Justadesperatewifeandmom
digital demi-god
- Joined
- Aug 6, 2017
- Posts
- 27,597
For todays musing, I shall share a monologue and subsequent rambling memory triggered by my message box.
The amount of messages I get from guys that are simply, “Hey mom, I’m 18 or 19, cum chat.” Seriously, why. I’ve said it before, and I will say it again, I don’t trust any middle aged woman who is looking for a teen. I doubt she is a woman. I guess it is possible, we see the news stories but I am a woman who knows 100s of woman. I am also one of the least hoity toity, bourgeois people you will meet, so people share a lot of things with me. No, I won’t judge them, though I may laugh at them if it is funny, and possibly pick on them if it is really funny. Women have shared all sorts of fantasies and secrets, but the only confessions involving teens is not being able to stand them. Men who like to fantasize about teen male and middle aged women often incestuous relationships is apparently common on lit, but this is not a common female thought imo. Hell, when I was a teen, I didn’t screw teen boys lol. I have only ever had one creepy teen boy moment, and I didn’t mean to. Thus today’s story.
Ok, first thing to remember is I am kind of dense once I friend zone someone. If I had a dollar for every time I figured out I was being hit on because of their tongue in my mouth, well I wouldn’t be rich, but I could go to a nice dinner (also remember I have low standards, if crayons are replaced with candles, that is nice in my book lol).
A few years ago, when I was in my mid 30s, I went to visit my mom, and hung out with some high school friends. My one friend wanted me to go see her husband perform in his heavy metal band. Sounds cool. Another friend comes too. It is a couple hours away. About half way there, the wife of the singer/guitarist drops the bomb…it is an underaged club (ya know, marketed to 16 to 20 year olds, no alcohol). Da fuq bitch? Thus I have her stop by a state store. We get there, an extremely tiny, dirty, dark, underaged club with everyone there for a heavy metal band performance, so it is all of maybe 30, probably lonely, teen boys and us 3 30something chicks. As the night goes on, we somehow end up mingling with a group. I end up talking with this one guy a lot. Again, It is during a heavy metal performance so we are sitting close to hear/be heard. Then suddenly he kisses me. To which I pull back, and unfortunately start laughing so hard I fall out off my stool. Then, of course, apologizing and explaining it wasn’t at all him, but I guess due to the incredibly poor lighting I don’t think he realized how extremely old I am, and he would be laughing too, or horrified, in good lighting. I just could not fathom that a young guy like him would ever be hitting on an old chick like me, and that is what is funny, though so greatly appreciated.
Yeah, super awkward. Only made better by my awesome friends, now sitting on the floor laughing so hard they can’t stand. Finally, my one friend speaks. Ok, I have to back track to our teens. We used to pick on each other in many ways, one was song parodies. The band members wife had often teased me with one. It was a long running inside joke how creeptastic fathers got around me. When the song “Boom I got your boyfriend” came out, she quickly parodied it to “Boom, I got your father, I got your dad, I got him”, then anytime a middle aged guy was creepy, or in my late teens, during my older guy phase, she would just look at me, shake he head and say “boom” laughing. It stopped in my 20s when middle aged guys were no longer inappropriate thus not funny.
Anyway, back to the club, me awkwardly trying to explain my laughing, my friends laughing so hard they are on the floor, band guys wife finally speaks. It is to sing “Boom, I got your child, I got your son, I got him”. Fucking chicky man, cue my middle finger.
And that is the story of my brief moment as a cougar. Also, a lesson to all middle aged guys, do not leer at your teen daughter’s friends. They all notice and makes fun of you.
The amount of messages I get from guys that are simply, “Hey mom, I’m 18 or 19, cum chat.” Seriously, why. I’ve said it before, and I will say it again, I don’t trust any middle aged woman who is looking for a teen. I doubt she is a woman. I guess it is possible, we see the news stories but I am a woman who knows 100s of woman. I am also one of the least hoity toity, bourgeois people you will meet, so people share a lot of things with me. No, I won’t judge them, though I may laugh at them if it is funny, and possibly pick on them if it is really funny. Women have shared all sorts of fantasies and secrets, but the only confessions involving teens is not being able to stand them. Men who like to fantasize about teen male and middle aged women often incestuous relationships is apparently common on lit, but this is not a common female thought imo. Hell, when I was a teen, I didn’t screw teen boys lol. I have only ever had one creepy teen boy moment, and I didn’t mean to. Thus today’s story.
Ok, first thing to remember is I am kind of dense once I friend zone someone. If I had a dollar for every time I figured out I was being hit on because of their tongue in my mouth, well I wouldn’t be rich, but I could go to a nice dinner (also remember I have low standards, if crayons are replaced with candles, that is nice in my book lol).
A few years ago, when I was in my mid 30s, I went to visit my mom, and hung out with some high school friends. My one friend wanted me to go see her husband perform in his heavy metal band. Sounds cool. Another friend comes too. It is a couple hours away. About half way there, the wife of the singer/guitarist drops the bomb…it is an underaged club (ya know, marketed to 16 to 20 year olds, no alcohol). Da fuq bitch? Thus I have her stop by a state store. We get there, an extremely tiny, dirty, dark, underaged club with everyone there for a heavy metal band performance, so it is all of maybe 30, probably lonely, teen boys and us 3 30something chicks. As the night goes on, we somehow end up mingling with a group. I end up talking with this one guy a lot. Again, It is during a heavy metal performance so we are sitting close to hear/be heard. Then suddenly he kisses me. To which I pull back, and unfortunately start laughing so hard I fall out off my stool. Then, of course, apologizing and explaining it wasn’t at all him, but I guess due to the incredibly poor lighting I don’t think he realized how extremely old I am, and he would be laughing too, or horrified, in good lighting. I just could not fathom that a young guy like him would ever be hitting on an old chick like me, and that is what is funny, though so greatly appreciated.
Yeah, super awkward. Only made better by my awesome friends, now sitting on the floor laughing so hard they can’t stand. Finally, my one friend speaks. Ok, I have to back track to our teens. We used to pick on each other in many ways, one was song parodies. The band members wife had often teased me with one. It was a long running inside joke how creeptastic fathers got around me. When the song “Boom I got your boyfriend” came out, she quickly parodied it to “Boom, I got your father, I got your dad, I got him”, then anytime a middle aged guy was creepy, or in my late teens, during my older guy phase, she would just look at me, shake he head and say “boom” laughing. It stopped in my 20s when middle aged guys were no longer inappropriate thus not funny.
Anyway, back to the club, me awkwardly trying to explain my laughing, my friends laughing so hard they are on the floor, band guys wife finally speaks. It is to sing “Boom, I got your child, I got your son, I got him”. Fucking chicky man, cue my middle finger.
And that is the story of my brief moment as a cougar. Also, a lesson to all middle aged guys, do not leer at your teen daughter’s friends. They all notice and makes fun of you.
- enjoy!
:
