Deep Tissue, Happy Endings 3, Ian

“You’re welcome, Mr. Harris. You should congratulate yourself for allowing yourself to being open to something new. I rarely work on Friday evenings or weekends—that’s usually only for an emergency with an established client. If evening appointments work best, then I do have an opening next Thursday at 7:00 pm if you’re interested. If not, I also offer a private room within my office which clients can rent – usually by the hour. I have comfortable chairs, a queen sized bed, and videos which people can watch to help them to relax. Guided relaxation and various erotic dvd’s, and instructional dvd’s on intimacy, sex, and healing. It’s a private place where you can explore things that you might not be comfortable exploring in the confines of your home situation or with your partner. If I don’t have an appointment, and you’d like some assistance in choosing what is best for you, or in overcoming a challenge, I can check on your before or during your private time. Some clients even like to book the room following their appointment. Many don’t have a partner, but they feel a surge in their creative and sexual energies and masturbation is certainly a healthy way to release that energy. It can be exciting in a new environment, too. That was one of the reasons that I asked about your sex life and if it was satisfying. Sex can be very healing. Some clients just like to have a private hour for themselves in there. It is soundproof and plenty of time between bookings to ensure your privacy.

I have probably overwhelmed you, Mr. Harris, but just try not to fight any of your feelings, even the anxious ones. We can do a quick evaluation of how you feel physically during your next appointment, and establish a new goal when with your next appointment. It may be just for pure relaxation, or something more sensual. Some clients have intimacy issues that we can explore. Regardless, my goal is to have you feeling more open and expansive when you leave here. I may greet you next time in a robe. . . most of my clients prefer that I wear minimal clothing, and to be honest it is easier for me to work that way, too. Some clients even bring me the garb that they’d like me to wear for their massage. You are welcome to do that too, although I have a full ‘work’ wardrobe, too, and if you specify a style, I probably have it on hand. Would you like some time to reflect on what works best with your lifestyle?”

I smile gently as Mr. Harris appears a bit flustered at all the options except for the one he wanted. Friday night is an imposition into my time with Mark and my personal life; he must know that. As it is, my body and spirit miss his physical presence.

But, I do hope Mr. Harris chooses to return. Although he's more relaxed, I can sense he'd not fully comfortable within his body. It's as if he hasn't befriended himself. But, the sadness is transforming. Perhaps as he feel better physically, there will be more life force and acceptance of all emotions and he'll learn to let them flow. It would be interesting to witness his evolution.

I looked at the floor briefly, thinking about the coming week. Looking back up I nodded at Sidney, "Yes, I think I can do a Thursday evening appointment. Thank you ahead of time for accommodating my schedule." I smile slightly as I look at her. I can't shake the image of what I saw when she walked into the massage room. I also can't shake the feeling of when she was stroking me during the massage. It came so naturally to her and even now, I could feel that it wasn't about sex completely.

Even if it wasn't about sex, my thoughts about her wardrobe were entirely about sex. After seeing her today, I could honestly say that I wanted to see more of her, and soon. But again, my brain fought those thoughts back down. 'She's your masseuse; she's not here for that... at least not now.' I told myself as I looked back at Sidney. I wanted to know more about her erotic therapy, but these visits were about my back. Or at least they were when I got here. I bit my lip in indecision as I look at Sidney's warm smile... and I chickened out again. "I... I think that your wardrobe today or even something more professional would be fine for next time." Even as I said it, I didn't believe my words. Whether or not I knew it, my body language was telling a completely different story.

"I'll let you know if Thursday may not work out for me. Things happen during the week at work and I may need to spend some extra time in the office." I explain, sliding the water bottle in my pocket. Doing so only make my bulge look awkwardly big and offset. It also hid it to a certain extent. "Thanks again for what you did today." I say as I step to the door and through it. I walked to my car with a bit more energy than when I arrived and it was much more relaxed and free-moving as I did. Even sitting and driving didn't feel as bad as it had in the recent months. Hopefully, it will stay that way until next week.

On Thursday, I grouped my appointments beginning at noon. Mr. Sheffield, as usual, requested a massage with erotic elements and an after-session in the rented room. He knew my measurements and often had me dress in his fantasy garments. Today’s get up involved a bra with cut-outs for the areola and nipples. He enjoyed looking; seeing me in various outfits. . .asking how they made me feel. . . if I liked them. Would I wear them with my lover, too? As his massage concluded, I’d often let him caress me once, which would leave him with a massive erection. Today, I had had some extra time and escorted him to the “rented” room and remained present, caressing my bare nipples, right above his hungry mouth, until he orgasmed with my verbal encouragement. Although I had encouraged him to ask for what he wanted with his wife, sexually, I sensed he held back. . . he liked the unknown with me. Although we never had intercourse, he enjoyed role-playing.

The rest of the afternoon consisted of three female clients who were healthy for the most part. They came monthly as part of their self-care for mental/spiritual health. All three took the same yoga class that I attended, so we communicated with ease.

After a break at a tea shop, shower, and thai, I was ready for Mr. Harris. He had requested that I dress more conservatively. . .so, I chose my yoga top and white linen pants.

Mark was still out of town. It would be another few days until our bodies could rock together. I missed him. But being alone, and only accountable to my own timetable had been nice, too.

My car jerked to a halt in the garage for the building where Sidney's office was located. I cursed again for the 400 or 500th time since leaving work later than I had intended. It didn't help my mental well-being that my supervisor shrunk my time table for a project by a week again. Now I was running late for my appointment with Sidney; even though it was just two things, it felt like everything was going wrong today. I hustled out of the car, still dressed from work as I hadn't had time to go home and change into something more casual.

I arrive at Sidney's office in a huff, bending over and drawing some deep breaths after running from the car to the atrium. I look up and curse again, bringing it to 401, as I see that I'm 3 minutes late. I hated being late; it projected an image that I didn't care or that somehow the person's time wasn't valuable. I straightened up and knocked on Sidney's door, ready to apologize for being late.

As the door opened, I saw that Sidney was wearing something a bit more relaxed and casual than her outfit from my last massage. "Ah, Sidney, I apologize for my tardiness. I hope you haven't been waiting long." I offer as apology as I walk into her consultation room again. My creased slacks and crisp dress shirt seem out of place a bit from how I looked last week. I loosen my tie upon sitting as I start prepping my mind for today's appointment. These are supposed to help me relax, after all.

“Not at all. This is your time; and I’d barely call you late. It’s not even five minutes past your appointment time Mr. Harris. Come on back to my office and we’ll talk about how you feel, how your week has been, and what type of therapy you might find useful today.”

I lead down the hall to my inner office. It’s starting to get dark earlier, now. The city has a soft peachy, pink glow.

I can sense Mr. Harris’s nervous, harried energy even before he speaks. I give him a few minutes to just settle down and let his mind catch up with the idea that he can slow down.

“Yes, by all means, loosen your tie and take a few breaths. This is a stress-free zone,” I say with a wink.

“So, how have you been feeling since our last appointment? Have you made any lifestyle changes; and if so, how is it going?”

I finally calmed down when I settled into a chair in Sidney's office. Just being here again triggered some part of my brain and I felt my body relax finally. The soft interior lighting wasn't too harsh which was nice as the sun had already gone down and it didn't need to compete with the natural lighting display going on outside.

As the conversation turned to my symptoms, I sat up a little in the chair. "I will say I'm much better than I usually am on a Thursday. I can feel the tightness creeping back in, however." I say, rolling my shoulders a bit against it. "I've tried to get up and walk around more at work, but it's so stressful. I can't help but feel tense on a day to day basis." I explain as I sit forward and put my elbows on my knees. I breathe deep again as Sidney showed me and I feel a bit better, though I know that I'll need her skills to loosen up completely again.

"I hope you have some more tips this visit. I could use some more..." I say, letting my voice trail off as I hang my head a bit and try to get my body to relax on its own.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better than usual, but it’s concerning when you say that ‘you can’t help but feel tense on a day to day basis’. What is happening that is making you feel so tense?”

I get a vision of Mr. Harris swimming laps at lunch time. That it would be good for him, but he would hate the break in his routine.

I sighed, leaning back in my chair. "My job.... more than anything, that is probably the source of all my day to day stress. There is just so much pressure to turn over our projects quickly. On top of that, I keep having to pick up other people's slack to get things done on time." I stop and take a deep breath. "I think that's why I carry so much tension in my body and why my back started hurting more this year." I add to my explanation.

Looking over, I lean forward onto my knees again. "I know you said that people need you lees and less over time, but I feel like I'm going to need to keep coming just to reset for a new week." I admit, frowning at the prospect a little.

I nodded in understanding and empathy.

“Well, you know Einstein’s saying about doing the same thing over and over and hoping for different results. It won’t happen. So, something in how you work, or even your job itself, will need to change for lasting results. I tend to think it is the resentment of picking up everyone else’s slack that is the real problem. But, I’m happy to help you in the meantime. Once you are more relaxed, and not in a stressed state, it’s easier to think of creative solutions. I’m very purposeful about my work flow here, which clients I choose, and where I put my energy. You know I will always suggest that you try to work around people who inspire you in some way and where you feel valuable and appreciated, too.”

I glanced at Mr. Harris’s posture. I wondered if he had done anything light and fun this week.

“Before we get started, may I ask if you’ve done anything to help diffuse your stress? Something purely fun? Reading, biking, fishing, socializing, being with an intimate partner, for example? That can help mediate some of the chronic stress.”

Again, I sighed out a bit more stress as I sunk a little lower in the chair. "Not really. I mean I have my little things I do when I get home to relax, but no, nothing really big deliberately for reducing stress. I just don't have the time or energy when I get home from work." I lamented as I fixed my posture from having slid a little too low in the chair.

"I mean, the weekend is coming and I tend to unplug and get away from people to recharge my batteries. I suppose I don't take advantage of my free time like I should, but work is so draining that I just don't have the energy to go out and do anything. I need a few days of peace and quiet." I say, looking up at Sidney.

“I understand. When what you do is so discordant with who you are, whether you're aware of it or not, that you need that time to rebalance yourself. However, I do think it would be good for you to go away to a new environment for a long weekend, either a vacation or a health retreat. Your job is draining the life out of you, and you need these reminders that life can be fun and vibrant and adventurous. We always grow when presented with new situations. Even though I enjoy my job, I always plan a vacation, usually out of the country, and seek novel experiences.”

I smiled gently at Mr. Harris. I knew what he was thinking.

“Now, I realize that just coming to me can be a very novel experience for some clients, and our sessions can have a profound effect on your life, work, and relationships as I’m helping you to become more conscious about yourself. Since your work week is stressful, it might be best to schedule your next session on a Wednesday. Or, at the very least, rent the private room for an hour of self-care. I’d also suggest that you take some B vitamins and some herbs for your adrenals. They tend to get depleted with chronic stress and contribute to that feeling of exhaustion.”

I paused for a moment, waiting for a sense of what would be best for Mr. Harris’s therapy.

“We can do many types of therapy for stress and physical relief. I can give you a choice of options, or offer some suggestions. But, given your situation, I’d suggest some hydro mineral therapy. . .at least 10 minutes in the jacuzzi with special salts and then we can proceed with some hands-on work. I think that might be the fastest way to clear the stagnant energy and get some chi moving in your body again. I may provide an entirely different type of therapy than last time, and it may seem completely unrelated to your physical tension, but I’d encourage you to just be open. How does that sound to you? Or, do you prefer a different type of therapy session? Some clients just like to talk or do some other untraditional activities. This is your hour, Mr. Harris. I’m fairly adaptable, but I do think my ideas might give you the best long-term benefit and be within your comfort zone, while still feeling a bit novel.”

I raised my eyebrows and smiled with excitement.

As Sidney spoke about vacations, I started to think about how long it had been since my last vacation. I mean, I would go home and see the family over holidays, but even then, it wasn't as relaxing as I'd hope it would be. Maybe it was time to get away and do or see something just for myself. I nod and look over at Sidney, thinking about what sorts of things she did to get away. The idea of "physician, heal thy self" had to weigh on her mind as who would she go to in her time of need.

Nodding along to her suggestions, I repeat them to help myself remember them. "B vitamins... adrenal system herbs.. okay." The idea of coming in and renting her room felt so lewd though. That wasn't to say that I didn't do the same at home, but it felt like my own private life so it should be sequestered away at my place. Bringing it here felt like I was intruding on her space, even though it was her suggestion.

"No, I should be fine until our appointment next week. If Wednesday is what you recommend, I'll move some things to open up my Wednesday night."

As she talked about other therapies, I could feel my body relaxing even at the sound of having a short session in her whirlpool. My everyday shower wasn't the relaxing spa that it might be to others; for me, it felt like the dividing line between home and the office. Once it was done, it started the countdown until I had to return to my desk and cube.

"Sidney, I'm completely new to this kind of therapy and care so I have no idea what to even ask for. I trust you in this arena and give myself over to your expertise. Whatever you think might help is something I am willing to attempt. Just know that I may recoil as I did last time if it is too new..." I explain, hoping she doesn't think me cruel or stand-offish. I know myself well enough to at least prepare her for what my reaction might be.

“Your sessions might always be challenging on some level, and hopefully you’ll trust me over time, but the goal is to help you to relax your mind and body. Okay, I’ll walk you back to the changing room. . . just undress and wrap yourself in a terry robe. I’ll set up the Jacuzzi for you next door in the meantime. Once you enter the water, just press the black knob on the wall. . . and your session will be timed for ten minutes. If you have any issues, you can step out prematurely. If I don’t hear the water bubbling, I’ll check on you. Otherwise, I’ll meet you in ten minutes. There should be an extra towel in there, if you need it.”

I thought back to the waterfalls at Costa Rica and how natural it had felt to be in water, surrounded by the outside world, under the warm sun. Mark and I. . . unforgettable memories. I shook my head; forcing myself to remain present. I fought the urge to join Mr. Harris in the jacuzzi. It would be too awkward for him.

“While you’re in the jacuzzi, try to stretch and relax any tense muscles. Quiet your thinking and worrying. Stay very present with your physical self -allowing the warm water, jets, and salts to soothe you. I’m rather fond of these 10 minute soaking sessions myself.”

I nod and stand up. "A good soak does sound lovely right now, if I'm honest." I say with a smile. Following along with Sidney, I walk with her to the changing room. Unlike last time, I'm not as self-conscious about stripping down in a strange new setting. After all, I really hated wet underwear and wanted to avoid it for the ride home. I left my things in the locker and wrapped a warm, soft terry cloth robe around me. It really felt great and I slid on some shower shoes that were left in the room. Stepping out of the room, I found the jacuzzi in the next room over as Sidney said. I was a little disappointed that she wasn't in the tub waiting for me, but I told myself that it was for the best that she wasn't.

I walked in and closed the door behind me. I looked around the room, curious if maybe Sidney had some means of watching the room from elsewhere in the office. Seeing no obvious cameras, I slipped the robe off and hung it nearby before walking into the tub. The temperature was perfect and as soon as I hit the switch to activate the jets, I was smiling and sighing as my body relaxed. I sunk down in the water, letting it roil all around me as I found a seat under the water. The jets were set up to spray against my back and legs which really helped by body unwind.

Part of me wanted to just drift away to sleep, but the purpose was to help focus my mind on my body. I drew in long slow breaths and tried to focus on the feeling of my body in the water and the salt solution. I sighed and felt myself floating up as I relaxed more and more. The solution must have changed the buoyancy of the of the water as my hips rose up and I floated in the water. Feeling my body floating easily, I smiled and closed my eyes and let myself float as if I were in a sensory deprivation tank.

In the meantime, I prepped my massage room: lit a few candles around the perimeter, some soft tribal drumming music, and warmed my “rejuvenating” blend of oils for Mr. Harris.

I felt encouraged that he was able to identify that his job was the source of his physical pain. Eventually, I hoped that he’d have enough energy in his body to feel empowered to make a change.

Perhaps, his body needed to be reminded of what it felt like to feel vibrant before he’d want more of that feeling.

Once I heard the jets stop, I tapped lightly on the door to collect Mr. Harris. His hair was damp but his eyes were shiny and somewhat glazed. A relaxed expression.

“The jacuzzi does wonders doesn’t it? You should feel nice and warm and relaxed. C’mon, I’ll walk you back for your massage therapy. I’m going to work purely intuitively this time, but it should still feel very relaxing and expansive. And, as always, you can let me know if you need something or are uncomfortable, and I can adjust my methods.”

I led Mr. Harris to my warmed, cushioned massage table.

“Ok, I’ll step out for a moment or two while you settle either face up or down on the table. I’m going to turn the heat up a bit in here because it’s going to feel chilly after the jacuzzi. Also, I might have more of your skin exposed at once this time. Don’t worry,” I warned, with a wink. “I’ve never had anyone complain.”

I shut the door quietly, smiling, eager to start on Mr. Harris. To work deeper. More intimately. To get the energy moving again in his body. To assess and reenergize his blocked areas. To watch him open up and release.

I could guide and encourage and facilitate, but I knew he was ultimately in charge of his own healing and timeline.

I heard Sidney's knock and it snapped me out of my float. After I got comfortable, I was loathe to stop floating and start my session. I was enjoying it maybe a little too much, but I let Sidney lead me to the massage room. It was why I was here after all. The room looked very much the same as last time; I reasoned that she wanted to stick with what helped me relax last time and I couldn't think of a reason not to continue that.

I became aware of how warm the room was when Sidney mentioned that I might have more of my body exposed this time. I tried not to be self-conscious about it, reminding myself that she gave me nearly a complete handjob last time. Laying in here in a more naked state should worry me. Still, I couldn't help it; I didn't like being naked around others, but that had more to do with my dislike of my lack of fitness. I took a deep breath and remind myself that it's no big deal as Sidney had seen it already and didn't seem as repulsed as I thought she might be.

I nod as she tells me to get comfortable on the table, hearing the door click as she stepped back out of the room. Take a long slow breath, I approached the table and lay down on it, putting my face in the open ring in the cushioned top. I opened the towel and kept it covering my ass as I let the ends hang over the edges of the table. As I lay there, the cushion felt as warm as the Jacuzzi through the terry cloth towels that had been laid out. I smiled to myself as it reminded me of one of my favorite things: carrying laundry fresh from the dryer.

I settled in and waited to hear the door open again, letting myself relax on the table. I fidgeted slightly as I couldn't figure out how to keep my arms comfortably at my side. I was still wrestling with palms up or palms down when I heard the door open again.

I lightly knocked on the door and then entered to find Mr. Harris settling into a downward facing position.

“You might find it more comfortable to rest your hands on the armrest below the table. Initially, I’m going to be doing a hands-on assessment of your body, but if I settle for a period of time at the head or side of the table, I might place your arm around my leg to really stretch out your back. The jacuzzi time counteracted all the forces of gravity on your physical body and should have helped you to produce your own natural endorphins. But, I’m going to continue to fine tune your body and ease any tension while also helping you to relax. My goal is to help your body remember what it feels like to be blissed out. If you need to moan, groan, or say anything as you release tension feel free to do so. Some clients are silent and that is fine, too.”

I fluff out a warmed sheet and place it over Mr. Harris’s legs and buttocks. Holding the sheet in place with my left hand, I remove the robe. I notice his buttocks tense and then relax once I have the sheet tucked under his legs.

I place my hands over his buttocks and slowly move them upwards along his back, feeling for tension along his vertebrae and along the different muscular groups. Once I sense tension, my fingers press further to follow the path of the tension. I take mental notes. Once I reach his head, I press lightly along his neck. It feels tight, but not as tight as his lower back and around his scapula.

I stroke my hands firmly down the length of his body, reposition the sheet, and slowly but firmly squeeze and assess his glutes. They are not tight, but I sense that they could be used more effectively. I can sense Mr. Harris’s nervousness.

“You’re doing a great job of being open, Mr. Harris. I’m almost done with your assessment and then I’ll focus accordingly. Just continue to practice relaxing your body and mind during your therapy.”

I use a combination of sweeping and squeezing strokes to assess his thighs, calves and feet. I decide that once he faces upward, I’ll probably work on his lower half. I complete the assessment by tugging his feet to release his hip flexors.

My own body feels wide awake and alert, attuned to every nuance of Mr. Harris’s being. It’s a feeling of connection and flow that can make me feel euphoric. It’s powerful, unusual, and often feels primal, but I always trust my intuition, never knowing exactly how each session will play out.

I am a little surprised at the quick yank that separates me from the terry robe finally after Sidney draped the sheet over me, but it must have been a trick she learned to move it without upsetting her carefully laid coverings. I smile as I look at the floor through the cushioned ring in the table. Every time I'm here, Sidney shows me something new. I also appreciate her outfit this time; she looked so sexy last time, but I'm glad that she recognized that was not why I was here. The deep V in her top though allowed her at least some sexuality. If I had to guess, that was her choice to still feel sexy while dressing conservatively for my benefit.

At her suggestion, I moved my arms down and rested my forearms on the rests under the table. Sidney was right; that was a more comfortable place for me to put them for now. Sensing I was ready, Sidney started her work. The initial pass always felt like the most interesting part of my visit. I still couldn't quite figure out what she was feeling for as she did this, but then again, I didn't have the years of training that she did. I allowed myself to sink into the table more as she worked, really focusing on my breathing and easing into deeper and deeper relaxation. I could still feel the tightness all along my spine though. It was better than last week, but I still hadn't learned how to avoid it entirely yet.

“You’re doing a great job of being open, Mr. Harris. I’m almost done with your assessment and then I’ll focus accordingly. Just continue to practice relaxing your body and mind during your therapy.”

Stupidly, I nod despite being face down in the ring. I thought I was relaxing my body, but maybe I'm still holding tension somewhere. Then, I felt Sidney rubbing my feet. I don't know what she rubbed, but it felt like she turned my legs off. They just turned to jelly and I felt my hips go soft. I didn't even realize they were locked up.

"What did... how did you do that?" I ask, though I'm sure I might be hard to hear in my current position. I feel Sidney moving around me, but my question slipped out as she was transitioning to something else so I guess I timed it right.

“You were relaxed enough so that I could tug gently and your body allowed the adjustment. A lot of people unknowingly hold tension in their hips and pelvic area,” I reply as I pour a blend of rosemary, sandalwood, and almond oil into my hands.

With one hand on Mr. Harris’s back between his shoulder blades, I use the other to massage the small muscles and pressure points along his neck. Once I find a point of tension, I hold my fingers over the knot, applying acupressure for a few seconds, before diffusing the pressure.

“Mr. Harris, I know it may seem odd, but I feel as if it would be helpful to massage your scalp, as well.”

Without waiting for an answer, I begin to massage Mr. Harris’s scalp. His worries and anxieties seem to float away like smoke from a cigarette. I continue to massage his scalp until I can see the energy is clear in his mental plane.

I listen and give a slight "hmmm..." in response to Sidney's explanation. I hadn't thought I was carrying tension there, but then again, her explanation made it sound that I wouldn't have recognized it if I was. It was a strange feeling, laying on the table after that adjustment. It almost felt like I was paralyzed from the waist down and couldn't move my legs, but in reality, they her more relaxed now than they ever were.

As Sidney's capable hands began working on my neck, I couldn't help a soft groan of pleasure as it became clear that my neck was as bad as my back was last week. Having her fingers working on the points of tension revealed how tense it was and it felt so good to feel some of it release. I was feeling so good about it that I missed her question about my scalp.

I'm guessing that she could feel that I wanted it as she ran her oiled fingers through my short hair. The scalp massage was just what I needed, apparently as I felt tingles sweep down my body. I groaned from deep in my chest as I felt her fingers working my sensitive scalp. It was a mix of pleasure, release and sexual energy that radiated up through me. She couldn't know that my scalp was one of my "spots", but it had to be apparent from the tone in my voice as I responded to it. Part of me wanted to slip my arms off the rests and wrap them around her, but this wasn't that sort of visit. I had to keep reminding myself whenever I came here that it's just treatment.

Mr. Harris groaned as I massaged his scalp, first with firm pressure, and then soothingly, allowing his hair to sweep all along my hands. It was a groan of approval and release and I knew I was giving him something that he needed on a deep level. I was glad, once again, that I was brave enough to follow my intuition. He was letting go of his walls, tension, and fears by staying present during the massage therapy.

I settled more closely to the head of the table, nestling as close as I could to Mr. Harris. As the tension left his scalp, I could sense a more healthy sense of heat and energy starting to course along his energy centers.

For the first time, I regretted wearing such a snug top. I was used to using my body as a tool during massage, if necessary, and the top felt somewhat restrictive to what I had in mind for Mr. Harris.

“Lovely,” I said, encouragingly. “It’s nice to let go, isn’t it? Mmm. . . you’re doing very well, Mr. Harris.”

I slowed my movements through his hair, until his groans turned softer, sleepier.


“I’m going to give you a second to rest, while I change my top to something more traditional that I like to wear for client massages. It enables me to incorporate my body to help relax and invigorate yours.”

Within a few seconds, I had removed my snug, restrictive top and had wrapped a typical martial arts white top over my bare breasts. Normally, I wore a bra, at least, but I knew Mr. Harris needed full access.

“Mmm. . . much better, I’m sorry,” I said quietly as I regained physical contact with Mr. Harris. I swept my hands down his neck, and slowly down his back until I reached the bottom of his tail bone. Without warning, I followed my intuition to caress and squeeze his buttocks lightly.

“Okay, I’m going to lift up the sheet so you can turn over, and we’ll continue with the massage. We’re going to incorporate a bit of sensuality into it, and I’d like you to try to remain open and unjudgmental. I wouldn’t be doing anything if I didn’t feel like it was an important component for your therapy. As we clear away pain, it’s normal to feel pleasure. But, you’re doing great at being open and relaxed today. I hope you feel comfortable with my techniques, thus far.”

“It’s nice to let go, isn’t it? Mmm. . . you’re doing very well, Mr. Harris.”

I couldn't deny that it felt so good to get my scalp massaged by such caring, professional hands. I loved when my lovers used to run their fingers across it during sex or just kissing. But there was something more to it when Sidney did it. Something more sensual. I was getting deeper and deeper into it when she stopped, informing me that she wanted to slip out of her top.

Quite naturally, I assumed she was going to step out of the room to do so, but instead, I heard her step away and the tell tale sounds of someone disrobing. She was doing it in the room! I swallowed, staring at the floor as my head lay in the padded ring on her table.

Should I look? DOes she want me to look? Is that why she stayed in the room rather than changing in her office or some place else?

All these questions ran through my head and caused me to freeze in inaction. I sighed deep again as her fingers found their way down his back. When they reached my ass, she gave my cheeks a rub and squeeze. I swallowed hard as she kneaded them, enjoying it more than I should have as a patient.

“Okay, I’m going to lift up the sheet so you can turn over, and we’ll continue with the massage. We’re going to incorporate a bit of sensuality into it, and I’d like you to try to remain open and unjudgmental. I wouldn’t be doing anything if I didn’t feel like it was an important component for your therapy. As we clear away pain, it’s normal to feel pleasure. But, you’re doing great at being open and relaxed today. I hope you feel comfortable with my techniques, thus far.”

"Uh... I am... and if you think what you are going to do will help, I will go along with it." I say as I feel the sheet being lifted. This time, I turn away from Sidney as I roll on to my back, cursing as my semi-hard cock lays on my stomach as I lay back. I swallow hard and glance at her. I know she won't mind; she did much more with it last time. This time, I'm not even all that sure what she is planning to do with it. I settle back and try to relax as she readies me for what is to come.

As Mr. Harris turns over and settles onto his back, I keep my hands in contact with his pelvic area. Once settled, I lightly massage his lower abdomen beneath. I’m careful to avoid direct contact with his genitals, although his penis occasionally brushes against my hand.

Mr. Harris groans and I sense he is torn between wanting to enjoy the gentle arousal and relaxed state and fear of becoming aroused. His thighs tense.

“Everything you’re feeling is normal, Mr. Harris. This is both a therapeutic and sensual massage because you need it to help you relax and feel pleasure. There is nothing wrong that and it’s the fastest way to a more sustained, relaxed state in your being. I want you to continue to go with the flow and embrace all the good feelings. I think you’ve probably neglected your sensual and sexual self for far too long, so your inclination may be to block those feelings. But, this is a safe place to just let those feelings flow. So, continue to take good deep breaths when you need to, release moans, and let me know if something is too much or you need more attention somewhere. But, hopefully, I should be perfectly attuned to your all of your needs.”

As I speak, my hands lightly caress his thighs, belly, and brush along the length of his penis, lightly, casually. There is more fire energy than there was last session, but I’m careful not to overly arouse his sexual energy.

“I find it healthy to give all areas of your body the love and attention they deserve. I’ll come and go to certain areas as I sense your body’s needs and readiness.”

As I wait for Mr. Harris to relax and feel settled with his sexual nature, I know that I will need to go back and do more facial work. More leaning into softness and safety.

It really didn't take much more than a few brushes with her fingertips to pull a moan out of me. It had been so long since anyone other than Sidney had touched me that even the slightest caress felt amazing to me. As her hands went to work elsewhere, I couldn't help my cock pulsing and throbbing to full hardness even after she had stopped touching it. I know that Sidney said to let everything happen, to be open and accept things, but laying there as I became fully erect again felt wrong somehow. Even after last time, I still worried about her reaction to it.

I bit my lips and shut my eyes, not wanting to look at her as she worked now. Some part of me deep down just felt like this was wrong somehow. I don't know if it was my upbringing or feeling like this was prostitution in some way, but a part of me just couldn't get over it.

"Just... do as you think is best..." I manage to stammer out in response as her hands feel so good in spite of my tension over this situation again.

Mr. Harris moaned deeply, as his penis quickly maintained a full, erect state as I worked around his pelvic region. His stammered acquiescence to more intimate work conflicted with the tension that I saw in his tightly closed eyes and lips. His body and spirit were saying yes to pleasure, but there was a battle in his mind.

I lightly stroked Mr. Harris’s pillar, up and down, letting him bounce against my hand, as my fingertips pressed into the flesh on an occasional upstroke.

“I think it’s best if you let yourself enjoy this part of the massage as much as you enjoyed the whirlpool. We’re just waking up some dormant energy. Your manhood is beautiful, so there is nothing to be ashamed of here. This is not about sex, it’s about enjoying the sensual experience which will be therapeutic to you as a whole. Whether it is relaxing, stimulating, or whether you ejaculate or even orgasm as some energy moves through you. . .we’re going to embrace it all as something good, beautiful, and natural. It’s where you are in this moment.”

As I speak softly, I can sense some of the shame leaving Mr. Harris’s mental field. He’s entertaining and beginning to relax into the idea of being touched sensually.

I gently massage and cup his sac with my right hand, as my left hand remains still at the base of his erect penis.

“We’ll continue to work on this region, as I think it would be beneficial if you could embrace all the pleasurable feelings. There is a reason that people joke about happy endings with massage. Orgasms help you to produce your own natural endorphins. Feel free to relax your mind, or fantasize, and to moan and release as needed. I think it has been a long time since this energy center has been activated, but I think you’ll find yourself with a greater sense of vitality as you invite more pleasure into your life.”

With my right hand steady, my left strokes Mr. Harris’s erection until I can see his body is beginning to relax, his chest rising and falling with more steadiness. His soft groans keep me focused; steady and slow.

“That’s it, just let yourself drift to wherever you want to go, Mr. Harris,” I whisper, encouragingly.