Delving the Psyche of Sadists

Netzach said:

If I don't get to play often enough I get really unbearable and usually pick some pointless fight when I'm PMS'ing that guarantees I can feel as miserable and unloved and foul as possible, and all my self loathing is justified.

So like I said, I just torture myself. I think if I resume tying myself up and poking needles in periodically I'll do better socially.

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Thinks...maybe thats really where...what I consider my masochistic side comes from...it builds and builds....maybe that is what that is all about. If that's true, then I can understand what is meant when I say I value the "Cleansing Factor" of pain.

Perhaps I am cleansing myself of itchy hands...I just never thought of it that way before.

hmmmm...considers.

AngelicAssassin said:

i think most of us here like Ms. Black and Scaly.

Can't speak for anyone else, but i usually find myself nodding in agreement with your posts.

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Yeah I seem to have a habit of nodding to her posts as well.

Some people are just habit forming

Re: Clowning around

RJMasters said:

A site I just finsihed designing/overhauling.

Psycho Clown Posse

Perhaps they got the right idea of dressing up as clowns and go on a shooting rampage.

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ROFLMAO.........

Love it...

Though the truth is..Used to be when it got real bad, I'd take my ass off to the range...
Lots of REALLY loud noises and things falling apart...Very therapeutic...
Though I DID tend to get some complaints over some of the things I was shooting...Who ever heard of making too much noise at a firing range???

Re: Re: Clowning around

EKVITKAR said:

ROFLMAO.........

Love it...

Though the truth is..Used to be when it got real bad, I'd take my ass off to the range...
Lots of REALLY loud noises and things falling apart...Very therapeutic...
Though I DID tend to get some complaints over some of the things I was shooting...Who ever heard of making too much noise at a firing range???

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Nice definion & color. These are the common bruises one gets from getting hit by a single paintball. Of course they deepen and spread the closer you shoot someone.

"Target practice anyone?...We just need a volunteer?"....

touchy touchy

Pretty

Tough skin

Those bruises were made through this type of thick clothing too...

A little nudge out of the nest

CutieMouse said:

RJ- Now I never want my son to go paintballing again. Ever. He did for his tenth birthday and he's sooo small for his age (like 4 1/2 feet tall and 50# dripping wet LOL). I don't want to see bruises like that on my boy! He'll break in half! *shudder*

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naw make a man of him. Just make sure he wears good eye protection, be a bitch about that(seriously)...other than that, he will be fine. Chances are he will be proud of his wounds and want to impress you with them.

CutieMouse said:

he went on his birthday and they wouldn't let him play without protective gear, but still...


Apparently the only hit that made him cry was getting popped in the hand. his knuckle was still swollen when he got home.

Have I mentioned yet that men are WIERD?

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Yeah knuckle shots sting like a mofo sometimes. Bet he had a great time though.

CutieMouse said:

he went on his birthday and they wouldn't let him play without protective gear, but still...


Apparently the only hit that made him cry was getting popped in the hand. his knuckle was still swollen when he got home.

Have I mentioned yet that men are WIERD?

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And rugby lesbians weirder.

CutieMouse said:

Have I mentioned yet that men are WIERD?

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Wierd? Let me explain wierdness.

I put a lady in the truck and head out into the woods. I park and get out and walk around to the bed of the truck as she is watching.

I lay out a paintgun and some leather cuffs and rope and some eye goggles and a flogger.

I turn and look at her smiling curiously...and say

I am going to tie your wrists and lead you deep into the woods where no one can hear you scream. There I am going put these leather cuffs on your wrists(lifts cuffs for dramatic effect, watches her eyes follow) and these goggles(which are painted so they act like a blind fold).

I am then going to throw this rope over a thick branch of a tree and hoist you up and hang you there after stirpping you naked.

(Picks up flogger) I am then going to warm your entire body up with this. (puts flogger down and picks up paint gun) I am then going to shoot you with this paint gun laying bruises all over your body and listen to you scream as I squeeze off each round.

When I run out of paintballs I am then going to cut you down then tie you up to a tree and grate your back on its bark as I rape you. When I am done I will cut you loose and put you over my shoulder and bring you back here where I am going to tie you to the bumper of my truck as my trophy and drive you through town back to my place.

Are you ok with that?

She just looks at me, giggles and smiles...and replies..."k"

Now I ask you... oh nm (wierd is good)

Re: A little nudge out of the nest

RJMasters said:

naw make a man of him. Just make sure he wears good eye protection, be a bitch about that(seriously)...other than that, he will be fine. Chances are he will be proud of his wounds and want to impress you with them.

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I also recommend using a jockstrap, it really hurts getting hit otherwise. Trust me on that.

Just so long as you didn't DRAG her from the bumper of the truck. I'd have to put my foot down there.......

crazybbwgirl said:

Just so long as you didn't DRAG her from the bumper of the truck. I'd have to put my foot down there.......

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Well she wouldn't drag if she would keep up...sighs...ok fine.

RJMasters said:

Well she wouldn't drag if she would keep up...sighs...ok fine.

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hehehe - oh gods I hope you're kidding..... I'm laughing so hard and have a mental picture of a Seinfeld episode running thru my head.

crazybbwgirl said:

hehehe - oh gods I hope you're kidding..... I'm laughing so hard and have a mental picture of a Seinfeld episode running thru my head.

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Kidding??? *looks mystified* What is this.....Kidding???

*grin*

On another note regarding AA's post - Yeah I find myself pulling in and getting quiet too..

Trying to exert a bit more control over what I say..and what I do.


Oh BTW..This...
http://www.magnumresearch.com/Expand.asp?ProductCode=BFR45-707
Is how you get complaints on the range...Wonderful psychological safety valve though.

Netzach said:

You guys are weird.

If I get squirrely I just torture myself.

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*grin* Well.....For a modest fee.........

EKVITKAR said:

*grin* Well.....For a modest fee.........

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*chuckle* nyet.

Do not mistake masochistic for less control freak than you. I always seem to know just how hard how deep and when I'm done without having to negotiate with me.



Sure takes the first date jitters out of bottoming. LOL

Netzach said:

*chuckle* nyet.

Do not mistake masochistic for less control freak than you.

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Control freak eh...???

Okee - I'll let you call every other shot... How's that?

CutieMouse said:

RJ- Now I never want my son to go paintballing again. Ever. He did for his tenth birthday and he's sooo small for his age (like 4 1/2 feet tall and 50# dripping wet LOL). I don't want to see bruises like that on my boy! He'll break in half! *shudder*

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ROFLMAO!!

Don't sweat it dear..It's the little skinny ones that everyone else has to watch out for.
Old guys like me (and others who shall remain nameless) have to rely on being sneaky..WHile some little jer...err fellow is bouncing around all over the place. Probably shooting you in the ass when you least expect it.

A cpl of things I have learned

I used pain as a means to induce deeper love, loyalty and fear in order to draw the person of my desire closer to me. What I get out of it is control, devotion and respectful obedience, which is "why" I find and take pleasure in inflicting pain upon another.

Love - Knowing there is a deep seeded need in the one I am administering the pain unto(meeting the masochistic needs of my S/O). I want to be the one to meet that need, to be that keeper and controller of that drug. This translates to control.

Loyalty - The word is a bit misleading on the surface as to why I choose it to convey my thoughts. With in the context I have created, to me the inflicting of pain is a means in which I can test and probe the extreme love of my S/O to me. Simply put..."What will you endure for me today, my love?" This translates to devotion.

Fear - Again, on the surface a tad misleading unless you understand how I relate it to respect. There are many facets of what respect can be derived from, specifically applied here, it means the recognition of real force or pain. When one has felt the sting/cut from my hand/mind, as painful as it may be, they know it is but only a taste of what could be brought to bear. As the "taste" is administered in a controlled loving way, leaving plenty of room for the imagination to try to grasp what "uncontrolled" would be. This translates to respectful obedience.

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Ok, here are a few things I have learned...about me. I re-posted from my original words, as I think much is still pretty much true, I would add a few things and maybe re-word other things. However I made an interesting observation and thought I would throw it out for discussion.

If what is above is mostly true(for me it is), then it says I equate the following in my mind:

Control - Love
Loyalty - Devotion
Respectful obedience - Fear

So what does that mean then?

Taken at face value, I would say that to be in a loving/caring relationship I need to be the one in control in order for me to feel I am loving or being loved. Not that this is the totality of love, but I see it as a very critical element in how I love as a man, and how also I precieve a person shows me they care or love me. The power in knowing this, is simply knowing that I could never truely make a relationship work for very long if I was not in control or didn't feel the other person could submit to me from their heart.

Moving on to seeing loyalty as devotion further indicates I desire intamacy of a deep seeded nature. I want to know that the exchange I am having in a relationship is more than just superficial. I want to know that when things get tough, the person I am with will endure. I think this goes for all types of relationships I choose to enter...i.e. friendhips. This also tells me that I do not value perfection from someone or myself as much as I value the ability to be loyal and devoted when facing weaknesses, faults or mistakes. So when I am taking pleasure in inflicting pain, it is a measure of acceptance of who I am and is an act of inamacy. I couldn't do this with someone who I didn't care about and is why I can't play at it.

Lastly I look at fear and respectful obedience and really this is a combination of the other things I have mentioned. I see this as combining both control and devotion to produce authority. This I would relate to presence or demeanor and goes directly to my confidence in who I am. This is often why Ii do not do well with sammies, unless I can somehow touch or feel touched, by the submissive behind the sammie shell.

I think this is very telling about me and others who are simillar. It explains to my why women who are submissive and who are masochistic are so attractive and beautiful to me. Its why I enjoy their company and the way they make me feel. I know when I am around a true submissive, it truely brings out the best in me and who I am. Setting sex and kinks aside for just a moment, when I hear some one call me Sir/Master, it is the same as saying "I love you".

Anyone else out there feel along the same lines I do about some of this stuff?

It's very different for me. Like a lot of women, I think I tend to fall in love with the person and adjust around that. Now, I have a subset of characteristics I find important in a lover, and "not looking to be my Dominant" is probably the best way to describe one of the lead ones.

I can function in egalitarian, Top, Mistress, Owner, even in a limited capacity bottom relationships, and all of these various facets are needs and desires to be met. I could not be happy in a totally egalitarian, bottom, Top, or Owner situation. Any one of those flavors without the potential for the others would be vanilla after a while.