TRANSGENDER CHAT: likes, dislikes, etc.

Thought it would be nice to know what the 3rd sex is doing and thinking.

gentlefeline said:

Thought it would be nice to know what the 3rd sex is doing and thinking.

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Long or short answer?

Here’s what I’m doing: I work in a university science department - a job I love and I’m lucky to have. The university are legally bound to be an equal opportunity employer and cannot discriminate, but even so, they got the best person for the job All the people here are pretty open minded, some are LGBT themselves and it’s no big deal: they want our brains.
When I’m not working, I attend a lot of functions run on the campus and that’s pretty much my social life. I swim, do pilates, dinghy sail.

Thinking? I’ve become increasingly vocal on feminist and LGBT issues because I can’t walk past or not speak up when I see something that’s inherently wrong or unjust.
Tbh I do get a bit tired of the numerous trans image threads, but I guess cis-gender women do as well. I really get it that we’re seen as being sexy, but it’s frustrating that everything is so penis / chick-with-dick orientated because we’re not just that. Remember some of us have never been comfortable about having a penis. Having said that, I PM’d the OP a while ago, thanking them for posting images that weren’t all dick and that some were even clothed Those help - even a few

Like I said though - porn is porn and if you meet one of us in the flesh, then be polite and unhitch your brain from the idea that we’re all porn stars and sex-crazy. You wouldn’t make assumptions about any cis-gendered person you meet, so you shouldn’t with trans folk either.

It’s nice to be asked

3rd sex? WTF? Sorry, I'm just a guy underneath the clothes and makeup... HahaKant

Kantarii said:

3rd sex? WTF? Sorry, I'm just a guy underneath the clothes and makeup... HahaKant

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Yea, I was going to say but didn't - 3rd is strictly speaking a non-binary description, but hey, two-spirit, shemale, ladyboy, berdache, hijras, transexual - the list is long and illustrious

Ok......let's say cd's, trans-genders, transsexuals, transwomen, etc....please add to the list. That's why I started the thread. To learn something.

Doing: I work for a convenience store chain, I make pretty decent money and have full benefits, their stock is amaze-balls. Yeah, I've been bought for the time because they're effectively paying for my transition. What happens after depends on how they handle the process. Aside of that, I play in a band and write my own music on the side, and I frequently wipe the walls with friends and foes in various poker halls.

Thinking: well, the whole transitioning process is stressful and irritating and current events do nothing to help alleviate those feelings. It's nice that people are paying attention to this issue; the wild, visceral reaction is all a part of a billion people being forced to process this information… so yeah, there's gonna be some eddies in the current. Unfortunately, those eddies also happen to be crappy House Bills and mass shootings. I keep thinking, it would be nice to just sit down and have conversations with these people, listen to their concerns, and dispel their presumptions one by one. This way, they wouldn't see two men holding hands and go on this unbridled, pseudo-religious tirade in their minds that drives them to open fire on the innocuous public.
I could complain about the fetishization of trans-women, but it seems dumb to do that here. This is effectively a porn site. People come here to escape the woes of the world and chase their nut, and that often involves pulling away from reality. Life is rough, we all deserve the best orgasms we can muster up, so do what you gotta do to get that nut, just don't confuse fantasies with reality and don't creep on the underage then we're all good. Besides, I'm totally down with looking sexy 112% of the time.

Is there some secret to finding a trans to date. I really love their company.

No secret, there's just not many of us around: 0.3% of the population, remember?

I think I read some of the dating apps were trying to be more trans friendly, but tbh I wouldn't meet up through any site like that because it's too open to haters. Why not tag along with one of the Pride events or the LGBT community? Whatever you do, DON'T mention that you are interested in trans women - just be cool, be friendly - I mean genuinely friendly. We're not a club that goes looking for trans-friendly men or women and we're likely to be suspicious of any man, especially if he says he thinks we ( trans women ) are hot because that's a lie: I know what hot is and not all of us are. Speaking for myself, I'd be looking for an intelligent, open-minded guy that I really clicked with - you know the GSOH thing, and then he has to be totally unphased by my trans status and not bothered if I have a dick or not. Do you know if I have a dick? Does that matter? If your sex life can't exist outside of the conventional norms, then don't go looking.
A girl needs to feel safe with her man, she has to trust him. If he's looking over his shoulder in case someone he knows might see him with a trans woman, then he can fuck right off.

thanks sticky girl....that was a nice response. When's the next GLBT event in New York?

I'm not sure - google it, but be sure that, on the back of the Orlando shootings it will be a very emotional event. But go and don't be afraid - show your solidarity!

stickygirl said:

Long or short answer?

Here’s what I’m doing: I work in a university science department - a job I love and I’m lucky to have. The university are legally bound to be an equal opportunity employer and cannot discriminate, but even so, they got the best person for the job All the people here are pretty open minded, some are LGBT themselves and it’s no big deal: they want our brains.
When I’m not working, I attend a lot of functions run on the campus and that’s pretty much my social life. I swim, do pilates, dinghy sail.

Thinking? I’ve become increasingly vocal on feminist and LGBT issues because I can’t walk past or not speak up when I see something that’s inherently wrong or unjust.
Tbh I do get a bit tired of the numerous trans image threads, but I guess cis-gender women do as well. I really get it that we’re seen as being sexy, but it’s frustrating that everything is so penis / chick-with-dick orientated because we’re not just that. Remember some of us have never been comfortable about having a penis. Having said that, I PM’d the OP a while ago, thanking them for posting images that weren’t all dick and that some were even clothed Those help - even a few

Like I said though - porn is porn and if you meet one of us in the flesh, then be polite and unhitch your brain from the idea that we’re all porn stars and sex-crazy. You wouldn’t make assumptions about any cis-gendered person you meet, so you shouldn’t with trans folk either.

It’s nice to be asked

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I must say I am very attracted to men transgendering. I love that they are women first on the inside, then dress and make up and breasts on the outside while still choosing (in some cases) to keep their penises. I do not consider them as porn stars but like everyone else people that want to live freely and be who they are.

My attraction is no different to men and women being attracted to each other or same sex people being attracted to each other.

We should all get to be who we are. And we should all feel free to enjoy relationships we feel happy or excited about.

So true

hotoldrguy said:

I must say I am very attracted to men transgendering. I love that they are women first on the inside, then dress and make up and breasts on the outside while still choosing (in some cases) to keep their penises. I do not consider them as porn stars but like everyone else people that want to live freely and be who they are.

My attraction is no different to men and women being attracted to each other or same sex people being attracted to each other.

We should all get to be who we are. And we should all feel free to enjoy relationships we feel happy or excited about.

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The T girls I know mainly want to be accepted for wanting to be female. Its a simple human need that doesnt always have such an uber-sexual role to it. Its about acceptance and the dignity of the individual. I learned that in school 50 years ago.

dacoach44 said:

The T girls I know mainly want to be accepted for wanting to be female. Its a simple human need that doesnt always have such an uber-sexual role to it. Its about acceptance and the dignity of the individual. I learned that in school 50 years ago.

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I agree

Thanks Sticky, for turning this into a thought provoking thread. I wish I had the confidence to be as vocal. Like you, I get away from the 'chick with dick' thing. I know who I am, there is just a bit of a journey to correct some physical things that area bit out of place.

As for the other stuff, sure, there are dreams and fantasies. In the real world, yes it is nice to be asked out on dates but the one guy I confided in about the secret under my skirt had such a problem getting his head around it that I have just about come to the conclusion that doing anything about it will just have to wait.

Lots of people struggle to be themselves. I can't imagine what it must be like to know who you are but have that challenged at every turn not just by society but in lots of cases by my own body. I wish I was half as brave as those of you who overcome such obstacles each and every day. There's nothing more sexy than courage like that.

To be honest I think , that we are like everyone else just trying to make ends meet, and live a normal life in the same way that everyone else does. We don't live in a fantasy land of sexual delights, but in the real world facing the same problems as everyone else with a few extra thrown in when we have to take time out to deal with the less enlightened members of society.

Even for a person like myself who does live a life less ordinary, working in cabaret, burlesque, and lately art house cinema, in the real world my life is no different to my friends. There is still laundry to do, food shopping to be done and council tax to pay.

But and this is the big but, in the UK at least since the 70s society had changed and one of the things each year we have to deal with less is discrimination, abuse and feeling like we have to stay hidden, change for the better is occurring and right across all sections of society. We do have less to fear, and for that I am grateful.
I can give a very recent example :
Two weeks ago I was hostessing a burlesque show in New Cross, South London while dressed in full sequinned Jessica Rabbit mode, and stepped outside at about 10pm for a cigarette, almost immediately I was approached by a religious whack job who started giving me abuse, but before I could even respond, half a dozen very loud 20 something Millwall football fans came over, which did give me initially cause for concern, however they surprised me, because rather than joining in with the insults etc, they threatened to call the police if the guy didn't leave me alone, and then they insisted on escorting me back to the venue to make sure that I was safe and that the whack job didn't follow me. To me this illustrated that acceptance is now permeating all strands of the main stream, and that people whose reaction I would have feared a decade ago, are now on our side.


As for dating, that just is not part of my world, I have not been on a date in over 6 years. Working in burlesque that is exceptionally common, very few in my line of work manage to date and perform, regardless of sexuality or gender, looking around at the ladies I work with less than one in ten manage to maintain a relationship, the work we do and the way we are either brings out jealousy. fetishasisation or disapproval, even Dita Von Tease has been single for years. It is something we accept that comes with the territory and we do have lots of fun, and a brilliant social life, but just occasionally it would be nice to have someone after bad day to take you in their arms, kiss the side of your neck and tell you its going to be ok. But there is no way in hell, I would give up the life I have just to have a partner and the occasional wham bam thank you mam.

Silky

Can't disagree with this - the UK is pretty good in accepting people and it saddens me that there is so much anger in the US right now.

Since my transition, I'm much less sexualised and sexually frustrated: I am content. I would date - I will date, but I'm not exactly looking ( maybe that is shorthand for avoiding? ). Part of that is me getting used to me, but I like to think I'm a good judge of character and no one has really lit my wick yet. Add to that all the complications that come with not being able to have my own kids, so even if I did meet someone accepting - that kinda narrows the field yet more.

apom said:

Lots of people struggle to be themselves. I can't imagine what it must be like to know who you are but have that challenged at every turn not just by society but in lots of cases by my own body. I wish I was half as brave as those of you who overcome such obstacles each and every day. There's nothing more sexy than courage like that.

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That's really sweet of you xx TY

Like most, a lot of my thoughts are confused; I wish I'd known what this feeling was sooner, that I'd done something about it earlier in life. Mostly, I just think I've left things too late now.

girlyboi85 said:

Like most, a lot of my thoughts are confused; I wish I'd known what this feeling was sooner, that I'd done something about it earlier in life. Mostly, I just think I've left things too late now.

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Plenty of people transition later in life. Sure, testosterone has taken its toll and when you have established your place in the world, it seems crazy to tear it all down and start agiain. That's as much of a problem as knowing who you are. By why make these things so binary? Aren't we being told there is no binary, only a spectrum? Isn't it more important to be true to yourself than fulfil society's expectations of what gender is or isn't? Don't let society dictate to you - you set the goals. You can stay living the life of a guy, but keep your true self a secret from the world: there is no "fail" in that.
...but only you can know. Baby steps one at a time - you can step back as well as forward because it's your journey. Being trans can be a blessing in many ways, not a curse. It is down to you how you express yourself.
I'm sorry if that comes across as airy-fairy idealism, but I'm just trying to say don't be too hard on yourself. Don't look at the mountain but just the next step

stickygirl said:

Plenty of people transition later in life. Sure, testosterone has taken its toll and when you have established your place in the world, it seems crazy to tear it all down and start agiain. That's as much of a problem as knowing who you are. By why make these things so binary? Aren't we being told there is no binary, only a spectrum? Isn't it more important to be true to yourself than fulfil society's expectations of what gender is or isn't? Don't let society dictate to you - you set the goals. You can stay living the life of a guy, but keep your true self a secret from the world: there is no "fail" in that.
...but only you can know. Baby steps one at a time - you can step back as well as forward because it's your journey. Being trans can be a blessing in many ways, not a curse. It is down to you how you express yourself.
I'm sorry if that comes across as airy-fairy idealism, but I'm just trying to say don't be too hard on yourself. Don't look at the mountain but just the next step

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It doesn't sound airy-fairy at all.

I mean, I can get carried away with my fantasies at times, but I'm enough of a realist to know that things probably won't go exactly how I'd like them to, and it's mostly about managing my own expectations so that I don't end up too disappointed.

stickygirl said:

Silky

Since my transition, I'm much less sexualised and sexually frustrated: I am content. I would date - I will date, but I'm not exactly looking ( maybe that is shorthand for avoiding? ). Part of that is me getting used to me, but I like to think I'm a good judge of character and no one has really lit my wick yet. Add to that all the complications that come with not being able to have my own kids, so even if I did meet someone accepting - that kinda narrows the field yet more.

That's really sweet of you xx TY

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I think its a case of avoiding but for good reasons, You need time to rediscover yourself, and work out what your desires and hopes for your personal life going forward are.
As for kids, I think you need to keep that in perspective, from adoption to surrogacy there are options, if you decide that children are something you do want in your future, and it is something that with a partner you will face together. There are plenty of CIS women in the same boat, and you have all the same options as them.
Try not to worry too many steps ahead in regards to a relationship, most things in time work out.
You are smart, intelligent, beautiful and young, enjoy it

gentlefeline said:

Thought it would be nice to know what the 3rd sex is doing and thinking.

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i love to have my female friends round for coffee and cakes and we sit and chat about girl stuff , clothes shoes ,make-up , films we like , the neighbours ,just a nice ladies coffee morning.

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KateSt said:

Dear Gentle:
Thanks for starting this thread to open up the conversation on third gender.
I have often thought that if my situation had been different years ago, I would have wanted to be, bi-gendered. Ok, no one freak out by yet an other term. For me this means being able to express my self as either gender as I feel the need to. There are times where I want to be very girly and wear heels and a skirt and other times not.
Just my two cents.
Kate

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I think you're describing gender fluid.