Isolated Blurt Thread

I didn't pass out at kung fu tonight! (I almost did on Thursday). I'm actually surprised by this, as I haven't been feeling a little down and out physically the last week, and have been skipping or cutting short my workouts for days.

NaokoSmith said:

It's been a full time for you, emotionally. Take care of yourself too.

Click to expand...

Handley_Page said:

Sympathy, Mac.

Click to expand...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wish I had something pithy and fun to blurt, but I don't. Meh.

You know, I think that's the first time I've ever seen your face, McKenna. Very pretty lady, you are.

- - - -

Blurt:

So, my daughter doesn't have a learning difficulty. She's not dyslexic. According to her performance on the Woodcock-Johnson test, she's at least above average in every category, especially math. She's doing basic math -- in first grade -- in her head, something most kids can't do. She's 5th-grade equivalent, and at least a year ahead in everything else.

I should be happy, right? Wrong. She's not getting the stimulation or academic reinforcement she needs, since she's in public school. And while we picked one of the best school districts in the area, they can only do too much. So she's either going to languish because her curriculum is too low for her, or she's going to get bumped up a grade at some point.

And her mother and I really don't want that to happen. I graduated from high school at 16, entered college the same year. That was very friggin' fun.

So now we're thinking she's going to have to go to a private school, which we can't afford until I graduate a year from now. Oh, well, it's only a year. Maybe we'll be able to figure something out by then.

Oh, and the kicker: she may -- may -- have Aspberger's. Not terrible, not debilitating, just another hurdle the kid doesn't need.

Ah, the joy of parenthood . . . .

Just a genuine blurt, so y'all move on now! NOBODY SAY ANYTHING TO ME ABOUT IT, geddit? LOL.

Texting at 2 am (AGAIN!) to say you are over your jetlag is just fucking inconsiderate! La la la <sing a little song>, mmmm where is the ironing, are the school things all laid out properly.

slyc_willie said:

So, my daughter doesn't have a learning difficulty. She's not dyslexic. According to her performance on the Woodcock-Johnson test, she's at least above average in every category, especially math. She's doing basic math -- in first grade -- in her head, something most kids can't do. She's 5th-grade equivalent, and at least a year ahead in everything else.

I should be happy, right? Wrong. She's not getting the stimulation or academic reinforcement she needs, since she's in public school. And while we picked one of the best school districts in the area, they can only do too much. So she's either going to languish because her curriculum is too low for her, or she's going to get bumped up a grade at some point.

And her mother and I really don't want that to happen. I graduated from high school at 16, entered college the same year. That was very friggin' fun.

So now we're thinking she's going to have to go to a private school, which we can't afford until I graduate a year from now. Oh, well, it's only a year. Maybe we'll be able to figure something out by then.

Oh, and the kicker: she may -- may -- have Aspberger's. Not terrible, not debilitating, just another hurdle the kid doesn't need.

Ah, the joy of parenthood . . . .

Click to expand...

Willie, I think your daughter is still quite young and at this age the best thing you can do is keep a close eye on the sociability. Her peer group will have a major effect on how well she can focus on her studies - e.g., my daughter is friends with the daughter of an alcoholic who has juvenile arthritis and is often off school. While I have every sympathy for this kid, I know that she whispers to my daughter and distracts her from what the teacher is saying so that now the teachers are telling us my daughter isn't that bright because she sometimes has to ask for things to be repeated.

In my experience, teachers are cr*p at supporting the academic abilities of girls, focussing on their social skills. My daughter is socially good so as a special reward she gets sat next to the educationally subnormal kid nobody wants to sit next to because she won't scream her head off about it, only be grumpy and not concentrate even more on her maths. Her school reports are full of comments on how lovely she is, and we even have a certificate for it. Nada about her maths.

Homework is really really important. Get onto Mathletics, which is an ace maths site that will give your daughter fun maths games in the curriculum of your local area. It costs - but not as much as private school. Read to your child every night - this supports more skills than any other additional schoolwork. Pick out the girl in the class who has academically achieving parents and invite her to tea frequently. Take the two kids to museums and stuff. Her parents will invite your daughter back and she will get to benefit from their university background. Just like the daughter of the alcoholic benefits from mine.

Moshi Monsters is a decent fun site for kids designed by teachers so that too is good. Avoid Build-a-Bear and Hollywood Planet.

That effing scum - the soon-to-be-ex husband of my friend, Piglet's friend's mum. Now he's written to her solicitor saying a) he is only concerned for their daughter's welfare while believing that she is only interested in getting hold of money for the former marital home (a rundown ex council property), and b) he doesn't think he should pay maintenance because he doesn't believe he's the kid's Dad.
Jesus, I only believe it because I've seen the letter , and because I actually know of an even worse case. A bloke who said he didn't believe he was the Dad of his own daughter, but did think he was the Dad of his (younger) son! What a shithead. Imagine your own Dad would say, I am your brother's dad but I don't want you, you useless girl.

I am so pissed off, I could go up to his stupid workplace now and kick him in the bollocks he claims he didn't get off to engender his own child, except that he's gone off on the sick in order to avoid CSA taking child maintenance out of his salary.

slyc_willie said:

You know, I think that's the first time I've ever seen your face, McKenna. Very pretty lady, you are.

Click to expand...

Thanks, willie. Is this a good time to tell you I've kinda lusted after your body for years?

- - - -

slyc_willie said:

Blurt:

So, my daughter doesn't have a learning difficulty. She's not dyslexic. According to her performance on the Woodcock-Johnson test, she's at least above average in every category, especially math. She's doing basic math -- in first grade -- in her head, something most kids can't do. She's 5th-grade equivalent, and at least a year ahead in everything else.

I should be happy, right? Wrong. She's not getting the stimulation or academic reinforcement she needs, since she's in public school. And while we picked one of the best school districts in the area, they can only do too much. So she's either going to languish because her curriculum is too low for her, or she's going to get bumped up a grade at some point.

And her mother and I really don't want that to happen. I graduated from high school at 16, entered college the same year. That was very friggin' fun.

So now we're thinking she's going to have to go to a private school, which we can't afford until I graduate a year from now. Oh, well, it's only a year. Maybe we'll be able to figure something out by then.

Oh, and the kicker: she may -- may -- have Aspberger's. Not terrible, not debilitating, just another hurdle the kid doesn't need.

Ah, the joy of parenthood . . . .

Click to expand...

Ugh. You've aptly described some of my fears regarding public education and a gifted (or not) child. Have you looked into Montessori methodology? My kiddo is young, but we started sending him to a pre-Montessori school instead of daycare about six months ago. The difference in him is astounding. He is doing things at his age that a lot of older kids can't even do. For instance, I bought him a 24 piece puzzle the other day, thinking it might give him a bit of a challenge because he was getting bored with his other, smaller puzzles. Out of curiosity I timed how fast he put this puzzle together, never having seen it previously: 8 minutes. Eight minutes! He's two.

Anyway, I mention Montessori because it sounds like something that might be beneficial to your daughter given the information you shared. My son's school has the pre-Montessori program (ages 2-3), the Montessori program (ages 3-6), and then K-6 Montessori elementary. In my neck of the woods, the school is only a bit more expensive than daycare, so completely do-able for us on a financial level.

And if she needs to wait a year, then don't beat yourself up about it. As Naoko mentioned, there are things you can (and likely are!) doing at home to supplement what she's learning at school. You are a caring, involved parent, and I have no doubt your daughter will excel with such loving parents.

NaokoSmith said:

That effing scum - the soon-to-be-ex husband of my friend, Piglet's friend's mum. Now he's written to her solicitor saying a) he is only concerned for their daughter's welfare while believing that she is only interested in getting hold of money for the former marital home (a rundown ex council property), and b) he doesn't think he should pay maintenance because he doesn't believe he's the kid's Dad.
Jesus, I only believe it because I've seen the letter , and because I actually know of an even worse case. A bloke who said he didn't believe he was the Dad of his own daughter, but did think he was the Dad of his (younger) son! What a shithead. Imagine your own Dad would say, I am your brother's dad but I don't want you, you useless girl.

I am so pissed off, I could go up to his stupid workplace now and kick him in the bollocks he claims he didn't get off to engender his own child, except that he's gone off on the sick in order to avoid CSA taking child maintenance out of his salary.

Click to expand...

Kick him once for me, too.

McKenna said:

Kick him once for me, too.

Click to expand...

I effing will!

(I'll just say it slowly for you, dahlink Fuuu-cking-ah.)

NaokoSmith said:

I effing will!

(I'll just say it slowly for you, dahlink Fuuu-cking-ah.)

Click to expand...

My morning is now complete!

NaokoSmith said:

In my experience, teachers are cr*p at supporting the academic abilities of girls, focussing on their social skills. My daughter is socially good so as a special reward she gets sat next to the educationally subnormal kid nobody wants to sit next to because she won't scream her head off about it, only be grumpy and not concentrate even more on her maths. Her school reports are full of comments on how lovely she is, and we even have a certificate for it. Nada about her maths.

Click to expand...

Actually, her school is pretty good about treating all the kids the same and concentrating equally on all the subjects. In our case, her teacher originally agreed to include a program called Lexia for my daughter in addition to the regular studies. That didn't help, and now we know why, but it was a thankful move on their part.

McKenna said:

Thanks, willie. Is this a good time to tell you I've kinda lusted after your body for years?

Click to expand...

Don't lust after me now. I'm four hundred pounds.

Anyway, I mention Montessori because it sounds like something that might be beneficial to your daughter given the information you shared. My son's school has the pre-Montessori program (ages 2-3), the Montessori program (ages 3-6), and then K-6 Montessori elementary. In my neck of the woods, the school is only a bit more expensive than daycare, so completely do-able for us on a financial level.

And if she needs to wait a year, then don't beat yourself up about it. As Naoko mentioned, there are things you can (and likely are!) doing at home to supplement what she's learning at school. You are a caring, involved parent, and I have no doubt your daughter will excel with such loving parents.

Click to expand...

Aw, you're making me feel all mushy now.

The schools we're starting to check out now are, in fact, Montessori schools. There's an application process, and they ain't cheap, but since I probably have a pretty good job waiting for me after I graduate for 70k a year, and my wife already makes more than that, we'll be able to afford it then.

In the mean time, her main problem is being able to stay on task. We're thinking about joining a local dojo for family martial arts lessons, one that also teaches the philosophy behind the art. I'm hoping that will help her focus.

slyc_willie said:

Actually, her school is pretty good about treating all the kids the same and concentrating equally on all the subjects. In our case, her teacher originally agreed to include a program called Lexia for my daughter in addition to the regular studies. That didn't help, and now we know why, but it was a thankful move on their part.



Don't lust after me now. I'm four hundred pounds.



Aw, you're making me feel all mushy now.

The schools we're starting to check out now are, in fact, Montessori schools. There's an application process, and they ain't cheap, but since I probably have a pretty good job waiting for me after I graduate for 70k a year, and my wife already makes more than that, we'll be able to afford it then.

In the mean time, her main problem is being able to stay on task. We're thinking about joining a local dojo for family martial arts lessons, one that also teaches the philosophy behind the art. I'm hoping that will help her focus.

Click to expand...

Ironically, Maria Montessori started her schools to give remedial help to children in the slums of Rome. (Though her reasons weren't as liberal as we might like to think: she only invited children whose skulls were the "right" shape.)

And best wishes for successful schooling. As for advice, my 40 years in teaching (albeit it college), my 10 years as a school board trustee, and my years of sending three daughters through the school systems, I'd just remind you that, ultimately, the only people really reponsible for your daughter's education are yourselves. Do whatever you have to, and don't blindly take any educators' or administrators' advice.

Tio_Narratore said:

Ironically, Maria Montessori started her schools to give remedial help to children in the slums of Rome. (Though her reasons weren't as liberal as we might like to think: she only invited children whose skulls were the "right" shape.)

Click to expand...

Don't know anything 'bout that. All I know is the take they have here in San Antonio . . . .

slyc_willie said:

Don't know anything 'bout that. All I know is the take they have here in San Antonio . . . .

Click to expand...

They don't do the skull measurement anymore - that was part of the 19th Centuries "scientific" notion of intelligence.

(ps, I added a bit above.)

Tio_Narratore said:

And best wishes for successful schooling. As for advice, my 40 years in teaching (albeit it college), my 10 years as a school board trustee, and my years of sending three daughters through the school systems, I'd just remind you that, ultimately, the only people really reponsible for your daughter's education are yourselves. Do whatever you have to, and don't blindly take any educators' or administrators' advice.

Click to expand...

No, if we did that, we'd just accept the "fact" that Little One has a learning disorder . . . which she doesn't.

I'm determined to not be the parent my own were. I was labeled as "having difficulties" in school until I took my first batch of what they then called learning assessment tests. Then, suddenly, I was the bright kid and got bumped up.

Later, when I began to suspect (and I can't remember how, exactly, I came to the suspicion) that I had Tourette's Syndrome, my mother and father flat-out told me I wasn't going to be tested for something they'd have to deal with. If only they had taken the time to listen to their own son . . . .

Tio_Narratore said:

They don't do the skull measurement anymore - that was part of the 19th Centuries "scientific" notion of intelligence.

Click to expand...

They did the same for recognizing criminals, too, before fingerprinting was invented.

slyc_willie said:

No, if we did that, we'd just accept the "fact" that Little One has a learning disorder . . . which she doesn't.

I'm determined to not be the parent my own were. I was labeled as "having difficulties" in school until I took my first batch of what they then called learning assessment tests. Then, suddenly, I was the bright kid and got bumped up.

Later, when I began to suspect (and I can't remember how, exactly, I came to the suspicion) that I had Tourette's Syndrome, my mother and father flat-out told me I wasn't going to be tested for something they'd have to deal with. If only they had taken the time to listen to their own son . . . .



They did the same for recognizing criminals, too, before fingerprinting was invented.

Click to expand...

Lombroso tried that (he was Montessori's teacher, by the way), but had to admit defeat. He did get the justice systems in the Western world to accept the notion that the punishment for a crime should be relative to the social "worth" of the criminal and helped provide the basis for the notorious "born criminal" laws. as a result, mentally defficient teenagers were imprisoned for life while rich and educated murderers served minimum sentences. Wait. That still happens!

Tio_Narratore said:

Lombroso tried that (he was Montessori's teacher, by the way), but had to admit defeat. He did get the justice systems in the Western world to accept the notion that the punishment for a crime should be relative to the social "worth" of the criminal and helped provide the basis for the notorious "born criminal" laws. as a result, mentally defficient teenagers were imprisoned for life while rich and educated murderers served minimum sentences. Wait. That still happens!

Click to expand...

Now, see how advanced we is?

slyc_willie said:

In the mean time, her main problem is being able to stay on task. We're thinking about joining a local dojo for family martial arts lessons, one that also teaches the philosophy behind the art. I'm hoping that will help her focus.

Click to expand...

I have a kid like that, LOL. The only useful thing I got out of the Mumsnet book I bought was that it had a chapter on the Dreamy Kid, and I realised it wasn't just an annoying habit I could snap her out of, I had to go with it. Shouting up the stairs six times: "Bring down your HAIRBRUSH!" never worked, but sending her back to get it patiently does, and a sticker chart also did wonders - rewarding good behaviour rather than punishing what appeared to be rude failure to pay attention. I never cease to marvel at the appeal a sticker on a chart can have. (I don't think it's the sticker, it's the sign of parent noticing attempt to do something well.)

The fidgettiness can come from other things going on in the family, I'm sure you are not doing this! but my fella and I are both a bit restless and inclined to stick our heads in a book rather than focus on the task in hand, so I think we have to address that before attempting to beat it out of Piglet!

The martial arts should really help.

I feel pretty safe in saying (finally) that i lost seven pounds in the last few weeks. Down from 245 to 238. Yay? Yay!

slyc_willie said:

You know, I think that's the first time I've ever seen your face, McKenna. Very pretty lady, you are.

- - - -

Blurt:

So, my daughter doesn't have a learning difficulty. She's not dyslexic. According to her performance on the Woodcock-Johnson test, she's at least above average in every category, especially math. She's doing basic math -- in first grade -- in her head, something most kids can't do. She's 5th-grade equivalent, and at least a year ahead in everything else.

I should be happy, right? Wrong. She's not getting the stimulation or academic reinforcement she needs, since she's in public school. And while we picked one of the best school districts in the area, they can only do too much. So she's either going to languish because her curriculum is too low for her, or she's going to get bumped up a grade at some point.

And her mother and I really don't want that to happen. I graduated from high school at 16, entered college the same year. That was very friggin' fun.

So now we're thinking she's going to have to go to a private school, which we can't afford until I graduate a year from now. Oh, well, it's only a year. Maybe we'll be able to figure something out by then.

Oh, and the kicker: she may -- may -- have Aspberger's. Not terrible, not debilitating, just another hurdle the kid doesn't need.

Ah, the joy of parenthood . . . .

Click to expand...

I'd suggest some sort of music lessons. The discipline will help her in other areas.

TxRad said:

One down and how many more to go?

Click to expand...

Just one more to go and I'm done! DONE! *dances*

Handley_Page said:

Well done, Damps.
Can you give us a clue on the Subject ?

Click to expand...

This one was about the effects of online education on education in general, and whether it can support learning communities.

NaokoSmith said:

I have a kid like that, LOL. The only useful thing I got out of the Mumsnet book I bought was that it had a chapter on the Dreamy Kid, and I realised it wasn't just an annoying habit I could snap her out of, I had to go with it. Shouting up the stairs six times: "Bring down your HAIRBRUSH!" never worked, but sending her back to get it patiently does, and a sticker chart also did wonders - rewarding good behaviour rather than punishing what appeared to be rude failure to pay attention. I never cease to marvel at the appeal a sticker on a chart can have. (I don't think it's the sticker, it's the sign of parent noticing attempt to do something well.)

The fidgettiness can come from other things going on in the family, I'm sure you are not doing this! but my fella and I are both a bit restless and inclined to stick our heads in a book rather than focus on the task in hand, so I think we have to address that before attempting to beat it out of Piglet!

The martial arts should really help.

Click to expand...

We've learned to be more patient with her. We used to have a "first time told" philosophy. Now we're content with telling her a few times to do something, with the understand that she will, at some point, get around to it. She just needs to be nudged.

glynndah said:

I'd suggest some sort of music lessons. The discipline will help her in other areas.

Click to expand...

Unfortunately, she appears to have inherited her mother's tone deafness. She wants to learn music, she just has no ear for it. That may be something we'll do when she gets a little older.

slyc_willie said:

We've learned to be more patient with her. We used to have a "first time told" philosophy. Now we're content with telling her a few times to do something, with the understand that she will, at some point, get around to it. She just needs to be nudged.



Unfortunately, she appears to have inherited her mother's tone deafness. She wants to learn music, she just has no ear for it. That may be something we'll do when she gets a little older.

Click to expand...

My daughter learns the violin at a music college where they do a lot of rhythm lessons etc, not just playing an instrument. I'm not sure if she's just a bit lazy or tone-deaf - her singing is vile. But they don't seem to see that as a big problem. We are paying through the nose! so unsurprising that they don't care if she can't hear properly, but even if she were tone deaf, the movement classes gave her much better focus.

Our daughter's main problem is us . I know I ought to sit at the table with her patiently while she does her homework, to set her a good example, but I'm always saying: "Just do your spelling as neatly as you can while I rush around fetching in the washing and putting tea on."

The sticker chart really did work, BTW. I wrote a blogpost on it.

The most important thing is to have parents who believe in you and love you whatever, and your daughter has got those.

NaokoSmith said:

The sticker chart really did work, BTW. I wrote a blogpost on it.

Click to expand...

We've had sticker charts. Several of them. They work for a day or two. Little One isn't able yet to see the path toward an eventual reward. She loves stickers, like all kids -- my wife does home health care for kids with learning difficulties; stickers are a mainstay in her bag of tricks -- but charts aren't immediate enough. Instead, we've instituted a system in which she gets rewarded based on her daily performance at school.

The teachers grade each student's daily performance on a color scale. Red is bad, yellow means "needs improvement," green is satisfactory, blue is 'beyond expectations" and purple means exemplary. Little One consistently gets blue days, and that means she gets to watch TV for an hour after she does her homework. It's an immediate reward.

Purple means she gets a banana split from Dairy Queen. She's had two purple days this week already. Of course, banana split for her means chocolate shake for Dad.

But she gets those blue and purple days not because she's handling the curriculum; she's getting them because she's handling the curriculum and she's being relatively sedate throughout the day because of the prescription she's on.

Both the wife and I HATE that she takes a prescription. There's no telling what that will do to her further down the road. It's bad enough that all the fucking chemicals that have been laced into our food, our water, our air, have contributed to the problems she has. Now we're giving her another one.

We want her off the pills and sufficiently challenged. That's it. When that happens, and we see real results, then my wife and I will pat each other on the back for being good parents.

slyc_willie said:

We want her off the pills and sufficiently challenged. That's it. When that happens, and we see real results, then my wife and I will pat each other on the back for being good parents.

Click to expand...

, my heart is with you. My nephew is on a sedative, I really hate it but he is not my kid so I have to give it to him when he comes to stay. (He has quite profound special needs.)

You will get there, Willie, you are doing everything you can for your daughter, utilising the medical advice but not taking it without question.

NaokoSmith said:

, my heart is with you. My nephew is on a sedative, I really hate it but he is not my kid so I have to give it to him when he comes to stay. (He has quite profound special needs.)

You will get there, Willie, you are doing everything you can for your daughter, utilising the medical advice but not taking it without question.

Click to expand...

The part that pisses me off about the prescription is that we do it for the benefit of her teacher and the school, not for our daughter. Last year, when she was in kindergarten, she went the first three weeks without any medication. We got email after email from the school about her behavior. At one point, they suggested we withdraw her because she was being disruptive. It was then, of course, that we got her on the prescription.

I look back to when I was a kid, long before pills were dolled out hand over foot to any kid who might have a potential problem. I remember some of my classmates in second and third grade causing problems. But they were dealt with, and not with a lash or a paddle, but by teachers who were strong enough in personality and intelligent enough to understand how to handle such children. And this was in a DODDS school.

Those kids went through the system. They learned to control their behavior.

Or, maybe they didn't and were just pushed along. There was no failing second and third grade, after all. But I find it hard to believe that decades of supposed "problem kids" have been suddenly remediated by the introduction of various pills. That's not the God damned answer.

*sigh*

Deep breath.

We're gonna figure this out. I know we will. Because we have to.

And then maybe I'll find a blog to post my "wisdom" on.