NaokoSmith
Honourable Slut
- Joined
- Jul 10, 2012
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Which of these two starts to my novel (fantasy romance) would be better? and if you are willing to give a little more time, why?
A
The council chamber was a seething babble of noise. Clerks leant across the table, vehemently gesturing at each other, shouting out their points. They tossed the sleeves of their robes impatiently aside, clutching at their long locks of hair when the words of the others differed from their own.
Sunlight assailed the huge polished table littered with papers. The arched windows were wide open, yet no air moved the green velvet curtains draped along their sides. The dark wood paneling of the walls and the low ceiling, still smoky from candle-lit conferences held through the night, seemed to increase the weight of the humid atmosphere. The oppressive heat melted the faces of the delegates into frowns and scowls, their clashing voices becoming shriller and more anguished. The negotiations were stifling.
B
The council chamber was a seething babble of noise. Council clerks leant across the table, gesturing at each other, shouting out their points. They tossed the sleeves of their robes impatiently aside, they clutched at their long locks of hair.
It was a hot day. Light spilled onto the huge polished table littered with papers. No air moved in the green velvet curtains draped at the long windows though the windows were flung wide open. The dark wood panelling of the walls, the low ceiling smoky from candle-lit conferences going on into the night seemed to increase the weight of the humid atmosphere, to press the distressed faces of the clerks into frowns and scowls and force their clashing voices into shriller and more anguished tones.
A
The council chamber was a seething babble of noise. Clerks leant across the table, vehemently gesturing at each other, shouting out their points. They tossed the sleeves of their robes impatiently aside, clutching at their long locks of hair when the words of the others differed from their own.
Sunlight assailed the huge polished table littered with papers. The arched windows were wide open, yet no air moved the green velvet curtains draped along their sides. The dark wood paneling of the walls and the low ceiling, still smoky from candle-lit conferences held through the night, seemed to increase the weight of the humid atmosphere. The oppressive heat melted the faces of the delegates into frowns and scowls, their clashing voices becoming shriller and more anguished. The negotiations were stifling.
B
The council chamber was a seething babble of noise. Council clerks leant across the table, gesturing at each other, shouting out their points. They tossed the sleeves of their robes impatiently aside, they clutched at their long locks of hair.
It was a hot day. Light spilled onto the huge polished table littered with papers. No air moved in the green velvet curtains draped at the long windows though the windows were flung wide open. The dark wood panelling of the walls, the low ceiling smoky from candle-lit conferences going on into the night seemed to increase the weight of the humid atmosphere, to press the distressed faces of the clerks into frowns and scowls and force their clashing voices into shriller and more anguished tones.