Cuckolding--Turn on? or not?

I guess I have been a cuckold by the strict definition. My ex-wife had at least two affairs that I became aware of, and I suspect there may have been more.

I tried for years to convince her to add another male or couple to our sex life. She expressed interest, but she never would go through with it. The closest we came was having sex in the same room with another couple who were also having sex. When I began to suspect she was having an affair, I have to admit to being turned on by the thought of her having sex with another man and then coming home to me. But that feeling was tempered by the fact that she found it necessary to cheat. I was able to confirm she was having an affair and confronted her, she ended the affair, and things were actually better between us for a few years. I again offered to add any male of her choice to our relationship but she said she didn't want to take the chance. We did go to a couple of swinger's clubs and had sex publicly and watched others, but neither of us had sex with another male or couple during that four-year period. She did offer to let me have an affair to "make us even" but I never took her up on it.

I spent seven months in the desert in 2007 and she started another affair while I was away. It took a while for me to find out about it, and this time I did not feel turned on at all by the thought of her fucking another man. As soon as I was able to verify she was having an affair, I filed for divorce.

My current relationship is everything I wanted my marriage to be. My girlfriend and I love each other, but we enjoy sex with others, both together and separately. Our relationship depends on trust and a level of communication that my ex-wife and I never had. I love seeing her with other men because it gives me pleasure to see her having pleasure. I don't feel or act submissive when she is with other men, but I do enjoy cleaning her thoroughly after the fact.

Hmmm

Luv to watch interracial cuckold...anyone?

Many years ago, pre viagra days, I used to fuck a woman whose husband was impotent through diabetes. He just couldn't get a hard on. He knew about the arrangement and encouraged her.
The first few times we were together he did stay in the room but I believe this was more to ensure she was safe, than out of any sexual desire. After he accepted she was safe in my care he just left us to it.
Was he a cuckold? was he just a considerate husband allowing his wife to still have the sex he couldn't provide?

magicalmoments said:

Many years ago, pre viagra days, I used to fuck a woman whose husband was impotent through diabetes. He just couldn't get a hard on. He knew about the arrangement and encouraged her.
The first few times we were together he did stay in the room but I believe this was more to ensure she was safe, than out of any sexual desire. After he accepted she was safe in my care he just left us to it.
Was he a cuckold? was he just a considerate husband allowing his wife to still have the sex he couldn't provide?

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Definitely the latter.

Incidentally, why do we never hear of women being referred to as cuckolds in MFF situations?

Semantics as words are lost . . .

I've excerpted three of your statements, preserving them here below to add my own observation:

policywank said:

I am not sure the semantics are all that important . . .

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Semantics are everything in communication.

[/QUOTE]If a man's wife is having sex with someone behind his back and he would be angry and humiliated if he knew about it, he is definitely a cuckold. If a man is in an open marriage he is not a cuckold.[/QUOTE]
Perfect, yes! (Check ALL dictionaries.)

[/QUOTE]Further, we are rapidly approaching the point where the word cuckold will have been used in a modern context long enough and across a broad enough spectrum to affect the definition just as much as Chaucer's view of it.[/QUOTE]
Hopefully not . . . since we often lose the ONLY word in our language with a clear meaning of one condition or thing.
CLASSIC EXAMPLE: Whether apocryphal or not, this story about Merriam Webster, the writer and publisher of the first dictionary, is hilarious:

Mrs. Webster uncharacteristically came home early one day from her weekly meeting of the Ladies Club. Upon pausing in the vestibule, she heard noises from upstairs. Curious, she climbed the stairs. The sounds became louder as she approached the slightly ajar door to the master bedroom. On swinging back the door, she beheld Merriam atop the upstairs maid, going at her with all the gusto he had given Mrs. Webster in his youth.

Mrs. Webster exclaimed, "Why, Merriam, I'm surprised!"

Whereupon Mr. Webster, pausing only to turn his head to address his wife from over his shoulder, gently corrected her, saying, "No, my dear. You are astonished. I am surprised."

NOTE: We have lost the use of the word "SURPRISE," that of catching or trapping someone or something, without replacing it. The word "ASTONISH" still does its job, but the richness of our language is diminished: just as in John Donne's poem "No Man is an Island," . . . "If a clod be washed away by the sea . . . Europe is the less," our language suffers for overreaching as we carelessly water down the wealth of our vocabulary.

(I've always thought she should have shot him, not for the infidelity, but given the circumstances, for his Sheldon-like inappropriate timing and crassness at correcting her!)

MilkFountain said:

CLASSIC EXAMPLE: Whether apocryphal or not, this story about Merriam Webster, the writer and publisher of the first dictionary...

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While I hate to contradict someone with whose views I am otherwise in agreement, Noah Webster published his first dictionary, A Compendious Dictionary of the English Language in 1806. This was some 51 years after Dr Samuel Johnson published his Dictionary of the English Language, and Johnson's dictionary was not the first by any means - indeed, he was commissioned to carry out the work because of dissatisfaction with the plethora of dictionaries of variable quality that were already in existence.

Good grief. Is this argument about the definition of cuckold still going on?

Look, one who uses Webster's dictionary to look up terms for sex, obviously doesn't live in the world of sex.

How does Webster's define "brain" or "skeet"? Go ahead and look. Today's sexual connotations for those terms do not appear in Webster's dictionary.

I bet most of these people arguing nomenclature have 0 experience in cuckoldry. I do, by the way... As a bull.

Labels are for soup cans, stop trying to quantify the unquantifiable.

TheLM said:

I bet most of these people arguing nomenclature have 0 experience in cuckoldry. I do, by the way... As a bull.

Labels are for soup cans, stop trying to quantify the unquantifiable.

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Some of us have the ability to multitask.

And to extend the pedantry, you can hardly claim to have experience in cuckoldry and then say that it is indefinable.

norfolklad said:

Some of us have the ability to multitask.

And to extend the pedantry, you can hardly claim to have experience in cuckoldry and then say that it is indefinable.

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I understand your point.

Nomenclature is typically tiered, though. You're arguing on the micro level, I'm acknowledging on the macro level and shrugging off the micro because I don't see a point.

I'd rather experience life than wax poetic about it.

norfolklad said:

While I hate to contradict someone with whose views I am otherwise in agreement, Noah Webster published his first dictionary, A Compendious Dictionary of the English Language in 1806. This was some 51 years after Dr Samuel Johnson published his Dictionary of the English Language, and Johnson's dictionary was not the first by any means - indeed, he was commissioned to carry out the work because of dissatisfaction with the plethora of dictionaries of variable quality that were already in existence.

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THANKS so much from disabusing me of false information, Norfolklad, and worse, disseminating it! (But, did you like the anecdote/joke?)

?

Never done it. But I think I'd like it. Lol I'm a bi bottom. Id love to 69 with my girlfriend as we both get fucked by 2 or more big thick cocks, and yes I'd eat his cum from her pussy!

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Definitely not into the full cuckold but I do enjoy the thought of sharing my girlfriends pussy with others while watching.

MilkFountain said:

THANKS so much from disabusing me of false information, Norfolklad, and worse, disseminating it! (But, did you like the anecdote/joke?)

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I did indeed.

Sorry, but having worked for several years in the lee of Dr Johnson's House and having regularly drunk in the pub in which he was a regular (a year or two before me, I hasten to add), I am rather defensive of the old chap.

The semantics of this seems to come up frequently.

The 'proper' term for one who enjoys loaning one's partner out is 'wittal.'

Coloquially, though, the term cuckold has supplanted that while simultaneously retaining it's original meaning as an alternate definition, "one who is made a fool of by his cheating partner."

For me, cuckolding - total turn-off.

The idea of an MMF threesome? Stonking hard turn-on. For me the idea is joining a couple who are fantastic sexually such that the woman's arousal has reached the level where she wants two men working her and admiring each other while they are at it. That's it: The idea for me has to include a deep and respectful friendship between the men, and a shared desire to take the woman to a new level of bliss.

query said:

The semantics of this seems to come up frequently.

The 'proper' term for one who enjoys loaning one's partner out is 'wittal.'

Coloquially, though, the term cuckold has supplanted that while simultaneously retaining it's original meaning as an alternate definition, "one who is made a fool of by his cheating partner."

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You learn something every day. My dictionary has it as 'wittol'.

And there's even a learned article on the subject:
"A Wittall Cannot Be a Cookold": Reading the Contented Cuckold in Early Modern English Drama and Culture
Jennifer Panek
Journal for Early Modern Cultural Studies

Defining Cuckold, (IMHO)

Terminology and the definition of words evolve all of the time. What cuckold meant in the past isn't necessarily what it means today.

For an example of how words evolve, I Googled the word "nice". According to Google, the word nice is derived from the Latin word "nescius", meaning ignorant. And by the 14th century, the word had come to mean foolish or silly. And today, the word means something entirely different.

Originally "cuckold meant, (as it has been pointed out), a husband being humiliated by a cheating wife and him, (the husband), being unable or unwilling to do anything about it. But as with many words, cuckold is evolving to mean something different. In the past, cuckold was something unwanted by the husband, but today, it is often something the husband seeks.

In my experience, cuckold seems to have some common elements that distinguishes it from other fetishes, such as a three-some or voyeurism for example. One common element seems to be humiliation. As hard as it may be to understand, humiliation is a very arousing emotion for some men. Another common element is often denial. For at least some of the men who seek out being cuckold, they get turned on by experiencing the feeling of humiliation of knowing or seeing their wife having sex with another man, while being denied sex with their wife themselves. As hard as it may be to understand, a husband may hate the humiliation of knowing or seeing his wife in bed with another man, but because the arousal is so intense, (an sexually gratifying), he becomes addicted to it, and not only can't stop it, he will encourage it. Some cuckold husbands, to increase the intensity of their own arousal, will begin serving his wife and her lover in whatever way they wish.

I think it is common for us to try to define this fetish to be in line with our own way of thinking, but I really believe cuckold is something only a husband who has this need can understand, or perhaps even define. Just my opinion anyway.

cuck

Really think about it all men should be cucked

iownboots said:

Really think about it all men should be cucked

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That's impossible. By definition, you need a "bull" to fuck/dominate/use the wife in order for the husband to be cuckolded.

Yes, it's hot.

I think cuckolding is really hot. Especially if the woman is with a big black cock!

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Sorry for being dumb but what is cockolding?

susanne1987 said:

Sorry for being dumb but what is cockolding?

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Cuckolding is when a married woman cheats with a man and her husband knows and/or approves of it. There is often a humiliation element to it (e.g. if your cock wasn't so small, I wouldn't need to go get fucked by a REAL man) and sometimes elements of (sometimes forced) homosexuality on the cucked husband's part (e.g. being a fluffer for the two).