assets seized.

His eyes fell again on the picture of Maria Checa. God damn, that was a gorgeous woman. And in some reality, something involving her was going to happen that wasn't supposed to. She was in danger.

He sighed, "I feel like the deck is stacked against me. But I'm not about to let something happen to this young lady without trying to do something. All right, Mister Bailey, I'm in. What now?"

"Very good," Bailey said, rising to his feet and making another attempt at an ingratiating smile. "If you'll pick up that key, Mr. Baker, we can get started right away. But leave the picture. Though I must admit a certain morbid curiosity about what would happen if a lurid picture from our picture every made its way to the universe where the subject of said picture had led a much more staid life. But no time for speculation."

Bailey led Will out of his office and down a long hallway with lots of bend. In fact, the hallway looked to be much too long and with two many bends to be contained in the office building Will had entered. Eventually, though, the pair came to a golden door at the end of the maze.

Bailey knocked on the door twice, and it opened inward, revealing another corridor, but this one had marble floors and walls draped in red silk. And another gold door could be seen at the end of that corridor.

"This is as far as I can go," Mr. Bailey advised Will. "And I can tell you nothing about what lies beyond this door, save that on the other side of that far door, is the lock which the key you brought opens. Well, good luck to you, Mr. Baker." And with that, Bailey turned around to begin the long walk back.

Will watched Bailey go until the man, if he was a man, was out of sight after going past the first bend back the way they had come. There were questions he would have about him that would never be answered; what he really was, how he knew all this, why Lionel Barrymore, and why not be Potter when he looked like him? Probably more. But he'd never know.

He turned fully to face the hallway in front of him. It was quiet here; fully zombie quiet, unlike the empty reception area. The marble floor gleamed under the carpet, which looked thick and expensive. The silk hangings covered the walls; were they marble as well? His eyes moved to the far gold door and lingered on it.

The moment had an almost physical weight to it; all of his past and present life pushing down on his shoulders in a kind of metaphysical inertia. He didn't know what would happen if he took the step into that hallway and through the other door. Everything would be different and he didn't know if it would be better or worse. But he knew what he had.

Will looked down at the key in his hand and the glossy nude image of the woman in danger rose in his mind. Bailey was gone and likely wouldn't have told him more even if he was there to ask. He was on his own because that was how it was, apparently. "Well," he said to no one, "if that is how it is done, then that is how you must do it."

He lifted his right foot and felt the weight of his life pressing down harder on his shoulders before he stepped down on the red carpet. Will surged forward in a brisk walk, as if the speed of movement might help leave his doubts behind. The carpet cushioned and silenced his steps and he was before the gold door in moments. He reached up, hesitated and pulled his arm back, then pushed it forward again and knocked firmly, twice. "Let's see what problem Ziggy's found for me."

"I suppose I could manifest in that fashion if you wish me to," a voice said from behind him.

A red mist had begun forming behind Will, that slowly coalesced into the shape of a middle aged Dean Stockwell dopplegnger, clad completely in a bright red three piece suit.

"But I hope you don't mind if I call you Will instead of Sam."

Will was proud he didn't shout at the sudden voice behind him and only jumped about a foot in the air, turning to thump his back hard against the golden door. His eyebrows rose and his eyes widened at the sight of the crimson vapor that was assembling and solidifying into...Dean Stockwell?

Okay, sure. He had been the one who made the reference.

His mouth worked a few times before he managed to get out, "No, Will is fine. Names are important, after all. Ah, and what should I call you? As you're certainly not Al or Dead Stockwell. Well, I suppose I don't know that. Given this multiverse thing, you could be, couldn't you?"

He also felt a moment of regret he hadn't referenced Doctor Who or something with an attractive female companion/buddy character. But it was a minor twinge that was again overwhelmed with curiosity, "I don't suppose you'll be advising me in all this?"

"Could be," Stockwell replied. "And I am here to serve you in an advisory position. But primarily I am the majordomo of your palace. If you will follow me, please."

Stockwell opened up the second door which led to a long line of doors, each with a different letter of the alphabet on it.

"Twenty-three doors, each with a letter of the alphabet," Stockwell explained. "Except for the letters J, U and W. This is the business end of the castle, as it were. Where you get your business done. Around that bend," Stockwell continued, pointing to the far end of the hallway, "Lies the rest of the castle. Swimming pools, bowling lanes, open gardens. It's a veritable labyrinth. Tends to shift all the time, but not in a menacing way." Stockwell patted a castle wall. "Old girl just likes to show off, but not to worry. Always a bedroom, bathroom and kitchen nearby, no matter what, and I'm always just a call away."

"And don't worry about the gold door we just came through," Stockwell added, drawing attention to the fact the golden door had disappeared. "You won't wish to go back to your old world anyway. Let's focus on your first mission."

Stockwell led Will to the door marked "M." For emphasis, the door had a collage of Maria pictures on it.



You know, I've always wondered what it would be like for one version of a person to be confronted with the results of the actions of another version of themselves. But before I get started talking about what you need to do on the other side of this door," Stockwell said, pointing at the 'M' door, "Do you have any questions?"

Will shook his questions, "I have about a thousand questions, most of them spinning around my head do fast I can't even put words to them. Why no doors for J, U, or W? Is there a kitchen staff or will I be cooking myself? Cleaning? Is this castle self-aware? It's amazing, regardless."

He sighed and stilled his tongue a moment. Then he spoke again, "But none of those questions matter if I can't do the job, so let's focus on that." His eyes lingered on the collage of pictures. God damn, this woman was gorgeous. "I like the collage but if she comes back, it should maybe go away. I've been lead to believe she's something of a spinster hermit in this universe and I imagine she'd be embarrassed by these. A pity; she should see just how beautiful and sexy she is. Anyway."

"I'm sorry, minor sidetrack." He looked at the Dean Stockwell lookalike. "I've seen and read enough time travel/multiverse stories to know there are rules. Things you shouldn't do. Things you can't do. Things you can do but really, really shouldn't do. I'd like to get at least dome idea of the rules. I want to go well." He glanced again at the collage, "This woman deserves the best effort I can make."

"J, U and W weren't present in the earliest versions of the modern Latin Alphabet, so I presume that's the reason they're not present in this corridor," the pseudo-Stockwell answered. "I could be wrong, though. I'm only an..."

Stockwell paused, trying to search for the right word. "Embodiment. I'm only an embodiment. So I suppose there might be an alternative reason why J, U and W are missing. They might even be added at some point in the near future." Stockwell shrugged before he continued answering Will's question.

"Is the palace self-aware? I'd say at least as self-aware as you and I, but then that begs the question about whether we truly are self-aware."

"Philosophical questions aside," Stockwell continued. "There isn't a cooking or cleaning staff per se, but if you were looking for a seven course meal, chances are that within fifteen or twenty minute you'd stumble onto a dining room where the dinner had been laid out. If you were looking to make yourself a Dagwood sandwich, the next kitchen you came across would put most delis to shame. And any time you left a room in disarray, you'd find it immaculate upon your return." Stockwell patted the castle wall. "Our lady prefers to work behind the scenes."

"And not to worry about the collage," Stockwell assured Will. "The collages...or whatever is on a door in question...disappears once you've entered it. The door, that is, not the collage. Though I suppose that's not outside the realm of possibility. Entering a collage, that is."

"As for the rules, well, they change from door to door. But they can be boiled down to doing three things." Stockwell lifted three fingers and counted them down. "First, you have to discover what action needs to be stopped, and stop it. Second, you must find the specific woman associated with whatever you have to stop, and bring her back. And third, you have to do the thing that will open the door for you and the woman in question back to your new home. Now, as to the specifics of the Maria Checa door..." Stockwell pulled out a mini Apple iPad. "Do you mind if I use your Ziggy schtick?"

The Embodiment's description of the castle's abilities was remarkable. Creation of space and matter? Impossible. But then wasn't all of this? Maybe it pulled up he required things from across the multiverse. The castle must also be telepathic or something similar to be able to respond to thoughts and emotions. Well, hunger was a sensation but still.

Will let out a low whistle, "She's impressive. I hope I'll have a chance to get to know her well."

He listened to the explanation. It sounded simple, which troubled him. Lots of things that sounded easy were actually complex and difficult. "Find the problem and stop it, bring the woman back here, do what will open the door. Okay. And yrs please, feel free to use that schtick. Though feel free to mix it up as well, I'd hate to put a damper on you."

"Well, Ziggy says that you'll need to understand the affinity factor, and understand how it works," Stockwell said, as he made an entry into his iPad. "But he's pretty sure that the mission has something to do with Maria being a librarian."

"Affinity for Maria or her work as a librarian? Or just books?" Will grimaced bit nodded. "All right, so it's something to do with her profession at large or her job specifically."

He turned his head to again consider the collage on the door. Wow. "Mr. Bailey, the one who contacted me and led me here, hinted that Maria herself is in danger. Does Ziggy have an idea if we're talking physical danger or rid of her career? Is the danger to her the source of the problem or just a symptom?"

"The affinity factor isn't something that you feel, it's something that's been incorporated into you," Stockwell corrected. "People that you encounter, and especially the target of the universe you're about to enter, are inclined to go along with a request you make, as long as you present it reasonably. You can't say, 'Dude, gimme a fucking free hamburger right now' and expect a free hamburger. But if you ask for a hamburger now and promise to pay for it next Tuesday, you'll not only get it now, but more than likely whoever gave you the free hamburger will forget to ask to be paid on Tuesday."

"Maria is going to be especially susceptible to your affinity factor, as long as you approach her reasonably," Stockwell added.

"I don't know if there is a specific danger to Maria," Stockwell continued, "Though there is a general danger to her and her universe. Her universe is a one-off. It wasn't supposed to split off further. What you're supposed to stop or correct, I don't know, and I don't know if it presents an immediate danger to Maria, but just a general danger to her reality." Stockwell made a couple of entries into his iPad and raised an eyebrow. "Well, that's interesting."

"Wow. I feel like I should say some clever than that but, that will be a tremendous help." It was like The Doctor's psychic paper but he was the paper! Of course, it had limits and "Al" had already explained but there are likely others. It was also an ability he could abuse if he wasn't careful or if he was just an asshole. And the universe would probably take notice and act if he did. "I'll try to be smart and lenient in how I use it."

"What's interesting?" Will tried to peer at what was on the screen. "Also, I'm sorry that I didn't ask sooner, but what would you like me to call you?"

"I'm rather fond of Stevens," the Stockwell clone answered, "But this embodiment has a taste for certain literary forms."

"And as far as your affinity is concerned, just remember you will need to display an amount of affability. Caddish or selfish behavior..." Stockwell's eyebrows furrowed before he continued..."Tends to cancel the affinity out."

"Ziggy just told me," Stevens/Stockwell answered, lifting up the iPad,, "That in order to get Maria back here, you'll have to convince her to leave any clothing she's wearing behind. And apparently you'll need to induce her into having an orgasm to open the door back to the palace." The Stockwell doppleganger shrugged. "I suppose getting her to do the first will make it easier to accomplish the second."

"Stevens it is then," Will said with a smile. "Pleased to meet you. Will Baker, though I'm sure you knew that."

This was the fourth time it had been made clear that there was certain behavior that wouldn't be tolerated. He got the message, though he would have liked a bit more clarity. Getting Maria Checa naked and getting her to orgasm seemed relatively caddish to him, after all.

Also quite excellent, but still. She didn't know him from Adam and she'd be susceptible to the Affinity Factor...there were some consent/boundary issues here.

"All right. Maria needs to be naked and cum in order to get us back here. What will happen? Will the door appear or will we just suddenly be in a room here?"

"That's a very good question," Stevens allowed. "A very good question. I suppose that, as an embodiment, I should know that answer, or at least be able to provide a reasonable speculation. But I don't. And I can't. Well, I can say that what happens in one experience will more than likely not happen in a subsequent experiences. But even that isn't a certainty."

"Any other questions?" Stevens asked.

He hated those kinds of answers. If Stevens didn't know, he could just say so. Saying it like this just cast doubt as to whether he actually did know and couldn't or wouldn't share or legitimately didn't know. But he wasn't going to suspect Stevens.

Not because he didn't feel suspicious or didn't have cause but he chose to believe him. They were working together to solve problems that the multiverse wanted solved. It would make no rational sense to undermine him.

Not that people were always rational.

"I'm sure once I'm there, a size questions will leap to mind but right now, I can't think of even one." He took a few breath, "Unless there's any equipment or last minute advice...I'm as ready as I'm likely to get."

"If you need anything specific, I feel sure you'll find it when you step through," Stevens assured Will. "May I take it, then, you are prepared to step through the door and address what needs to be addressed?"

"I don't know if I am or not, but it's time to find out." Will gave Stevens a nervous smile. "Thank you, Stevens. Even if I make a huge mess of it, I appreciate all you've done to help me."

He drew the "M" Key from his pocket; it was strangely warm, though perhaps he was imagining that. "So, is the key to this door or something on the other side?" He reached down and tried the door to see if it would open without the key.