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I have a question for the fellas. :)

I have to be in the right mood to want to brandish my lady badge, and sometimes that mood is kind of - well, pissy. Makes me want to be a little... harsh? :eek:. Maybe take out my bad day on my pyl a little bit?

Does that sound awful? Of course that doesn't mean ignoring limits or actual non-consent, just that there might be kinks that appeal to me then that aren't particularly warm and fuzzy. Things I wouldn't want to have done to me as a sub, and I have mixed feelings about that.

Is that selfish of me? Would I be using them unfairly?
My emotions are getting in the way of me thinking clearly on this, and I'd love some feedback. TIA!
 
Hi wild Honey I know you addressed your question to the men but...I know for me if I'm not in the right mind set for play, in a bad mood or just not paying attention to my partners needs and limits, I can get carried away and go to far.

Of course being human we all make mistakes and I try to check myself before playing, but it can happen...:cattail:
 
I'll try.
Wild_Honey_66 said:
Does that sound awful? Of course that doesn't mean ignoring limits or actual non-consent, just that there might be kinks that appeal to me then that aren't particularly warm and fuzzy. Things I wouldn't want to have done to me as a sub, and I have mixed feelings about that.
Click to expand...
I don't see the details of the kinks and whether or not you would recieve them as an important factor. How is it different to any other reciprocal relationship? Most people even outside bdsm will ask to do something with a partner that they don't enjoy the inverse of and we don't complain if it's mutually desired because you have to perform a moral equation based on how the actions infringe on a persons personal freedom or not. The actions themselves, devoid of that context, are irrelevant. They are morally neutral until harm is quantified.

That lapse in logic is responsible for the still widely perpetuated idea that interests in bdsm are either abusive or symptomatic of an illness. And also, I assume, your anxiety about whether what you're doing is OK or not.

I realize I'm reading a bit like a textbook here so I suggest you take advice from Cookie on exposure therapy. She once said she had terrible anxiety about her looks but got over them after an old partner constantly reaffirmed that she is the best looking cookie in the packet.

I'm saying go beat your pyl until you get the message that you're helping them.
 
Last edited:
Wild_Honey_66 said:
I have a question for the fellas. :)

I have to be in the right mood to want to brandish my lady badge, and sometimes that mood is kind of - well, pissy. Makes me want to be a little... harsh? :eek:. Maybe take out my bad day on my pyl a little bit?

Does that sound awful? Of course that doesn't mean ignoring limits or actual non-consent, just that there might be kinks that appeal to me then that aren't particularly warm and fuzzy. Things I wouldn't want to have done to me as a sub, and I have mixed feelings about that.

Is that selfish of me? Would I be using them unfairly?
My emotions are getting in the way of me thinking clearly on this, and I'd love some feedback. TIA!
Click to expand...

Hello, Wild Honey. Generally, I like the idea of being treated rough, but what you describe may be more than that. I don't feel like I have enough realtime experience to give a credible assessment of the situation you describe. However, your question did make me think of a story I had read previously. It may give you some perspective being written from the sub male perspective.

https://www.literotica.com/s/a-bad-day-at-work-1
 
bluekitty69 said:
Hi wild Honey I know you addressed your question to the men but...I know for me if I'm not in the right mind set for play, in a bad mood or just not paying attention to my partners needs and limits, I can get carried away and go to far.

Of course being human we all make mistakes and I try to check myself before playing, but it can happen...:cattail:
Click to expand...

Well this is just online but I still want to be careful. :)

Thanks! And I'm glad to see you back again.
 
Blue said:
I'll try.

I don't see the details of the kinks and whether or not you would recieve them as an important factor. How is it different to any other reciprocal relationship? Most people even outside bdsm will ask to do something with a partner that they don't enjoy the inverse of and we don't complain if it's mutually desired because you have to perform a moral equation based on how the actions infringe on a persons personal freedom or not. The actions themselves, devoid of that context, are irrelevant. They are morally neutral until harm is quantified.

That lapse in logic is responsible for the still widely perpetuated idea that interests in bdsm are either abusive or symptomatic of an illness. And also, I assume, your anxiety about whether what you're doing is OK or not.

I realize I'm reading a bit like a textbook here so I suggest you take advice from Cookie on exposure therapy. She once said she had terrible anxiety about her looks but got over them after an old partner constantly reaffirmed that she is the best looking cookie in the packet.

I'm saying go beat your pyl until you get the message that you're helping them.
Click to expand...

Thank you, Blue, this is exactly what I needed to hear.

Intellectually, i know that if everyone is consenting, then it doesn't matter whether I'd like the thing as a sub or not. It's apples and oranges, really, and I do know that. But emotions get in the way, I feel guilty for 'beating' them instead of nurturing them, even if they might like it and I need it.

I appreciate your logical, rational explanation. Thanks again.
 
msub50some said:
Hello, Wild Honey. Generally, I like the idea of being treated rough, but what you describe may be more than that. I don't feel like I have enough realtime experience to give a credible assessment of the situation you describe. However, your question did make me think of a story I had read previously. It may give you some perspective being written from the sub male perspective.

https://www.literotica.com/s/a-bad-day-at-work-1
Click to expand...

I'll check it out, thanks!
 
Wild_Honey_66 said:
I have a question for the fellas. :)

I have to be in the right mood to want to brandish my lady badge, and sometimes that mood is kind of - well, pissy. Makes me want to be a little... harsh? :eek:. Maybe take out my bad day on my pyl a little bit?

Does that sound awful? Of course that doesn't mean ignoring limits or actual non-consent, just that there might be kinks that appeal to me then that aren't particularly warm and fuzzy. Things I wouldn't want to have done to me as a sub, and I have mixed feelings about that.

Is that selfish of me? Would I be using them unfairly?
My emotions are getting in the way of me thinking clearly on this, and I'd love some feedback. TIA!
Click to expand...


Ummm. You know I'm a girl. :rolleyes: But I understand the mindset you're describing, from a sub's point of view.

You would be using your sub unfairly if this isn't what he wanted, if being treated harshly was a limit.

Take away this thinking:

Things I wouldn't want to have done to me as a sub, and I have mixed feelings about that.
Click to expand...

because it isn't about what YOU want as a SUBMISSIVE. It's about what you want as a Dominant.

If I'm submitting to someone, my goal is to offer my submission for his pleasure. To make his day better, easier, happier, yada yada. So even though I don't always "enjoy" being hurt - I enjoy being able to take what he wants to give me in order to please him. Sure, I'd rather rub his feet and make him dinner but sometimes an aggressive face fuck or belt to my butt or _________ (fill in blank) is cathartic for us both.
 
cookiecat said:
Ummm. You know I'm a girl. :rolleyes: But I understand the mindset you're describing, from a sub's point of view.

You would be using your sub unfairly if this isn't what he wanted, if being treated harshly was a limit.

Take away this thinking:



because it isn't about what YOU want as a SUBMISSIVE. It's about what you want as a Dominant.

If I'm submitting to someone, my goal is to offer my submission for his pleasure. To make his day better, easier, happier, yada yada. So even though I don't always "enjoy" being hurt - I enjoy being able to take what he wants to give me in order to please him. Sure, I'd rather rub his feet and make him dinner but sometimes an aggressive face fuck or belt to my butt or _________ (fill in blank) is cathartic for us both.
Click to expand...

Thank you, cookie.:rose:That does help.
 
Gabriel9876 said:
Dear Honey,

I am a fairly new submissive and therefore I likely have more questions than answers, though I will do my best to provide what insight I can. I believe our goal, as submissive pets, is to satisfy what you require for your pleasure, as others have rightly said. Your internal conflict is borne of compassion as a GFD, this is not a poor quality in my opinion, yet when you are in need or suffering it is our desire to serve and please, if that requires pain or some small abuse we will joyfully endure it to bring you happiness, it is our place as your submissive. My first question, beg my pardon Honey, is what sort of abuses do you speak of? It is hard to judge what might be to harsh without the specifics. While I fully doubt that anything you might do would be considered going to far, I admit I am wildly curious. I was fully glad to find your previous thread about Gentle FemDom, it fit most perfectly with what I seek for myself. I have never fantasized about dungeons, whips, chains, and the more extreme side of BDSM, so I am truly grateful that you chose to post about the subject and further more joyful that you started this thread where we might discuss the subject more openly. You truly are a gift from on high. My next questions, and again please forgive me Honey, are whether or not you enjoy a lifestyle of D/s, I know you had mentioned liking the idea of having a nude servant bringing you breakfast, is this something you have attained? I am curious about the dynamic of your relationship, if it is exclusive to the bedroom, does your sub still obey you when it comes to acts of pleasure that you order of him at all hours? Or do you set aside specific times? My mind rattles with questions though I have taken enough of your attention, Thank you Honey and I appreciate any answers you might decide to offer.
Click to expand...

Hi Gabriel!

I'm off to the store, but will be back with some answers for you later.

In the meantime, would you care to share with us a short bio?
 
I was just reading over this again and I thought of something.
Wild_Honey_66 said:
I feel guilty for 'beating' them instead of nurturing them, even if they might like it and I need it.
Click to expand...
The two aren't mutually exclusive. Maybe to get past the guilty feelings you could try and combine the nurture part with the beating part if that's not something you already do? Character-building 'funishment' and things like that?
 
Blue said:
I was just reading over this again and I thought of something.

The two aren't mutually exclusive. Maybe to get past the guilty feelings you could try and combine the nurture part with the beating part if that's not something you already do? Character-building 'funishment' and things like that?
Click to expand...

I think part of what I'm worried about is what I've heard from some other subs. I'm good at (metaphorically) letting go of mental/emotional constraints and 'falling,' I'm not so good at being controlled within myself. And if I can't trust myself with myself, how can I trust myself with someone else?

But I think setting up good boundaries and knowing that my partner is really okay with something I might otherwise feel guilty about would be helpful.

Thanks for chiming in again, Blue. It's always nice to hear your perspective.
 
Gabriel9876 said:
My first question, beg my pardon Honey, is what sort of abuses do you speak of?
I haven't spent a lot of time thinking about this, but some of the rougher behaviors that appealed to me in the heat of the moment were humiliation/degradation, face slapping, and breath play.

My next questions, and again please forgive me Honey, are whether or not you enjoy a lifestyle of D/s,
My only experience is online, mostly through conversation.

I know you had mentioned liking the idea of having a nude servant bringing you breakfast, is this something you have attained?
Ha ha! Only in my cyber dream world. ;)

I am curious about the dynamic of your relationship, if it is exclusive to the bedroom, does your sub still obey you when it comes to acts of pleasure that you order of him at all hours? Or do you set aside specific times?
My preference is for a lifestyle dynamic, which in my mind doesn't mean that we are necessarily actively participating in D/s 24/7, but rather that it is available for us to access according to need and desire. I'm sure that would vary with each partner, but it does make sense that we would set aside some special bedroom playtime on a regular basis, regardless of how we applied the D/s dynamic to the rest of our lives.
Click to expand...

Does that answer your questions? :)
 
Gabriel9876 said:
Now for the questions: Do you prefer to be called Mistress?
Click to expand...

In my mind, titles are reserved for partners, like terms of endearment, and I like to work the details out individually with each person.

If we're not partners, I prefer to be called Honey or Miss Honey. :)
 
Gabriel9876 said:
Do you have one currently? More than one?
Click to expand...

Firstly, I'd like to reiterate that my only experience is online, and there are some differences between how I would handle a RL relationship vs. an online one.

My online primaries have always leaned dominant. I have had more casual friends who were either sub or switch, and I currently have two switches on my dance card. Keep in mind how transitory Lit is, and how people pop in and out, often without any notice.

If you're asking whether I am involved in a time-intensive arrangement with a sub at this time, the answer is no.
 
Gabriel9876 said:
Yes, Miss Honey, I apologize for any inpropriety, I will be more cautious in the future. If that is the only question you wish to answer I understand. Thank you.
Click to expand...

Gabriel... :) Dude, I'm pretty informal here, unless there's a reason to be otherwise.

One of my pet peeves is people who apologize when they haven't don't anything wrong, and you haven't. If you're looking for someone to roleplay a high-protocol scenario with you in which you're the very bad boy, I am most definitely not your girl.

If i don't answer all of your questions at once, it's probably because I'm busy with real life. You know, sexy stuff like making peanut butter sandwiches, brushing the dogs, or helping my teenaged daughter dye her hair blue.

Give me the benefit of doubt, and have a little patience. :)
 
Thank you for your bio! :)

Gabriel9876 said:
< I never expect them to demean themselves by going down on me while I will go down on a woman for hours given the opportunity. >
Click to expand...

I've got to ask why you feel that a partner giving you oral is demeaning?

Why would you even go out with a woman who doesn't want to suck your dick? Do you not like having your dick sucked, your balls fondled and rolled around in your partners mouth? Is there something distasteful about it to you, or doesn't it feel good?

When I am with someone, I want every bit of him, and whether he is dominant or submissive has absolutely no bearing on that. It doesn't affect my desire for my partner, to experience him, to get pleasure from him, and to give it in return. It's not wrong for me to want him any more than it is for him to want me. Isn't that nice? :)
 
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