The Hobbit + LOTR fanwrites thread

Please don't even kid about that.

I think that I don't give a shit about the story or movies.

HeiressR said:

I wonder if Jackson has any plans to make Silmarilliom a movie. That might be another trilogy.

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Fortunately only the rights to The Hobbit and The Lord of The Rings were sold by Tolkien to United Artists in '69.

HeiressR said:

I wonder if Jackson has any plans to make Silmarilliom a movie. That might be another trilogy.

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I'm already in a sleeping bag on the sidewalk waiting for tickets.

HeiressR said:

I wonder if Jackson has any plans to make Silmarilliom a movie. That might be another trilogy.

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I hope someone else does the Sil if it ever gets done. Jackson has CGI'd all the life from the Hobbit.

The thought of the Sil being butchered is too depressing to entertain.

about_average said:

Fortunately only the rights to The Hobbit and The Lord of The Rings were sold by Tolkien to United Artists in '69.

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Aww, that's a sad thing to know.

Magnetron said:

I'm already in a sleeping bag on the sidewalk waiting for tickets.

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The man who waits.

sircumvent said:

I hope someone else does the Sil if it ever gets done. Jackson has CGI'd all the life from the Hobbit.

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Read about_average's post. Pretty bad, but if only Tolkien's son/grandson agrees then it would be great.

BBG1970 said:

The thought of the Sil being butchered is too depressing to entertain.

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True. But it can be made into TV series like GoT but I hope it won't be aired at the same time.

Stanley Kubrick butchered The Shining and he is hailed as a genius. Stephen King hated Kubrick's version, but got over it because the book remained unspoiled. He embraced that movies were a different animal when it came to telling stories, which he probably learned firsthand from being the director of Maximum Overdrive.

Buy some popcorn, a large soda and enjoy it for the time being.

Someone else will eventually do a remake.

HeiressR said:

True. But it can be made into TV series like GoT but I hope it won't be aired at the same time.

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GOT was much better than LoTR movies.
If the GoT TV series is anything to go by, Alan Taylor would have done a much better job than Jackson, looking at it purely as a movie.

Magnetron said:

Stanley Kubrick butchered The Shining and he is hailed as a genius.

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Ah yes, the works of Stephen King are surely worthy of comparison to Tolkien's works.

about_average said:

Ah yes, the works of Stephen King are surely worthy of comparison to Tolkien's works.

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That's what you got out of my comment?

Whatever.

HeiressR said:

I wonder if Jackson has any plans to make Silmarilliom a movie. That might be another trilogy.

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Gods help us, NO! The NZ taxpayer has funded to many of this deluded fantasist's cinematic orgasms already. If there are any more, please please please make them in Hollywood or Bollywood, anywhere but Godzone.

This thread is so much quicker to read after I put on my +3 Ring of Ignoring Peter Jackson Haters.

Magnetron said:

That's what you got out of my comment?

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Well, if your comment wasn't relevant to and in contrast to comments about how Jackson butchered Tolkien, then you should have quoted what it was related to.

The fact of the matter is, the crap Jackson did added nothing to the movie, the story, the flow or anything else. The only thing it added was attendance of the "I'll wait 'till the movie comes out" crowd.

His King Kong was ok.

I'm just guessing your still bitching about movies not living up to your expectations.

Go write something celebrating what Tolkien did write, post it here and if someone quotes it so I can see it - I'll take you off ignore.

Magnetron said:

I'm just guessing you're still bitching about movies not living up to your expectations.

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I see now why you like Jackson's interpretations.

Go write something celebrating what Tolkien did write, post it here and if someone quotes it so I can see it - I'll take you off ignore.

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Okay, I'll get right on that because it's very distressing to be on your ignore list.

Destroy All Monsters


Devouring the light
Unseen
Perpetual night unleashed

Ravenous her appetite
Gargantuan
Monstrosity

Mightier than Melkor now
Failing to question what was done
Mistakenly
The power to destroy all Arda
Now gifted to this Eater of the Sun

She
Ungoliant
Who begat Shelob
Arachnid spawn from Hell

Fangs dripping acid
Acrid poison
Drained dry is every luminous well

Deadly manifest
Spirit from Before the World
Infestation in hideous flesh

Scourge of Vala
Jaws crushing trunks
Sap sucked from the Trees of Life

And for refusing to share the Silmarils with her
Stolen from Valinor
Melkor dooms himself

Realizing too late that his schemes
Everything fought for
Is for naught as he screams

And this shockwave of desperation
Permeates all the inhabited realms
Similar in fashion to his own songs of discord
Composed in nightmarish themes
The catastrophic dreams he now inhabits

Earthquaking
The world throughout shaking in seismic fits
Greater than ten thousand lightning javelins hurled about
Even the hardiest of warriors devoutly manning their posts
Deafened by the titanic ear shattering shout
Grip their spears with trembling hands

Nervously scanning the shadowed lands

Peering into darkness without end

To the naked eye
Erupting in the blackened sky
Whips of flame uncoiling
Flailing like meteoric snakes
Balrogs here and there
Immolating in the roiling air
Descending in a malestrom
A swarm of fire breathing drakes

Under the belly of the behemoth
Imprisoned in a living cage
Amidst towering pile driven legs
Melkor is wildly spun to and fro
Entangled in titanium threads
His terrible hammer fist in a rage
Pulverizing spider hatchlings
Grond smashing in their bejeweled heads

All the while
More upon more of her silhouetted brood
Come crawling out of giant jelly sacked eggs

Gloomweaver
Each serrated foot a massive cleaver
Hewing
Hacking cave trolls
Impaling bloodthirsty werewolves
Spewing burning venom in the face of Gothmog
And with lace tethers as strong as metal
Gluing him in place with nowhere to go
More balrogs to the rescue

After many long hours of battle
When the dust began to settle
Her escape was evident
She had fled unnoticed into a rocky chasm
Having opened during the ground breaking event

How such an enormous beast eluded them
Foul smelling as she was
Remains shrouded in a web of mystery
Enduring well beyond the ensuing ages
In tall tales and myth

And if not for the legions of minions
Issuing forth from the halls of Angband
The one known forever afterward as Morgoth
Would have met his mortal undoing


inspired by The Silmarillion by J.R.R. Tolkien, perhaps one too many Godzilla movies and quite possibly a Metallica song

Or better yet

I always envisioned the movie(s) being more like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qINwCRM8acM&list=PL6BDE2BDF9CA87D67

sircumvent said:

I always envisioned the movie(s) being more like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qINwCRM8acM&list=PL6BDE2BDF9CA87D67

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Wow. Those are some dedicated fans.

Magnetron said:

http://www.literotica.com/p/the-doom-of-man

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Apparently not so much a 'fan' that you actually knew what the "Doom of Man" meant.

Here's a hint; it was also referred to as the "Gift of Man"

magicalmoments said:

Gods help us, NO! The NZ taxpayer has funded to many of this deluded fantasist's cinematic orgasms already. If there are any more, please please please make them in Hollywood or Bollywood, anywhere but Godzone.

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Nah, Jackson doesn't get to butcher more of Tolken. He's done quite enough damage with the LoTR trilogy but even worse with the Hobbit fiasco.

about_average said:

Well, if your comment wasn't relevant to and in contrast to comments about how Jackson butchered Tolkien, then you should have quoted what it was related to.

The fact of the matter is, the crap Jackson did added nothing to the movie, the story, the flow or anything else. The only thing it added was attendance of the "I'll wait 'till the movie comes out" crowd.

His King Kong was ok.

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Meet the Feebles had its own twisted charm

1sickbastard said:

Apparently not so much a 'fan' that you actually knew what the "Doom of Man" meant.

Here's a hint; it was also referred to as the "Gift of Man"

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Man meets his doom at the hands of orcs who beat drums that mimic the sound of the word doom.

It's just a title.

Sigh.

Magnetron said:

Man meets his doom at the hands of orcs who beat drums that mimic the sound of the word doom.

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WTF?
Oh, satire..... I hope.