Go Back   Literotica Discussion Board > Main Literotica Forums > How To...

Reply
 
Thread Tools

Old 06-08-2009, 12:52 PM   #1
IrishGuy1974
Virgin
 
IrishGuy1974 is offline
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2
Affair advice

Hey everyone,

I'm a married guy who has taken notice of a girl at work. I would love to approach her about starting something, but I have no idea how. Any advice?
  Reply With Quote

Old 06-08-2009, 01:00 PM   #2
Eilan
Paid Internet Troll
 
Eilan's Avatar
 
Eilan is offline
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: 'Murika! Fuck, yeah!
Posts: 9,877
If she's a co-worker, most of the advice that you'll get here will be of the "Don't shit where you eat" variety, but that's probably not what you want to hear.
__________________
Too fucking cool for a sig.
  Reply With Quote

Old 06-08-2009, 01:22 PM   #3
Noor
Traveling trousers!
 
Noor's Avatar
 
Noor is offline
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Sadly looking across the river Hubur.
Posts: 19,039
Noor's office affair advice:

1) Use condoms NO MATTER what. Sharing STDS is really uncool. Pregnancy is expensive.

2) Choose women with the same name as your wife or practice using honey, sweetheart, darlin' whatever you call your wife.

3) Pick someone who doesn't like you too much and you don't like them beyond the acquaintance level.

4) Check out company policy on relationships

5) Check morals clause in your employment contract

6) Always take a shower after sex before you go home.

7) Keep to your standard routine.

8) Do NOT make the affair person a more intimate friend than your wife.

9) Never tell your wife unless you plan to leave her. Relationships rarely recover from affairs and it seriously damages the innocence spouse's ability to trust for future relationships.

10) Keep in mind that children usually also feel betrayed by cheating.

11) Plan what happens when your wife suspects.

12) Keep your lover and wife very happy and sexually satisfied.

13) Same rules apply to cheating on your lover.

14) Plan what happens when your wife finds out.


Successful affairs are a lot of work. Don't even think about it if you can't handle the consequences. Losing your family and job are real possibilities, and Fatal Attraction does happen. Remember all the parties involved, your wife, family, co-worker, the men in their lives and family. If you are part of a small community or strong church be prepared to be ostracized if they find out.

Every married guy who cheats thinks no one will ever find out, but do a poll on lit and see how many of the cheating men here were caught by someone. You can control what you do, you can't control what the other person will do. You might think you know someone enough to trust them but you probably don't. When circumstances change people do too.

I know one guy who basically lost everyone (except his mom) and not even his now grown kids will speak to him. He has grand kids he has never met.
__________________
<img src=http://i115.photobucket.com/albums/n307/byroninexile/uu/Moog1_zpseae04596.jpg border=0 alt= />
5th of Tamuz

Byron's Wake and Super Cool Threads.

"You gave him a gift that so many people can only dream of experiencing, and he gave you one, too. You invigorated and soothed him; you helped him find his music again. You deserved more time, but I am so happy that the time you spent together was so joyful and special and full of laughter. You gave him bwankets and I could see his tail wag. He felt you, and he took you with him everywhere. I think he took part of you with him to wherever he is now. That's part of why it hurts so much." Phelia on Byron to me.

Last edited by Noor : 08-03-2013 at 12:19 AM.
  Reply With Quote

Old 06-08-2009, 03:04 PM   #4
silverwhisper
just this guy, you know?
 
silverwhisper's Avatar
 
silverwhisper is offline
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: in a home, of course
Posts: 10,881
irish guy, you might want to consider posting this in the playground if you're serious about this. most folks in how to take a dim view of extramarital activity.

ed
__________________
"i think this line's mostly filler"--willow rosenberg, once more, with feeling, season 6, buffy the vampire slayer

exemplar of youthful snark: "does it hurt little boy? are you going to cry now? well suck it up and be a man."

psst! hey, wanna see a blog?

Last edited by silverwhisper : 06-08-2009 at 05:27 PM. Reason: fixed a tag
  Reply With Quote

Old 06-08-2009, 04:18 PM   #5
emap
Literotica Guru
 
emap's Avatar
 
emap is offline
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 6,247
Ask your wife for permission first.

No seriously, affairs never ever stay private, people always find out or suspect and keep a closer eye and figure it out. It is only a matter of time before your wife figures it out or someone tells her.

Besides which, unless your lover hates you, which of course can't happen because she wouldn't have sex with you anyway, probabilities are very high she will decide she loves you and you should leave your wife for her, at which point she will probably call your wife and tell her everything.
  Reply With Quote

Old 06-08-2009, 06:37 PM   #6
fgarvb1
We are in for it now.
 
fgarvb1's Avatar
 
fgarvb1 is offline
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Land of the Little Angel, in Texas
Posts: 12,493
Something else do one has mentioned is that if you are smart you will buy both of then the same perfume.

This is left over from my single days, when I was dating three ladies at the same time...A shower doesn't always remove all the perfume and a woman has the ability to differentiate between smells better than men do.

WORD.
__________________
Proud Member IAM Local 1999

"You, fgarvb1, are a dinosaur who looks disturbing even as a fossil."

I reserve at least 24 hours on any posting to correct my fuck ups.

When the solution is simple, God is answering. --Albert Einstein

"Once in a lifetime every man is entitled to fall in
love with a gorgeous redhead"

The heart is devious above all else; it is perverseó who can understand it? -- Jer. 17:9

There are many systems of philosophy and political life which try to base law and all human relationships upon the nature of man. Man is made the measure of all things. All such systems, whether communism or humanism, or socialism, are doomed to fail because of one fatal flaw: they do not recognize the sinful, self-centered nature of man.
They ignore God and deify man.


BOAT = Bust Out Another Thousand
  Reply With Quote

Old 06-08-2009, 06:54 PM   #7
bailadora
Lit Lesbro Coven
 
bailadora's Avatar
 
bailadora is offline
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: In his arms
Posts: 3,255
Quote:
Originally Posted by silverwhisper View Post
most folks in how to take a dim view of extramarital activity.

ed
For real? I guess my perception of the general consensus was that as long as all parties involved (ie. both spouses and the extra person) are agreeable, then it's no one else's business.

Although as a former HR person, I gotta agree with Eilan regarding the opinion that getting sexually involved with someone in a work related environment is bad news. There are all sorts of ways that can blow up in your face........
__________________
And yeah, welcome to Dickerotica, where 90% of the men are fapping 24/7. ~ Raw Humor

What we do, Miss Ventura, does not define who we are. What defines us is how well we rise after falling. ~ Lionel, Maid in Manhattan

Experience is what you get when you didnít get what you wanted. ~ Dr. Randy Pausch

This is LIT-erotica, where the size of your polysyllable matters. - swiped from Velvet Darkness

For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who do not believe, no proof is possible.~ Stuart Chase

Swiped from Fire Breeze: my johari window. Curiosity and all that jazz...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Regarding Dirty PMs: Don't bother. Your orgasm is not my problem.
  Reply With Quote

Old 06-08-2009, 07:25 PM   #8
Eilan
Paid Internet Troll
 
Eilan's Avatar
 
Eilan is offline
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: 'Murika! Fuck, yeah!
Posts: 9,877
Quote:
Originally Posted by bailadora
For real? I guess my perception of the general consensus was that as long as all parties involved (ie. both spouses and the extra person) are agreeable, then it's no one else's business.
I think that's a pretty accurate assessment.

I would assume (dangerous, I know ) that silverwhisper's use of "extramarital" in this case refers to an affair being conducted without a SO's knowledge or consent.
__________________
Too fucking cool for a sig.
  Reply With Quote

Old 06-08-2009, 08:46 PM   #9
CWatson
In a band!!
 
CWatson's Avatar
 
CWatson is offline
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: CA
Posts: 1,607
Quote:
Originally Posted by bailadora View Post
For real? I guess my perception of the general consensus was that as long as all parties involved (ie. both spouses and the extra person) are agreeable, then it's no one else's business.
This is very true. We on this board do take a dim view of cheating, but we are also supportive of opened relationships, and the simple fact is that affairs do not require cheating. If your wife is okay with you sleeping with this woman, just to try it or even on a regular basis, who are we to gainsay you?

So first off, make sure you're honest with yourself. Why do you want to do this? Is it because you want some variety in your sex life? Is it because you don't have one at the moment? Is there emotional distance between you and your wife which is frustrating you? Figure out what need you are satisfying by sleeping with this co-worker, and why you feel the need to look to her--and not your wife--to have it satisfied.

Second, see if you can be honest with your wife. Obviously, no spouse likes hearing, "Honey, I want to sleep with someone who isn't you," but if you approach the conversation rationally and lay out your reasoning, hopefully she will be willing to respond in the same vein. As is usual in these discussions, you would need to avoid accusatory phrasing: don't be like, "Honey, you're sexually boring," just say, "I'm not satisfied with my sex life for the following reasons, and while the obvious answer is to schtoink my co-worker, I still want you to be aware of what's going on." In a marriage (as in any emotional relationship), a compromise can push people apart... or draw them together. Even if said compromise involves you poking your pecker in some other woman, that can become something that strengthens your marriage. (Especially if, say, your wife wants to join in. Now, that's not very likely; this is reality, not porn. But hey, miracles happen!)

The point is that affairs do not require dishonesty. If you can avoid dishonesty, you are doing everyone a favor--your co-worker, your wife, yourself.
__________________
"Haiku are easy
to write, but may not make sense.
Refrigerator."

"The plural of 'Surgeon General' is 'Surgeons General.' The past tense of 'Surgeons General' is 'Surgeonsed General.' "

Picture is not me; can be found at ShyAngela.com (thanks Dkling!)

Here is my story site, which has more material on it than my Literotica page. Oh, and, I'm now on Facebook!
  Reply With Quote

Old 06-08-2009, 09:00 PM   #10
BeachBum69
Virgin
 
BeachBum69 is offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 24
Ya, you don't do it. Or first you get divorced, and THEN you fool around. That's my advice.
  Reply With Quote

Old 06-08-2009, 10:20 PM   #11
bailadora
Lit Lesbro Coven
 
bailadora's Avatar
 
bailadora is offline
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: In his arms
Posts: 3,255
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eilan View Post
I would assume (dangerous, I know ) that silverwhisper's use of "extramarital" in this case refers to an affair being conducted without a SO's knowledge or consent.
Gotcha. FWIW, I usually tend to interpret a word pretty literally, but for some strange reason I didn't track that way this evening. *shakes head* Must be gettin' old or something.
__________________
And yeah, welcome to Dickerotica, where 90% of the men are fapping 24/7. ~ Raw Humor

What we do, Miss Ventura, does not define who we are. What defines us is how well we rise after falling. ~ Lionel, Maid in Manhattan

Experience is what you get when you didnít get what you wanted. ~ Dr. Randy Pausch

This is LIT-erotica, where the size of your polysyllable matters. - swiped from Velvet Darkness

For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who do not believe, no proof is possible.~ Stuart Chase

Swiped from Fire Breeze: my johari window. Curiosity and all that jazz...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Regarding Dirty PMs: Don't bother. Your orgasm is not my problem.
  Reply With Quote

Old 06-09-2009, 03:53 AM   #12
Cathleen
Summer breeze...
 
Cathleen's Avatar
 
Cathleen is offline
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Boston, you're my home.
Posts: 31,074
Quote:
Originally Posted by IrishGuy1974 View Post
Hey everyone,

I'm a married guy who has taken notice of a girl at work. I would love to approach her about starting something, but I have no idea how. Any advice?
OK, I know the answer to this one, really I do!

First, talk to this girl from work. Tell her you find her attractive and ask if she'd consider going for coffee or something. Be sure to tell her you are married -- it's only fair, after all. If she agrees to go, keep a low profile, especially at the office. No sense giving anyone some dirt to use against you, if they're so inclined, you know?

Go and enjoy your time with her. Maybe let her know you're interested in more than coffee, give her a few light touches, maybe hold her hand a second or two, let your thumb lightly caress her hand, make eye contact. You need to show as well as tell her of your interest.

Back at the office, don't play up anything with her during working hours. Remember there are prying eyes everywhere. You really need to be vigilant on this, as most companies frown on couples working together, and an affair is sure to be seen poorly -- character and all that stuff.

As you develop your relationship more, maybe some intimate dinners on occasion, you need to find some places out of the area of course. You can't be too careful with these things. I'd get a 'throw away' cell phone too, those are easy to find now a days. You'll need a separate email address, but most of us have multiple ones already (just didn't want to leave anything out).

The next thing you'll need to find is a divorce attorney (know now that your wife will have already called the best of the best), while you're at it, find a lawyer to represent you in the workplace sexual harassment case charged against you (again, your company has excellent lawyers on retainer), and might as well find a lawyer for any pesky stuff like someone setting you up by vandalizing the other woman's property.

I think that's a good start anyway. If I can think of more I'll definitely post it.

Last edited by Cathleen : 06-09-2009 at 03:55 AM.
  Reply With Quote

Old 06-09-2009, 05:47 AM   #13
RandomAssGuy
Really Experienced
 
RandomAssGuy's Avatar
 
RandomAssGuy is offline
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 120
If your willing to give up your marriage for this fling then go fir it, afte ryou get a divorce as you probably shouldn't be married.

As far as dating women at work, I have done it a number of times and I have been lucky and it never went bad. I have heard some horror stories though so look at your history, do you usually have crazy break up's with woman wanting to screw you over? I have stayed friends with every one of my ex's so i have been able to keep out of trouble with dating at work.

Overall though, this is just a really bad idea to be quite honest man. go watch some porn and put it in your wife and imagine the girl from work or something.
  Reply With Quote

Old 06-09-2009, 08:36 AM   #14
silverwhisper
just this guy, you know?
 
silverwhisper's Avatar
 
silverwhisper is offline
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: in a home, of course
Posts: 10,881
bailadora: eilan is correct in her understanding of my meaning. irish guy didn't say whether or not his wife is a consenting party and that would be a dangerous assumption to make.

ed
__________________
"i think this line's mostly filler"--willow rosenberg, once more, with feeling, season 6, buffy the vampire slayer

exemplar of youthful snark: "does it hurt little boy? are you going to cry now? well suck it up and be a man."

psst! hey, wanna see a blog?
  Reply With Quote

Old 06-09-2009, 08:58 AM   #15
CherryBomb24
Really Experienced
 
CherryBomb24 is offline
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 268
Quote:
Originally Posted by silverwhisper View Post
bailadora: eilan is correct in her understanding of my meaning. irish guy didn't say whether or not his wife is a consenting party and that would be a dangerous assumption to make.

ed
no he didnt specify, but he's asking strangers online how to approach a woman at work- that right there shows secrecy.

Can we castrate him now or should we wait and let his wife do it?
  Reply With Quote

Old 06-09-2009, 11:07 AM   #16
Noor
Traveling trousers!
 
Noor's Avatar
 
Noor is offline
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Sadly looking across the river Hubur.
Posts: 19,039
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cathleen View Post
OK, I know the answer to this one, really I do!

First, talk to this girl from work. Tell her you find her attractive and ask if she'd consider going for coffee or something. Be sure to tell her you are married -- it's only fair, after all. If she agrees to go, keep a low profile, especially at the office. No sense giving anyone some dirt to use against you, if they're so inclined, you know?

Go and enjoy your time with her. Maybe let her know you're interested in more than coffee, give her a few light touches, maybe hold her hand a second or two, let your thumb lightly caress her hand, make eye contact. You need to show as well as tell her of your interest.

Back at the office, don't play up anything with her during working hours. Remember there are prying eyes everywhere. You really need to be vigilant on this, as most companies frown on couples working together, and an affair is sure to be seen poorly -- character and all that stuff.

As you develop your relationship more, maybe some intimate dinners on occasion, you need to find some places out of the area of course. You can't be too careful with these things. I'd get a 'throw away' cell phone too, those are easy to find now a days. You'll need a separate email address, but most of us have multiple ones already (just didn't want to leave anything out).

The next thing you'll need to find is a divorce attorney (know now that your wife will have already called the best of the best), while you're at it, find a lawyer to represent you in the workplace sexual harassment case charged against you (again, your company has excellent lawyers on retainer), and might as well find a lawyer for any pesky stuff like someone setting you up by vandalizing the other woman's property.

I think that's a good start anyway. If I can think of more I'll definitely post it.
Great post C!
__________________
<img src=http://i115.photobucket.com/albums/n307/byroninexile/uu/Moog1_zpseae04596.jpg border=0 alt= />
5th of Tamuz

Byron's Wake and Super Cool Threads.

"You gave him a gift that so many people can only dream of experiencing, and he gave you one, too. You invigorated and soothed him; you helped him find his music again. You deserved more time, but I am so happy that the time you spent together was so joyful and special and full of laughter. You gave him bwankets and I could see his tail wag. He felt you, and he took you with him everywhere. I think he took part of you with him to wherever he is now. That's part of why it hurts so much." Phelia on Byron to me.
  Reply With Quote

Old 06-09-2009, 05:28 PM   #17
Cathleen
Summer breeze...
 
Cathleen's Avatar
 
Cathleen is offline
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Boston, you're my home.
Posts: 31,074
Quote:
Originally Posted by Noor View Post
Great post C!
Thanks, Noor...I figure there's always a place for sarcasm.
  Reply With Quote

Old 06-09-2009, 05:31 PM   #18
Cathleen
Summer breeze...
 
Cathleen's Avatar
 
Cathleen is offline
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Boston, you're my home.
Posts: 31,074
Quote:
Originally Posted by CherryBomb24 View Post
no he didnt specify, but he's asking strangers online how to approach a woman at work- that right there shows secrecy.

Can we castrate him now or should we wait and let his wife do it?
Good chuckle, Cherry. If we can't do the castrate thing maybe we could have a pool to guess when -- or if -- IrishGuy makes a return appearance?
  Reply With Quote

Old 06-10-2009, 03:54 PM   #19
Eilan
Paid Internet Troll
 
Eilan's Avatar
 
Eilan is offline
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: 'Murika! Fuck, yeah!
Posts: 9,877
Quote:
Originally Posted by bailadora
Although as a former HR person, I gotta agree with Eilan regarding the opinion that getting sexually involved with someone in a work related environment is bad news. There are all sorts of ways that can blow up in your face........
At my husband's former workplace, there were rules in place to try to keep stuff like this from happening, but it was pretty rampant, anyway. My husband's ex was his co-worker, and she cheated on him with at least two co-workers, one of whom she left my husband for and eventually married, (they got investigated for some of what they were doing because of stuff happening during work hours), and she definitely wasn't the only one who did it.

Some places of employment can be pretty incestuous--for lack of a better word--and dysfunctional. Kinda like some gyms, at least from what I've heard. I don't see how it can be a healthy work environment, but I've never worked at a job where the prospect of fucking any of my co-workers was even remotely appealing.
__________________
Too fucking cool for a sig.
  Reply With Quote

Old 06-14-2009, 04:47 PM   #20
Submission13
Really Experienced
 
Submission13's Avatar
 
Submission13 is offline
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 129
Quote:
Originally Posted by IrishGuy1974 View Post
Hey everyone,

I'm a married guy who has taken notice of a girl at work. I would love to approach her about starting something, but I have no idea how. Any advice?
Don't do it! It will bite you in the ass in so many ways! Take the wife on a romantic weekend get away. How would you feel if your wife was cheating when you were? Perhaps an open marriage is an option? Get a therapist for you and for her. Are you looking forward to get a divorce?
  Reply With Quote

Old 06-17-2009, 11:31 PM   #21
Sensualist2
Really Experienced
 
Sensualist2 is offline
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 275
Yeah. Don't.
__________________
my stories

Sensualist2
  Reply With Quote

Old 06-19-2009, 12:35 AM   #22
MarieFrancis
Virgin
 
MarieFrancis is offline
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 5
One word...... idiot....
  Reply With Quote

Old 06-20-2009, 01:08 PM   #23
Queenbee101
Virgin
 
Queenbee101 is offline
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: paradise
Posts: 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarieFrancis View Post
One word...... idiot....
touche
  Reply With Quote

Old 06-20-2009, 01:21 PM   #24
anoncuriousm
Experienced
 
anoncuriousm is offline
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 85
to add to what others have said here (if you are still considering this): 1. imagine you just found out your wife has been fucking another guy, what follows? 2. kids, money, house... adultery makes it all hers, and you've already shot yourself in the foot by asking for advice on this forum, a divorce lawyer will find this once they start looking, even if you go ahead and delete your account now. yea it's a thrill, but really, just turn the lights off, fuck your wife, and picture that other girl, if you must.
  Reply With Quote

Old 06-25-2009, 04:32 AM   #25
xander1083
Loves Spam
 
xander1083 is offline
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 86
is she your office mate? if that's the case then you don't have to worry that much. Approach her in a very polite way
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:54 PM.

Copyright 1998-2013 Literotica Online. Literotica is a registered trademark.